


The Big Reversal Theory Or the Vixen in 4B

by hazelra7



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: shamy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 156,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23424133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazelra7/pseuds/hazelra7
Summary: It is September 26th 2007, and the boys in 4A have their quiet routine disrupted with a new neighbor moving in next door. She is a feisty and beguiling brunette by the name of Amy Farrah Fowler. This is an AU story that wonders, what if Amy moved in next door so long ago and NOT Penny.
Relationships: Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	1. 1 to 11

**Chapter 1: The Beginning**

**The Big Reversal Theory**

**September 26, 2007**

Sheldon and Leonard quietly drove home from their failed endeavor at the sperm bank. Leonard was distraught. He should have known that their pursuit to masturbate for money was foolhardy at best given Sheldon's aversion to anything remotely pertaining to the act of coitus. Leonard had tried to point this out on the way to the facility, but Sheldon had avoided the conversation by starting a discussion concerning the difference between particles and waves, double slit experiments and t-shirt ideas. Now in the car, having already collected their Indian food, Leonard broached the subject again.

"Sheldon, I am surprised you agreed to this idea at all given your lack of male hormones and infinitesimal interest in sex." Leonard glanced sideways at Sheldon. His lanky friend responded quite fervently.

"Excuse me! First off, it was my idea, remember? Fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment is a must have and I hope you have another idea to obtain extra money, because we still need faster downloads. Secondly, I have hormones; I just choose to ignore them and not allow them to run roughshod over my endocrine system. Lastly, and most importantly, depositing my genetic material so that some eager woman may create a new being with superior mind and coitus are two drastically different things." Sheldon looked over at Leonard driving and finished his rant, "Though you have only had an _infinitesimal experience_ with sex, I would think you would know that."

"Oh I know that! I am surprised you do." Leonard had never discussed Sheldon's sexual interests. They had been roommates and friends for over 4 years, but in all that time, Leonard had never noticed Sheldon show any interest in anyone; regardless of gender. Leonard was dying with curiosity.

"Have you ever been interested in anyone, Sheldon?"

"I find lots of people interesting, Leonard. Stephen Hawking for one. Did you know that Stephen Hawking was born on the 300th anniversary of Galileo's death? Another underappreciated genius like myself. The Nobel committee should send him an apology like the Catholics did for Galileo. Probably have to wait hundreds of years as well. Philistines."

Leonard rolled his eyes like he always did when Sheldon went off topic, "No Sheldon, not like that. I mean… Ya know… _Sexually_ interesting. Didn't you ever have anyone who got your motor running so to speak?"

Sheldon snorted, "My motor is only running for the pursuit of science, not rumbling idle for banal quests of the opposite sex."

"Yes, but Sheldon… You must have gone through puberty. Even during adolescence, when your endocrine system is wild didn't you find anyone appealing. Male or female?"

"Well, if I were interested, it would be female. But to answer your question, no, not really. During that time, I was busy with my masters and first doctorate. Also that time sucked of Cotillion training before I got sent to boarding school."

"There you go: Were there any girls you had to dance during Cotillion that caused you to feel anything? Maybe take a second look." Leonard raised his eyes, but that only caused Sheldon to roll his.

"I'll say this with all the deportment training I can muster: Hell no."

"Okay, what about actresses on TV or movies. Uhura is pretty hot."

"Yes, as is Julie Newmar as Cat Woman, but no." Sheldon paused and looked out the window, "However… Now that you mention it, my sister used to watch a show with a rather fetching young woman. I think I found her appealing because she danced so well and I admired that quality at that time. I only saw the show a few times before I was sent off to boarding school."

"What was the show?"

"I told you I only saw it a few times. I think the main character had some name like flowers. Oh, Blossom! That's it."

"Blossom? Really? I heard that actress went on to pursue her doctorate in Chemistry or biology or something."

"See? I had good taste. She could cut a rug and was intelligent enough to pursue a higher education. Speaking of higher education, did you know that Stephen Hawking almost didn't get into Oxford? However he scored almost a perfect score on the physics portion of the exam. Something for Wolowitz to think about as he wastes his life with a masters alone."

Leonard knew the conversation had run its course. It was hard enough to keep Sheldon on topic let alone find out what his "deal" was. As they ascended the steps to their apartment, Sheldon was commenting on stairs:

"If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip."

Leonard was in no mood anymore for one of Sheldon's trivial rants, "I don't care…Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right."

"No, it's true, I did a series of experiments when I was twelve, and my father broke his clavicle."

Leonard remembered the conversation about boarding school in the car "Is that why they sent you to boarding school?"

"No, that was the result of my work with lasers." Sheldon retrieved his keys from his pocket when something caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He looked to the open door of the apartment across the hall from his own. There was a woman standing in the middle of the room surrounded by boxes and packing supplies. Her shining long brown hair reflected the light like a strands of liquid topaz. Sheldon noticed how sensibly she was dressed. His eyes roamed over her as he noted she was wearing a beige skirt that hugged her hips, a striped cardigan and pale green blouse. As Sheldon was watching her, she pulled her hair back off her shoulders and readjusted glasses on her face as she read a book she had just pulled from a box. Sheldon saw the book's spine: Chaucer.

Leonard noticed the woman as well and was the first to cut the silence, "New neighbor?"

"Evidently." Sheldon swallowed hard and continued to gawk at the woman, "She is a significant improvement over the old neighbor."

Leonard looked oddly at his companion, "Yes Sheldon, she is much better than a 200 pound transvestite with a skin condition."

The bespectacled brunette moved toward the door and locked eyes on Sheldon. She offered a slight smile at the two men watching her from the hall. Sheldon couldn't help but notice her bright eyes and pure smile brighten the whole room. He tried to step forward, but was stopped in his tracks, frozen with fear as he tried to form a cohesive sentence.

The woman was the first to speak. She gave a small nod and said softly, "Hello."

Leonard and Sheldon replied, "Hello." Sheldon looked at his shoes, but then glanced back up at the woman who was still smiling. He scanned at her hand that was holding her now closed book and noted that she didn't wear jewelry. Leonard was finally kind enough to say something, "We live across the hall. I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon."

"Hello, I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. Nice to meet you."

Leonard gave a welcoming wide grin, "Nice to meet you as well. Welcome to the building!"

Amy seemed to relax her stance and stepped forward, "Thank you. Perhaps we will be able to share a communal hot beverage at some indeterminate point in the not so distant future."

Sheldon's head shot up and he smiled, "I would like that, assuming the hot beverage is not laden with stimulant inducing drugs."

Without missing a beat, Amy cocked her head and replied, "I do not drink coffee, Irish or another kind."

"Good. While I am not sure why the ethnicity of the aforementioned beverage would have any bearing on its drug content, my mother made me promise I wouldn't do drugs when I moved to California."

Amy let out a smile and a slight snicker, "Irish coffee has alcohol in it. My mother made me promise not to… how did she put it… find my self-worth at the bottom of a bottle. No wild parties."

Sheldon couldn't hold his smile back any longer, "A wise and sensible request."

Amy nodded, "Well, I look forward to sharing a culturally ambiguous, non-habit forming beverage with you. You two sound like an interesting couple."

Leonard looked at Sheldon who was still watching Amy's every move, "Oh, we are not _together_.. together… We live in separate… heterosexual bedrooms."

Amy gave a half smile and blinked, "Oh, okay. Well. Nice to make your acquaintance."

"Good day." Leonard started walking away. Amy smiled again, "Good day." She slowly closed the door.

Sheldon stood in the hall staring at the now closed door. He looked back at Leonard, "Should we have invited her lunch?"

Leonard answered while he was unlocking their apartment, "I thought you wanted to watch a DVD or something?"

"I did, but we have already watched Season Two of Battlestar Galactica. I just think… Leonard?" Leonard was already inside their apartment. Sheldon rushed after him to continue. "I just think it would be rude not to invite her, I mean... We should be good neighbors. My mother would be appalled if we didn't extend an invitation."

"You never told your mother about Louis/Louise or invited him/her to lunch?"

"You've met my mother, so you know full well why not! I would never hear the end of it." Sheldon looked back at the closed door, "Besides, she did say she would enjoy a hot beverage with us."

"Sheldon do what you want buddy. It's your thing. I don't think she was looking at me anyway."

Sheldon tilted his head in utter confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she seemed to only have eyes for you pal." Leonard smiled as he started to unpack the food.

"Well, she was obviously noticing the dramatic height difference between us. Females tend to notice those things." Sheldon almost went into a tirade about the biological imperative for females to be drawn to taller men, but feared that might open up a topic of conversation that he was not willing to pursue, "Regardless, we should be affable neighbors." Sheldon held his hand to the door, "Leonard… go ask her."

"What? You go ask her!"

"No Leonard, you're the chatty one in the group. You do it." Sheldon held his hand out toward the door, "I got your back Jack."

"Ug, Sheldon, how can you chat with this girl if you can't even invite her to lunch."

"I don't know how to chat Leonard."

Leonard shook his head, "Well Sheldon it's not difficult, you just listen to what she says and then you say something appropriate in response."

"She doesn't seem like the type of woman who would just chat. Conversing with great intelligence and forethought now **_that_** I think she can do…" Sheldon looked at Leonard who hadn't moved, "Go ask her!" he pleaded

"Fine! But it really should be you."

Leonard stomped across the hall, closely followed by Sheldon and knocked. Amy answered the door and smiled when she saw the two familiar men standing in her doorway, "Hello again."

"Hello."

"Hello…" Amy narrowed her eyes in confusion. Sheldon nudged Leonard forward.

"Well, we brought home Indian food and I know moving is stressful… Good food and company can have a calming effect." Leonard held out the bag of food as a visual aid. Amy was still confused.

Sheldon whispered behind him, "Actually, Indian food is a natural laxative, so it can also have a cleansing effect."

Leonard turned around and glared at Sheldon, "I don't think you should mention bowel movements in the context of a lunch invitation, Sheldon!"

"Yes, of course…" Sheldon looked down then raised his eyes to see her response.

"Oh, you're inviting me to lunch?"

"Yes!" Leonard let out a large sigh, thankful that he didn't have to explain more. Sheldon just nodded his head vigorously.

Amy held her hand to her mouth, "Oh, my. I'd love to. I haven't had a chance to eat and my cognitive resources are sorely lacking. I unpacked a box labeled Kitchen in the living room. Silly me."

Sheldon followed her into their apartment. Amy noticed the décor instantly and she was impressed. There was a large amount of toys around, but also numerous white boards. One was on an easel near the kitchen. Amy was drawn to it right away.

"Leonard, is this your board?"

Sheldon rushed over to the board, "No, this one is mine." He gave her a tour of the board as he leaned against it in pride, "It's just some quantum mechanics, with a little string theory doodling around the edges. That part there.."

Amy cut him off and started to chuckle, "That's hysterical!"

Sheldon's smile could have brightened Alaska on a winter's night, "You get it?"

"Of course! It's a spoof of the Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation, yes?"

Sheldon was delighted, "Yes! Leonard, she gets the joke!"

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Glad someone does Sheldon. At least my board does not have silly jokes that no one gets."

Sheldon stood straighter and shouted to Leonard, "Didn't I just say she gets it?"

Amy interrupted and moved toward Leonard, still chuckling "I did get it. You do don't you? The Bourne-Oppenheimer approximation is a simplification of the Schrödinger equation for a molecule. So you see, what Sheldon…" .

Leonard cut her off and snapped, "I'm an experimental physicist, and of course I get it! I have a board too, ya know!"

Amy scanned it and looked toward Sheldon, "I see… Oh that looks familiar to me."

Sheldon almost jumped over the couch to get near her and to study Leonard's board, "Of course it does, I mean come on. Who hasn't seen this derivative restatement below "here I sit broken hearted? That is the kind of stuff you can find scribbled on the wall of any men's room at MIT."

Leonard spat back at Sheldon, "At least I didn't have to invent twenty-six dimensions just to make the math come out."

Sheldon growled at him "I didn't invent them, they're there."

"In what universe?

"In all of them, that is the point."

Amy laughed as she moved toward the couch, "This seems like a classic example of male dominance concerning the social order of your relationship. However, instead of physical confrontation, you two choose to duel with white boards. Fascinating. Do you mind if I start eating?" Amy was seated on the far left section of the couch. Sheldon bit his lip and winced.

"Um, Amy… that's where I sit."

She turned around at stared at him while he stood behind the couch, "Oh, you mean you have a specific spot picked out in the apartment?"

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Oh here we go…Sheldon, let her sit there. She's a guest."

Sheldon ignored him, "You see Amy that is the prime spot in the apartment. In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows there and there..." Sheldon was pointing to the windows but he didn't notice Amy's wry smile.

Amy cut him off mid rant, "I noticed it also It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide, you might have parallax distortion in your neck. I take it then this spot represents not only your compulsive need to be Alpha male of your group, but also your inability to communicate socially with others without discomfort or distraction. It certainly says a lot about you. Say no more, I will move." Amy shifted to opposite end of the couch and smiled at Leonard who returned the smile and then looked smugly at Sheldon.

"Go ahead Sheldon, your spot is secure."

Sheldon stood up straight and pranced to this spot. He narrowed his eyes at Amy, unsure if he had been insulted or not.

Leonard was warming up to Amy, "So Amy, you must know something about human psychology and development given your quick diagnosis of Sheldon. "

"Yes, I am a neurobiologist."

Sheldon raised his brow at Amy and asked, "Graduate?"

Amy looked at little insulted, "No. I have a doctorate. I am actually the head of the department. But I will take your question as a compliment on my apparent age, and not a judgment on academic ability."

"Of course. I mean.. no… a compliment. Well…" Sheldon was rarely caught off guard. He was also still unsure he hadn't been insulted earlier by this formidable woman. However he knew something was amiss because Leonard looked pleased and that was never a good sign. He thought a quick dismissal of her field should do the trick. He snorted to open his response, "Neurobiology…Really? Huh. I bet you probably believe in Quantum Brain dynamic theory or some such nonsense, right?"

"Of course not, any idiot knows that the electric dipoles in the brain's water molecules could not possibly form a Bose condensate."

Sheldon said nothing, just nodded and smiled. Amy looked down at her food and took a few bites before she looked up and saw Sheldon staring at her again.

Leonard smiled at Amy and continued a more pleasant line of questioning, "So Amy, where are you working now?"

"I am at UCLA till the end of next week. Then I will be doing an addiction study at Cal-Tech for the next few years." At this Sheldon sat up a little bit. Leonard smiled at his friend's obvious glee over the news.

"That's funny; we work at Cal-Tech."

"Interesting, although not really amusing or surprising given this apartment's proximity to the university."

Leonard only shook his head slightly and looked at Sheldon, but his attention was fixed on the brunette on the far right of the couch.

"Leonard, you said you were experimental physics. So, Sheldon, I take it by the work on your white boards, you are in Theoretical Physics? Do you also have a doctorate?"

"Yes. Two as a matter of fact."

Amy snickered, "Well, you have to have two given the field, or else, why bother."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, as you know, Stephen Hawking as multiple doctorates. It seems, in order to fully understand the complex nature of the universe and attempt to prove it, one would need a doctorate in physics, and math. Oh, and philosophy wouldn't hurt, right Sheldon?"'

Sheldon was again stuck between not knowing if he was being insulted or praised, "Yes, Hawking has a degree in philosophy."

Leonard was watching this woman in awe. He had never seen the great and powerful Dr. Sheldon Cooper reduced to one sentence answers. She had a strange powerful magic that Leonard needed to somehow absorb. "Tell me Amy, what are you working on now?'

"Well, given your field, I will try and dumb it down for you, but basically I am studying the neurobiology of addiction in lower animals. I am trying to prove that striatum can be construed as a structure performing fast neurotransmitter-mediated operations through somatotopically organized projections to medium-size spiny neurons but those nut jobs at UC Irvine will try and tell you that view that depicts the striatum as a site of diffuse modulatory influences mediated by cholinergic interneurons and by dopamine. I mean are they nuts?" Amy looked at Sheldon and quickly added "Am I right?"

"Oh, so right Amy!" Sheldon shook his head in total agreement. Leonard was wondering what she would have said if she didn't dumb it down.

"I tried to tell them that at the last conference. I was so close to proving it! I was scheduled to work on the study at UCLA, but our funding from Saudi fell through at the last minute." Amy let out a slight cry, "My life would be completely different if that funding came through. I was on the list for an apartment in Glendale, but when the project changed location, I looked for housing closer to Cal-Tech. Now I have to prove my theory without the UCLA cadaver lab…" Amy started to sniff and her eyes turned watery. She was blubbery and not making sense, "How can I… I mean.. through their mutual interaction, to the function of basal ganglia… And there is no ganglia to work with!" Amy was sniveling, and embarrassed by her outburst. She ran to the kitchen to get a tissue.

Leonard turned to Sheldon and mouthed, " _What the heck_?"

Sheldon shrugged his shoulders and looked toward the kitchen completely baffled.

Amy continued her tearful tirade, "I mean four years I was with them! Four years! That's like all my college and graduate work combined, ya know?"

Leonard asked quickly, "It only took you four years to do college and grad work?!"

Sheldon shot at look at Leonard, "Shh! Not now!"

Leonard mouthed, " _Sorry_."

Amy was still crying, "You know what the most pathetic part is? I still love UCLA! I mean, that's crazy right?" Amy turned around and grabbed another napkin and blew her nose.

Sheldon mouthed, " _Should we say anything_?"

Leonard quickly shock his head, " _No, especially not you! You'll just make it worse_."

Sheldon glared at Leonard and rose from the couch with the box of Kleenex, "Of course it's not crazy, Amy! You get emotionally attached to your first college. It just a like structural homeostasis. You just need to make compensatory adjustments."

Amy looked up at Sheldon with shining green eyes, "You mean like the adjustments made by dendritic arbor geometry in response to variations of synaptic input?"

Sheldon smiled and handed her a real Kleenex, "Exactly."

"Oh, Sheldon that's just what I needed to hear. Thank you. I am sorry for my outburst, I think this is the first time I've cried since grade school. I am usually not so emotional and I CERTAINLY do not cry in front of strangers. Please forgive me.."

"Nothing to forgive." Sheldon smiled, but Leonard was still amazed Sheldon didn't rip into her about having an emotional outburst, or mention something about her being flooded with estrogen. Sheldon was the perfect gentleman, and it was freaking Leonard out.

Amy continued, much more composed, " I…I had to move on the spur of the moment, with no help. This funding thing was a complete disaster. I haven't a moment to unpack properly before I have to go back to UCLA! I mean I have to work both jobs for a week! Top it off, my shower doesn't work!"

Sheldon didn't waste a second, "Our shower works."

"Really? Do you think I could use it?"

"Um…" Sheldon looked down at Amy pleading emerald eyes and blurted out, "Of course."

Leonard dropped his fork and choked on his food, "Really?"

Sheldon looked back to Leonard, "Of course Leonard. My god, man, didn't your mother raise you to help those in need? Really…" Sheldon turned back to Amy, "Ignore him. He was raised in New Jersey, he knows nothing of the chivalrous ways of a southern gentleman. Now the shower is little tricky, so I will show you how to start it. "

"Could I borrow a pencil as well?"

"Do you anticipate the need to write? I often log the duration and effectiveness of my showers to calculate the effects of hard water. I can show you my results."

"As fascinating as that may be, I just want to pin my hair up."

"Oh, of course." Sheldon handed Amy an unused pencil and walked her back to the bath. After a complete run down of the shower, location of towels and hair products, Amy was finally ready to take her shower. "Those hair products are Leonard's, by the way."

"Oh, I won't touch his toys. I am not going to wash my hair anyway." Amy started to put up hair with the pencil. Sheldon was fascinated as he watched her create a knot on her head and hold it up with nothing but a shard of wood. He was mesmerized as she rubbed her neck with her fingers and had to shake himself to divert his gaze.

"Um… Here are the towels, as I said. Please hang the wet ones here. Enjoy your shower."

"Thank you Sheldon." Amy turned her back to him and started to undo her buttons. Sheldon rushed out and returned to the kitchen unconscious of the slight smile forming on his face.

Leonard was smirking as his head nodded toward the hall, "So this is interesting development...Ay Sheldon?"

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

**The Big Reversal Theory Chapter 2**

Leonard was smirking as his head nodded toward the hall, "So this is interesting development...Ay Sheldon?"

Sheldon stayed near the hall with his back to the pillar and looked toward the bath. He could hear the shower running, "I know, it's been quite some time since we had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment."

"So my Grandmother's episode at Thanksgiving doesn't count?"

Leonard moved toward the kitchen and took two bottles of orange soda from the refrigerator. He opened the soda while he watched his friend fixate on the hallway, "Correction. When we didn't want to rip our eyes out. An Alzheimer patient armed with a knife carving a turkey does not count."

Sheldon gladly took the bottle of orange soda from his grinning roommate and sat on the his spot. He still had a view of the bathroom door. He played with the label on the bottle while his roommate continued his interrogation.

"So Sheldon, what's the deal here?"

"To what are you referring?"

"Are you trying to hook up with Amy?"

Sheldon held his soda to his chest like a shield from Leonard's words, "Hook up with her? No, she's in the shower, Leonard. That would be inappropriate!"

"No… Sheldon… Hook up with her, like date her!"

Sheldon shook his head and looked down, "No, Leonard, She is an interesting woman. Nothing more."

"So you aren't hoping for a carnal relationship? Huh southern gentlemen?"

"God, no! No… No…" Sheldon tapered off his voice and glanced again down the hall as if the view would change if he took his eyes off it. Then he shook his head, and shot a rough answer back to his roommate, "Not everything has to be about sex, Leonard."

"Sure… sure.. But I just have never seen you react to a person so positively before. I mean, to listen to her, it's like you're the same species." Sheldon turned away from Leonard and smiled, but said nothing.

Leonard moved closer to Sheldon and toned down the teasing. He still had a point to make though. "Buddy, you know you'll never date her, right?"

Sheldon was flabbergasted, "Why would you say that? Of course not! You know I don't date! I'm just trying to be a good neighbor."

"Oh good, then you will not be disappointed…"

Sheldon ignored him and looked down the hall, "I'm not saying that if a platonic relationship should occur I would not participate. I mean, I could make room on my list of friends if I dropped Raj. He's been tedious lately anyway."

"And Sheldon, do you think becoming her friend will be helped or hindered when she finds out you are well… Sheldon."

"What do you mean? I am a delight! At least I'm not like Wolowitz or Koothrapali."

At that point Leonard heard a knock at the door and rose off his beige chair to answer it. As soon as he saw the guest faces, Sheldon let out a huge moan, "Speak of the devil."

Howard Wolowitz waltzed into the apartment holding up a DVD. "Wait till you see this." His painted on pants, signature dickie and blazing red shirt were like a warning of his approach.

Raj came in sporting a baseball cap with the number 42 and far too many layers for the warm weather. He and Howard were practically jumping with excitement. "It's fantastic. Unbelievable."

Sheldon snapped at the unwelcome duo, "Don't care. Leave."

"But Sheldon, you'll love it!" Howard whined, "It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974."

Leonard tried to help his friend, "This is not a good time."

Howard didn't listen. He instead moved his finger to his lips and mimicked an electronic sound, "It's before he became a creepy computer voice."

"Leave it, you need to go." Sheldon tone seemed unusually adamant.

Raj asked innocently, "Why?"

Leonard volleyed a coy nod toward Sheldon, "Sheldon has a lady over, right Romeo?"

Howard let out a haughty snort, "Sheldon? Don't tease me like that. Wait, Leonard, is your grandmother back in town?"

Leonard's smile was insuppressible, "Nope. This is all Sheldon. She's the new neighbor."

Howard almost fell over, "Hang on, there really is a lady here?"

Sheldon was strangely quiet, but Leonard couldn't contain his glee. "Uh-huh."

Howard added quickly, "And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?

Sheldon shot up, "No, no one is anticipating coitus."

Howard sprung up like a meerkat, "So she's available for coitus?"

Sheldon growled at Howard as he stood up and moved next to him, displaying his impressive height next to the short man, Sheldon yelled at Howard, "She is not available for coitus!" Then he caught his own volume and lowered his tone to a whisper, "And can we please stop saying coitus?"

Leonard smiled at Raj, "Technically that would be coitus interruptus."

Before the group could say anymore, Amy emerged from the bath. Her hair was still up in the pencil with a few errant spindles hanging on her shoulders. Her tights were removed as was her cardigan. The thin blouse was untucked from her skirt and was damp at certain spots, almost acting like a gossamer cloth for her pale skin and light bra. She held her folded clothes in her hand as she walked back in the living room with her head down.

"Forgive my state of dress. It was far too humid to get .. Oh hello…" Amy noticed the new additions to the group. She bit her lip and nervously played with her damp hair. Sheldon jumped from his spot and stood next to her when he saw Wolowitz move toward her like a cat eyeing a mouse. Sheldon became distracted by a single drop of water meandering down her neck toward her chest. Howard's annoying voice diverted him from watching the water disappear down her thin blouse.

Howard voice dropped to sexy tone, "Enchanté, mademoiselle. Howard Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics." Howard was sizing up his new prey. She looked like a shy wall flower that Howard could get to bloom. He thought she was an easy quarry.

Amy offered a halfhearted smile and held her free arm over her chest,"Bonjour, ravie de vous rencontrer. Nous ne nous sommes pas présentés. Je m'appelle Amy Farrah Fowler. Etes-vous ici pour le déjeuner aussi?"

Howard looked to Sheldon and smiled with a lecherous grin. Sheldon narrowed his eyes but watched for Amy's reactions. Howard inched closer, but Amy backed toward Sheldon slightly. Howard continued his sultry introduction, "Oh no. I am not here for lunch, unless you're on the menu. Your French is impeccable."

Amy was unused to so much attention, let alone compliments, "I watch a lot of old French moves and I have just returned from a futile fund raising trip to France." She tried to cover herself, but her bundle of clothes offer no shield to the leacherous eyes of Howard Wolowitz.

"Well, Ms. Fowler…"

"Dr.."

"Sorry, Dr. Fowler, You may be familiar with some of my work, it's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs."

"Oh, so you're a mechanical engineer? Cute."

Sheldon looked at Howard's gawking face and held back a snicker. Amy just glazed over Howard and pointed to the shower, "You should take a look at Sheldon's shower, the tub to shower spigot is sticking."

Howard's sultry voice rose to almost a screech, "Excuse me, I have a Master's degree from MIT lady. I'm not a plumber!"

Sheldon interrupted, "Didn't you say you were working on a toilet for NASA?"

Howard raised his voice to Sheldon, "I'm not a plumber!"

"Sorry, Space plumber." Sheldon raised his brow at Howard who glared at him. Amy broke the silent duel.

"Oh, no doctorate. I see…I will limit my future discussions with you accordingly."

Amy sauntered past an open mouthed Howard and a snickering Sheldon.

Next Amy met a silent Raj. He was seated on the couch looking out toward the room. He hoped he would be ignored, but no so luck. Amy next to Raj, and turned toward him. "Hello."

Raj said nothing and continued to eat Leonard's food. Amy looked confused and tried again, "Hello."

"Don't even bother, Amy, Rajesh Koothrapali can't speak to beautiful women, it's a curse. But not an imaginary curse like from a Gypsy, just a neurological curse. Hey Raj, Amy could help you, she is a neuroscientist." Sheldon smiled at Amy unaware of his three friend's wide eyes at his comment on Amy appearance. Sheldon was oblivious to Amy's apparent blush at his casual compliment.

"Yes, I could. Selective mutism is rare, but fascinating. You know, if you'd let me, I could stick a needle in your head and you'd be happy all the time."

Raj shook his head negatively and looked at Leonard for help. None came. Amy smiled and continued, "Well, I look forward to conversing with you at a level at which you are comfortable." Amy stood up and moved toward the door with Sheldon right behind her. "Sheldon, may I ask you a favor?"

"Of course Amy."

"You may say no. No obligations."

"Of course I can say no. I can _say_ anything." Sheldon crossed his arms and waited for the request.

"Agreed. It is not something I would normally ask a man I just met, but I believe you have the perfect skill set for it."

Sheldon uncrossed his arms, and leaned against the door frame, "Well, then little lady, ask away…"

A little while later Sheldon and Leonard were driving away from the apartment.

"How in the hell did that woman talk you, Sheldon Cooper, into doing a favor for her? You just met her!"

Sheldon causally watched the scenery go by as the drive down the street. "She knew how to ask Leonard. Simple."

"I've asked you for favors for years, and you make me sign a contract and promise for at least 3 favors in return. Do I need to put on a cardigan and sensible shoes to get consideration around here?"

"First off, Amy Farrah Fowler made it clear I was the only person who could do this favor. Secondly, your favors are tawdry at best. A three to one ratio is appropriate. In fact, it's a gift."

Leonard whined, "Hey, I do stuff for you all the time! Like… hmmm. Returning DVD's."

"Ha! Next?"

"Well…Like right now! I'm driving you to your new girlfriend's old apartment to schmooze her ex landlord out of her damage deposit."

"That is not a favor, you are contractually obligated to drive me when the errand concerns our communal happiness. And Amy is not my girlfriend."

Leonard was unabated in his description, "How is doing a favor for **YOUR** girlfriend going to make **me** happy?"

"Again… Amy is **not** my girlfriend. She is just the neighbor…Next, having a pleasant relationship with the neighbor will benefit both of us. Remember how nice Louis/Louis was after I helped him."

"I don't know what you did for him, but that is beside the point here. Did you think that this might not work and you will disappoint Amy?"

Sheldon answered with no doubt in his mind, "Never."

"In what world does she think _you_ can talk some old lady into giving back her damage deposit?"

"Amy made it clear that she left her apartment immaculate. The woman in question is simply holding the money until some male relative can vouch for Amy. Archaic mentality at best, but I know I can talk some little old lady outta money. You'll see. Just ask Mrs. Vartabedian in 3B. Little old Armenian ladies love me."

Leonard gave Sheldon a sing-songy response, "They're not the only ones Sheldon.."

"What do you mean?"

"Sheldon, I heard what you said, and I don't even think you were aware of it. You called Amy beautiful. Are you really going to string that girl along?"

Sheldon snapped his head toward the window trying to remember the unknown compliment. He finally did, but quickly dismissed it, "Please, Leonard. Amy Farrah Fowler is a pragmatic intelligent woman. She obviously has no interest in wasting her time with romantic endeavors."

"But do _you_ have an interest in her?"

Sheldon said nothing, "Oh look, we're here. Now stay in the car." Sheldon reached for the door handle, but pulled back, "No wait, on second thought. Come with me. Your diminutive size could be considered adorable by the elderly." Sheldon ignored the question posed by Leonard and rushed toward the apartment complex.

A short while later, Sheldon and Leonard returned from their adventure. They both had acquired new matching knitted scarfs and hats, a bag of Khurabia cookies and a promise to find them a nice wife if they ever wanted to convert to Eastern Orthodox. Amy was elated to see them as were Howard and Raj, who had had to listen for the last hour on the differences between one Chaucerian translation versus another. Raj had at least nodded his head to Amy and she even got him to say yes at one point when Amy asked him if he wanted her to change the subject.

Howard jumped up in glee, "Oh thank god, you're back!"

Raj hopped toward the group as well. He tried to reach into Sheldon's bag of cookies, but only succeeded in getting a slap on the hand from Sheldon "Get your hands outta that bag!" Raj scuttled back to the couch holding his wounded paw.

Amy went over to Sheldon and Leonard, "How did it go? Was Mrs. Avesian nice to you?"

"Oh, she was a delight. It was a valid hypothesis Amy." Sheldon smiled a type of grin Leonard had never seen before.

"Sheldon?! That was a valid hypothesis? What is happening to you?"

Sheldon glared at Leonard, "Anyway… my Southern charm did just the trick. How did you know she was enamored with Willy Nelson and Southern accents?"

"I had to listen to it every night through the walls of my apartment. She used to say his accent was dreamy"

With a thick drawl, Sheldon said, "Well, I turned it up thicker than the hair on a rabbits back." Sheldon pulled a check out of his pocket and returned to his normal manner of speaking, "Here you are."

Leonard smiled, "Yeah, you were right Amy, Sheldon did charm the pants off that lady." Amy looked strangely at Leonard, "Oh, no don't worry. No pants were lost in the favor. You're safe!"

Amy didn't know what to say, "Oh thank you so much!" She gave Leonard a quick hug and a short kiss on the cheek. She quickly did the same for Sheldon but she lingered a half second longer on his cheek.

Amy was shocked by her own actions. She quickly composed herself and saw the flabbergasted expression on Sheldon's face, "Oh, sorry, I normally don't display such affection. That trip to France must have done something to me! I'm just so pleased! No one has ever done a favor for me before, I don't really know what to say! Thank you so much. Please, let me take you all out to dinner, my treat. Anywhere you want to go."

Leonard looked at his still shocked friend and answered, "Sure Amy that would be nice."

"Oh great! I will be right back!" Amy bounced off toward her apartment. Leonard looked over at his friend for signs of disgust at Amy's display of affection, but there were no screams for Purell. Sheldon just held his cheek for second as he watched her cross the hall. Leonard came up behind Sheldon and asked, "You're not done with her are you?"

Sheldon ignored the question. He looked at the 4B on her door while his mind floated to another subject entirely, "You know, Leonard, think about it… Our combined genetic material has the potential of producing the first in a line of intellectually superior benign overlords to guide humanity to a brighter tomorrow."

"Benign overlords?" Leonard was lost.

Sheldon looked back at Leonard with a serious expression, "Yeah, like really smart babies, Leonard, keep up.."

Leonard could not believe what he just heard and brushed off the comment, "Yeah not mention, imaginary. You would never have sex with her."

Sheldon squawked at the suggestion, "Why would I have sex with her? Haven't you heard of clinical fertilization?"

"Well buddy, seeing as you want to be friends with this girl, I think opening with.. _'Hey lets have some smart babies_ ', is a deal breaker." Leonard lightly tapped his friend on the shoulder for fake comfort.

Sheldon sucked in the side of his cheek and admitted, "Perhaps you're right. My mother would never let me have a child out of wedlock anyway."

"Sheldon, there is nothing wrong with wanting something more out of your relationship with Amy. Just take it slow. And keep the baby comments to a minimum."

Amy returned to the guy's apartment in a new outfit and her hair returned to the straight umber locks that had caught Sheldon's eye the first time he saw her. She locked her apartment and walked toward Sheldon. She looked directly at him and flashed him a half grin before looking for the others. As the group descended the stairs, Sheldon walked next to Amy and started a conversation about different types of cookies. By the time the group reached Leonard's car, Amy and Sheldon's mercurial conversation was boring the other guys to tears, but Sheldon was delighted.

Once the troop entered Leonard's car, Amy was the first to speak of plans, "So, where does the group vote for dinner? I am not familiar with Pasadena local eateries. Nor their food safety records."

Leonard looked back to the back seat through the rear view mirror, "We could have Thai food."

Both Sheldon and Amy answered at the same time, "Can't have Thai food."

Sheldon smiled, "Amy, you want to take this one?"

Amy leaned forward toward the front seat to speak to Leonard, "Thai food is curry based, as was our lunch. It would be a gastronomical redundancy."

Howard moaned, "Good god, there's two of them."

Amy continued, "Besides, I noticed Rajesh only ate the rice from the Indian food. One can assume that he doesn't like curry. It would be rude to have two meals he couldn't eat, wouldn't you agree Rajesh?"

Raj smiled and nodded his head.

Howard slumped down, "Well. I know of a great sushi place that has Karaoke."

Amy popped up in glee, "Ooh, do they have Neil Diamond?"

Howard turned toward Amy and smiled, "You like Neil Diamond?"

"No… I love Neil Diamond!"

Howard gave Amy and huge grin and leaned toward Sheldon in the front seat, "It's okay, Sheldon, you can keep her now."

Raj nodded his head in agreement. Amy folded her hands on her lap and blushed. She couldn't see the matching rose color forming on Sheldon's cheeks, but Leonard did. As Amy and Howard conversed over which was the best Neil Diamond song, Leonard whispered to Sheldon, "You can name the first one Leakey."

Sheldon looked over to Leonard confused. Leonard smiled, "It's my middle name. In case you're looking for a name for a benign overlord."

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

** The Vixen in 4B Chapter 3 **

It was a typical Monday evening with the boys sitting around the glass table dispersing the boxes of Thai food while listening to another interesting, yet completely unsolicited factoid from Sheldon about Thai history and its relation to that country's cuisine. The boys expected the lecture. It was as much a part of dinner as any conversation.

"Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the nineteenth century. Interestingly they don't actually put the fork in their mouth, they use it to put the food on a spoon which then goes into their mouth."

Leonard snickered and looked at Howard, "Ask him for a napkin, I dare you." Leonard heard a knock at the door and started to get up to answer. "I'll get it."

Before he could rise off his chair, Sheldon leaped off his seat at the couch and rushed past him to the door. "Sheldon, I said I would get it." Leonard said before he sat back in his chair. "You never answer the door."

"You were too slow for my taste." Sheldon replied curtly. He took a deep breath, licked his dry lips and stood straight before he opened the door to see a smiling Amy Farrah Fowler. She was wearing a purple striped cardigan, and a jean skirt. Sheldon noticed her hair was pulled back in a pony tail. He concluding that must her "work hair." She gave him a timid half smile and nod.

"Hello Sheldon."

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler." He smiled when he said her. "Are you just returning from work? Or leaving?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, both. I'm out the door again. I have to finish up at UCLA before the week is out. I.." Amy was interrupted by Leonard's voice and Howard's kvetching about his peanut allergy.

" _You're not swelling, Howard. But if you do, we can use you as a flotation device."_

Howard moaned, " _No, no, look at my fingers, they're like Vienna sausages."_

Amy heard the guys and turned her attention to apartment, "Oh dear, I didn't know you had company. I don't want to interrupt." Amy tried to poke her head in the apartment, but Sheldon blocked her view.

"Worry not. Even if I beg, they never leave. Now, on to your concern."

"Yes, well. I have a delivery for tomorrow, but the scheduled time is not in the 37 minute window that I am home. Can you sign for it?"

"Absolutely. Did you know, that since before the middle ages, message were …" Sheldon was cut off by Raj, Howard and Leonard at the door.

Amy was taken back their sudden appearance, "Oh, hello again."

The three men said simultaneous in unison like a men's chorus, "Hello."

Sheldon continued, unabated, "Messages were delivered by homing pigeons. The system utilized the pigeons natural response to return to ones nest."

"Well, no birds will be delivering my bookcase."

"Good, I detest birds."

Howard rolled his eyes at Sheldon then locked onto Amy's, "Anyway! Amy…privet prekrasnaya boginya." Howard low sultry voice was dripping with provocative intent. He's charms however, fell on deaf ears.

"I'm sorry, is that Russian?" Amy had a muddled expression showed her confusion that the blatant flirtation.

"Yes, haven't you ever been told you're a beautiful goddess in flawless Russian before?"

"Well, no…"

"Well, get used to it." Howard plastered a lecherous smile on his face, but Amy was oblivious.

"Oh, I will start to learn Russian, then. I could teach you my made up language…"

Howard eyes popped open in fear. He didn't know what An Op was, but he was in no mood to learn it if it couldn't help with the ladies. "No, Amy… Never mind…" Howard gave up on his linguistic seduction to the relief of Sheldon.

"Yes, Howard! Never mind." Sheldon turned back to Amy and tried to block the view of the three gawkers, "Sorry for him. I'll give him a Snickers later, that will shut him up. Anyway, I will secure your package."

"Great, here is a spare key. Now I paid the delivery man extra to schlep it up these stairs."

"Schlep?" Howard moved closer to Amy when he heard the familiar word in Yiddish, "Woman, you are making my little Hebrew heart beat faster by the minute."

Amy cocked her head and replied flatly, "Well, you should get that checked. Familial hypercholesterolemia is at a rate 2-5 times higher for Ashkenazi Jews than other populations."

Raj started giggling at Howard who glowered at him. Raj stopped laughing when Amy looked at him.

Oblivious to Howard's glowering, Amy turned to Raj, "Hello Rajesh. Any progress on speaking to women?"

Raj just shook his head looked down at his Vans shoes that were suddenly fascinating.

"Well, remember, your selective mutism is probably a symptom of you fear of failure to procreate with a woman. Don't worry. You and I will never do that. So no pressure, right?" Amy leaned forward toward Raj and goaded him on.

"Right!" Raj blurted out and then quickly covered his mouth.

Amy grinned deviously, "Thanks for the verbal confirmation. Now, I must dash." Amy turned 180 degrees with military precision and headed out.

Sheldon jumped toward Amy before she reached the stairs, "If you have time, we have Thai food and we were going to start a Superman marathon."

Amy turned back and had a familiar muddled expression, "Like the guy in blue underwear, not a documentary on Friedrich Nietzsche's Übermensch, right?"

Sheldon was unsure of her confusion, "Um… yeah… and his underwear, I mean his uniform is red and blue."

"Well, Thai food sounds lovely, but I have to finish at UCLA. Have a marvelous evening and thanks again Sheldon. Have fun with your hyperanthropos." Amy waved behind her and rushed down the stairs. Sheldon slumped down a few centimeters and watched as she disappeared around the stairs. Over the last week, Sheldon and Amy had developed a friendly habit of passing each other on the stairs. Amy had been working nonstop for a week at both UCLA and Cal-Tech. She was exhausted. Only the friendly hello and small conversations with Sheldon were the highlight of her day.

Raj looked at Leonard for a translation of Amy's reference. Leonard tried his best, "She means beyond human." Leonard tapped on Sheldon's shoulder, "Come on guys, let's go eat."

Sheldon stomped back in the apartment and went back to the restroom. While Sheldon was out of the room, Leonard whispered to Howard, "Howard, are you interested in Amy? You were flirting pretty hard core."

Howard snickered, "No, not really. I can't deal with a woman smarter than I am."

Raj chuckled and grabbed his dinner, "That's like all women, dude."

"Anyway! Amy's great. She can really sing, I mean I wouldn't say no if she wanted to take a ride on the Wolowitz train to 'O' town, but she made it pretty clear she's not interested in me."

Leonard was still confused. It was rare for the guys to have a new friend, let alone a woman. Wolowitz was notorious for seeking any woman "dumb enough" as Sheldon would say, to sleep with him. Howard was used to being shot down and in fact, his record of rejections was 25 in one bar. Leonard still had to know what Amy said to get Howard to know she was unavailable, "Why, did she drop some subtle hint? Sic a monkey on you? What?"

"No monkeys. Although that does sound freaky. No, she just told me plainly that she wasn't interested in me. She wasn't rude, though, just adamant. Actually, it was one of my nicer rejections. Funny, I never listened to women that said to me before. I still love to flirt with her."

"Why, because your desperate for female attention that's not your mother?" Leonard laughed before he shot a nod off to Raj who returned it with a smile.

Howard shot Raj a snide look, "That and I do it because it drives Sheldon crazy. Did you see his face turn a lovely shade of red? It's my new favorite color."

Raj was dreamy eyed looking at the door, "I think she is a goddess. Her chocolate toned hair cascading down her long swan neck like a sweet fountain. Did you see her lean toward me?" Before Raj could say anymore, he was interrupted by a bellowing tone.

Sheldon voice bellowed from the hall, "She only did that because she wanted you to hear her rejection of you loud and clear. Now, are we going to chuck like a hen party, or watch some hyperanthropos in underwear?"

The next afternoon, Sheldon was in the lobby pacing back and forth waiting for Amy's package. Finally, the delivery man arrived with a large box that was almost as big as the giant who carried it. Sheldon was not pleased with his tardiness and cared little for his struggle with the unwieldy box.

"At last, in what universe is 5:06 in the evening anywhere near 4:00 PM?"

"Um… about an hour away?" The delivery man's attempt at sarcasm was lost on Sheldon "Anyways, where's the elevator?"

"No elevator." Sheldon pointed to stairs as he checked the delivery receipt.

"Oh man, this is not worth the extra 5 bucks that lady pitched me." The hulky man carried the long box up the stairs with Sheldon guarding close behind to insure he didn't damage the package. Once they reached Amy's door, Sheldon made the man leave the package at her door and refused his plea for a glass of water. Leonard came out from their apartment to see what the commotion was and he found the red face delivery man just leaving.

"OH wow, they did bring it up the stairs. Shocking."

The large sweaty delivery man called back, "Not **_they_** … ME! Thanks for help, Mr."

Sheldon called back, "it's Dr. and any time."

A shrill whine was heard from the stairs, "I'm gonna need a doctor after that! Oy Vey." The delivery man slumped down to the lobby.

Sheldon inspected the box once again. He turned to Leonard, "Looks acceptable. Now, help me get in the apartment."

Now it was Leonard's turn to whine, "Why didn't you have him bring it in while he was here?" Leonard looked at the box and imaged getting crushed.

"And let some strange man into Amy Farrah Fowler's apartment? I think not. Come on, it can't be that heavy."

Sheldon was so wrong. The long unwieldy box weighed as much a neutron star in Leonard's opinion. "My god, what did she buy, a bookcase made from lead?"

"Maybe so she contain radioactive samples. Oh lord what is the woman up to? Grab that end…" Sheldon tried to left the box over the threshold. Leonard almost had the box slam his hand against the door frame. As they walked the box to the living room, Sheldon moved faster.

"Sheldon, watch my fingers!"

"No, I'm fine."

"Not yours, mine! OUCH!"

Sheldon and Leonard finally got the box in the apartment. Sheldon couldn't be bothered with Leonard's injury, he was distracted by the large number of cardboard boxes in the room making a maze pattern through the apartment. "Oh sweet merciful heavens. What is all of this?"

"She's probably been busy, Sheldon and hasn't had time to unpack. Let's go!" Leonard wanted to get out before Sheldon had a fit about the cardboard. Sheldon was notorious for hating boxes around. When Leonard moved in, he had to unpack within a 45 minute time frame or suffer punishment. Leonard barely made it under the wire and was very pleased he didn't have more stuff. Every time a box was delivered, Sheldon had to open it right away. He couldn't stand to wait, even if the box wasn't for him.

"Not yet." Sheldon started to unpack a box marked 'kitchen.' He unpacked the glasses and placed them neatly on the shelf of the cabinet with tallest in the back.

Leonard rolled his eyes and slouched, "Oh not this…What the hell are you doing?"

"I can't stand these boxes, reminds of the germ infested second hand stores my mother dragged me to after church every Sunday. I mean the word second hand tell you right that it's infected with god knows what pathogen. I have to get these put away before the smell of cardboard permeates the whole apartment building."

"Sheldon, you don't know where anything goes. Besides, when the Louis/Louise lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place."

"Because it was immaculate, I mean, you open that man's closet, it was left to right, evening gowns, cocktail dresses, then his police uniforms."

Leonard scrunched his face in confusion, "What were you doing in his closet?"

Sheldon had already unpacked her glasses, "I helped run some cable for a webcam." Sheldon looked toward Amy's bedroom, "I wonder if it still there?"

"Do what you want, I'm leaving." Leonard headed toward the door, but Amy was just arriving home.

"Oh, you're here. Thank you so much for getting the box. Was it much trouble?"She looked at the large box and gave Sheldon a wide genuine smile.

Sheldon stopped what he was doing and stepped toward Amy, "No, not at all. We were just bringing it in."

Amy looked shocked, "You were? I told the man to do it. Oh I am so sorry." She looked back at Sheldon to ensure he had not sustained any injury.

"Well, he brought it some of the way." Sheldon smiled at Amy but glared at Leonard who was standing behind Amy rolling his eyes.

"Oh that is above and beyond! Thank you so much!" For the second time, Amy gave Sheldon a side hug and quick peck on the cheek. It was a small kiss, barely a moment on his skin. Leonard noticed Sheldon blush right away, but he didn't rub it off his face. She turned around quickly and gave Leonard a quick side hug and a huge smile. Her actions unnatural and seemed rehearsed, like she was told how to interact with people. "I have never had people do so much for me and not have a secret plot to lock me in a hot tub with an otter..."

Leonard looked at Sheldon who shrugged his shoulders in confusion. Amy's odd remarks always made Sheldon smile with wonder. Amy continued her appreciative rant, "You guys are the best neighbors! I would take you to dinner again, but I don't have the time till next week. Oh, wait…" Amy reached in her purse, "I don't know if you have ever been the Cheesecake Factory, but my boss just gave me a gift certificate for two free dinners."

Leonard shook his head and held up his hands, "Oh Amy, you should use them."

"I don't have friends other than at cordial colleagues at work, so no one to accompany me. Also, I have no time this week." Amy turned back to Sheldon, "Where do you normally eat on Tuesday? Would you be able to use them?" She flashed a sweet smile to Sheldon and held out the coupons to Sheldon. Amy had been informed of Sheldon strict schedule for his dinner habits. Every night for a week since Amy had moved in, Sheldon somehow managed to be near the lobby door when she was getting her mail. Their small talk usually included his dinner plans and other topics that a stranger would find boring. It was the highlight of Amy's day to hear Sheldon's latest idea or banter.

Sheldon looked down at the paper and then back at Amy. "Um, we normally eat at Big Boy on Tuesday."

Amy looked completely rejected, "Oh.. well. Maybe you can you them another day. Or for lunch. Please take them. Please?" Amy bit her lip slightly. It took her only three blinks of her long lashes before Sheldon spoke again.

"I'm getting a tired of Big boy." Sheldon snatched the coupon out of her hand and gave her a wide grin, "Thank you Amy. That was very generous of you."

Leonard almost fell against the wall as his eyes popped open like Pillsbury dough container. "Really? You're sick of the restaurant you have forced me to go to every Tuesday night for 4 years? Really?"

Sheldon haughtily answered as he stood up to attention, "Yes. We need to expand our horizons."

"Expand our… Who are you?" Leonard started to sputter like an old engine. Sheldon wanted to get him out of their quickly before he said anything else unpleasant to Amy.

Sheldon took one more look around and shuttered, "Enough idle chit chat, Leonard. Amy has to return to work tonight." Sheldon looked around one more time and turned to Amy, "Although I must tell you Amy, I have perfected a method for unpacking that takes hours off the time… Now, you start with…"

Leonard had enough, he grabbed Sheldon's shoulder, "Come ON! Let's go."

Amy stood motionless as she watched the two leave. She didn't take her eyes off Sheldon as she said, "Thank you so much, Sheldon. It's wonderful to have you as a neighbor."

Sheldon looked confused, "Of course it is… Well, good night Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Good night, Sheldon Cooper. Oh, bye Leonard. Thank you!" Amy shot at confused look to her stocked glassware cabinets as she closed the door.

Sheldon had a smile like a fireman who just rescued the cat. Leonard was not as amused but said nothing till they got back to their apartment.

"Let's review, shall we? You offer to help her with a package, you do manual labor and then you change your restaurant just because she blinked a few times? If I start wearing a sweater and tights, can get the _Nice_ Sheldon?"

"You always get nice Sheldon. It's nice that I point out your math errors, it's nice that I say nothing about your snoring. It's nice that I ingratiate you with my brilliance. I could go on, but we need to get to the Cheesecake factory. Boy, I hope the wait staff is efficient. With a name like Factory I expect great things!" Sheldon took off toward the bedroom. Leonard screamed at him from the door.

"What the hell do you mean, you NEVER say anything about my snoring! You complain about it all the time!"

Later that night, after an exhausting dinner at which Sheldon completely embarrassed Leonard in front of the gorgeous flaxen headed waitress, Leonard was sleeping soundly when he heard a door open. He grabbed his trusty light saber and carefully stepped out to the hall, brandishing his plastic make believe weapon like a sword. He reached the living room when he noticed the front door was open. Bravely, he stepped off the landing to inspect the door and he saw his new neighbor's door open. When he saw a familiar figure in the women's apartment, he put down his light saber and rushed across the hall.

"Sheldon, what the hell are you doing here? Amy's asleep!"

"I know she's asleep and if you don't keep your voice down, she won't be." Sheldon looked around in a panic." I can't sleep knowing this is across the hall! The chaos is killing me. It's like a packing store threw up in here."

"Amy just needs some time. If she wants your help she'll ask."

"If you don't think this is cry for help, Leonard, you need to read your mother's books." Sheldon continued his placement of Amy's dishes. "I need my label maker."

Leonard whispered loudly, "You don't need your label maker, you need a lawyer. We are going to get arrested. I'm too pretty to go to jail."

Sheldon spoke in a low register. He completely did not get Leonard joke, "Don't be silly, Leonard. You're not that pretty."

"Well, you do realize that if Amy wakes up, she is going to freak out?"

"If you speak in a low register she will not wake up! Also, she won't freak out! She is a calm rational person who will appreciate all my efforts. She might freak out when she sees what I do with her linens. That's little lady needs help learning to fold napkins."

"Amy doesn't need your help with unpacking or folding! And she certainly doesn't want you do this in the middle of night while she is asleep. You don't know how she decorates."

"Well, right now, her decorating style in 'Early Uhaul'. Now make your voice go to lower register. Women's brains are tuned to wake up when they hear the hitch pitch sound of a babies cry."

"Well, then the whole damn building must wake up every time I try to watch Babylon 5."

"Ha Ha! Now if you have time to slack, you have time to unpack." Sheldon handed Leonard a knife and looked to a box of dishes.

Leonard looked around and knew he was never going to get sleep till everything was done, "Oh, what the hell…"

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

**The Big Reversal Theory 4**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

The next morning around 6:30, a loud screech akin to a banshee was heard across the hall. Leonard was just waking up when he heard the sound of pounding on the door. Sheldon was the first to answer. He expected a smiling Amy to greet him with a thank you but what he got instead was the first burn from the fire breathing dragon that Amy Farrah Fowler could become.

Sheldon opened the door to discover Amy standing with a flush red face, and breathless. She was wearing a stripped flannel nightgown that covered her entire body and a robe cinched on her waist modestly. Her hair was loose, but Sheldon could tell she had just woken up because it was not brushed.

Sheldon's smile quickly disappeared when she said nothing to him and burst into his apartment. She waltzed over to the island and held onto the sides for strength. Amy didn't turn around to face him when she spoke, "Sheldon, I am going to ask this as calmly and rationally as I can… Why did you break into my apartment and unpack all my boxes?" Amy quickly turned before Sheldon could answer, "Never mind, I know why. New question. Why did you think it would be acceptable to do so? That's what I want to know."

Sheldon was wearing his Tuesday plaid pajamas and robe which no woman other than his mother had ever seen. He roughly shoved his hands in the pockets of his robe and answered calmly, "First off, come in…. Next, you're welcome and thirdly, to answer your question, because it was driving me crazy. Did you not see the note I left you including instructions on napkin folding techniques?"

Sheldon's calm reply made Amy lips grow white with anger. "Sheldon. This is the creepiest, arrogant.. most insane.."

Sheldon cut her off, "Is having your apartment unpacked insane? I think not."

"It is when it is done by a guy I have only just met. I am done with UCLA today! Do you think I liked living with all those boxes? NO! I was going to do it!"

Just then Leonard entered the living room, but seeing and hearing Amy he turned and tried to sneak away. However Amy caught sight of him and yelled, "Get back here you coward! Don't think I don't know your involvement in this Mr."

She turned her ire back towards Sheldon, "Are you guys nuts? You can't just break into people's places and unpack their belongings. How did you know where I wanted to put things? How could you think it would be okay for you touch my things without my permission? Good thing I had unpacked my clothes, or would you have found all my unmentionables and folded them with…" Amy pulled Sheldon's instruction for folding napkins out of her pocket and read, "Transverse line running along the vertical portion then take the sides and fold inward." Amy shook the paper at Leonard." I'll keep that in mind the next time I go to Victoria Secret!"

Leonard ignored the line about the lingerie and snapped at his roommate, "Sheldon! You left her a note on the napkin thing?"

Sheldon's voice rose an octave in defense, "It was the only thing I saw wrong! She had everything labeled, it was simple. Remarkable organization skills by the way. They rival my own." Sheldon thought a compliment would soften her but when he smiled, it met with a cold glare that could freeze a polar bear.

Sheldon feeling the chill tried to defend his actions. "I don't see why you are so upset. I have saved you hours of work and I don't get so much as a thank you. I'll tell ya, it's hard to get good neighbors these days." Sheldon moved toward the tea box to fix a hot beverage. He needed a little something after being yelled at so early.

Amy was enraged, "You don't understand? How could you possibly think I would succumb to you organizational paradigm?"

"Because it is superior to everyone's and because it is the right way. Given your kitchen's orientation, you need to put your glasses above the dishwasher or you will risk breakage carrying them across the counter." Sheldon opened his eyes wide and shook his head slightly in disbelief that his efforts were in vain.

"Sheldon! That's beside the point! You just assumed it was okay." Amy threw up her hands when she saw Sheldon's blank expression, "Okay, fine. If that's how it's done. Let's see how you stack up Mr… excuse me… DR…." Amy brushed past Sheldon and marched to his cabinets. She opened three doors before she found what she was looking for. "Oh just as I thought. You spice cabinet is a mess! Let me just work that out for you. You know… because I'm such a good neighbor!" Amy started to move Sheldon's spices around, arranging and rearranging. Leonard watched in awe as her hands moved like lightening.

Sheldon was fascinated by her speed, but confused by the result. He came behind Amy and studied her actions like an apprentice watching a master. Amy was almost 6 inches shorter than Sheldon, but when she yelled at him, she seemed 50 feet tall.

Sheldon easily reached over her head and placed the turmeric back where he had it. Amy moved it again. Sheldon moved the little jars back like they were playing chess. Each time, Sheldon's body moved closer to Amy's. The seductive dance of dueling spices became feverous and heated. Before long, the two were almost fused together like a tango.

"Amy in what world does Turmeric go before nutmeg! The only one you haven't moved is cinnamon! I mean it has to be alphabetical! You must know that!"

"Of course. Who doesn't have their spices alphabetical? This system is alphabetical as well. It's just by Latin name. Turmeric is Curcuma longa, which goes before Myristirca. What's the matter Sheldon, you MUST know this is the right way. I mean doesn't _everyone_ use the Latin names for spices?"

Sheldon was still very close to her and their bodies were almost touching. He could feel the warmth of her body on his chest and legs. He placed both hands on the counter on either side of her body. Amy flipped around and tilted her head back so she could look Sheldon in the eyes, "Or are you against adopting a new organizational paradigm."

Sheldon had her trapped by his arms. He was frozen as he studied her face for emotional clues. He could feel his pulse rise and adrenaline pump through his veins like a fire hose. Amy's eyes were dilated and her breath heavy, which Sheldon could feel on his neck. He could see a blush forming on the exposed part of her neck as her blazing green eyes tore into him. Anyone watching the display would have mistaken their fight for foreplay. Sheldon could only glare at Amy who stood silent for a minute as he tried to find words for what he was feeling. Quickly, he realized their proximity and jumped back and crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her defiantly.

"Fine! I see your point. Happy?"

Amy answered flatly, " _Ecstatic_." She brushed past him and rushed to the door. "Now, I don't know much about having friends seeing as I've never had them. However, I do know this was inappropriate no matter what the intention. I will leave you now. Bene vale. Fortunam cum aromatibus!"

Sheldon groused, "Clever Minx."

"My Latin is a little rusty, what did she say?" Leonard asked, till then he had been stunned into silence as he had watched the interchange and Sheldon's reactions.

"Good bye and good luck with my spices." Sheldon let out a grumble, "I can't even complain about her pronunciation because it was perfect. That infernal woman!" Sheldon placed his hand on his cheek briefly and mumbled, "Not even a thank you."

In a frenzy Sheldon put all his spices back in alphabetical order by their common name.

Leonard shook his head in disbelief, "Sheldon! You do get that it was wrong to break into her apartment, right? I mean she did make that pretty clear."

Sheldon breathed through his nose as his lips pursed up. "Abundantly clear. You know, if she was just messy, I could see her getting her knickers in a bunch if I had cleaned her apartment. But I just helped her put things away where she would have put them anyway, if she hadn't been working 80 hours a week. I saved her time!"

Sheldon finished with the spices and slumped on his spot as Leonard put the kettle on to boil.

Leonard shook his head and snapped at Sheldon, "You overstepped the mark and you know it. Amy just had the guts to tell you. Please tell me you know what you did was wrong?"

Sheldon almost yelled, "Well I do now! Thanks to Miss smarty pants across the hall! Too bad we didn't get a stupid girl next door. Our problems would be minimal."

"You probably would have cleaned her apartment too." Leonard fixed Sheldon a mug of tea hoping to calm his nerves. He had never seen his friend so unnerved by a person taking him to task on his actions. "Here drink this tea."

Sheldon took a long sip, but it wasn't helping his mood.

Leonard was worried this fight would make living with Sheldon even more unbearable. He had to get him to fix the situation, but it seemed the only person who could get Sheldon Cooper to do anything was the woman who just had her home invaded by the OCD squad, "Sheldon, you had better go apologize and quick."

"Sheldon Cooper does not apologize for things he didn't do wrong." He looked toward the door and snorted in disgust.

Leonard had enough, "Do you want me to bring Amy back over here and let her loose on your bookshelves?"

Sheldon swallowed hard, and looked toward his books in horror, "Okay, I'll go apologize. After breakfast. I think I need high fiber cereal today."

"Good thing you put them in fiber content order, huh Sheldon?" Leonard thought it was silly, but anything to improve his friend's mood was warranted or he could look forward to a terrible day dealing with grumpy Sheldon; never a good way to start the day.

"At least someone appreciates my efforts. Thank you Leonard."

After breakfast, Sheldon made his way across the hall and timidly knocked on her door. Leonard watched from the doorway of 4A, not knowing yet if he should call the cops or an ambulance.

Knock knock knock, "Amy"

Knock knock knock, "Amy"

Knock knock knock, "Amy"

Amy threw the door open. She was dressed and ready for work. Though she seemed slightly softer to Sheldon he could tell she was still upset. "You know your repetitive knocking is symptomatic of obsessive compulsive disorder, as is you compulsive need for order?"

"Is not… Is not… is not.." Sheldon looked away from her angry glare and played with the numbers on her door to distract himself.

"Denial, denial… denial… Now what do you want? I don't have the time to hear how I am being **_ridiculous_** over you breaking into my apartment. I have to go to work."

Sheldon took a deep breath and with a heavy sigh, he breathed out a barely audible sentence, " _I'm sorry_."

"I couldn't hear that…" Amy leaned in and held a hand to her ear. She needed him to suffer a little.

Sheldon spoke louder, "I'm… sorry. I shouldn't have come into your apartment without your permission."

"And?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes and seethed out, "I'm sorry you are opposed to a superior organizational scheme."

Amy crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at Sheldon, "I'm not opposed to it. I just want to do it myself." She had a glint in her eyes as a thought occurred to her. She opened her arms, and gave him a crooked smile, "Or else I will never learn, correct?"

"Well, that's true…" Sheldon uncrossed his arms.

"What's that adage, you can give a man a fish, and he eats for a day… If you teach a man to fish…" Amy smiled and gave a slight head tilt to Sheldon. His mood lifted immediately.

"He can eat for a life time! My daddy used to say that to me every time he dragged me fishing. I remember the phrase almost as much as the fish gut stains on my prized Thunder Cat's t-shirt."

Sheldon felt a wave of relief but he knew he was still in the dog house. "Well, I can show you what I did. But I think the diagram I left you should be sufficient. But you are right I should have let you do it or asked you if you needed help." He thought for a moment and then lit up, "Then we could have done it together."

Amy tried to hold in her smile, but failed as she beamed up at him, "Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Your organizational diagram was very thorough. Especially the book arrangement. I am just surprised you didn't wake me up putting everything away."

"Well, though you seem to be a heavy sleeper, I still made sure your door was closed. Also, I move like a cat, so that helps." Sheldon was standing a few inches taller.

"Right." Amy' voice lowered to a consolatory tone, "I'll be honest Sheldon. It's not what you did, but that you didn't ask me. You need to understand that. You cannot break into a person's apartment and organize their stuff. It is presumptuous, illegal and frankly, a little scary."

Though Sheldon was still dejected, he was in a slightly happier state of mind then he was in the beginning of the conversation, "Yes, okay, you were right. I should have asked... I get that… I will say again…." Sheldon had a hard enough time saying sorry the first time.

Amy just gave him a slight smile. "I know…You're sorry."

Sheldon smiled, "Yes, I am…"

Amy let out a huge sigh and looked at his blue eyes looking at her, silently pleading. "Well, let's just call this a learning experience. Do it again though and I will not be so forgiving."

Sheldon blew out a relieved rush of air and grinned, "Okay. I understand. Thank you Amy."

Amy grabbed her purse and threw it over her shoulder as a thought crossed her mind. She called back to Sheldon, "You aren't going to break in and put together my bookcase are you?"

Sheldon stopped in his tracks and turned around quickly, "Well, I'm **not** now!"

Amy let out a small chuckle, "Okay. Though I could use some help with it. Could you come by later this afternoon? I am finally done with UCLA tonight and could use some expertise or tools. Maybe both." Amy flashed him a wide grin that Sheldon immediately returned.

"Sure. I'll get the guys to help." Sheldon almost turned to leave when a thought occurred to him. He turned back to find Amy locking her door. She flipped her hair off her face when she turned to him. He tried to ignore the slight jump in heart rate and the beads of sweat that had formed on his palms. He took a deep swallow and asked timidly, "Um, Amy… We had planned to go to the Cheesecake Factory again tonight. For some reason, Leonard loves that place now and insists we go again. He says "I owe him" though I don't see how he can say that when we used your gift card. Well, regardless, after we help with your bookcase would you like to join us?" Sheldon was unconsciously biting his lip as he waited for a reply.

"I would." Amy was thrilled to be able to get away from the lab. A dinner out would be the first decent meal she had eaten, other than a greasy takeaway, for a week. It also wasn't lost on her that a man had asked her to go to dinner. She knew not to get her hopes up however. She was all too aware of her dinner companion's motivations and none of them were romantic.

"Well, it is not as efficient, but they have a very tasty burger. It is the perfect ratio of meat to bun to condiment."

Amy smiled, "I look forward to it. Thank you for the invitation. Now I must dash." Amy hustled down the stairs as Sheldon watched her.

He turned to Leonard with a huge smile and almost a jump, "Yes! I was right! She loved it!" Sheldon almost skipped his desk to grab his messenger bag.

"Oh buddy, if you think for a moment that you won that argument, we really need to talk…" Leonard was amazed by the whole conversation including someone getting Sheldon Cooper to say sorry twice. He really must learn how she did it.

Leonard was remembering the awkward conversation on the first night when Amy had moved in and they had gone to the sushi/Karaoke bar. At first Amy had seemed to insult Howard, dismiss Leonard's attempt at small talk as "hum drum chit chat" and almost scared Raj into a corner. After a few Neil Diamond songs however, the group had warmed to her and the evening went smoothly. What had most impressed Leonard was her ability to talk to Sheldon. During that night, she hadn't once criticized his tendency to relay unsolicited facts. Amy and Sheldon had spent most of that evening discussing one topic after another like long lost friends reconnecting after year's absence. It was as if Leonard's friend had found a kinsman. Sheldon had been almost tolerable ever since.

Leonard smiled at his giddy friend as they made their way down the stairwell. Sheldon bounced off the steps like a rubber ball while his conversation topics inevitably flowed toward Amy. He told Leonard everything she was working on, her likes and dislikes all of which Leonard heard at the sushi dinner. Leonard didn't interrupt him as he relayed her curriculum vitae, he just smirked at this smitten friend. As long as Amy was in Sheldon's world, life in the apartment would be almost bearable.

**A/N: Next up: Will we meet Penny, or Leslie. Oh, and will Sheldon get fired or not? All these questions will be answered! Those fish don't glow on their own, ya know…. Who wants some Mary Cooper? I know I do...**

**As always, if you see a mistake, please tell me. I will fix it right away. I corrected the French thanks to Shamour and Chrystalie. Merci!**

**I'd love to know what you think of story so far. Things will be going faster as the story evolves. You know reviews are always welcome. I have to say, more than welcome. I am on shaky ground confidence wise with this story. I love to know what you think, both good and bad.**

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

**The Big Reversal Theory 5**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

After a long day at her lab, Amy was war-weary from her repeated attempts to get a starfish hooked on cocaine. She trudged up the four flights of stairs like a solider returning from the front. She entered her apartment and let out a huge relieved breath. Everything was neat and tidy. She had her couch facing the TV at a perfect angle. All her knick knacks were placed exactly where she would have placed them including her monkey statues. Her bookcases were lined up on the wall close to the bedroom and every book was in the right order. Her round kitchen table had placemats and matching napkins that were perfectly folded. It was such a relief and a joy to come home to a calm environment. She would never tell him, but she was delighted that Sheldon took the time to help her, no matter how inappropriate the method.

Sheldon had promised to help with her new bookcase which she intended to place in her bedroom. She liked to keep all her fiction close to her as she slept and also, in case of a bout of insomnia, she never had far to go. The last remaining boxes of books were in her room, stacked up like a Jenga tower just waiting to crush her as she slept. She suddenly realized that Sheldon would have to go into her bedroom. She quickly ran to her room to check if there were any embarrassing items about, but it was clean. Just as she was about to change, she heard his triple repetitive knock.

Amy answered the door and was greeted with a smiling Sheldon Cooper, "Hello Amy Farrah Fowler. May I come in?"

"Thank you for asking Sheldon, please." Sheldon caught the subtle jab and came in the room with smirk, closely followed by Leonard, Howard and Raj. "Oh, everyone is here. Please come in."

Amy had never had any visitors to her apartment before, let alone men. Her mother's mantra was, "boys aren't allowed in your room." Not that Amy ever had to worry about the opposite sex being in her room while she was growing up. They avoided her like the Star fish she egged on today with cocaine: No takers. And now after years of little or no attention from males, she had four men standing in her living room.

Howard looked around and complimented, "Wow, looking good Amy. And the apartment doesn't look bad either!" Howard gave her a wink, and a nudge. Sheldon's face started to blush that favorite shade of red that Howard loved so much. "Is that your bedroom? Shall I see if your bed is big enough for two?"

She frowned in confusion, "Two what?"

Howard slumped down. Flirting with Amy was nearly impossible. "Never mind. Where are the plans for the book case? Let's see if the infamous Swedes unimaginative diagrams are still lackluster as advertised."

Amy was feeling guilty over strong-arming Sheldon into manual labor, "Um, you really don't need to do this Sheldon, it's okay. I can put it together this weekend."

"Nonsense, it is the least we can do. Show me where it's going." Sheldon brushed off her worries with a wave of his hand and looking around the room he added "I can't imagine you fitting it in here. "

Amy rubbed her hands together nervously, "Um, back here…" She led Sheldon to the bedroom as the other guys looked over the plans for the bookcase on the kitchen counter.

Sheldon looked around Amy's bedroom. It was sparsely decorated with personal photos and a few snaps shots of France. She had a large bed that made with blue nine patch quilt tucked neatly at the end of the bed. He smiled when he thought of his Meamaw's quilt back home that looked similar. What troubled him was the tower of book boxes perched precariously by her bed, "Oh Amy, that's dangerous, you know we live in earthquake country! We need to get this done right away. I should've gone into your room last night and unpacked these as well."

Amy crossed her arms and lowered her tone, "No, Sheldon, you really shouldn't have."

Sheldon swallowed and turned away from her as he looked at her bed and remembered her sleeping there. She hadn't been wearing her glasses and a strand of hair was on her face. He had wanted to brush the hair from her face before he closed the door, but had held back. "I guess you are right." Sheldon took out a measuring tape and figured out the best location for the bookcase.

After much debate on how to assemble the furniture including a ridiculous discussion to add a cooling system which was unnecessary as Amy only needed it for books, the project was done and not a moment too soon in Amy's mind as she was starving and it was already 6:00 PM

The quintet of friends headed to the Cheesecake Factory after Leonard had reminded Sheldon of his promise. Sheldon again informed Amy that even though it had factory in the name it was not as advertised concerning efficiency.

At the restaurant, the gang was seated around a rectangular table. Amy was seated by Sheldon, per her promise to Leonard to keep him under wraps. Leonard was as nervous as baby bird as his eyes darted around for the blond waitress from last night. Finally she arrived almost 15 minutes after the group was seated.

Amy noticed her flawless skin right away. Her name tag said Penny, but from what Amy saw, it should say million bucks because that was how good that woman's figure was. Amy noticed Leonard sit up and smile the instant she was at the table. 'This must be the one he fancied,' Amy thought while she noticing Leonard fumble for words and straighten out his glasses.

As she approached the table, the waitress rolled her eyes and pointed her pen at Sheldon's face, "Oh, you guys. Look… I don't have any health records. The restaurant has an A rating and my boss says that's good enough, so you better not give me any guff tonight. Got it slim!?"

Sheldon's eyes were slits as he snapped his answer to the waitress, "Well last night's burger was satisfactory when I eventually received it. I hope this night you do not take 45 minutes. Amy Farrah Fowler is quite hungry."

Penny turned to Amy with a bright smile and blurted out in surprise, "Oh a girl! I didn't think a guy like you could talk to women and not be insulting."

Sheldon introduced the group, "No it's Raj who can't talk to women." Raj waved with silly grin. "He's right there and that's Howard, he's the one who can't talk to women without being insulting. So. Wrong again!" Sheldon stuck his tongue out and glared at Penny. Leonard was about to throw his menu at his head.

"I think you have just proved my point." Penny shot Sheldon a sarcastic smile as he glared at her.

"Well hello you flaxen haired goddess! Can I tell you what I want? It's not on the menu!" Penny just rolled her eyes at Howard who caught Amy's death stare. He swallowed hard and tried to cut the tension by pointing to Sheldon and Amy, "That's Shamy."

Amy turned to Howard and asked him, "Shamy?"

Sheldon gave a haughty sigh to Howard and offered Amy an explanation, "A juvenile amalgamation of our names. Sheldon and Amy, Shamy." Sheldon tightly gripped his menu and gave Howard an icy death glare which was returned with a smug grin.

"Oh I don't like that at all!"

Penny squealed, "I love it! Shamy! I'm digging the Shamy!" Penny turned to Amy and smiled, "You must be a brave woman to be going out with this guy."

"Oh, we are not pair bonded. He is just buying me dinner in recompense for breaking into my apartment and organizing all my stuff while I was sleeping in the next room." Amy smirked at Sheldon who shot her a surprised look and then considered the menu nervously.

Penny laughed, "He did what? If it was me, I'd kick you in the nuts." Sheldon flinched and crossed his legs. Amy let out a short laugh which was returned by Penny.

Sheldon snapped back to Penny, "Well, it wasn't your apartment, so my testicles are in the proper place and not likely to be touched."

Penny snorted, "You got that right, brother."

Amy interrupted, "Oh and this is Leonard. He has neither an aversion to speaking to women, nor an insulting tone when doing so. He also has a thriving career and the patience of Job." Amy smiled at Leonard and eyed Penny. He was just thankful she didn't say he was a gentle and tender lover, or he would have been mortified.

Penny turned to Leonard and smiled, "So, you're the normal one of the crew, huh?" She gave him a quick wink.

"Um…. Yeah…" Leonard blushed and looked at his menu. "I'm the normal guy!"

Penny smirked and held up her order book, "Good to know. I'll start with you, Leonard, what can I get you?"

After a tedious 3 minutes of more flirting by Howard, and various menu questions from Sheldon, the group ordered. Penny was about to walk away when Amy called her back, "Excuse me Penny, but you forgot Rajesh's order."

"Oh sorry, what do you want?" Penny looked at Raj, but he just looked down and then at Howard.

"…"

"Do you need a minute?" Penny let out a sigh and looked again at Raj who was frozen.

"…"

"Okay…" Penny looked at Amy for help who took the menu from Raj.

"Point to it." Amy saw Raj point to a chicken club and gave Penny the order. Raj smiled at Amy and she gave him a slight nod. Raj let out a huge sigh and continued to watch Amy all through the dinner with a strange glow.

Once the orders were placed, Penny walked away. Leonard let out the breath he had been holding in and turned to Amy with a wide smile, "Amy, you are my new best friend. Thank you!"

Sheldon immediately sat up and shot Leonard a look, "Excuse me… ** _I_** am your best friend. And if anyone is going to be Amy's friend it's me. You can't even keep up with her trivia games!" Sheldon's cheeks were burning with anger and his voice rose in panic. Amy snapped her head toward Sheldon at this outburst.

In a soft tone she told him, "Sheldon, Leonard is just pleased I introduced him to the waitress. I think he wants to have coitus with her."

Leonard spit out his water and cough, "Amy! Don't say that when she comes back!" Leonard looked around the restaurant, but Penny was nowhere to be found, much to the chagrin of the people on the next table who had been waiting for 20 minutes for their check.

Sheldon snorted, "Don't worry, we have **_plenty_** of time before she comes back…"

Howard jumped into the fray, "Besides, in what world would you be able to date her? She is goddess!"

Amy tapped her chin and piped in, "In a world where scientists are viewed as Rock Stars, not social awkward geeks, how could an experimental physicist get a golden haired angel to give him a tumble?"

Leonard buried his face in his hands just thankful Penny wasn't in ear shot.

Sheldon leaped up with glee, "Oh this is fun, hmmm… Let me think… Okay … With alcohol and poor judgment!"

"Correct." Amy smiled.

"HEY!" Leonard decided that Amy was not so much of a best friend after all.

Sheldon was giddy with excitement, "Oh let me try something else… In a world where peanuts are currency, not food. Who is world's first banker?"

Amy thought for moment, and then answered, "PT Barnum."

"Defend your answer."

"PT Barnum, as the founder of circus would have the largest supply of domesticated Elephants. They would use their natural skill of finding peanuts and eventually he would horde the world's monetary supply. "

"Correct!"

Leonard, Howard and Raj just looked at each other in utter confusion. "What?"

"It's obvious. Now Amy, it's your turn."

Amy offered a similar posit and though it stumped the guys, Sheldon got it right away. This new game went back and forth for a while before Leonard finally shook his head and barked at Sheldon, "You guys are just making stuff up!"

Amy cocked her head, "Would you like it if we played a game more to your speed? I am thinking of number between 1 and 3."

"Ah… 2! Duh!"

"No, 1.874." Amy turned to Sheldon and whispered, "Is he always like this when he loses?"

"Yes.. Sadly." Sheldon turned to Leonard and smirked, "See? _She is not for you_."

Leonard let out a short laugh, "I get it, buddy. Oh and you're still my best friend."

"Good." Sheldon sat back and crossed his arms in victory.

While the group waited for their food, Raj and Howard played chess using various condiments and every salt and pepper shaker from the empty tables. Sheldon and Amy continued their game lost in their own world and Leonard kept his eyes peeled for signs of Penny. Every time she walked by he threw her a smile, but broke the eye contact as soon as she looked at him.

After Penny brought the food, the group never saw her again until she brought them their check. As they were about to leave Amy noticed how distraught Leonard was. "Leonard, she wasn't avoiding you. She is just a terrible waitress."

Leonard's eyes lit up and the color returned slightly to his cheeks, "Really?"

"Oh yes, like really bad… Like the worst!" Amy smiled and gently tapped him on the shoulder.

"Thanks Amy, that's really nice of you to say…" Just as the group was about to leave, Penny came by and said good-bye.

"Well, good luck, Leonard. I think you're going to need it!" Penny tipped her head toward the rest of the group.

Leonard beamed at Penny, "You have no idea! Nice to see you again, Penny."

"It was nice to see you too." Penny curled one lip up in a half smile. Just then, a beast of man showed up at the restaurant. Penny seemed displeased to see him. Leonard watched as Penny and man talked and at the end of the conversation, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Amy watched the whole scene.

"I'm sorry Leonard. I really am."

Leoanrd drew in a large breath, and let it as he said, "Well, I shoulda known." He slumped off toward the car.

The drive back to the apartment was short and the guys had to listen to Amy and Sheldon banter back on forth on primate mating rituals and how it compared with Leonard's fascination with finding a mate. As the group was walking up the stairs to their apartments, Amy offered this advice, "Leonard, why don't you try asking someone out that is more let's say…. available to you, how about someone at work?"

Sheldon jumped in the conversation, "I have noticed that Lesley Winkle recently started shaving her legs. Now, given that winter is coming, one can only assume that she is signaling sexual availability."

Howard offered this warning, "Careful with sexual harassment claims, I can offer some legal advice if it comes to that."

"I'm not going to need a lawyer! I would just ask her to dinner."

Howard brushed off the comment, "Oh, you'll be fine…"

Amy thought back to the restaurant, "Well, I wouldn't take her to the Cheesecake Factory, unless you intend on a long evening of waiting for water refills." Amy turned to Sheldon, "You weren't lying about the inefficiency."

"I never lie Amy." Sheldon and Amy's eyes met and held as he made this statement. Not wanting to interrupt them, the guys disappeared into 4A as Amy and Sheldon said their good byes. Raj had to be pulled back by his collar, but he finally left as well.

Amy brushed her hair from her ear and blushed slightly, "Good to know. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to put my books away in my new bookcase. Thank you again for dinner and for the bookcase assemblage."

Sheldon stepped closer to Amy and looked toward her apartment, "I could help you put the books away. I have a very efficient system."

"Oh, I know it all too well. I'll be fine..." Amy noticed that Sheldon bent his head down slightly. She wasn't sure what his intensions were. Then she remembered, the last two times she had thanked him, she had kissed his cheek. She had never shown that kind of physical affection before and she blamed the blatant display on her fund raising sojourn to France. She had been given extensive training on how to greet the French donors and how to show appreciation. Unfortunately the trip had turned out to be a complete bust when one donor got a little handsy with her and she had belted him across the mouth. However the training must have stuck, because she was overwhelmed when Sheldon offered to get her damage deposit back. Now she had established the routine with him and knew he expected it. At least that was what she told herself, that she did it because he expected it and not because she enjoyed it.

Amy pushed herself up on her toes and lightly brushed a kiss on his cheek. It was over in an instant, the brief contact would hardly be considered a kiss by any observer. "Thank you again."

Sheldon felt like he finally had closure on some unknown problem and a wave of relief wash over him like a tsunami. He let out a slight sigh and smile, "Well, good night Amy Farrah Fowler."

For Sheldon, it was expected protocol now from Amy. He had always shunned physical contact before he met Amy and had been taken aback when she kissed his cheek the first time. The second time had surprised and confused him as well. Then he remembered that she had spent time in France. He researched the custom and realized that Amy was merely giving him _une bise_ , a gesture of friendship and appreciation. As he explained to himself, Sheldon Cooper was never one to shy away from social convention. Though if asked he would have been unable to explain why he seemed only to apply this rule to Amy. So he allowed it and now even expected it but he couldn't admit to himself that he enjoyed it.

"Good Night, Sheldon Cooper."

During the rest of the week Sheldon and Amy met in the hall of the apartment almost every day. Sheldon had an uncanny way of always knowing when Amy would be leaving her apartment. During one of the meetings in the foyer, Amy promised Sheldon she would visit him at his office and observe some of the work he was doing.

On the way to Sheldon's office to pick him up for lunch, the guys heard Amy's raised voice on a discussion that had obviously been going on for some time. They were unaware that for the past 25 minutes Sheldon had been expanding on how physics was the only real course of study worthy of his brilliant mind and all other disciplines paled in comparison. Amy had had enough of Sheldon's boasts and decided to put him in his place. The guys heard the tail end of the conversation:

" _Well, this is impressive for theoretical work."_

" _Do I sense a note of condescension?"_

" _I'm sorry, was I being too subtle?"_

Leonard had his ear to the door, "Oh Oh… Shamy is hitting a reef." Leonard continued to listen to the argument, but it was with Raj pushing him to the side to get a better vantage.

"What are they saying?" Howard tried to listen, but Raj was blocking the door while his ear was glued to it for any clues.

Leonard squinted, and said, "Something about defecating Clarke-Maxwell, and Ipso facto explain neurobiology." Leonard tried to hear more, "Oh wait, he is saying something about that is the rankest psychologism, and something about hogwash by Gottlob Frege. I have no idea what he is saying, but he is pissed!"

Raj's smile grew as he beamed at Howard relaying the latest overheard comment, "They are terminating their relationship immediately."

"Oh no."

"Oh yes!" Raj's wide smile was grossly out of place. Howard rolled his eyes and tried to hear more.

"Here she comes!" The three guys jumped back from the door as Amy opened it and offered a slight smile to the crew. Leonard and Howard looked down at their feet, but Raj offered her a huge toothy grin.

Amy rocked back in surprise, but gave a slight smile and waltzed past the group, "Good day, gentlemen."

"Yeah, good day… bye…" the guys entered the office with a soft knock and lowered voices. "Sheldon?"

He didn't answer. He was seated at this desk but turned toward the wall so they couldn't see his face. The three friends entered the office like a timid sheep approaching a lion. "Buddy, you okay?"

Sheldon swiveled his chair around. They guys could see his face was flushed and one vein on his neck was still pulsing madly, "I'm fine Leonard. I have decided not to pursue a friendship with Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Buddy that's your choice, but it's going to be tough. We live across the hall from her."

"Not at all, I have hardly noticed her since she moved in. I can avoid her. Amy Farrah Fowler wakes up at 6:45 AM every morning, she eats breakfast, usually consisting of cereal or wheat toast, following that a shower that takes 7.8 minutes. She then gets ready and leaves the apartment at 7:35. 7:55 on days she washes her hair with the cherry scented shampoo. She returns home almost every night at 5:30 and retrieves her mail or 5:45 if she stops for feminine hygiene products. It will be easy to avoid her. Her presence won't affect me at all." Sheldon rose off his chair and swallowed hard to relieve his dry throat.

"Okay, are you going to be okay to go the department party tonight? We meet the new head of the department, Dr Gablehauser."

Sheldon headed toward the door and offered, "I will go to that useless party because I have no choice. I cannot promise a civil tongue though. Now, let's go to lunch. I want to get a sundae."

"For Lunch?" Raj asked innocently, but Sheldon snapped around like a harpy and bit his head off.

"Yes, for lunch! Don't you think I am smart enough to know what I want for lunch? Are you challenging my intellectual authority about my own stomach?"

Raj raised his hands defensively, "No, no Sheldon. Get what you want. Ask for extra cherries."

"Maybe I will!" Sheldon stormed off down the hall. The guys looked at each other in horror.

"It's going to be a long evening."

**A/N: Weaving together Season 1 with Season 4 is difficult. I am trying desperately not to repeat dialog you've heard a hundred times. In some cases though, I need it. I hope you forgive the occasional repeat of dialog. It is necessary for a while. I hope you understand.**

**Again, a cannot stress enough how much I appreciate your reviews. Thank you for taking the time. I love them all!**

**Thanks to the guest who helped me find some errors. Just fixed them! 3/2**

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

**The Big Reversal Theory 6**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Sheldon carried an overflowing banker box brimming with personal items from his office up the stairs of the apartment complex. His stunned expression and high pitched whine expressed better than just words about how the evening went with the new department head.

"I can't believe he fired me…"

Leonard shook his head, but he wasn't surprised. Sheldon had been as mean as a pole cat all night long. "Well, you did call him a glorified high-school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."

Sheldon quickly replied, "In my defense, I prefaced that by saying "with all due respect."

"What was that crack about Neuroscience?"

"I told him at least he had the redeeming quality of not falling victim to the siren's call of the brain monkeys in neuroscience. Although a brain scan of the average reader of his series of popular books, that reduce the great concepts of science to a series of anecdotes, might reveal why they blindly succumb to a banal regurgitation of other brilliant minds work."

"Yeah that! I don't think that sat to well with him either."

"I added _Mahalo_." Sheldon and Leonard had just reached the fourth floor and Leonard opened the door of 4A quickly. Sheldon stole a quick glance to the 4B on the door across the hall and rushed into their apartment.

"Well, that was a nice touch, but look, if you just apologize you can get your job back." Leonard mumbled, " _If you apologize to a lot of people, you can get a lot more than that back!_ "

"No way. Sheldon Cooper doesn't apologize for defending the truth." Sheldon spoke mostly to the closed door when he announced loudly, " **And when I find the key to the Grand unified theory, everyone will realize my brilliance and come crawling back to me!** Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to bed to sleep and try to forget this terrible day."

The next morning, Leonard woke up to the smell of cooking eggs. He was greeted by an overly cheerful Sheldon in the kitchen. "Good morning, Leonard. Did you sleep well?"

Sheldon's chirpy mood was dramatically out of place. Leonard knew it was the first sign of trouble, "Yeah, I guess. Oh, you're making breakfast?"

"This isn't breakfast, it's an experiment. Did you know that cats cannot process raw egg whites since the whites contain avidin. It binds to the B-vitamin biotin in the yolks. If you slightly cook the whites and feed the yolks raw, it balances out the avidin."

Leonard almost dropped his coffee mug and asked nervously, " ** _Sheldon_** … why are you experimenting with cat food?" Leonard knew where this road was headed, and he wasn't ready for the journey.

"Well, it occurred to me that cats make wonderful companions. They don't argue or challenge my intellectual authority. Besides, Mrs. Vartabedian has been asking me to take one of her cats for a while now."

"Sheldon! This is about Amy! You are replacing Amy with a cat!"

"Nonsense! I have only just met Amy. I don't need a cat to replace her! Besides, my relationship with Amy was purely intellectual and it simply outlived its utility. There were no emotional bonds therefore no discomfort when we severed the relationship. Additionally, now that I am not bound by the intellectual shackles of the 'the man,' I am free to pursue other avenues of research." Sheldon's terrible performance at feigning a calm demeanor was disconcerting at best. Sheldon poked his head in the fridge and announced, "Now, we need more eggs!"

"Sheldon, I have to go to work, you are on your own for eggs. I'll check in on you later." Leonard headed to the door, "And don't get any cats while I am gone!"

9 hours later, Leonard returned to the apartment and was greeted at the door by a cute white and black cat that rubbed up against his legs and meowed. He also noticed a series of fish bowls and Sheldon working with test tubes.

Sheldon yelled toward the door, "Oh Leonard, do not let Dr. Oppenheimer out, he tends to run off toward the 3rd floor."

"SHELDON! What the hell? Did you really get a cat?" Leonard picked up Mr. Oppenheimer and put him on the couch, where he stayed for all of 5 seconds before moving to Leonard's laptop.

"Yes. He has been helping with me with my latest idea. I had to get some fish for my new brand of homemade cat food. Then I remembered, I read an article about Japanese scientists, who inserted DNA from luminous jellyfish into other animals, and I thought hey, fish nightlights. Dr Oppenheimer eats the rejects."

"Sheldon! This is nuts! Just get your job back. You can apologize to Gablehauser and everything will be fine, you'll see." Leonard picked up Dr. Oppenheimer from his lap top and handed him to Sheldon.

"No Leonard. This is the first day off I've had in years. I am going to savor it. Besides, I have too much to do. When I am done with the luminous fish … " Sheldon stopped talking and looked out toward the room. His eyes were darting back and forth wildly. "Lum… Oh that's good… Hold on, I have to order something from Amazon." He handed the cat back to Leonard and rushed to his computer.

The next day wasn't much better. Leonard woke up to Sheldon fixing eggs for the two new cats Sheldon had acquired over the last 24 hours and the sound ocean waves.

"Geez Sheldon, cats are bad enough, but for god sake, what's with the ocean sounds?"

"It helps Otto Frisch eat the rejected fish since he really has a bad stomach. Oh, be careful where you step near the landing." Sheldon continued to hand-feed the cat on the counter while Leonard checked his coffee for fur. The cat boxes were quickly filling up and the smell of ammonia permeated the apartment like a cloud of desperation. Sheldon seemed immune to the odor, but Leonard had needed more inhalers just to sleep through the night.

Leonard rushed off to work for some peace and to share his uneasiness about Sheldon's behavior with the guys. Though he told them about Sheldon's new cat obsession and his dalliance in luminous sea creatures, they dismissed Leonard's concern. Howard said unless Sheldon tried to get Yellowcake Uranium, he wasn't worried. Raj didn't say much, other than beaming at Sheldon's misfortune. He was actually too was busy writing poetry which, he kept hidden from the guy's prying eyes. Leonard was on his own. He needed an ally.

After a quiet day at work, Leonard braced himself for what horrors might greet him when he got home though he was expecting the worst. However before he could get to foyer door, he ran into Amy who was just arriving home.

"Hello Leonard." Her curt greeting was expected. She quickly looked around for Sheldon, and then let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey Amy. Don't worry, Sheldon isn't with me." He moved closer to Amy to whisper, "He was fired the other day and has been at home ever since. I only hope I still have an apartment when I get up there."

"Fired? For what?" Amy's voice shook with worry. She had been trying to steer clear of the apartment as much as she could and had even changed her schedule to avoid seeing Sheldon.

"He told off the department head. His introduction was, ' _Hello, I am an actual real scientist_ ', and the conversation went downhill from there. It's didn't go over well."

Amy stopped for moment in shock, and then she knitted her brow and answered flatly, "Oh dear. Well, maybe this will be good for him. He will no longer be constrained by the demands of academic life and he will be able to pursue his own research path. After all it's not like he needs equipment in Theoretical Physics. All he needs is a white board and an active imagination." Amy stomped up the stairs.

"Still bitter, huh?"

"Yeah, a little. But don't you dare tell him." Suddenly Amy stopped on the stairs, "I wonder, if we hadn't fought, would he have spoken that way to the department head?"

"Yes it would still have happened. That's just Sheldon. He never knows when to shut up."

"Well, I will stay out of his way. I don't want to add to his stress."

Leonard lowered his head, and almost begged Amy with his pleading eyes, "You wouldn't want to talk to him, would you?"

"I doubt that would help. Besides, he made it quite clear I am persona non grata. I think I would only upset him more." Amy reached her door but turned around to say one more thing, "Leonard, take care of him, will ya? Don't let him fall too far down the rabbit hole before you get help."

"Okay Amy. Thanks."

Leonard waited till Amy was in her apartment before he opened the door to his. This time he was greeted by one more cat, a Rube Goldberg machine that dispensed cat food and an open box of yarn from which the cats were eagerly investigating.

Sheldon looked gaunt and pale. His eyes were bloodshot and his clothes were un-characteristically wrinkled. The smell hadn't dissipated, in fact it was stronger than ever. The cats had their run of the apartment, including playing on the blue drapes by the window. Leonard slumped in the room and slammed his bag down. The sound stirred Sheldon from his stupor, "Oh good Leonard you're home. We need to go the store and get more cat litter and fish. Also, I've got a craving for a sundae."

Leonard had hoped that Sheldon would regain some focus, but each day he was greeted with a new experiment and an additional cat. By the time he called Sheldon's mother for help, Sheldon had twenty five cats, and lost about 6 pounds he could ill afford to lose. Leonard waorried he waited too long. Amy pushed him to call Mrs. Cooper.

Leonard picked up Mrs. Cooper from the airport and brought her up to date on all the feline adventures and the Sheldon's crumbling career as they drove home. As they climbed the stairs to the apartment Mary asked about Amy.

"Now, you mean a real girl, right? Not something you fellers cooked up in a lab?"

"No, she's real. She lives across the hall."

"Girl next door huh? Oh lordy, that's tough. Good thing he's been cooped up in the apartment then and he didn't have to see her."

"Yeah… Not so good, Mrs. Cooper, you'll see."

Leonard opened to the door to find Sheldon working on his latest project, his loom. The cats were all over the couch, each one with their own little poncho lovingly made by Sheldon. Sheldon himself was wearing a multicolored poncho with a large hood. His eyes bulged out of his head when his mother came in the room.

"Hi baby, oh my, that's a powerful smell."

"Mommy, what are you doing here?" Mary Cooper came over and gave her son a hug which he returned but mouthed to Leonard behind her, " _You called my Mother_?!"

Mary pulled away and patted his poncho clad head with a sweet worried smile. "Well, Leonard called. He was worried about ya hon. and looky here. You got a loom. Why'd you get a loom?"

"Well, I was working with luminous fish, and I thought hey, loom."

"And all the cats?"

"Oh, let me introduce you, this is Oppenheimer, Frisch, Panofsky, Feynman, Weisskopf…and this little guy here is Zazzles.. Oh and that's…"

"I get it, baby. You got a bunch of cats and gave them Jewish names. Nice. Okay well they look sweet baby, but so many?"

"They were lonely. Once they got used to having a companion who could understand them, they would be sad if I took them away. I can't do that to them." Mary and Leonard looked at each other with an understanding beyond Sheldon's words.

"And look, they all got little matching sarapes." Leonard's condescending tone agitated Sheldon. He snapped back to Leonard.

"They're not sarapes, they're ponchos and the cats love them and none of that is cause to call one's mother!"

Mary rubbed Sheldon shoulder. She could feel he was tense, "Well, he was worried you were pinning for the young lady across the hall. Amy, is it?"

"Nonsense. I am not pinning over anyone especially not some hotsy totsy neighbor. I'm a grown man capable of living my life as I see fit. I don't need her." Sheldon glared at Leonard, "and I certainly don't need anyone calling my mother! Now, I'm going to my room and no one is allowed in!" Sheldon stormed off with a trail of cats in ponchos following him.

Mrs. Cooper slumped on the couch after she moved one of the cats. "Oh lord, this is a rough one. That boy's mouth is always getting him trouble. Remind me to tell you about the neighbor kids and his death ray. But first things first, tell me about this young lady."

"Actually I can introduce you she's been asking me to keep her posted, and she is the one who told me to call you. Amy's nice and can talk to him better than anyone, but he insulted her field of study and she wouldn't put up with it. I really thought there was something between them, but Sheldon refuses to talk about her. Anytime I bring up the fight or even her name, he storms off like he did just now. I can't even bring up ferrous material because the name sounds too much like Farrah, her middle name."

"Well putting aside the pig Latin, let's go talk to her. I'd like to meet the girl that got that boy to get 25 cats."

"What about his job?"

Mary wasn't worried about that in the slightest, "Oh, one word from me, and he'll have that job back. There was this one time, when he got into grad school, he mouthed off to some professor about how he was wrong about the shifts in high spin gravity or some such thing. Well, that professor didn't take too kindly to getting lip from a 15 year old. I had one conversation, and he was his doctoral candidate."

"What did you say to him?"

Mrs. Cooper blushed and gave a coy smile, "Well, there are many forms of communication hon. You just have to know which language to use. Now, let's go meet Amy."

Mrs. Cooper and Leonard went across the hall to Amy's apartment. Amy answered and was instantly perplexed by her visitors. "Hello Leonard, Oh hello."

Mary pushed past Leonard, and held out her hand to Amy, "Hello dear, I'm Mary Cooper, Sheldon's momma."

Amy smiled at Leonard, "Good, you did call her!" Amy looked at Mary Cooper's face and slumped her shoulders, "Oh, it's that bad, huh?"

Mary answered instead, "Yeah, honey. It's that bad."

"Please come in."

Mary Cooper entered and she gave Leonard a look that told him to leave. "I'll go check on the Manhattan project. You ladies have a nice chat."

Amy was nervous meeting Sheldon's mother and was taken aback by her short stature compared to Sheldon's. However she could tell that Mrs. Cooper was a formidable woman, and her lack of height did not affect her ability to intimidate. But what struck her immediately were her eyes, they were the same brilliant blue as her son's. Amy offered her seat on the couch. "May I offer you a beverage?"

"No dear, I'm fine." Mary tapped the couch, "Come on, sit by me and tell me how well you know my Shelly."

Amy sat next to Mary and folded her hands on her lap. "Well, when I moved in, Sheldon and Leonard were very kind to me. They invited me to lunch and then Sheldon helped me get my damage deposit back from my old landlady. He even signed for a package for me. He's been a wonderful neighbor."

"Oh, well, that's nice. I'm glad all the deportment training didn't go to waste."

"Yes, he has been very helpful. Though he also broke into my apartment and organized all my stuff. But he took me to dinner after he apologized for it."

Mary leaned back on the couch and held her forehead, "Pardon me, what?"

"Yes, he apologized at least three times."

"Amy, I don't know what is more shocking, him breaking into your apartment or his apologizing. You are saying he apologized for something? On his own?"

"Yes."

"Wow, Leonard was right. You do have some kind of magic power over him.

Amy glanced at the closed door and swallowed hard, "I doubt that or we would be talking now."

"Well, tell me hon. And be honest.. Have you two been sinning?"

Amy sat back in alarm, "No! Not at all. We are purely platonic."

"What about playdough, hon?"

"No, it means just friends. Nothing more. Like at all. Like ever!"

Mary laughed at Amy's adamant denial. Mary had had her own history with the scrutiny from the parents of significant others. George Cooper's mother didn't take a shine to Mary right away. But after years of Mary putting up with her boy, Mary finally got her to admit she liked her. Of course, that was at George's funeral, but it was still a victory in Mary's eyes. Now as she looked at the young woman seated next to her, with red eyes from crying and hands wringing with worry, she knew Amy cared for her own boy more than she wanted to admit. Mary also realized that she could not push her, that she had to take her time with this one, just like her Shelly. "Alright honey, don't worry. I'm not here to run you over the coals. I'm just happy he has a friend. It's tough for him to get em, ya know."

"I know, even I'm not his friend now so I do understand."

Mary sighed "Well why don't you tell me about yourself Amy."

"I am a neurobiologist who is currently studying addiction in lower animals. I am 5'4 inches tall, with brown hair, green eyes. I am currently living at 2311 Los Robles Ave…"

Mary cut her off, "No, dear, I'm talking more personal things. Got a boyfriend?"

Amy blushed and focused on her folded hands in confusion, "Never."

Mary smiled sweetly and leaned closer, "Lot of friends?"

"No, none. Well, I did…" Amy looked to Sheldon's apartment and bit her lower lip, "No. No friends."

Mary could see the pain in her eyes. She reached over and grabbed her hand and held it tight, "You know he is losing his mind over you, right? I mean, he is one cat away from the looney bin."

Amy let out a short laugh and shook her head, "Oh I doubt that. But I am curious how a mind like his would handle stress. If we were speaking, I would love to do a brain scan of him."

"Well dear, let's just hold off on the examination for a little while shall we. Tell me, are you interested in him at all?"

"Of course I am. He is very interesting. I know he can be an encumbrance to those who care for him, the loquacious manner of speaking to people with lower intelligence stems from his surplus of intellect. He can't help it."

Mary almost slapped her knee and laughed, "Oh sweet lord, there's two of you. No, dear. I meant, are you _INTERESTED_ in him. Like to date?"

Amy pulled her hand away and brushed her hair back. She sputtered out her reply like an old garden hose, "Oh… I wouldn't know.. I mean… No… he wouldn't ever. I could see, no… I would have to say no…"

Mary Cooper gave Amy a friendly tap on her knee and a wink, "I hear ya loud and clear, hon. Don't you worry about dating him. I'll fix that tonight." Mrs. Cooper rose off the couch and commanded, "Okay, you're coming to dinner tonight and don't say you're busy, cause I'd know you're lying. 6:30 and come hungry."

"Mrs. Cooper, I don't think Sheldon would like it if I was over there."

"I don't give hoot what that boy likes now. I'm his mother and I'm deciding on who is going to eat my famous fried chicken." Mary pulled Amy off the couch and gave her a warm hug. She whispered softly in her ear, "He needs you, hon."

Mary held onto Amy's arms and pulled away hoping for the right answer. It came in an instant, "Okay. I'll come."

A few hours later, Sheldon was still sulking in his room, when he heard his mother call him to dinner. He was just about to bring Zazzles, when she added loudly, "NO CATS!"

He trudged down the hall to discover Amy Farrah Fowler seated on the couch with her eyes glued toward the kitchen. At first his heart jumped, but he snapped quickly to his mother, "What is _she_ doing here?"

"I invited her; in fact she's been helping with dinner. Girl knows her way around a kitchen. Now, sit down and let's have a talk."

"I know what **_that_** means…"

"GOOD, then listen. Now, I just have to say that Amy is marvelous neighbor and I love how she can fry up a bird, but I really don't see how you think you too are suited for each other."

Amy was confused she had thought that Mary Cooper liked her. But now she seemed to be saying she wasn't suited for her son. Amy looked over to Mrs. Cooper and noticed a subtle wink that Sheldon didn't see. Amy was about to say something when Sheldon popped up and screeched at his mother.

"How can you say that? Amy is more like me than anyone I've ever met."

"I don't see it, honey. I don't see this going anywhere." Mary pointed to the couple seated next to each other on the couch. The action caused them both to look at each other in confusion.

"Whether you see it or not it is irrelevant. I can't see microorganisms nevertheless they are there!"

Amy leaned in and told Sheldon, "Excellent point. A biology one, I might add."

Sheldon turned and grinned at Amy, "Touché."

"Well, forgettin' your French over there, I'm glad I stopped this before it started. Amy, I hope you can keep on your side of the hall from now on, sweetie. You upset my Shelly too much." Mary looked at Amy quickly and gave her a small side smile and then nodded her head at Sheldon.

Amy took a deep breath, "Well, Sheldon, it seems your mother has cast me in the role of bad girl. As much as I find that titillating, I guess we should continue our severance of the relationship. Perhaps I will look for a new apartment this weekend."

Sheldon jumped up in his seat, "Amy, hang on." Though Sheldon acted like he was thinking for a minute, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, "On second thought. I believe we acted rashly by severing our relationship. We should continue our relationship as before, despite my mother's objections. "

"Only if you stipulate this was all your fault.

"I'll say 40% my fault."

"80%."

"65% and done. Now mother. I am going to show Amy the cats and there's nothing you can say!"

Mary held her hands up in surrender, "Fine! I always knew you'd be your own man someday. A mother can only shield her boy from so much before he has to leave the nest. Go on now, but hurry back for supper."

Amy jumped off the couch and followed Sheldon to his room. "I love cats, they are the epitome of indifference."

"You may find Zazzles cloying."

Mary Cooper gave Leonard a big grin when the couple turned the corner, "Problem solved." Mary changed her tone and added, "But, I'll tell ya, I don't have any idea how he will be with a girl, let alone one next door. Lord help you!"

Leonard was relieved, "Oh, I've seen them together and it can be scary, but I think I can handle it."

"Good. I think she is perfect for him. It's gonna take him a while to realize it, though. Lord help that girl." Mary looked over at the kitchen and shot Leonard a devious smirk, "Now, you sit there, I'll get the food."

Leonard jumped up, "No, I'll get it!"

"Well, isn't that sweet!

Sheldon didn't think twice about having Amy in his room. His unbreakable rule that girls weren't allowed in there seemed to have been forgotten as he opened the door for her, he was so just so pleased to introduce her to his cattery. "Here he is!" Sheldon handed Amy a white socked tabby cat that immediately nuzzled under her chin.

"Oh, he's an angel. Oh and look at that one on the drapes! How cute! How do you keep them from defecating in your drawers?"

Sheldon looked around the room in revulsion, "Well, I don't frankly, I've done more laundry in the last weeks than I have in 3 months."

"I understand. They are cute, but so many is a handful." Amy sat on the side of the bed and six cats came up to her wearing little ponchos. One was trying desperately to remove it so Amy helped the poor creature. The rest almost fought to be on her lap. The overwhelming clowder of cats caused Amy to fall back on the bed, giggling like a school girl. "Oh, how do you get any sleep!?"

Sheldon watched her arch her head back as the cats played with her long brown hair like yarn. He let out a sigh and answered, "I haven't been. Not really." Sheldon sat next to Amy and started pulling cats off her. Amy sat up again, flushed and out of breath from laughing. One strand of hair fell in her face. Sheldon reached up to brush it back, but Amy beat him to it.

She looked at Sheldon's sad face and lowered her tone, "You know, Sheldon. I think losing your job affected you more than you realize. You have filled a deep emotional hole caused by your lack of focus, with these cats."

Sheldon watched her hand move slowly as she petted the cat in her lap. He took a deep swallow and twitched slightly, "Yes, that must be it, the job. You're right."

"Of course. There could be no other reason to get so many cats."

"Well, you must know, my career is very important to me. I will get my Nobel Prize, but without the University, I don't see how I can do it."

"How long has it been since you worked?"

Sheldon seemed defensive at her insinuation that he was lazy, "Well, I've been _working_ on other projects for 25 days." He let out a chuckle, "Funny, that's how many cats I have!"

"It's understandable. I mean your career is the number one priority in your life. You have given up the common human need for companionship and focused solely on your mind and its potential output. I can't you see you being happy unless you get your job back. Sheldon I'm sorry. I hate to say this, but…" Amy placed her hand on his forearm for a brief moment, "I think you should apologize to your department head even though you were correct in your assessment of his abilities."

"But WHY should I have to apologize to him for speaking the truth. He has an inferior mind to my own!"

"Most people on this planet have an inferior mind to yours Sheldon. You can't point out all their faults. It would take up too much of your day."

"Yes, but he would be my superior!"

"HA! Superior! You're hysterical. Only in title, not in intellect. Are you envious of his position?

"God no! He has to contend with donors and personnel issues. I would never want to deal with that mundane side of academia!"

"Then who better than a man who already knows how to accommodate to the masses and can dumb down real science to their level? I understand he wrote a series of science books that were aimed at a larger audience. He may not be as brilliant as you, but for what he was hired to do, it seems he is a perfect fit. I mean, if he was hired as the new string theory physicist, you might have an argument. But he is merely a cog in the wheel of bureaucracy. Nothing more. Real science is done by people like you and I. He just gets the funds to make it happen."

Sheldon puffed up like a peacock and beamed at Amy, "You know, Amy, I think you are right."

"I know how you feel, Sheldon. I have to navigate the social malaise of department heads, and donors and university presidents all the time. The main reason I am here sitting next to you is because I was not able to keep my mouth shut. My life would be drastically different if I had been able to handle the trite social dance we are forced to do as academics. You have to play the game, Sheldon. Play to win. You should apologize to him, not because you are wrong to call him a washed up scientist, but because you were wrong to categorize him as scientist at all!"

Sheldon continued to pet Zazzles and thought about what Amy said. He finally admitted softly, "I may not be the best at crafting apologies. It's not something I do very often." Sheldon licked his lips and stared at Amy with his wide blue eyes.

She rubbed her chin and thought for a moment. She then snapped her fingers and said, "Try this: Dr. Gablehauser, I wish to apologize for my behavior at our first meeting. It was presumptuous of me to belittle your position. You are the best fit for your title and I can think of no one better suited to fill this office. You can leave off the part that only a trained monkey would occupy the office. You have to censor your thoughts Sheldon, can you do that?"

"I can!" Sheldon leaped off the bed, "Oh, that's good Amy! I will go tomorrow!"

"Do you want me to write it down? You might forget the wording."

"No. I have an eidetic memory, so no chance to forget anything."

Amy's mouth popped open and she almost dropped the cat on her lap, "You have an eidetic memory? Really? Oh my, that's amazing. I mean.. Wow… That's so… Hoo!" Amy could feel her pulse rate jump in an instant and she placed her hand around her neck.

"Who?"

"Not who…HOO!"

"Me, I do! That's who!"

"No Sheldon, never mind. I've never met ANYONE with an eidetic memory before. Boy, what I wouldn't give to strap you on a table and scan the crap outta your brain. Oh my!"

Sheldon blushed and held his head for a moment, "Well it is remarkable." Sheldon swallowed and added quietly, "I wouldn't mind seeing you strapped on a table."

Amy took a step back, "Excuse me?"

Sheldon added quickly, "I mean, for your brain scan. I bet we would have similar results. I would be a hoot to get them done at the same time."

"Yes, a hoot indeed." Amy rose off the bed and headed toward the door, "Now, let's eat. I've been eyeing your mother's fried chicken and I'm starving. Oh, and I think your friends are coming over too."

"They're your friends too, Amy."

Amy felt a warm glow flood her cheeks, "I guess you're right."

Before Amy could leave the room, Sheldon placed his hand on the door to stop her. Amy looked up at him confused for a moment. He bent his head down and placed a short kiss on Amy's cheek. When he pulled away, Amy thought she heard him draw in a breath near her hair. Amy stepped back and held her cheek while she scrutinized Sheldon' face for answers. Sheldon offered her a sweet smile and said softly, "Thank you, Amy. You've been a great help."

Amy didn't get a chance to answer before he quickly left the room. She let out the breath she was holding, "Oh, sure… Hoo."

**A/N: Again, I would like to thank my reviewers. There are a lot of Guest names that I cannot say a proper thank you to: Ashley, Maietxup left me a lovely review THank you! Shruthi, KerryCEC (I know you!),LMD3014 Shamyaalways, Ant, Brenda, Luanna, Trelayna,Jo, Shamyhamy, and some guests. I would also like to thank my reviewers with Fan Fiction Log in names too! I have been trying to get back to you all. I really want to say thank you for taking the time. You make all this writing worth it!**

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

**The Big Reversal Theory 7**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

After Sheldon and Amy reconciled their friendship, they both had a marvelous week. They spent more time together both in person and via social media. Sheldon didn't want to miss a moment that he could spend with Amy. They took lunches together and for a while, they enjoyed his mother's cooking. Mary had stayed a few extra days to help clean up the apartment and get rid of the cat smell, which thrilled Leonard to no end. Mary was pleased to help out, but mainly wanted to get to know Amy better. Mary's heart warmed every time she saw her socially awkward son laugh at some amusing thing Amy said that only he would know.

When Mary left, she had given Amy a huge hug and promised to send her the key to Sheldon's heart. Amy blushed and dismissed Mary Cooper's attempts at matchmaking as unnecessary given Sheldon's aversion to romantic entanglements. Though Amy had avoided Mary's query about her own views on the matter, Mary had persisted, saying "That boy don't know what he wants. Men never do. You got to tell them and then make sure they think it was their idea." This, Amy thought this was excellent advice. What Amy didn't expect was that a few days later, her inbox would be flooded with family recipes: The key to any Cooper man's heart.

Other than the strange flu like symptoms Amy had in Sheldon's bedroom when he told her he had an eidedic memory, Amy felt better than she had in weeks. During her absence from Sheldon, Amy had a terrible episode of hormone fluctuation that she couldn't explain. It was as if she had 3 weeks of PMS. She would cry for no reason, crave chocolate, especially Oreos, and have an urge to watch terrible romantic comedies that just made her cry more. In Sheldon's bedroom that evening, Amy felt she experienced flu coupled with sudden-onset Tourette's syndrome because she couldn't stop saying 'Hoo'. She thought the clowder of cats were to blame. After that night, however, the symptoms disappeared as did her semi-permanent PMS

Sheldon felt an enormous weight lift off his shoulders as soon as he spoke with Amy that night. He reasoned it was because he gave him the social tools to get his job back but even before he spoke to Gablehauser, he felt better than he had in 26 days.

Sheldon's apology to Dr. Gablehauser was so well received that Sheldon became the darling of the department for six days. Then, unfortunately, he opened his mouth again. Everything seemed to be back to normal except for Leonard who was distraught over the discovery that Penny apparently had a boyfriend. He had tried to convince Sheldon to keep some of the cats, but Sheldon had found homes for all of them over the weekend, even Zazzles, who Mrs. Vartabedian missed terribly.

There had been a heated debate on whether the Tuesday night dinner location should be permanently changed to the Cheesecake Factory. Amy had pointed out to Leonard that Penny had not seemed too pleased with the beast of a man who had visited her at the restaurant. This fact had given him a shred of hope and he enlisted Amy's help in convincing Sheldon to make the switch to the restaurant. She presented the valid argument that Sheldon had already posed, that they had a superior burger to Big Boy. Hearing his own words repeated back to him from Amy's lips sealed the deal.

Leonard was more than pleased to discover Sheldon's kryptonite in the form of a cardigan wearing, bespeckled brunette to whom, it would seem, Sheldon could never say no.

At the restaurant, Amy made Howard promise to be on his best behavior and not flirt with Penny like a horny frat boy liquored up. He had begrudgingly agreed after she had threatened to forward pictures of him eating a bacon cheese burger to his Rabbi for Yom Kippur.

Amy showed Howard a calendar, "The 7th day of the 10th month buddy. You better be nice for Leonard so you will have less to Atone for next year on October 8th!"

Howard slumped and sniveled to Sheldon, "She's bad as you about telling other's about their religion! I got Amy, who's slinging more guilt than a Jewish mother at a bar mitzvah and we still have Sheldon telling Raj all about… what the hell was that Raj?"

Raj tried to whisper, but Sheldon answered, "Diwali, It a holiday to celebrate the victory of light over darkness. Very Star Wars themed if you ask me. I think it's on.."

Amy leaned over and answered softly, "November 9th, this year…"

Sheldon nodded at Amy and turned toward Raj, "I've seen your house Raj. Traditionally, you should be cleaning and decorating it for the festival. You better start now, or you wont be through till Makar Sakranti, January 14th"Sheldon crossed his arms and sat back in his chair with a smug grin that Raj wanted to peel off his face with a scalpel. Raj thought, if only he could speak now, he would tell Sheldon how he wanted to clean the floor with his smug face.

Leonard ignored them all as he frantically messed with hair, took a hit off his inhaler while his eyes darted around the restaurant like a meth addict looking for a fix. Finally, he saw her and he drew in a quick breath as Penny approached the table and smiled at the crew, "Hey, it's you guys again and Shamy!"

"Oh, not this again!" Sheldon sighed and glared at Penny. He called dealing with her 'ocular exercise' due to the excessive eye rolling he constantly found himself doing.

Penny gave a genuine smile to the group, "What's shaking?"

"Well, before I left the university, I looked up recent Earthquakes on Netscape. I often do that before I travel."

"What travel, we were going 5 blocks."

"Excuse me, we live in Earthquake country! Anyway, I found that the Sandwich Islands recently had an earthquake…4.6 I believe"

Penny let out a sigh, "Okay. Well, I guess I asked for that. Speaking of sandwiches, what can I get you?"

Sheldon sat back, and thought out loud without ordering, "You know what would be great? If we could have Earthquake monitors on our phones! I wonder if this Zune could handle that? It's only 2007 and the leaps and bounds of technology in the year are astounding."

Amy piped in, "I just got a the Iphone, maybe it could handle it." Amy handed Sheldon her phone, but he pushed it back to her.

Sheldon snickered at Amy, "Amy please. An Apple device? A phone no less? You'll find that thing will as outdated as a Betamax player."

Leonard snapped back, "Didn't you get a Betamax, Sheldon?"

"Hush now, I'm thinking…I bet we could make a software application for handheld device….Hmmm…" Sheldon started fiddling with his music player.

Penny tapped her book and looked to Leonard who rolled his eyes and smiled widely at her. Penny pushed her hair back and asked for his order first. Leonard ignored Sheldon's mumblings and was about to order when Leslie Winkle approached the table. Penny was introduced to Leslie and was in awe that she was an actual lady scientist.

"Yep, come for the boobs, stay for the brains."

"Well then! WOW"

"Hey! What the hell! I'm a lady scientist!" Amy snapped at Penny."I've got breasts." Sheldon woke up from his stupor and unconsciously looked down at Amy's chest.

Penny ignored the breast comment, "You are scientist too?"

"Yes, a neurobiologist. In fact," she indicated the rest of the group "we are all scientists, except Howard, of course."

Howard held his hands up and defensively asked, "What do you mean, _of course_?"

Amy turned to Sheldon and smirked, "I'll let you handle that one."

"Don't think I haven't tried, sister." Sheldon turned to Penny and explained, "Howard is an engineer. Not the cool one who blows the whistle on the train, but the one who makes things like toilets and such. He is not a real scientist."

"What is this, pick on Howard night?"

"That's every night, Howard."

Raj whispered to Howard who said, "Yes.. yes.. they picked on you too!"

Leslie Winkle had had enough, "Excuse me… Can I get this invitation out first before you go back to slamming Howard? As much fun as that would be, I don't have all night!"

"Sorry Leslie, of course.."

Leslie explained that the Cellist in her quartet group was no longer able to play with them and after a few back and forth comments about timing and practice location, Leonard agreed to be the replacement and that they could use 4A. When she walked away, Leonard looked to Penny who was smiling at him with a coquettish grin.

"Wow, so you can play the cello?"

"Yes, my parents thought being in AP classes and the chess club wasn't getting me beat up enough."

"Well, I think that's great. I cannot play an instrument, but I can sing. In fact I am going up for a part in Rent! God, I hope I get it!"

"You're an actress?" Leonard seemed overly interested in everything Penny was saying. The rest of the table waited patiently, except for Sheldon who was tapping his fingers, waiting for the idle chit chat to finish.

Penny continued eagerly, "Yes! This is just a temporary gig till I get my big break." Penny eyes lit up like they were being illuminated by a spot light on Broadway; that was until Sheldon opened his mouth again.

"Well, your latest work, acting like a waitress, has been a lackluster performance."

Leonard tried to cover up Sheldon's rudeness, "Well 'break a leg' as the saying goes, however if you want me to help break something else over of his head. Just say the word!"

"I am tempted, but better not, though thanks for the break a leg thing!" As Penny and Leonard continued to talk back and forth for a while, Sheldon threw up his hands and looked at Amy.

"We are never going to eat."

Amy whispered to Sheldon, "Sheldon. I think you need to realize, you never insult the people who serve you food." Sheldon grumbled at Amy, but nodded his head. She lowered her tone even more, but Penny and Leonard were too engrossed with each other to hear anything. "Now, let Leonard flirt. How often does a guy like Leonard get to flirt with woman like Penny?"

Sheldon was impatient, "Why does he have to flirt at all? It's an exercise in futility and I'm starving."

"Well Sheldon, just because you have a successful friendship with a female, doesn't mean all your friends can be so lucky." Amy gave Sheldon a sweet smile that caused him to blush slightly. He looked away toward his awkward friends and then whispered back to her.

"It's true. I bet he is jealous that I have a successful relationship with a female, where he has none. I may have been flaunting our recent friendship. I had better tone it down."

"Well, you should at least help Leonard and not be so dismissive of his need to pair bond with a female. He can't help his endocrine system."

"Good thing I don't have to worry about such things." Sheldon looked at Amy then realized that he had been gazing at her hair slightly longer than he thought was needed. He coughed and looked toward his menu.

Amy gave a strained smile, "Yes, it does free up the mind."

The next week rushed by and the scheduled music practice happened at the guys apartment while Sheldon and Amy were at the Cheesecake factory having dinner. On the drive home with Amy Sheldon received a phone call which had caught her interest, though she had heard only one half of the conversation.

" _Yes, Hello... Why yes we did... We asked you at work and you said nothing. … I can't help it if your neurosis caused you to miss dinner!... No!... I will not give Amy your love, good night_!" Sheldon slammed his phone shut and looked out the window.

"Who was that!? It sounded tense?"

Sheldon put his phone away and shook his head, "Just Raj whining over something. For some reason he was upset that we didn't take him to dinner. I seriously doubt he would have been interested in our conversation about Vexillology." Sheldon glanced over to Amy who was driving and saw that she had a slight smile on her face. Sheldon had been fascinated with her all evening, especially her ability to keep up with the trivia game on flags he had invented. "I must say, Amy, I've never met anyone else who is as well versed in the study of flags as myself."

"Well, it is fascinating. You should do a blog or a show about it. Your knowledge is uncanny and the masses need to know. I am sure it would be a huge hit and I bet the camera would just love you." Amy looked over to Sheldon still smiling, but she quickly turned back to the road when she realized her blatant compliment.

The dim lights of car hid Sheldon's blushing face. He wasn't too sure, but he thought that he may have just received the first compliment on his appearance from a female. He knew such flattery shouldn't matter and he tried to ignore the warm feeling brewing in his chest. He told her with a soft voice, "Amy, that's a great idea! I'll think about it tonight and maybe work on a script."

The couple walked up the stairwell continuing their conversation about flags. In the communal hallway, Amy said goodnight.

Sheldon walked closer to her and said softly, "I should say thank you for taking me to the Cheesecake Factory. Leonard usually takes me, so it was above and beyond."

"Oh Sheldon, you don't have to thank me. I was going anyway. Think nothing of it." Amy smiled and turned to her door. For some reason Sheldon felt disappointed as he headed to the door of his apartment, nervously touching his cheek.

Sheldon turned back and said softly, "Good night Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Good night Sheldon Cooper."

About 15 minutes later, Amy heard an urgent triple knock on the door that could only come from Sheldon Cooper.

Amy had a huge smile on her face when she saw him again, "Hello, Sheldon. What can I do for you?"

"Please forgive the disruption, but I need some assistance in a manner of semiotics over at the apartment."

"What symbol is vexing you, Sheldon?"

"Well, maybe you should come and see." Amy followed Sheldon to the door of Leonard's bedroom which had a tie hanging from the knob, and a Bryan Adam's song could be heard blaring from stereo. Amy was as perplexed as Sheldon.

"Perhaps Leonard is signaling he has to do laundry or that it is time to update his wardrobe and it's a call for help!"

Just as Sheldon was about to comment, the couple heard a woman's voice say, "Leonard, you magnificent beast!"

Amy turned to Sheldon with wide eyes, "Oh, he is having coitus! We should leave them to it."

Amy walked to living room. "Do you think it was Leslie? Her invitation to play music with Leonard could have been a ruse to get him into bed to alleviate her carnal desires."

"It probably is Leslie since her violin case is here and to my knowledge we haven't taken up with any 1920 gangsters recently." Sheldon was visibly upset, "What should I do? Last time this happened, I was on a cruise. I don't know the protocol."

"Well, call Leonard on the phone and tell him you understood the message. That's what I would do."

Sheldon called Leonard, "Hello Leonard, it's Sheldon. Message received. Tell Leslie hello." Amy was waving, "Oh and Amy says hi as well…Carry on." Sheldon hung up the phone and looked down the hall. He could hear giggling and then the moaning started again. "Well this is awkward."

"I've heard that coitus can get noisy."

Sheldon swallowed and asked, "This is an interesting topic. Have you had any sexual partners?"

"None."

Sheldon mouth turned up a smile upon hearing Amy's words, "Nor have I. It seems Leonard has disregardful the roommate agreement again. He will be hearing about this."

"Well, you having to hear him now, so I guess its fair." Amy turned to leave but asked, "Do you want to come to my apartment till they are done? I was just about to learn _The Girl from Ipanema_ on the harp."

"That's sounds lovely except…" Sheldon stopped dead in his tracks and held his chest like a southern belle who was offended by a masher's advances, "Hey wait… You just said Leslie's invitation to play music was just a ruse to alleviate her carnal desires. How can I be sure that is not your intent?"

"Sheldon, please be serious." Amy shook her head and stared at him with a deadpan expression.

"You're right. My apologies. I should have known you wouldn't give in to your animal hind brain."

"Not if I can help it. Besides, I was part of a study that electronically stimulated the pleasure centers of the brain to achieve orgasm. So, unless I am overwhelmed by some hunk of a man I cannot ignore, I'm good. Now are you going to listen to me play the harp or not?"

Sheldon knitted brow showed a slight hint of offense at her last comment. He waved her invitation off, "I will pass. I am not fond of harp music. It reminds me of old sitcoms."

"Suit yourself. Good night Sheldon." Amy left before Sheldon could thank her for coming over to decipher the tie on the door. He fell asleep on the couch while listening to Amy playing the harp and wondering exactly how the study she mentioned was done.

The next morning, Sheldon woke up on the couch with a start and with the melody and lyrics to the Girl from Ipanema in his head " _Tall and tanned and young and lovely…The girl from Ipanema goes walking…_ " Sheldon lightly sang the next lyrics, " _But I watch her so sadly How can I tell her, "I love you?"_

He shook off the hippy lyrics and wrapped his blanket around him like a shawl. Walking past his whiteboard on the way to the kitchen he let out a scream so loud that Leonard came running, shortly joined by Amy as she burst into the apartment, "Sheldon, my god, what's wrong!?"

Leonard had the same question. "What's the matter?"

Sheldon wailed like he had been violated, "Someone touched my board. NO one touches my board, Leonard! The signs been changed!"

Just then Leslie sauntered in the living room like she lived there. Sheldon was incensed her over familiarity with his home. He might have to remind Leonard, that he earned a strike for his disregard for the protocols of the roommate agreement which clearly stated house guest need a 24 hour notification period. "Oh, you can thank me. Now you can prove quarks are asymptotically free at high energies. Pretty awesome, huh?"

Sheldon was irate, "Awesome? No, it is not awesome! It's … It's …." He threw off his blanket in a huff and snorted fire at her direction. She felt nothing.

Sheldon shook with rage and couldn't think what else to say. His mind was blank from anger.

But Amy knew exactly what to say, and she had no problem finishing Sheldon's thought as she jumped in "…presumptuous and rude. If you wanted to actually help Sheldon, you should have just told him. This is just a desperate ploy to wax your ego using another person's work. It was inconsiderate to change his board without asking him."

"YES! INCONSIDERATE!" Sheldon nodded at Amy, "Go on, tell her! Tell her she is INCONSIDERATE!"

Leslie snapped at Amy who was standing in the doorway glaring at the woman, "Who the hell are you?"

"A person who has the good manners not to go around changing people's work without their permission. No one goes into your home and changes your board."

Sheldon added, "Yeah, what she said!" He smiled at Amy and turned to glare at Leslie with flaring nostrils.

Leslie gave a smug grin and tilted her head to Amy, "There are no incorrect equations on my board."

Amy didn't miss a beat, "Easy to have no mistakes if there's nothing there!"

Leslie snapped back like a yapping dog, "Hey! If it wasn't for me, he would have been stuck for months."

Amy crossed her arms and snorted a reply, "I doubt it. Sheldon would have caught it in his own time. You did nothing other than change one little thing. It's like taking credit for the Mona Lisa, when all you did was straighten the picture."

Leslie turned to Leonard, "Are you going to let her talk to me that way?!"

Leonard was caught between his fuming lover and raging roommate with his attack dog clad in a cardigan. He just wanted to hide in a dumpster till the mess was over, "I.. ummm. Well… You… shouldn't have changed his board… I mean.."

"See! Tell her Amy! Tell her she was wrong. Go on.. tell her again!" Sheldon wanted to sic Amy on Leslie as if he was releasing his prized dog for the fight but the battle had already been won.

Leslie threw up her hands, "Well it was a good thing all I wanted was sexual release and not a relationship. I couldn't deal with this crap all the time! I'm good now till New Years!"

Leonard held up his hands and shouted at Leslie, "Wait, are you saying you just used me as a sex toy?"

Leslie rolled her eyes, "Hey, it's not like you didn't get anything out of it! Quit bitching."

Amy smiled and turned to Leslie, "You know, if all you wanted was a release of dopamine, there is a great study at UCLA that uses electrodes in your hypothalamus to simulate orgasm."

Leslie's tone changed in an instant as she eagerly asked Amy, "Really, can you send me the information? That's exactly what I need!"

Amy smiled, "Sure, it's with Dr. Gupta in Neuroscience. If you can get past his sleazy grin every time you climax, I think you should be fine."

"Great! Thanks! See ya later Leonard!"

"What just happened?" Leonard dropped onto the couch. Sheldon was too busy studying his board to notice Leonard's sulking. Amy ignored Leonard as well, and returned to her apartment. However, Sheldon rushed over to catch her before she had reached her door.

Startled, Amy jumped back and slammed against her apartment door with a start. With her breath almost knocked out of her, she raised her chin and gasped with her mouth open. Sheldon watched her carefully as she caught a breath while she said, "Oh my, you really do move like a cat don't you?"

Sheldon said nothing. He placed his hand on her hip and gave her quick kiss on her cheek. Then he pulled away and gave her a strange grin. Amy quickly placed her hand on her cheek to capture the moment and the heat from his lips.

She curled up the sides of her mouth slightly, holding the smile as her faced bloomed with pinkish hue. It was one of his favorite Amy Farrah Fowler Faces. He was terrible at knowing facial cues of most people, but for some reason he had yet to determine, he knew at least four of her different faces. He wanted to study them all.

He learned her 'ready for a fight' face all too well when he unpacked her apartment. It was strained, with a vein pulsing in her forehead, but her eyes were lit up with green flash of brilliance. He shouldn't like that face, but it intrigued and excited him. He just saw it again when she was speaking to Leslie.

Then he learned her 'pleased' face. He saw this often when he would get an obscure reference of hers or she would win at a game they were playing. It was smug, yet coy, as if she knew she shouldn't boast, but her ego was sipping out like an overfilled cup. Sheldon usually smirked at this face she wore all too often when they played games.

She also had the face of 'disappointment'. He saw a hint of it when he said they should terminate their friendship. He hated that face. All her features melted into a droopy frown. Her eyes lost the light and shine. He never wanted to see that face again. For some reason he couldn't quantify, he caused his chest to hurt.

The face she wore that morning was something he had only seen a few times, but it told him he did something right. Sheldon let out a breath through his smile and said softly, "Thank you, Amy. Thank you for defending me."

Amy stammered her reply, "Oh sure… Hoo...I just… What she did was uncalled for. I hope I didn't over step the mark." She felt her forehead to see if she was getting a fever.

"Never." Sheldon smiled, and returned to his apartment.

Amy entered her own apartment and immediately found Dr. Gupta's contact information. Amy said it was for Leslie, but Amy was thinking maybe it was time to revisit that experiment for its implication for her current study of lesser animals. It was only reasonable, she figured. She also started to monitor her vitals to self diagnosis these flu like symptoms that crept on her every other day. She needed answers or she would spend her days sounding like a owl.

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

**The Big Reversal Theory 8**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

It was a quiet Friday evening for Amy. She had planned on a long and relaxing night filled with old French movies, playing the harp and turning in early. The boys were across the hall having a vintage Game night. Sheldon had been texting Amy all night with amusing anecdotes and contemplatives that he had thought of during the game. Amy had texted him an amusing pun when she was the dry cleaners and he had spent the evening trying to top it.

Amy heard a knock at the door and jumped up, hoping that Sheldon wanted to speak to her in person. Unfortunately, it was another less agreeable face that greeted her at the door.

"Cousin Irene, what a pleasant surprise! " Amy was lying through her teeth, but Irene was too distraught to notice Amy's dismay at her unannounced visit. Amy's long lost cousin had tracked her down and was standing in her door with streams of dried tears on her face.

Irene had married almost 8 years ago at a very young age to her high school sweet heart, Frank. Amy had been only 17 at the time and too busy with her Harvard graduate studies to be part of the wedding. Not that Amy had been invited to be part of the wedding party, but she was okay with the slight; she never did look good in capped sleeves. However she had sent the bride a new space heater that, thanks to a number of irate calls to UPS made by Amy, had arrived just in time.

Given the evidence Amy observed: Hastily packed suit case, smeared mascara and a bottle of cheap champagne, it would seem that happy couple must have run into some difficulties.

Amy invited Irene into the apartment, offered to fix her a hot beverage, took the bottle of champagne and hid it in the fridge.

Amy brought Irene her hot cup of tea and sat next to her on the couch, "Irene, it is obvious that you are in some sort of distress. Can you tell me the reason for your visit? The last time I heard from you was the thank you note from your wedding, when you stated, and I quote, "At least one of us will be warm at night. Good luck finding your own "Heater."

Irene cringed at her own words, "Oh Amy, I'm so sorry, that was a catty thing to say. I really appreciated the gift. It was a life saver!"

"Well, I doubt that it was a life saver, but regardless, tell me what you're doing here? I take it there is a problem with Frank?"

Irene looked over at Amy and pulled her into a bear hug, "Oh Amy, what a mess my life is! Frank is at the hotel, probably still banging that blond I caught him with, the bastard." She jumped up and paced angrily up and down.

"What?! Come sit down and drink your tea." Irene kept crying uncontrollably as Amy got up to fix herself a cup tea. Finally, when Irene's blubbering stopped, Amy was able to sit with her on the couch. Irene grabbed her in another bear hug, "Tell me the whole story." Amy gasped out, hoping that having her tell the story would stop Irene from choking her with her manly embraces. It worked once she had a cup of tea in her hands.

Irene sipped her tea, and continued her story of woe, "I drove to Pasadena to surprise him, ya know. It's our anniversary. He said he had to work, but I thought he was just being coy. I brought a bottle of champagne and went to the room. The hotel manager gave me a key because I'm his wife. At least for now…" Irene could barely get out the story without sobbing.

"Okay, Irene.. go on… what happened?"

"My first clue should have been when the manager said he thought his wife was a blond!" Irene started bawling again. Amy handed her a tissue and she blew her nose loudly, "Anyway I go into his room… And there… between the blonde's legs… Is Frankie's head! I didn't know what to do; I just got outta there and thought of you, because Aunt Flora said you had moved here. She gave me your address. And now I'm here!"

"And now you're here! Yay!" Amy absentmindedly tapped Irene's leg, "There there, Irene. Don't worry. You'll be fine. Statically, you lasted with Frank much longer than other couples who wed before the age of 25. So, that's a plus."

But Irene wasn't listening to Amy. "Can I stay here tonight? I don't want to go home tonight and he will be home tomorrow."

Amy looked around and cringed, "I only have one bedroom."

"I'll be fine on the couch. Thanks Amy, you're a good person, no matter what cousin Dominic said."

"Yeah, a saint." Amy grumbled and slumped to the back of the couch with a thud.

Irene asked Amy where the bathroom was and excused herself. As Amy watched Irene disappear in that direction, she let out a sigh. Amy was surprised that Frank had cheated on Irene since she had been the one notorious for sleeping around before she got married. It was a known fact that any man who gave her smile could enjoy Irene's favors; twice if they kept the liquor coming. There had been rumors after the wedding that Irene had kept to her loose ways but these were never confirmed, and since Amy had moved she only heard family gossip from Aunt Flora, and this only rarely. Now she had the family skank sleeping on her couch. Hopefully it would not be too long and Amy could survive for 24 hours.

The next day, Amy was knocking on Sheldon's door. He was surprised by her visit, but answered with an irrepressible grin.

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler, please come in."

"Hello. Hey guys. Can I hang out over her for a while? My apartment is less than comfortable right now."

"Of course, we were just about to play Halo. The original one from 2001. NOT the new one Howard!" Howard stuck his tongue out at Sheldon. His insistence on Friday's being vintage game night was fascist in Howard's opinion, but he could never make his case.

Leonard snapped at Sheldon, "Yeah, please stay a while. We are already late by six minutes so, according to Sheldon, the night is ruined!"

Amy headed back to the door, "Oh I'm sorry, I'll go." Sheldon leaped in her path, "Nonsense. Leonard where are you manners! Come on Amy, you can watch us play." He shot Leonard a scathing glare as he guided Amy to a spot on the couch between himself and Howard. But Leonard just narrowed his eyes and mocked him by mouthing silently, " _Where are my manners?"_

Howard scooted closer to Amy, causing her to move nearer to Sheldon which resulted in her thigh touching his leg. In a seductive tone Howard sang to Amy, " _I am young and I ain't never been kissed…Never been kissed by a lady called Amy."_ Howard raised his eyebrows and growled at Amy, _"_ I haven't had a kiss in a long time."

"Well, I didn't have my first kiss till I was 22, and the guy did it just so I'd give him back his insulin, so don't feel special." Amy said looking away from Howard. Sheldon's ire traversed the distance on the couch to Howard, but he said nothing instead he concentrated on the warm feeling of Amy's thigh pushed up against his. Raj however did not ignore her comment and smiled strangely at Amy.

Howard continued to flirt with Amy with his come hither voice, "It's an Elton John song… Surely you've heard it, Amy?"

"No. Never. But I doubt kissing women based on their given name is appropriate."

To change the subject from kissing, Sheldon turned to Amy and asked, "What's wrong at your apartment?"

"My libertine cousin Irene is in town and just broke up with her husband. She is on the phone with him right now and they are fighting over how many lovers the other as had. Their phone conversations were on speaker and became quite heated and frankly, graphic. I left the room to wash my hair, but even the noise from shower and blow-dryer didn't help. Nothing will drown them out!"

Howard perked up, "How many lovers has this cousin Irene had, Amy?"

"Well, according to my Aunt Flora, who has a good eye for this kind of thing, Irene was seen with over 25 different suitors. She extrapolated that to 253 that she didn't see over the three years leading up to her marriage, and the subsequent average of 3 lovers a year since, Irene has been with over 47 men. 48 if you count Frank."

Sheldon was impressed, "Boy I would love to meet your Aunt Flora!"

"Well, she's a hoot and half and an ace with numbers. She always wins at bridge. Her birthday party is a family reunion of sorts. I go every year." Amy looked around to discover that Howard was missing, "Hey, where's Howard gone?"

The group then heard Howard across the hall attempting to use his lousy French on Cousin Irene. Amy looked at Sheldon with exasperation, "Make that 49…"

The rest of Amy's evening was spent watching the group play Halo. Finally, Sheldon convinced her to try the game. Her nimble dexterity allowed her to move with ease and change weapons at will. However, she was morally against killing the aliens until she understood the need for such violence. Once she was finally convinced, she decimated the field.

Leonard was impressed, especially as Amy had a terrible habit of blowing up Raj's head, "Amy! How is it possible you are so good at this game?'

"Well, I cut brains for a living. Look here, this Blue and Red button is the same distance as an average scalpel grip. Given time, I could cut your larynx out before you could utter a word of protest."

"Remind me never to cross you when you have a knife!"

Around 10 PM, Amy had had enough of killing imaginary aliens and weapon changes that made no sense to her. She gave up her controller, and despite some futile whining for her to stay from Sheldon, she headed across the hall only to return a minute later.

"Oh, good, you're back! I knew you couldn't stay away! Now, shoot Raj's head off again! That's was a riot!"

Amy ignored Sheldon and said, "Um, gentlemen... Irene and your friend Howard are having coitus in my bedroom."

"Are you certain?"

"Well, fairly so, yes. It sounded a lot like Leonard and Leslie Winkle, just more groaning, no tie and no Bryan Adams."

Leonard turned crimson and buried his head in his hands, "Oh god!"

"Yeah, she's saying a lot of that and Howard is grunting like a barn animal. When Irene usually does her call to a deity, Jesus is involved. Maybe she is taking Howard's religion into account."

"I doubt that very much." Sheldon said as he put away the controller and tidied up. He seemed completely uninterested in the conversation though Amy was still distraught.

"Well, I had to deal with this at summer camp one year with her. That was a crazy freshman year. At the time I thought she had just found religion with the camp counselor. Now I know better, and I wish I didn't." Amy slumped on the couch. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

Leonard was cleaning up the dishes and offered, "Just stay here on the couch. No big deal."

Sheldon jumped up like a gofer in a hole, "NO BIG DEAL? Amy can't sleep on the couch!"

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Fine, you can sleep in my room, Amy. Not a problem."

Sheldon yelled at Leonard across the room, "Amy Farrah Fowler will not sleep in your room! Out of the question!"

Leonard had had enough and barked at Sheldon, "Let me guess… We can't have a house guest because of some silly reason in the roommate agreement. Like we don't have enough supplies or we will succumb to cannibalism. Well she won't eat our bones, ours brains maybe, but I think we are safe!"

Sheldon glared at Leonard, "You are engaging in a reductio-ad-absurdum argument and I do not appreciate it! What I was going to say was, Amy can sleep in my room. Since it is Friday night, I have already changed the sheets and she will be more comfortable there then out here sleeping in front of god knows who may decide to open the door."

Amy didn't know how to react to the exchange; she was flabbergasted at the invitation. She knew Sheldon was very particular about his bedroom and especially his bed. She had already listened to his entire bed bug sweep routine and how often he rotated the mattress. For Sheldon to offer his bed so readily was something Amy didn't expect, "I'll be fine on the couch, Sheldon, it really is no problem." but her protest was brushed off with a swift wave of Sheldon's hand.

"No I insist." Before she could object again, Sheldon already spoke, "Now, the morning schedule is as follows, I wake up at 6:15 to watch Doctor Who. If you wake up then and see me on the couch watching the TV, be aware that I will not talk to you. The bathroom is occupied by me from 7 to 7:20; plan your ablutions and bodily functions accordingly."

"That falls perfectly with my schedule. I have only one slight problem. My nightclothes are over there." Amy pointed with disgust at the door. Sheldon turned his nose up as well.

"Well, I could offer you one of my sets, but I only have Friday left."

"I doubt they would fit, you're so tall."

"The pajama top would. You can wear that and I will wear something else."

Leonard couldn't believe his ears, "You're kidding?"

"I know. If it was the day after laundry, she would have her pick of the wardrobe. Funny…" Sheldon shrugged his shoulders but Leonard was looking at him as if he had grown an extra head.

Amy didn't notice Leonard's shocked expression. She was busy thinking about wearing just a shirt to bed. However seeing as how tall Sheldon was, she felt that it would be like a nightgown on her anyway, "Okay, that should be suitable. Thank you, Sheldon. You and Leonard are very kind to offer your home. If you ever have a promiscuous cousin drop in on you out of the blue and defile your bedroom with their carnal activities, please allow me to return the favor."

Leonard smiled, "We'll keep that in mind. I've got a few slutty relatives myself! Good night guys!"

Sheldon led Amy down the hall to his room, gave her the shirt of his pajamas and an extra tooth brush. Amy quietly listened to all of Sheldon's safety tips, holding the soft plaid fabric in a tight grip and nervously smiling at his every word. Her stomach summersaulted every time Sheldon smiled back at her. She could quite honestly say she had never been to a sleep over, let alone in a man's bed albeit alone.

Amy brushed her teeth and then Sheldon showed her one more time how to operate the window in case of emergency. Amy didn't point out that it was 4 floor drop; she just let Sheldon outline his entire safety procedure with a smile.

Sheldon sweetly and reluctantly said good night, and left her to change in his room. Stripping off her clothes in Sheldon's bedroom felt very naughty, though as she surveyed the well-organized room with the numerous bins of comics, toy statues and posters of aliens, it felt more a teenage boy's room. She slipped into his sheets and breathed in the heavenly scent of fresh fabric softener and a hint of talc in the pillow.

Sheldon returned to the living room and plopped onto his spot finally noticing Raj who was still in the kitchen making a sandwich.

"Raj! Party's over! Go home!"

"Fine! Geez touchy touchy…" Raj headed toward the door, but turned around to ask, "Do you think Amy will come back out after she is dressed? Maybe she needs a glass of water or something?"

"NO! And anyway it's inappropriate for you to wait for her! Now shoo!"

"You'll see her!"

"I live here!"

"Lucky bastard!" Raj stomped off out of the apartment with a slam of the door.

Sheldon shook his head. "What's his problem?"

Sheldon changed in the bathroom, brushed his teeth and then laid down on the couch. With only pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt, he felt quite naked, and quickly covered himself up when he remembered there was a woman in the apartment who could see him. He tried to sleep, but the sandman kept missing him. Tossing on one side, then the other, the knowledge that someone else was in his bed was making it difficult for him to sleep and he tried not to think about it. He pulled the pillow over his head to block out the light. Then he remembered, he had left his sleeping mask in his bedroom with Amy, and without it, he would never get any rest. He had to get sleep, so it was only logical that he should retrieve it, even if he disturbed her. He tip toed down the hall and knocked on his own bedroom door with his triple knock:

"Come in." Amy sat up and turned on the light and held the sheets over her lap. Sheldon timidly poked his head in the room.

"Never knocked on my own door before, that was an E ticket ride." He shot a quick glance at her sitting up in his bed, but he tried to avert his eyes. Her hair pin was on the nightstand as well as her glasses. The plaid pajama top was buttoned to the top, but it was so large, the collar dipped down to reveal part of her chest, "I.. um.. I'm just need to get my sleeping mask."

"You sleep with a mask on?" Amy laughed, "It's like Batman."

Sheldon chuckled and finally looked her in the eyes, "Yes, except I doubt Batman would go to bed with his mask on."

"Yeah, he's got those spiky ears. That would be uncomfortable, right?" Amy put two fingers up on her head to simulate the ears. Sheldon thought she looked more like a bunny rabbit than a bat.

Sheldon moved to sit on the bed next to Amy. He was nervous but Amy scooted over to give him room, "No, not really spiky but, yeah… Um… He's like a bat. You know echolocation."

"Then his costume has an inefficient design." Amy leaped out of bed to retrieve a Batman figurine. It was on the top shelf and Amy had to rise up on her tip toes to grab it which caused the pajama shirt to expose about 5 inches of her thighs. Sheldon was too busy looking at her legs to notice the figurine, "I mean look at this. Shouldn't the ears be larger? It would be much more efficient."

Sheldon focused on the figurine and took it gently from Amy's hands, "That wouldn't look cool." He carefully placed it back on the shelf. Amy sat on the side of the bed and drew the comforter over her legs.

"I guess not. And if I am not mistaken, isn't his entire costume predicated on the notion of chiroptophobia, the fear of bats? I mean, HE is afraid of bats, sure, but how could he be certain that the criminal element would be?"

"Amy, you're kind of ruining Batman." Sheldon eyes were wide and his lips thin with distain. Amy bit her lower lip and looked over at the figurine.

"Sorry. Batman's great." She quickly changed the subject, "Anyway where is your mask?"

Sheldon reached over and opened his bedside drawer and took out his mask handing it to Amy who studied it, "Do you really sleep better with that on? I would think that it would be uncomfortable. Also I doubt it can block out all the light."

"Yes it does, I can't see a thing."

"Try it."

"Okay." Sheldon put on his mask and looked toward Amy with a toothy grin. He could feel the air move against his skin as if she was waving her hands in front of his face. He thought he heard the slick sound as if she had stuck her tongue out. He could feel her breath on his skin as if she was about to kiss him. He pulled off the mask and looked into her dilated green eyes. He hoped his eyes were not in that state, but felt that was a false hope.

Amy blushed and sat back, "Well, I guess it works. I could have been within an inch of your face and you wouldn't have noticed."

"Well, I could smell your minty breath and feel it on my neck, so I guess I was cheating." Sheldon swallowed deeply and looked down to his mask.

Amy let out a sigh, "I think I should get one. I often have trouble sleeping so if I get up in the middle of night, please ignore me."

"It would be very difficult to ignore you, Amy." Why was his throat so dry, he swallowed again and added quickly, "Since I will be in the living room."

"Well, I should be fine. Thank you again for the use of your room."

As soon as Amy said "thank you" Sheldon's pulse rose and he looked at her lips. She leaned over a placed a quick kiss on his cheek. Amy turned her face as he was pulling away, and Sheldon moved his lips to meet hers. The feeling was nothing like the cheek kisses she had given him before and Sheldon's body warmed in an instant. He heard a moan escape from his lips as he moved closer to her to inhale the sweet cherry scent of her hair and minty breath.

The sound shocked him and he woke up with a start, hugging the couch pillow with his lips planted in the middle. He felt his face: No mask. He bolted off the couch as if he had been bitten. He paced around the room, reliving the dream over and over in his mind trying to figure out why he would dream about Amy ruining Batman.

"Amy doesn't know anything about Batman! How could she possibly know that his costume is based on his chiroptophobia! How silly…."

Most importantly, he thought, he had no Batman figurine in his room. He tried to remember on the stance the figurine was in so he could purchase a similar one from Stuart. He dismissed the part where he kissed her and how it made him feel; chalking it up to his lack of sleep and the deranged state he was in due to the disruption to his routine.

He curled up on the couch with one hand on his face, and the other one lightly rubbing his bottom lip with his thumb. He frantically tried to get back to sleep, listening out for any movement or noise from his room and regretting not having his mask. Sleep eluded him as his thoughts continued to swirl, however though still confused and frustrated. Eventually he was able to drift off to sleep.

The next morning Sheldon woke up at 6:15 and started his Saturday morning ritual of eating a bowl of cereal while watching Doctor Who. Around 6:25, Amy padded out of the room wearing only Sheldon's pajama top and rushed to the bath. A few minutes later, Amy rushed out, but Sheldon called out to her:

"Amy, if you are hungry, there is cereal and toast here." Amy hid her body behind the wall and answered back, "Um, let me just get dressed. I'll be right out."

Sheldon called back to her, "Um, Amy… What kind of cereal do you want?" Sheldon rose off the couch and stood in the middle of the hall by the pillar. Amy popped her head around the wall again, "Um… Anything. You choose. I don't want to disturb you."

"Well, I have no idea what your dietary requirements are, and that is disturbing to try and make a choice based upon incomplete data. It will only take a moment to look." He held his hand out as an invitation for her to enter the living room.

"Okay, if you insist. I will look, and then get dressed." Sheldon watched her every move as she nervously came into the living room. She went to the kitchen closely followed by Sheldon, and looked up on the top shelf with Sheldon standing right behind her. She stretched up and took down a box. Her actions mirrored Sheldon's dream when she reached for the Batman Figurine. Sheldon took a quick note of her legs, swallowed and turned away before Amy could see his eyes _. A hero always peeks_ , he reasoned. Amy turned around and handed the box to Sheldon with a small smile trying to make the hem of shirt grow 3 more inches but the cotton refused to stretch.

"Um, this one would be perfect. Thank you Sheldon." Amy gave Sheldon a quick smile which he readily returned. As she started toward the bedroom, Leonard met her in the hall.

"Hello Amy. Sheldon's room okay for you?" Leonard was just being polite, but Sheldon rushed from the kitchen and stood by Amy, inching his way in front of her to block Leonard's view.

Amy peeked around Sheldon and said, "Yes. It was wonderful. I slept like a rock. Thank you. I should….." Amy was about to go back to Sheldon's room and change but the entire scene was interrupted by Howard bursting into the room wearing a cat who humped the canary grin on his face.

"Zdravstvuyte, Nerd comrades!" Howard noticed Amy's bare legs, and added, "Oh I see great legs run in the family! Roar!"

Amy was too busy noticing Howard's attire to worry about modesty, "Oh god! Are you wearing my grandmother's robe?" Howard had on a floor length flannel robe with little pink flowers and a lace collar.

"Irene said I looked adorable! She is a peach!"

Amy dropped down onto the arm of the beige chair and moaned, "My mother told me to burn that robe. Now she will get her wish!"

Sheldon threw off his robe and tossed it over Amy's legs. He stomped to the door, "Howard, what in the name of science are you doing over here? Doctor Who has started, and my cereal is ruined!" He didn't bother to mention that he had wasted 5 minutes strong-arming Amy into a breakfast decision just so he could ogle her legs, because he hadn't even realized that himself.

Howard ignored him, "I just wanted to say good morning and tell Amy how much I look forward to being part of her family someday. I'll tell ya, that Irene… Oh man… What a gal." Howard went over to Amy to kiss her hand, but she pulled away and scrunched up her nose while holding onto Sheldon's robe for dear life. "Any chance your family is Jewish?"

"No.. And I will remind you that Irene is married… Well sort of…"

"Maybe I will take her shopping today for a divorce lawyer! I've got some Bar Mitzvah bonds just burning a hole in my pocket. I bet she'd love a trip to Rodeo Drive!"

"Oh no Howard, Irene is very cheap. Like really cheap. I don't even want to tell you how she saved money on her wedding. Those capped sleeved bridesmaid dresses were the worst. She doesn't like to spend money on anything."

"I love her already!" Howard was mentally reliving the activities of last night, when Irene's voice cut threw his day dream.

"Howard?" Irene looked worse for wear. She still had on her clothes from yesterday. She was holding her hastily packed suitcase but sans the bottle of champagne.

Irene refused to meet Howard's eyes. Instead she looked over to Amy and mouthed 'sorry', she stumbled down the stairs and called back, "I've got to go.. Um… thanks…"

As Howard rushed after her he tripped on the long flannel robe. From the floor he called out to her as she ran down the stairs, "Wait! Irene! How can I get in touch with you?"

"Um, ask Amy! Bye!"

Howard crawled to Amy, and still on his knees, grabbed her hand. "Amy, you have to give me her number! She is the most amazing woman I've ever met."

Leonard laughed, "Why? Because she didn't give you a restraining order."

Sheldon snorted, "Give her time."

Leonard wasn't done, "Well, she also didn't kick you out of bed after 30 seconds. That's how long you usually take, right?" Leonard snickered and went to fix coffee. Howard was still pleading with Amy and ignoring his so-called friends.

"Please Amy, I'll do anything!"

Amy thought about it. She wasn't too fond of Irene and she thought she deserved that special blend of Howard Wolowitz' attention after her antics last night. But Amy was savvy, and knew how to bargain.

"A favor. That's what I want. You will do me a favor, not to be named now, but sometime in the future. You will do this without question. Understood?" Amy spoke with the confidence of a seasoned attorney. Howard almost felt like he was making a deal with the devil, but it was for love.

"Perfectly."

"Sheldon, you're my witness."

Sheldon waved at Amy with a nod, "Got your back, little lady. Now hush, Doctor Who is on."

Amy turned to Howard and smirked, "Deal?"

To give him is due, Howard did wait a second to answer, "Deal."

"Now, let go of my hand, strip the sheets off my bed and for god's sake, take off my robe!"

"As you wish!" Howard rushed out to Amy's apartment to do as she commanded.

Then Amy had a horrific thought and called back to Howard, "And put YOUR clothes back on!"

Leonard let out a chuckle and started the coffee while Amy laughed as well. She threw on Sheldon's robe and headed to the kitchen. She was about to reach for the high fiber cereal that Sheldon offered her, but a thought occurred to her.

"Leonard, to thank you and Sheldon for your hospitality, would you allow me to make brunch for you guys?"

Leonard was elated, "OH that'd be great Amy!"

Sheldon shouted from the couch, "I don't believe in brunch." Brunch wasn't the kind of thank you he wanted. Additionally, he thought, _why should Leonard get any thanks? He didn't give up his bed._

Leonard didn't want to miss out on food, "What do you mean you don't believe in Brunch? It's not a religion, Sheldon."

"I just can't stand it when one person has an egg dish like an omelet and another person is eating a BLT. It's not natural." He went back to watching Doctor Who.

Leonard ignored Sheldon, "Well, I think it would be lovely. I'm sure Howard would like it as well. Can I call Raj too?"

"Of course!"

Sheldon groaned in his cereal bowl, "Great, our own restaurant: Amy's Place!" Everyone was getting his thank you.

"Sheldon be nice, or you won't get anything!"

"Well, I have cereal, so I am fine."

"Good, more for us! Don't worry about him, Amy."

"I don't. He's a grown man who can take care of himself." Amy striped off the robe and threw it at Sheldon, and snapped, "This would have been handy about 10 minutes ago, Mister."

Sheldon swallowed his very large bite of cereal. He looked at her with large innocent Dutch blue eyes and mumbled, "Sorry…"

Amy smirked, and headed toward his room to dress. He stole one quick look at her shapely legs as she padded down the hall and tried to feign interest in his soggy cereal.

**Chapter 9: Chapter 9**

**The Big Reversal Theory 9**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Amy hastily got dressed, and impeccably made Sheldon's bed to such military precision, she could bounce a quarter off the mattress. Sheldon came into the bedroom just as Amy was finishing the task.

"Thank you Amy, that was considerate of you to make the bed. Some house guests do not have such manners." Sheldon was thinking of the time his brother came for a visit. It took a week and a gallon of soap to wash the stink of cheap whiskey and Marlboro's out of his sheet.

Amy didn't even look at Sheldon while she looked around the room for any remnant of her stay, "I must say, you have a comfortable bed. A little small. Oh, I put your pajama top in the hamper." Sheldon noticed she put it in the wrong hamper, but he thought it was a minor infraction, and not worthy of note. Just as Sheldon was thinking to change it, Amy reached up and without a second thought, gave Sheldon a feather light kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you again, but I hope the breakfast will be a better thank you! I'll be back soon!" Amy rushed out the door. Sheldon called back to her:

"I already had breakfast…" His voice trailed off. He had a sudden need to sit down. Maybe he need to eat something else after all, he thought.

Amy didn't hear him. She rushed over to her apartment to change into fresh clothes excited over her new plan.

She brought over a pitcher of orange juice that Irene must have poured when she got up that morning. She had noticed that the bottle of champagne was gone but Amy figured that Irene and Howard must have polished it off last night. To show her gratitude to the boys in 4A, Amy had promised a huge home cooked meal from the recipes Mrs. Cooper had given her.

Across the hall Sheldon was fumbling through his new wallet as he debated which cards to include. Since he had recently received a membership card to the LA zoo he now had 10 cards. He and Amy had made regular trips to the zoo and a membership seemed only logical and financially prudent. He hadn't thought twice about the implications until he received his new card.

Before Amy came along, he had been going to order a wallet which had been advertised with nine slots, now he had had to amend his order to accommodate his new card. This was a small change, but it weighed on his mind. He was changing his wallet contents for her; something he hadn't done in years without careful consideration. What did it mean? Sheldon wondered if it meant that he was changing fundamentally because of one beguiling brunette living only 15 feet away from his door. He wondered if he was spending too much time with her. Just as he was thinking what he should do about it, he heard a knock at the door.

Leonard answered since Sheldon was engrossed with his wallet. It was Amy with a pitcher of orange juice and a large smile on her face. As soon as he saw her face he tried, unsuccessfully, to hold back his grin, and his thoughts of spending less time with her vanished.

"Hello Leonard. I've brought you some orange juice that Irene left. It should keep you from hypoglycemia since it will take approximately 45 minutes for brunch."

"That was thoughtful, thank you Amy! Look Sheldon, orange juice!"

Sheldon grumbled. His lack of sleep was making him crabby and he was none too pleased the other guys were also going to sample Amy's cooking.

Before Leonard could chastise Sheldon for his rudeness, Raj rushed up the stairs with his lap top in hand. He looked distraught and flustered. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Amy and gave Leonard a pleading look.

Leonard nodded his head in acknowledgement to Raj and said to Amy kindly, "Oh Amy, I think Raj needs to talk to me. We will come by later, 45 minutes right?

"Right. See you all then." Amy turned around like a marching band member and headed back to her apartment.

Raj rushed in and grabbed the pitcher of OJ from Leonard's hands. Before Leonard could say anything, he had downed most of it.

"So much for having orange juice, you germy wormy!"

"I don't care about your stupid phobias Sheldon! I've got real problems! My parents are setting me up on a date with Lalita Gupta!" Raj hid his face in hands which were like an echo chamber for his loud moans. He took another drink from the pitcher which caused Sheldon to scrunch his nose in disgust.

"Who's that?"

"This little fat girl who used to kick me in the samosas and call me untouchable. I don't want to go out with her! They expect a spring wedding! They are meddling in my love life"

Howard snickered, "What love life?"

Sheldon rose off the couch and headed to the kitchen to get Raj a proper glass. "They probably don't think it's meddling at all. Indian parents still have a large influence in their children's lives. They probably think it's their duty."

"Dude, quit telling me about my own culture."

"Well you seem confused by it, and I just wanted to help! It's just like Fiddler on the Roof. Other than the Russian oppression, a feel-good romp if ever there was one."

Leonard agreed," Catchy tunes as well."

"Well, it speaks to me culturally." Howard had a soft smile on his face.

"That play is universally relatable to any culture. We have it on Blu-ray. We should watch it after Amy's brunch!" Howard thought it was a great idea till Raj yelled out.

"You guys suck! I thought my friends would help!"

Howard patted his friend's shoulder, but he really wasn't too impressed with Raj's plight, "We are helping. We will show you an example of an arranged marriage, and you will feel better about the path your parents have chosen for you!"

Raj was almost crying into his pitcher of orange juice and took another swig, "If you wanted to help, you'd figure out a way how I can get out of meeting this girl."

"I don't see what the problem is. Arranged marriages were the norm for thousands of years before the concept of romantic love came along and ruined it."

Raj gasped, ever the romantic, and asked, "How can love ruin a marriage, Sheldon?"

"Easily. Just ask the bottle blond waitress at the bar my father used to get drunk at every Saturday night who said she loved him as she gave me action figures to shut me up. That "love" ruined my parent's marriage toot sweet."

Raj barked at Sheldon, "Just because you have no heart it doesn't mean the rest of us have to suffer. You wouldn't know love if it was seated next to you on the couch!" Raj didn't point to the couch, but to the door that separated Sheldon's apartment with Amy's. Sheldon ignored his gesture and looked bored at Raj's taunts. Raj continued, "When I marry, it will be for love. I will wrap by sweet wife in kisses every night and her every breath will be my only perfume."

Leonard knew when Raj was waxing poetic, it was a bad sign. "Raj, did you drink before you came here?"

"No, but that orange juice is tasty. Hey, speaking of perfume, where's Amy?"

Sheldon ripped the almost empty pitcher out of Raj's hands and snapped, "Cooking. Leave her alone."

Raj's eyes gloss over and he was developing a red flush, "Ooh, I want some of Amy's cooking. I bet her food tastes like the ambrosia of the gods and every morsel is coated in her sweet nurturing love."

Howard had had enough of Raj and his romantic laments, "Oh brother, you need to tone it down, we don't even know if Amy can cook yet."

Leonard almost sang back, "Oh, she can cook. Boy, can she cook."

Sheldon rocked back on his heels and glared at Leonard, "How the heck do you what Amy can do?"

"Sheldon! Who do you think made the amazing scalloped potatoes with the little bits of bacon?"

"My Mother! That's her recipe. Has Amy been secretly cooking for you behind my back?" Sheldon almost screeching seemed grossly out of place for a potato conversation.

"NO! Calm down. Amy made them, I'm telling you! She is Julia Child but without the crazy accent."

Howard whined, "I didn't get any potatoes! When was that?"

Leonard turned to Howard, "It was when Sheldon went loco over losing Amy. His mom…"

"Trust me, I was in full possession of my faculties and it was nothing to do with Amy. I just needed to get my job back!" Sheldon crossed his arms tightly around his chest and tried to ignore the memory of the fight with Amy.

"Sure buddy, that's why you had 25 cats. Anyway.. Sheldon's mother made us tons of food..." Before Leonard could finish, Sheldon cut off his explanation.

"Including those POTATOES!"

"Nope, not your mom. Amy. I watched her do it while you were doing laundry. Oh, and she made them with lactose free milk, that's why I could eat it, so there!"

Sheldon finally realized he was right, "I wondered why you didn't react. I avoided you all night expecting a cloud of noxious gas to escape you."

"Well, it didn't. Speaking of Amy's food, what time is it? Amy said 45 minutes. Hey, where's Raj?"

Since he was blatantly being ignored, Raj, unnoticed, had left the group when the potato conversation had started and was already at Amy's door. By the time Sheldon rushed over to her apartment like a gazelle, Raj was crying on Amy's couch holding a tissue and blubbering about his arranged marriage. He was nestled on Amy's chest with her arm wrapped awkwardly around him and lightly tapping his shoulder, just as she had with Cousin Irene the night before.

Amy looked to Sheldon for help, mouthing the words, _What's happening?_ Leonard and Howard came in just as Raj was moaning to Amy _:_ "Oh Amy, my parents want me to go out with this girl. I can't! That's not how you find love. Now I am going to be saddled with some woman who doesn't love me just to appease my parents. All my dreams Amy! I was going to be the Indira Gandhi of particle astro-physics. But with a penis, of course."

Amy didn't know what to say, especially about his penis, "You'll be fine, Raj, you don't have to go out with this woman. And if you do, I'm sure she will appreciate your field of study, and your genitals. If not, you can find a new girl."

"How can I, Amy? I can't even speak to women!"

"Well, I'm a woman and….." Amy hoped he would catch the obvious, but he didn't have a clue. The other guys waited for Raj to grasp what Amy was saying. Instead, Raj made a different move.

"Yes, you are Amy." Raj rose off Amy's chest and raised his eyes to her as he leaned toward her mouth. Amy gave Raj a soured look and scooted back along the couch to get away. Sheldon had had enough. He grabbed Amy by the wrist and pulled her up in a Fred Astairesque sweeping motion while he pushed Raj against the other end of the couch.

"RAJ! She is woman and you were just talkin' to her! That's what she meant!" Sheldon's nostrils were flared out like a bull. He held onto her wrist as he pulled her behind him, shielding her from Raj. Amy had had the breath almost knocked out of her by Sheldon's swift move and she held her free hand to her chest to catch her breathing. As she watched Sheldon yell at Raj with his hand firmly attached to her wrist, she felt her pulse jump two beats.

It finally dawned on Raj that he had spoken to Amy, and he sat up with a beaming smile, "Hey! I am talking to her! How the heck did that happen?"

Amy peeked her head around Sheldon. Though he had finally let go of her wrist, he still shielded her from Raj, not wanting her within a foot of him. Amy was calmly considering the situation and commented, "Um, Raj. Have you been drinking, because when you sat down I thought I smelt alcohol on your breath?"

"Where would I get alcohol?"

Howard remembering the night before figured out that Irene had made mimosas that morning which Amy had inadvertently brought over for cocktails for Brunch.

Amy was little embarrassed, "Sorry guys. Anyway…" Raj looked up at Amy with puppy dog eyes hoping she had an answer for him. She did. "Now that you have imbibed alcohol could it possibly have lowered your inhibitions and allowed your brain to ignore your selective mutism? This is fascinating. Would you be willing to get drunk in my lab and let me place electrodes on your head? Could be a fun Saturday night!"

Sheldon turned around, "No he would not! I think he has enough of …" Before Sheldon could finish, Raj received call that caused him to freak out. He ran out of the apartment with Leonard and Howard running after him. Sheldon stayed and turned around when he smelled something familiar. He noticed a plate of biscuits behind Amy. The smell overwhelmed him and he stepped past her, "Amy…. are these?"

Amy was pleased as punch that he had noticed, "Yes! Your mother's biscuits. I also made her fried chicken and bacon omelets and oh here!" Amy handed him a pastry filled with raspberry jelly. "I think those are your grandmother's turn overs."

Sheldon took a bite of the turnover and melted into a wistful haze of culinary delight. "It tastes like her hugs."

Amy smiled and then noticed something, "Let me get that for you." She licked her thumb and ran it across corner of Sheldon's mouth to get the dab of raspberry jelly. As she did it, she looked into his shocked eyes, and immediately pulled back. "Oh dear, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have. Let me get you a napkin…" Amy rushed to kitchen and found a napkin.

Sheldon was still in shock. Not just from the food or the knowledge that Amy's saliva was dangerously close to his mouth, but a strange feeling in his chest that he couldn't identify or explain. His jagged breath and unclear head must mean something. His first thought was that he was harboring a brain parasite and that further study was definitely warranted. But for now, he had to try more of Amy's cooking.

The guys returned to 4B with Raj in tow, who was distraught that Lalita had called him for a date. Howard had helped him out by leaving a message for her making a date for Raj on Friday. Pretending to be Raj he had used a terrible Indian accent which Raj had felt was highly racist, but Howard had thought was a work of genius.

Amy made the guys sit and eat the food. As Raj piled his plate with Amy's cooking, he continued to complain, "She so pushy! What am I supposed to do? Go out with a girl I can't talk to?"

"You could have a few drinks and loosen up a bit."

Amy offered this advice as she plated up the food for the rest of her hungry crew, "Not too many. You don't want to overdo it on your first date."

"Over do what? Happiness? Freedom? This warm glow inside of me that promises everything is going to be all hunky dory?"

Amy slumped down in her chair fearing she started Raj on the road to alcoholism. It seemed more advice was warranted, "Yeah. That.… Look. I never drink on dates, but you could have just one to keep your mutism in check. No more or you would turn into an ass."

"You've been on dates?" Sheldon almost dropped his fork. He had not discussed dating with Amy before and this was new information he didn't know how to process yet.

"Yes, once a year. It a deal I've made with mother. I lose 2 hours of my life, and get the use of her George Forman grill." Amy offed a flat expression to Sheldon which he tried desperately to read, but failed. Amy returned to speaking with Raj, "Now, back to you… You need to have someone watch your back." She looked to the group for volunteers, but they all looked down at their plates, "Guys?"

"What, like chaperone his date with a girl who likes to kick guys in the samosas? Count me out."

"Me too." Leonard reached for another turnover but Sheldon slapped his hand.

He pointed to Leonard's face and growled, "Those aren't for you!"

"Fine! Geez!"

Amy pulled all the food off the table and scolded the lot of them, "You guys call each other friends? You had better go and support Raj on this date or so help me, you'll never taste my cooking again!" Amy pointed to Sheldon who was trying to steal a turnover from behind her back, "That means you too mister. I'll make a whole batch of turnovers for Geology and we can see what they say about it! I bet they'll DIG it!" Amy smirked, but glared at Sheldon with a steely resolve.

"I'll go." Howard said without hesitation.

"Me too." Leonard said quickly.

Sheldon looked longingly at the plate of turnovers just out of his reach, "Getting me to do things I don't normally do? There's a name for women like you Amy!"

Amy stuck out her tongue and said, "Yeah, _smart_!" She handed back the plate to Sheldon, "Here you go. By the way, you have jelly on your face again."

Sheldon mumbled, "Vixen…" into his napkin and took another turnover.

….

Raj arranged for the date to take place in the bar of the Cheesecake Factory the following week. Leonard had suggested this, saying it would be a nice neutral location. Leonard arrived with Howard and Raj early so he could have a drink. But as luck would have it, or more likely the fact that Leonard had asked Penny what her schedule was, the guys discovered that they had Penny for a bartender.

Penny was still new at the position, but she was able to fix up a mean Grasshopper for Raj. Howard made some sleazy slippery nipple comment to Penny which she ignored.

Finally Raj's date arrived and they sat close enough to the group that they could hear his whole conversation. It was a disaster and the guys were at a loss how to pull him out of the flames.

About 10 minute later, Sheldon and Amy entered the bar and joined their friends. Sheldon let out an exasperated sigh, "Sorry we are late, but I really didn't want to come." Sheldon had to be dragged away from the filming of their first Fun with Flags video. He pulled out all the stops to get her to stay and do another segment, but Amy was insistent.

Amy scolded him, "And I told you it would be nice to support your friend!"

"Fine. Where is he?" Sheldon turned and drew in a quick breath, "Oh my, that's Princess Panchali from The Monkey and the Princess."

Amy looked at the woman seated with Raj. She was stunning and Amy noticed Sheldon couldn't take his eyes off of her. Amy felt her heart stop as she held onto the strap of her purse and asked Sheldon with a shaky voice, "What do you mean, Sheldon?"

Sheldon told Amy in nostalgic tone, "When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother would read it to me. You'd love the story, Amy! It's about an Indian princess who befriends a monkey, who was mocked by all the other monkeys because he was different. For some reason I related to it quite strongly."

Penny added quickly from behind the bar, "I know the reason." Leonard laughed at Penny's joke.

Without warning, Sheldon walked over the Raj's date to introduce himself. "Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb. I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair."

Lalita leaned in to hear him better, "I'm sorry?"

Sheldon held his hands to his chest and answered her in awe, "You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Panchali a beloved character from an Indian folk tale." He looked at her blank expression and added quickly, "Your kind of Indian, not ours with the casinos."

"Oh I'm glad you said something."

Amy wasn't sure what to do. She thought about standing back and letting Sheldon gush over the beautiful woman, but she felt that she needed to make her presence known. On shaking legs, she walked over to Sheldon and whispered to him, "I think you might be making her uncomfortable Sheldon."

Raj finally said something, "Yeah, Sheldon Back off! She's mine!"

Leonard and Howard took a few steps nearer the group, hoping it would not get too out of hand.

Sheldon wasn't listening to Raj or anyone. He kept looking at Lalita and commented, "The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair."

Lalita blushed and said, "Well, thank you. I imagine you smell very nice too."

"I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can."

Raj stood up and almost bumped chests with Sheldon, "Back off Sheldon. You need to stop hitting on my future bride! Or you will feel the full extent of my wrath."

Sheldon snapped at Raj, "I'm not hitting on her."

Lalita also snapped at him, "And I am not your future bride."

Howard said quickly to Raj," And you have no wrath."

Raj looked around and saw Amy backing up toward the bar. Raj pointed toward her, and said, "Well, how would you like it if I start hitting on Amy!"

"Amy's not my girlfriend!" Sheldon didn't even bother to look back at Amy who was now at the bar. She held herself up with hands behind her back. Sheldon had often introduced her to strangers as his friend, who's a girl but not his girlfriend but Amy had never taken any notice of it before. For some reason, Sheldon announcing it loudly, like he was proud of it, stung her. She drew in a breath so sharp it almost cut her.

Lalita added, "And I am not your future bride, Raj! The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my back, I certainly don't need this old world crap from you."

Sheldon beamed at Lalita, "That's the exact kind of spirit with which Princess Panchali led the monkeys to freedom." He turned to Raj "Be nice or she will have you beheaded!"

Raj almost screamed at her, "But you are not Princess Panchali!"

"Screw you, if he says I am, then I am!" Lalita turned to Sheldon with mischievous smile, "Sheldon, are you hungry?"

Sheldon nodded, "I guess I could eat. Amy and I were going to get some…" Before he could finish, Lalita hooked his arm and led him away, "Let's go! Good Bye Raj! Tell your parents I said hello!"

Raj looked to Leonard and Howard, "What just happened? Did Sheldon just steal my girlfriend?"

Amy shouted at Raj with a quivering lip, "She's not your girlfriend. Get over it Raj!" Amy turned around toward the bar and braced her hands on the edge.

A short overly cute blond waitress came up to Penny, "Hey Penny, what the heck is going on? I can hear that poor girl yell from my station. Is that her boyfriend?" The blond was pointing at Amy.

Penny leaned over and whispered to waitress, " No, but he should be."

Howard sauntered up to the short blond and added, "Howard Wolowitz, my lady. What you are witnessing is the dramatic lives of the young, restless and too smart for their own good."

"You're funny." The short blond high pitched voice pierced Howard's heart. He blushed and smiled sweetly at her. Penny leaned into to whisper to her friend, "Stay close Bernadette, it could get interesting and they are your type of people. All genius scientists."

"Well it's not very genius to take off with another woman when your girlfriend is watching. Poor thing. Are you okay honey?" Bernadette tried to talk to Amy, but she was in a void.

Amy said nothing for a few seconds, then she heard Sheldon's voice calling to her, "Amy!"

She turned around to see Sheldon arm and arm with his princess. She took an extra-long blink and answered him with rattled hoarse voice, "Yes?"'

Sheldon asked innocently, "Do you want to come with us?" Lalita rolled her eyes at him and pulled him closer.

Amy swallowed any and all the saliva in her dry mouth and answered, "No. Sheldon. I don't."

Sheldon looked at Amy's expression and was confused. She had a new face he had never seen. Her face was red, and her lip was quivering as if with cold. Her eyes were drooped down at the sides and had lost their shine. It was like her disappointed face, but so much worse.

Before he could think any more about it, Lalita spoke to him. She didn't need to hear Amy's refusal twice. Amy could see her arch up on her toes and whisper to Sheldon, "Come on, tell me more how I look like this Princess of yours."

Raj watched as Sheldon started to walk away with his date and looked at Amy at the bar biting her lip. He rushed over to her and then called back to Sheldon loudly, "Hey Sheldon!"

Sheldon unhooked his arm and turned around just in time to see Raj grab Amy by the waist, arch her back and plant a kiss on her lips. Amy's boneless arms hung to her sides.

Time seemed to stop for Sheldon. His fists were clenched so tight that he lost all feelings in his hands. His upper lip tightened and it seemed that he could feel his pulse in his tips of his ears. Before he could say a word, Amy had pushed Raj off of her and back handed him with her purse. Raj fell to the floor with a yelp.

Bernadette rushed over to Raj and asked him if he was okay. He held his nose, but his eyes lit up the room when he looked at Bernadette. He shook his head and gave Bernadette a bloodied smile. Bernadette helped him up and guided him to a chair. Howard came over to help him.

Amy looked one more time at Sheldon and his princess who were both wearing surprised faces before she dashed out of the bar and into the lobby of the Cheesecake Factory. She couldn't breathe or move. She placed her back against the wall, slid down to the floor and placed her head between her knees.

Penny called out to Bernadette, "Hey cover for me Bernie, okay?"

"No problem Penny!"

Penny ran after Amy, almost tripping over her on the floor. She sat down next to Amy and put her arms around her shoulder, "Oh honey that was tough to watch. I'm sorry."

Amy turned to Penny and brushed her off, "I think Raj is just drunk. He would never do that sober..."

"Not him, hon. Sheldon."

Amy stiffened up, "Not at all. Sheldon and I are merely friends. Nothing more. We have a boy/friend/girl/friend relationship."

Leonard found the two women on the floor and watched as Penny tried to comfort Amy.

"Oh I thought you loved him, I'm sorry." Penny looked to Leonard for help but he just shrugged his shoulders and looked toward the direction Sheldon had left in with an angry frown. Penny saw him turn back to look at Amy with a look of such sympathy that Penny put her arm around Amy again and held her tighter.

"Love him? Sheldon? Don't be silly, I find the concept of Romantic love to be…" Amy lower lip was shaking as she tried to spit out the words, " to be.. an …unnecessary cultural construct… that… that adds no value to human relationships." She drew in a staggered breath and gave Penny a forced smile.

"Sure you do honey, come on. I'm getting off early and we're going to get you drunk."

Amy looked up at Penny with glossy green eyes, "I've never drank alcohol before."

"Good, then I'm buying. Come on sweetie. Let's get you out of here."

…

Later Sheldon returned to the apartment to find Raj whining to his parents over Skype about his failed date and holding an ice pack to his nose. Sheldon tried to explain to Raj's parents that Raj had been drunk and was being rude to both Lalita and Amy, but then it was pointed out to him by Leonard that absconding with another man's date was unacceptable friendship behavior so Sheldon half-heartedly apologized before Raj took his laptop to the hall to listen to his parents scold him for drinking.

As Sheldon turned to go to his bedroom, Leonard stopped him, "Hold on. What happened with you and Lalita?"

Sheldon shrugged his shoulders and recounted, "Well, she ate dinner. For some reason, I wasn't hungry. She talked about the link between gum disease and heart attacks, nothing I didn't already know, and I came home. End of story."

"You aren't going to see her again? Like for a date?"

Sheldon looked at Leonard completely confused, "Why would I date her? And I have a dentist, so that's out too." Sheldon tried to leave, but Leonard stopped him again.

"Sheldon, hold on. Did you not see Amy's face when you took off with your _Princess_? Didn't you understand that leaving with another woman would be hurtful to her?"

"Why? Amy and I aren't dating." Sheldon shuttered slightly when he remembered Amy's face.

"Sheldon. Cut the crap, you're going to drown in the river of denial."

"Leonard please."

"Well then riddle me this: How did you feel when Raj kissed her?"

"I really don't know what I felt." Sheldon eyes twitched. "I abhor violence, but Amy did what was right."

"You won't admit it, but you have feelings for her. And, buddy I hate to tell you this, she _had_ feelings for you."

"I doubt that. She never said anything; she is woman of science and above such base emotions." Sheldon started to walk away but turned quickly and asked Leonard, "Why did you say ' **had** feelings'?"

"Are you kidding, after what you did tonight? If that had happened to me, I would cut out my heart not to feel again. You lost her buddy, before you even had her. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed in you. Amy's great and you just rejected her to her face. That's low, Sheldon. Even for a clueless ass like you."

Sheldon turned away from Leonard and faced the wall. He couldn't say a word.

Leonard had never yelled this much at Sheldon before, but he was furious at his behavior, " **What kind of man are you going to be?** One who walks away with another guy's date while the perfect woman for him watches and holds back her tears?"

Leonard was so angry with Sheldon that he stormed out of the room. Sheldon's stomach was churning and he knew he would be too upset to sleep right now so he decided to make himself a glass of warm milk to sooth his aching belly. Just as it was done, Raj burst back into the apartment slamming open the door in a fit of pique.

"There you are you traitorous back stabbing fiend! How many will suffer from your actions? Now that I can speak to women, I will win Amy Farrah Fowler's heart! You hear me! And our children will be caramel skinned and smart!"

Hearing all the yelling Leonard came back to find Raj fuming at Sheldon.

"Oh god, Raj! Don't start this again! I have already had to listen to you all night about how you were going to romance Amy or that other waitress. You pissed Howard off so bad he left you with me! Hate to tell you buddy: Never gonna happen!"

Sheldon's fists began to hurt again as his nails dug into his skin and all the blood was pushed out of his knuckles but Raj wasn't done taunting him, "OH and Sheldon, those perfect caramel babies won't be made in a lab either! It will be done the natural way. Slow and beautiful! Think about that while you're smelling Lalita's nonexistent lotus flowers. I will be smelling the sweet cherry symphony of Amy's shiny chocolate locks cascading down her pale hunched shoulders as I make sweet and passionate love to her!"

Sheldon was just about to pounce, when he heard Amy's voice coming from the hall: "That's a nice offer Raj, but I think I'm going to pass!" Sheldon looked out through the open door to see Amy slumped over Penny's shoulder holding onto her for dear life. Her voice sounded strange, almost slurry.

Amy stepped closer to Raj, but stumbled and Penny caught her in her arms, "Okay girl. Just a few more steps and you're home. You can yell at the mean boys tomorrow."

"They're not mean, Penny. They're nice. Just dumb as a box of rocks."

Leonard rushed over to help Penny with Amy. He gave her a big smile and asked her quietly, "Long night?"

Penny grinned back at Leonard, "This is Amy with only 2 White Russians. I just spent the last 3 hours hearing the history of the Russian Civil War and something about Gibbons and mating rituals."

Sheldon timidly walked over toward Amy, but she didn't notice him. She was too busy trying to focus on Raj. "Rajesh, I'm sorry, but this body will never be your wonderland. Oh, I feel all giddy . And look its Leonard! Hello li'le Leonard!"

"Yes Amy. Let's get you over to your apartment." Leonard hoisted Amy up and dragged her across the hall.

"Woah, you found second base! Go Leonard!" Sheldon almost jumped out of his skin, but Amy turned to Penny and whispered so loudly that everyone could hear, "He didn't really. It's a joke. Don't worry. He's crazy bout you, ya know."

Leonard almost dropped Amy. Penny just smirked at Leonard while they continued to walk Amy over to her place. Leonard spoke quickly, "She's drunk, she doesn't know what she's saying. Oh look we need the key. Amy do you have a key?"

"Just ask Sheldon for it. He has my spare key. He never gave it back. Sneaky little sad sack…"

Raj and Sheldon watched as Penny and Leonard struggled to find Amy's key. The men both looked at each other, but knew better than to say anything. Finally, Leonard opened the door and managed to get her into the apartment. Penny led her back to her bedroom and dead dropped on her bed, glasses and all. She came out of the bedroom and fell back onto the couch.

"What a night!"

Back across the hall:

Raj left as soon as Amy's door closed. The dirty looks he shot Sheldon as he left were returned in kind.

Sheldon made his way to his bedroom and slipped into his perfectly made bed. He had washed his sheets since Amy had slept in his bed, but he couldn't bring himself to wash the pillow case. The scent had almost faded now. He should have been repulsed by using the same pillowcase for week, especially after it had been used by someone else, but somehow he relaxed as he breathed her scent into his lungs like aromatherapy. He nestled his head into his cherry scented pillow and drifted off to sleep in a matter of seconds. He awoke in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, fractions of a dream were still floating in his mind; images of the first Spider man movie. He loved his perfect mind because he could relive any movie he ever saw in an instant.

He had a quote bouncing around his head like a rubber ball: " _I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel._ " Sheldon sat up and held his aching chest. He still had the words on his lips be echoing in Leonard's voice: "But I know the kind of man I want to be…"

He had to do something to get himself back to sleep. He threw off the covers and threw on his robe.

After about 20 minutes he returned to bed a little more content, but still reeling from the evening's events. He grabbed a tissue and wiped the raspberry jelly off the corner of his mouth. He laid back down, curled up with pillow, and breathed in the last pale whispers of a cherry scent.

**Chapter 10: Chapter 10**

**The Big Reversal Theory 10**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

After Leonard and Penny had haphazardly put Amy to bed they sat on the couch stealing glances at each other for a few uncomfortable minutes before Penny finally said, "Boy you science types, huh? You guys can bring on the crazy!"

"Well Raj carries a lot of it around with him, and Sheldon leaves a trail of it where ever he goes. Let's not even talk about Howard."

"Poor Amy she sure was a mess. She kept droning on and on about useless crap like Russians and flags. Lot's about flags. Way too much for one person to know. I guess those two just filmed a Flag Show?"

"Don't ask. It will make your head hurt." Leonard had to hear the whole taping from his room because Sheldon insisted on doing the whole show in one take.

"Well, I tried to get her to talk about Sheldon tonight, but she tensed up and kept biting her lip and brought up another flag thing. That girl's got it bad." Penny looked around the apartment noticing all the awards and science books. "She is really smart huh?"

"Yeah. So is Sheldon. It's like living between Albert Einstein and Wilder Penfield."

Penny was oblivious, "I know Einstein, but who is that Wilder guy?"

"He was a famous Neuroscientist who mapped the region of the brain called the cortical homunculus."

Penny was still lost but said with a laugh and a wink, "Well, who doesn't love a homunculus? That's what I always say!" Leonard beamed at her and then looked down, suddenly shy.

Penny giggled and stood up to go the kitchen to look for a drink but all she could find were bottles of Yoo Hoo and water. She did notice that there were 3 delicious looking turnovers on the table, however when Leonard warned her that they were strictly Sheldon's she backed away from them as if her hand had been slapped. As she returned to the couch she looked around the apartment with a quizzical gaze and then realized, "Hey! I almost got this apartment!"

"What? What do you mean?"

"I was looking for a new place, ya know. And this place came up. I missed the first appointment to view it, and then when I called again, it was already gone. I recognize it from the pictures. Except the last person must have been really into makeup based on the pics of the bath."

"Wow! How different would it be if you had moved in instead of Amy?" Leonard was kicking fate for the turn of events as he watched Penny glide across the room like a swan.

"Well, first off, I wouldn't have put up with your whack a doodle roommate that's for sure. Why do you put up with him?"

"It's hard to explain. I know he makes people want to kill him within a minute of meeting him, but Sheldon is the smartest person I have ever met. I think it's because he is a little broken and he needs me and… well I guess I need him too." Leonard gave her the most innocent honest smiles she had ever seen.

Penny let out a huge sigh, "Awww, Leonard! That's the sweetest thing ever! You really are a good a friend!"

Leonard scuffed his shoes, "Yeah, well….." Leonard looked at Penny and asked, "So, um, why… I mean… where did you end up living."

"I'm still at my boyfriend's place. He cheated on me, but apologized soon after, so we are good. He's out tonight with some friends from work and said he wouldn't be home till late. It's fine… We're fine. It's all good… Very….very good…" Penny placed too much emphasis on the word 'good as her voice trailed off and she clenched her fists.

"Tell you what, if an apartment becomes available here, I'll tell you, you know … just in case if it turns out not so good, it would be wonderful to have you as a neighbor!"

Penny tilted her head and smiled at Leonard. She thought that he was probably nicest guy she had ever met and she knew that she had felt safe around him from the instant she met him. "You know what; I just might take you up on that. I think it would be great to have you guys as neighbors. Even Captain Clueless across the hall!"

Penny stood up again and grabbed her purse, with Leonard following her out, she wondered, "Hey, um, should we do something more for Amy? She's still wearing her glasses, and that sweater! Oh and her shoes! Those things could hurt someone. Also she is only on half on the bed. Maybe we should tuck her in."

Leonard waved away Penny's worries, "She'll be fine. She's just going to sleep off the liquor. Don't worry. So, let me walk you out. Tell me again about your living situation…" Leonard locked Amy's door behind him and walked Penny out to her car.

Around 8 o'clock in the morning, Amy struggled awake, groaning at the pain in her head and her mouth felt as if she had been gnawing on a wool sweater all night. She was tucked into her bed and covered with her grandmother's quilt. Her blouse and both cardigans were perfectly folded on the chair next to her bed with her shoes placed underneath. Her glasses were on her nightstand with her hair pin, a bottle of water and 2 aspirins. She looked down at her state of dress. She still had on her undershirt and her skirt. Thank god, she thought, that Penny hadn't removed any more of her clothes or she would have been mortified. She vowed to thank her for helping her out so much last night. It was the first time any girl had been kind to Amy, let alone one as pretty as Penny.

Her head felt like it was going to explode with each pulse, but she was smiling from Penny's nice gesture as she downed the bottle of water to quench her parched throat. She tumbled out of bed and took the aspirins to the kitchen to get an additional bottle of water to rehydrate and help to her swallow the pills when she noticed that two of her pastries were missing. She figured Penny must have taken them. She had been saving them for Sheldon, but after last night, she was sorely tempted to throw them in the trash. However now in the clear light of day, she shook off her bitterness and reasoned, "He is who he is."

Amy spent the early morning locked in her apartment watching the Notebook and half-heartily scanning Craig's List for a new apartment. She shot off the couch confused when her phone lit up with an unknown number, praying it wasn't Raj with some drunken confession.

"Um, Amy? It's Penny from last night."

"Oh, hello Penny. I am glad you called. Thank you so much for taking such good care of me last night. The aspirins were a welcome sight."

Penny was confused. She didn't think dead dropping her on the bed was taking "good care", but didn't want to drag it out, "Oh sure. Well, I'm just checking on you. Are you... Okay? Have you talked to Sheldon?"

"Yes, I am fine. And no, I haven't spoken with Sheldon. No…" Amy was actively avoiding Sheldon. She wasn't sure what to say to him, but did not want to admit this. However she was dying to find out how his date went with his princess and had been very close to texting Leonard about it, but again she didn't want admit either to herself or others how desperately she wanted to know. "But I'm sure he had a lovely time with Lalita."

Penny snort and dished all the dirt, "Well I doubt that. Bernie, their waitress, called me this morning. Sheldon seemed bored with everything the little home wrecker said about dentist stuff and then proceeded to bore her with facts about flags. He didn't eat a bite either. Sounds like love was not in the air and those lotus blossoms wilted."

"I doubt that Sheldon would succumb to such a base emotion as love. I think he thinks it's for lesser minds. I am not worried about what to say to Sheldon, there is nothing to say. However I am worried about what to say to Rajesh."

"Tell him you're not interested. You're not right?"

Amy didn't have to think for second, "Not in the least."

"Look, I don't know you very well, but you seem like a nice person. Why don't you, me and Bernadette get together tomorrow night. We can meet at your place if you want. Mine would be difficult because… well… it is... And I don't know what Bernadette's living situation is."

"You mean like a play date?" Amy voice had a teen girl squeal quality that would make Beagles howl.

"Yes, but less toddler and more adult. Like a girl's night."

Amy almost dropped the phone she was so thrilled, "Oh that would be great. I'd love that! What should I wear? Should I make something? Oh maybe I need to clean up. No, I need to get balloons and karaoke machine!"

"NO! Just a glass of wine and conversation. No balloons and no karaoke! Just chill…"

"Chillin like a villain…" Amy thought her incredible urban slang knowledge would be helpful. She was wrong.

Penny wasn't sure how to respond, "Um sure… Okay, see you around 7."

"Cool. Whatever's. For sure. See you then." Amy jumped off the couch with a yelp. Her first real girl's night. She was beyond thrilled.

Across the hall:

All four men sat around the coffee table at the apartment in excruciating silence. Sheldon was just pushing around grains of rice from his hardly touched Chinese food and glaring at Raj. Howard was too busy checking his phone for a message from Irene and also shooting Raj dirty looks. Raj was totally unaware of the daggers being thrown his way. He too busy writing more in his little book while dreamily gazing toward Amy's apartment.

Eventually Leonard had had enough. He threw down his plate, stood up and announced loudly, "Okay, I don't care what problems you guys have, we have the semiannual Paintball battle with Geology tomorrow, and I don't want to lose again."

Sheldon grumbled into his half eaten meal. "Damn dirty dirt worshipers. Last time, they faked an Earthquake to throw us off our game. We would have won too!"

"Sheldon! They made the shed shake and yelled, "It's the big one!" You're the one who ran out screaming like an idiot calling for the Red Cross."

Sheldon looked down at his plate and confessed, "I probably shouldn't have fallen victim to their apparent ruse, but in my defense, the sounds of the earth cracking apart at its tectonic boundaries were fairly realistic."

Raj looked up and snickered saying, "You sounded like an injured monkey." Raj glared at Sheldon which he returned.

"What the heck do you know about monkeys?" Sheldon was snappy, like a gator.

"More than you! I'm from India and they are as common as cats over there. But you, you just read some children's story and think you know better, just like everything."

"Excuse me, I go with Amy every Saturday to the zoo and she knows a great deal about monkeys."

Raj smiled, certain he had found a sword to cut Sheldon's steel heart, "Well, today is Saturday, and you're here, so I guess Shamy is in the shi…"

Leonard cut off Raj, "Okay… That's enough of that. You two need to get over this feud. How about Paint..." But no one was listening as they continued to bicker and peck at each other like testy hens.

Finally Leonard shouted, "GUYS! STOP IT! There is only one way to settle the feud!"

"Pistols at dawn?"

"Staring contest?"

"String theory trivial pursuit? Dibs on the green pieces!"

"NO! Tresling! By combining the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of Tetris you two can determine who is man enough for Amy Farrah Fowler!"

Sheldon yelled, "We are not fighting about that! Besides, it's no contest." He crossed his arms and sat back in his spot with a snort.

Raj glared at Sheldon, "Oh, yeah… It's on…"

Sheldon scowled at Raj and spat back at him, "Like Alderaan."

30 minutes later, Sheldon finally said, "We might as well stop, it's a stalemate. You may be beating me in Tetris, for now, but you've got the upper body strength of a pixie."

"Oh yeah…" Raj strained but Sheldon only shot him a wide eyed smug expression. Raj could not move Sheldon's arm an inch. He wondered where this hidden strength came from, but he didn't want to ask and inflate Sheldon's ego any further. He conceded.

Sheldon wiped off his hands, stood up and announced, "I have to do my laundry anyway."

"You're two hours early!" but Sheldon ignored him. Leonard was still distraught, "Guys! We haven't set a strategy for tomorrow's paintball battle. Sheldon, you always want to be the leader, aren't you going to lead us into victory?"

Leonard followed Sheldon as he sauntered down the hall to his room, "Leonard, I'm in no mood to don the hefty mantle of leadership. As per Star fleet Medical protocols regulation 121, I hereby relieve myself of command due to an unforeseen illness."

"What? Your broken heart?"

Sheldon barked, "No!" He grabbed his stomach, "My tummy. All I've eaten in the past 24 hours is two turnovers…"

Sheldon entered his room and pulled off all his sheets, including the cherry scented pillow case, then made his way down the stairs to the laundry room. He was 2 hours early, but he didn't care. He wanted to be done so he could crawl back into bed and figure out if he was still friends with Amy.

The images of Amy being kissed by Raj continued to plague him and he was confused as to why this troubled him so much. He kept telling himself that as a Southern gentleman, he was just distressed that Raj would sully her honor, it wasn't right that Raj would take advantage of her like that. Then Sheldon smiled when he thought that if her swift response was any indicator, she seemed to hate it. He remembered how she had smacked that masher to floor and felt a warm glow on his face, she was a warrior princess. The word echoed in his mind: _Princess_. He wished he had never spoken to that woman.

Raj's taunts meant nothing to him because Sheldon reasoned Raj was deluded. There was no way a singular woman like Amy Farrah Fowler would ever consider Rajesh Koothapali worthy of her affections. She warranted better, he thought. In fact, she deserved the best.

Leonard's comments about how Amy had fought back her tears were also echoing in his head. He could not fathom why would Amy have to fight back tears? Was she upset over his comments about Lalita's resemblance to a fictional character?

As he replayed the events of the previous night in his mind, Sheldon was absentmindedly putting sheets in the washer. Each scrap of fabric he picked up caused his mind to drift more to the image of Amy's face. He picked up the cherry scented pillowcase and held it to his nose to capture the last hints of the scent he had become addicted to. He closed his eyes and tried to wipe out the image of her sad face last night and replace it with her happy face. He could almost hear her melodious husky voice echoing in his head.

" _Sheldon_?"

Sheldon drifted more into his day dream, until he heard the voice again, this time, more clear.

"Sheldon I know that this is laundry night, but isn't it a little early for you to be doing your laundry."

Sheldon threw the pillowcase into the washer and spun around to discover Amy Farrah Fowler standing in the doorway of the laundry room holding a basket with only her hand and her impressive hip. Her quizzical stare was unreadable by Sheldon and he was at loss as what to say.

"Um."

"I asked, isn't it early for you to do your laundry? You usually don't start for 2 hours" Amy walked into the laundry and found a dryer. She had hoped to avoid him, which was she specifically chose this time.

"Um… Yes. I usually do. Um. How are you feeling? Were you affected by any veisalgia this morning?" Sheldon was none too pleased at her new friend's influence on Amy. He had enough of taking care of drunks growing up in Texas. At least he knew what to do when someone was passed out half on a bed, unlike her lackadaisical new friend; a bartender no less.

"Ah yes, a hangover. Well, drinking a bottle of water as soon as you wake up helped cure that poor pathophysiological reaction. Although it would have been ideal the night before, which I must admit is a blur."

"Well, if Raj had kissed me like that, I would probably get drunk too." He looked for her reaction to the name Raj. Her disgusted face pleased him more than he released.

"I doubt Raj would kiss you like that. However, if you put on a skirt and show him a little kindness then he might give you a peck."

Sheldon swallowed and peeked under his brow to Amy, "I'm very sorry Raj kissed you. Very sorry indeed."

"As am I. I hope he and I will be able to remain friends. How was your date?" Amy added the last line as almost an afterthought. She used the action of putting her clothes in a washer as a cover for her facial expressions, but as Sheldon had his own reactions he wanted to hide, he didn't see her.

"It wasn't a date." Sheldon said nippily, but he added with a soft tone, "I wish you would have come with us."

"Well Sheldon, I never read your Monkey Princess book, therefore I am not enamored with a woman's appearance that so closely matches the main character."

Sheldon stopped his task and looked at her, "It's a monkey with a Princess, and I was not _enamored_ with her. Not in the least."

Amy rolled her eyes, "Sheldon, when a man has such an obsequious response to a woman…"

"My response was not obsequious."

"Sorry, effusive flattery."

"It was not that either."

"Regardless of the synonym. I am sure you are aware that most females respond to a male's overt and dare I say, almost lyrical flattery to their appearance, as indicative of their sexual attraction to them. So, you may not have thought of it as a date, however, given your actions, I assure you, your Princess could think nothing else. So, I will ask you again, how was your date?" Amy finished her explanation and turned to Sheldon. Her unreadable expression haunted him. He felt like she slapped him across the mouth with a dictionary.

Sheldon spat back his response, "I don't want to date her! It wasn't a date. I have no interest in her what so ever! Dental or otherwise!"

"I'm just surprised you were so taken by a woman's appearance. I was under the impression that such superficial qualities as physical appearance would not matter to a man of your higher intelligence. I guess I was wrong." Amy lilt in her voice coupled perfectly with her smirk.

"Just wait a cotton picking minute! Are you sayin I'm no more different than a stupid person?" Sheldon's native accent boiled out of him like a kettle.

"Not at all, Sheldon. I am just concerned you've given up your pursuit of pure intellect and given into your base urges." Amy had to lick her teeth to stop her smirk.

"I assure you, there is nothing more important to me than the pursuit of pure intellect and my base urges are in full control, thank you very much. They will certainly not be wasted on someone with lower intelligence than myself."

"Well, I am glad to hear it." Amy smiled and continued with her laundry.

Sheldon was silent for moment and then turned to Amy with a devious grin and asked, "Is it possible that your concern for me at this moment is motivated by nothing more than simple jealousy?"

"I reject that assertion." Amy's cold answer almost froze him.

"You reject it because you don't feel jealousy, or because you are suppressing jealousy?"

Amy turned to him showing a slight blush on her cheeks. Her eyes were glowing green embers. Sheldon had acquired some emotional response from her and a sly smile grew on the side of his mouth.

"I could ask you the same about Rajesh kissing me."

Sheldon's smile vanished. "I think I will check on the dryer later."

Sheldon took off, but Amy called him back, "Sheldon?"

"Yes?"

"Those are not your clothes, that my basket with lingerie."

Sheldon quickly looked down toward the basket to find scraps of leopard print fabric, pale pink lace and something purple. He took a deep swallow and handed her basket back carefully. Amy handed his basket to him with a short smile that quickly disappeared.

The next morning, the guys were all gathered in the paintball shed. It was a brisk November morning, but the guys mutual anger pumping through their veins, was keeping them warm.

Only Leonard was ready for battle. "Okay, if we stay close to the tree line, we can flank that big guy.. What's his name?"

Howard whined, checking his phone again for Irene's return call, "I don't know, Bart or something… I don't want him to fall on me in the throes of death. I might have a date, if Irene would ever call back that is. I've left 45 messages."

Leonard's patience was reaching bursting point. Between Howard's whining, Raj's day dreaming and Sheldon's brooding, they were never going to get out of the shed let alone win the day, "No one wants to fall on you, Howard. Now focus! Sheldon, get over here!"

Sheldon dragged his body to the huddle, "This is a pointless exercise. Without my sound leadership, there is no way we can win against those rock monkeys."

Raj rolled his eyes, "There you go again, referencing monkey's. Didn't you get enough from your new princess Friday night?"

"Excuse me, I wasn't the one acting like a King Kong manhandling Amy Farrah Fowler like she was banana! You did everything but peel her!"

Howard was just thrilled Raj's affections were still aimed at Amy, "Well, as long as you don't start writing poetry about Cheesecake Factory waitresses!"

"So what if I do?"

Finally Leonard's temper was lost, "Do you have to hit on every woman who looks at you twice?"

"YES!"

Howard looked over to Sheldon, "Oh, let him try and date Amy. At least it would keep his dirty paws off the future Mrs. Wolowitz." Sheldon glared at Howard as well.

Raj was in rare form and decided to turn his attention to Howard, "Ha! That waitress wasn't into you. There isn't a universe where you could be married to that girl. Get over it. I'd see you as a superhero or an Astronaut before that!" Raj snapped at Howard and then pointed to Sheldon, "And, monkey boy, there's not a Universe where you would be dating Amy either!"

"Excuse me! Who are you calling monkey boy?" Sheldon threw down his helmet and puffed up like a rooster ready to fight.

Howard dripped contempt off his lips, "You should read his love poetry to Amy, some references to monkeys and penis metaphors I just can't get out of my head!"

"HOWARD! That was private!"

Sheldon was floored, "Just because Amy Farrah Fowler is well versed in primate anatomy, doesn't mean she wants to read about it! Especially after you manhandled her at the restaurant. What were you thinking, grabbing her like that? You're lucky all you have is a bruise. She had a can of coins in that purse the day before. You could have had a broken nose. In fact, you deserve one!"

"She will love my poetry… When I read it to her in BED!"

Sheldon was practically on top of Raj yelling at his face, "In what universe would you think Amy would want to read ludicrous poetry about Monkeys and maladroit penis metaphors?"

"Screw you! That was a beautifully written penis metaphor. You didn't even read it." Raj started to recite his love poetry out of his little book, " _Oh Amy, my Amy, I would love to get on one knee… Just as the monkeys of our love frolic and play from each branches through your heart, my own growing tree will be for thee."_

"Oh dear lord, it's like a Dick and Jane book mixed with Twilight. That is the worst poetry I've ever heard."

"Well, Mr. Smarty Pants. I'd like to hear your poetry: Raj delivered his impromptu poem with sing-song mockery:

" _Oh dear Amy, please power me down, my batteries are failing._

_For you are a lady and I a mere **machine**_ …"

Howard put his finger into his mouth like he was going to throw up. Leonard shouted, "That doesn't even rhyme!"

"It was free style." Raj smugly stood up and looked down at Sheldon with disdain.

Sheldon stood up slowly as he delivered his speech with a low and gravelly voice, "How about this instead:

_And now I see with eye serene_

_The very pulse of the **machine** ;_

_A Being breathing thoughtful breath,_

_A Traveler between life and death;_

_The reason firm, the temperate will,_

_Endurance, foresight, strength, and skill;_

_A perfect Woman, nobly planned,_

_To warn, to comfort, and command;_

_And yet a Spirit still, and bright_

_With something of angelic light."_

By the time the poem was done, Sheldon was standing within 3 inches of Raj and using his impressive height to look down at him. Raj could see the vein in his neck pulsing and his cold blue eyes ripping into him.

He backed away and said, "Oh yeah, well. English isn't my first language, so there!"

Sheldon snorted at him, "Yes it is!"

"ENOUGH!" Roared Leonard so loudly that the walls of the shed shook with his voice. "You guys are done fighting. Raj, get over Amy. If anyone is going to be with her, it's this clueless idiot."

Sheldon looked around and then at Leonard confused, "Oh, you mean me?!"

"Thank you for making my point." Leonard stood up and slung his rifle over his shoulder, readying himself for battle. "There is only one way to win this battle today!"

"How is that possible, Leonard? Your abhorrent leadership skills are only paled by your sewing ability. I mean really Leonard, you call this a seam?"

"Well, I am afraid that I have to make the ultimate sacrifice…" Leonard walked toward the opening of the shed and took in a deep breath. The guys were all around him, expecting the worst.

Raj put his hand on Leonard shoulder. "No man, don't do it." Raj thought Leonard would sacrifice himself for the greater good, but Leonard had other plans.

"It must be done!" Leonard grabbed Raj by the collar and threw him out of the shed to face the barrage of balls of paint alone.

Raj collapsed on the ground and finally stood up. Before he could turn around, Leonard yelled out, **"Raj Says GEOLOGY ISN'T A REAL SCIENCE!"**

Within seconds, Raj was littered with countless bullets. He fell on his knees shooting the last rounds of his rifle in the air and screaming defiantly.

Howard and Sheldon looked at each other with a hardened resolve. "Let's go get those son's a bitches!"

Sheldon screamed, "FOR HONOR!"

The three men rushed out of the shed to avenge their fallen comrade in a blaze of magnificence that would go down in the annuals of Paintball history as the 'Glorious Battle of Raj's Martyrdom.'

A few hours later, as the four tired soldiers trudged up the stairs of Los Robles, sipping on the sweet nectar of victory that was Jamba Juice, Raj whispered to Sheldon.

"Amy's made for you Sheldon. I promise I will back off."

Sheldon let out a large sigh. He thought about answering how Amy was **not** his girlfriend, and she wasn't made for anyone, but the morning's battle had taken the last spark of fight out of him. He just smiled and said, "What changed your mind?"

"Did you see how that Jamba Juice girl was looking at me? Oh boy, I think my uniform really turned her on!"

Sheldon shook his head in disbelief, "Raj, there is no way a woman would be attracted to a man solely based on his clothing. Anyone who would do so, would as shallow as…" Just as he reached the landing of the fourth floor, Sheldon stopped talking when he noticed Amy outside her apartment. She was so taken aback by the group's appearance that she backed up against her door and gasped.

"Oh my. What the devil?" The rest of the guys went into 4A, but Sheldon walked over to Amy to explain their state of dress.

Sheldon's face was filthy with the dust of battle; his camouflage uniform was splattered with blue paint and dust. He was holding a large rifle and his goggles were pushed up on his head like a test pilot. Amy's eyes slowly moved down Sheldon's body as he walked toward her. She watched him slowly lick his dry lips before he spoke.

"We were just at a Paint ball battle at which we were victorious!"

Amy said nothing. She just kept looking Sheldon up and down as she struggled for breath. She let out a slight Hoo, and tried to speak.

"Well, that… must have been quite a victory… Hoo. Yes, indeed. Do you do this often?"

"Every third Sunday, but we have been on hiatus since Leonard ripped his uniform!" Sheldon turned around and glared at Leonard but then turned quickly back when he felt Amy's hand on his chest plate.

"You're uniform looks perfect. I mean. So much armor. Oh my. I just.. And your face.. I've never seen you so… _Dirty_ …" The word lilted on her lips like a naughty suggestion. Amy twirled her hair with her eyes boring into Sheldon's. Sheldon looked at her with a confused expression and he couldn't understand the feeling tingling in his belly.

"It's nice to get dirty once in a while." Sheldon said innocently with a wide bright smile of pure white teeth amplified by his filthy face. Amy could feel her knees growing weak and a peculiar sensation rushing through her body. She couldn't explain it, but she had vascular throbbing localized to her ears and genitalia. Her heart rate was through the roof and she kept saying Hoo.

"Hoo. You can say that again!" Amy ran her tongue slowly over her upper lip and then pulled her hand back. "Well. I better let you get a shower. You know, wash off all that dirt, and dust and the speck of paint dripping down your neck…. I gotta go!"

Amy turned on dime and tried to open the door, but her palms were too sweaty. Sheldon reached around her, and opened the door easily. His body was so close she could feel the hard plastic of his chest plate on her back. She rushed into her apartment and slammed the door.

Raj had been watching the whole display from the door of 4A, "Now what were you saying about women being attracted to men in uniform?" Sheldon ignored his smug smile and devious wink.

"I have no idea what you are referring to Koothrapali."

Raj laughed and nodded to Amy's apartment, "I never had a shot there. Not in a million years…"

Sheldon didn't understand Raj's sudden epiphany, but he walked past him and said flatly, "I coulda told you that. In fact… I did."

**A/N: The poem that Sheldon is quoting: "She Was a Phantom of Delight" BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH. I think it is the perfect Shamy poem, not too syrupy, but just enough sweet.**

**Chapter 11: Chapter 11**

**The Big Reversal Theory 11**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Thanks, as always to ShAmy4evr. She is my rock and best Beta helper!

After Amy slammed the door on uniformed Sheldon, she took a moment to catch her breath. She was flummoxed and frustrated and had no earthly idea what could be wrong with her. Maybe the paint fumes off Sheldon's uniform had caused this episode of flu-like symptoms? She debated whether or not she should cancel her girl's night and get a dose of antibiotics. However there were still 4 hours to go, so she had time to do a self-diagnosis, though a second opinion would always be welcome. She broke out her own white board, and started writing her symptoms. A little while later, looking at her completed task she was pleased with the comprehensive list of her aliments, but she was no closer to a cause.

She couldn't worry any longer, it was time for her to prepare some snacks for her guests. She had put the cookies in to bake and just as the first whiff of the batch permeated the air, a note was slipped under her door. Amy opened the door to find Raj holding a beer and still wearing his uniform.

Raj took a large deep inhale to capture the heavenly aroma: Cinnamon, his favorite spice. "Hello Rajesh." Amy looked down at the brown bottle of courage Raj held. After almost a minute of uncomfortable silence, he swallowed another large swig of beer and finally spoke to Amy.

"Hmm, Amy… I just wanted to say, I am sorry for my behavior in the restaurant. I should never have taken my frustrations with Sheldon out on you. It was… uncalled for." Raj's eyes were fixed on his dirty boots and not on Amy's face. "Rajesh, let's just call it the alcohol and leave it at that." She wanted to test out a hypothesis, so without warning, she grabbed him without warning and gave him a bone crushing hug. She took a huge whiff of his scent and then almost threw him back and checked her pulse. "Nope. Nothing." No rise in pulse, no throbbing, or sweaty palms.

She whispered to herself, " _So it couldn't be the paint!_ " Before she shut the door she looked at Raj, who was completely confused by the whole affair, and said, "Oh, thanks. Not to worry Rajesh. You're passing obsession with me is predicated on the notion I am nurturing and have female genitalia. You probably miss your mother. Instead of fawning over every woman you see, get a dog and channel your undying devotion to it. You will get a lot more of the unconditional love you crave, and pet owners live longer. Good luck!" Amy then closed the door on Raj while he tried to sniff the last aroma of Cinnamon. He stood in the hall for moment, thinking over Amy's words. " _A dog, huh?"_

There was still an hour to go before the girls showed up, when Amy heard shouting across the hall. It was Leonard and Sheldon arguing again. Amy had become impervious to the bellowing. It was either about some show called Babylon 5 which Amy thought was a documentary on the history of Iraq, or the thermostat. She then heard Leonard yell at Sheldon, the door to 4A slam and the stomping of feet, closely followed by a timid knock. "It must be Leonard."

Amy opened the door with a forced smile, "Hello Leonard."

"UNBELIEVABLE!" Leonard stormed into Amy's apartment and sat down heavily on the couch. She didn't bother to tell him she had guests in less than an hour, he was too distraught. She also knew he would turn into a blithering mass of nerves if he knew Penny was coming. She had to keep her new peeps on the down low.

"Okay, what is it this time?"

Leonard yelled at the door as if it was a proxy for his irritating roommate, "Are you ready for this? The Institute for Experimental Physics sent an invitation to present our paper on the properties of super solids at the topical conference on Bowes-Einstein condensates..."

Amy cut him off mid thought, "And Sheldon doesn't want to do it because he said he would be placating his genius to lesser minds."

Leonard was floored, "YES! How did you… I'm not even going to ask. All he had was a lucky hunch. I made the experiment! This is huge for me! Doesn't he get that?"

Time was moving on and Amy wanted to get Leonard out so she could finish her preparations for girl's night, "Sheldon does what is good for Sheldon. Make it about him, and he will go." Amy held the door open, "Now, if you will excuse me, I have guests in…" Amy looked at her watch, "51 minutes."

Leonard thought about Amy's suggestions as he moved to the door, "Hey… that's good… Okay. I do that with a lot of things. I can do it with this.. Okay thanks!"

39 minutes later, a triple knock was at Amy's door. The sound could only mean two things: It was Sheldon and Leonard had screwed it up.

Amy opened the door, and Sheldon rushed in " **Unbelievable**!" He took the place that Leonard had vacated earlier on Amy's couch Amy took a deep breath and asked, "I take it you spoke with Leonard?"

"Yes! He wants us to present a paper at the Institute for Experimental Physics. They want us to present our paper on the properties of super solids…"

Amy cut him off. She just did not have patience for Sheldon tonight. He was being boring and she had better things to do than help him out of yet another social catastrophe. She didn't admit she was also pretty upset about his leaving her for that princess because, she was not actually aware of it herself.

Amy gave him a rapid fire response like an auctioneer, "Yes yes… at the topical conference on Bowes-Einstein condensates. You should go. It is a good opportunity for you to educate people less fortunate then yourself. It would be good for Leonard, and given your lack of empathy, showing any attempt to make him happy will be valuable later. When you want something from him, you can just reference this conference. Last and more importantly, you don't want him to screw up your work with his lack of understanding. He will do it without you, so you might as well head him off at the pass, and do it. Unless you have a fear of public speaking and this farce is all a ruse so that you don't have to admit a weakness to your friends. Now If you will excuse me, I have guests..." Amy held the door open for Sheldon but he didn't move.

Sheldon jaw dropped, "How could you possibly…?"

"Oh Sheldon please. I know you. You may be brilliant, but you're not that hard to figure out. You would never pass up a chance to flaunt your genius. There is obviously something else going on. Fear of public speaking is a common phobia, I have it myself. AFTER my guests leave, we can speak more about this, but for now… if you please?" Amy was pretty adamant by the way she showed him the door with her hand on her hip and intense glare.

Sheldon had a lot to think about and now his best sounding board was kicking him out of her apartment like he was yesterday's fish paper. Sheldon walked slowly to the door with Amy practically pushing him out. He stopped mid stride when he saw her white board.

"Hold on, are you ill, Amy?"

Amy let out an exasperated sigh, "I have strange symptoms. We can talk about it later. NOW OUT!"

Sheldon ignored her pushing and twirled around her like a dancer to see her board, "We should do a differential."

"Ugh, Sheldon! My guests will be here in nine minutes!"

"What guests? Do you have one of your dates?" Sheldon's voice was almost an octave higher than usual as he asked Amy this question.

"No. I have a girl's night planned! My first one ever. Unlike you I don't have a circle of friends." Sheldon understood all too well the importance of his social circle in providing welcome distractions. Having some female friends might be good for Amy, as long as they were like minded individuals.

"People from work?"

"No, Penny from the restaurant and her friend Bernadette."

"Hardly women of your caliber. Wait, wasn't Penny the one who gave you alcohol?"

"Yes. And she was kind enough to take care of me that night, so don't be rude."

Sheldon scoffed. He was the one who took care of her, not Penny and her lackadaisical care taking skills. Sheldon knew Leonard and Penny would care of Amy the proper way. But he also knew he was not allowed to break into her apartment without her permission. He kept his mouth shut. Amy's yelling helped his silence.

Amy added, "And also, DON'T TELL LEONARD OR HOWARD!"

Sheldon jumped back in horror, "Amy! You can't impose a secret on an ex post facto basis."

Amy then thought about who she had just asked to lie and could have kicked herself, "Oh man, you're right. You have more nervous tics than a lyme disease research facility."

Sheldon let out a breathy chuckle, "That's hilarious! That's a joke like I would have made!"

"I know. I'm a laugh riot. Now. Regardless of your issues, I am just asking for you to not mention who I have as guests. I know it is lot to ask, but you are mad at Leonard anyway, so you won't be talking to him. I will tell him later, okay?" Amy looked up at him with her sparkling green eyes. Sheldon drew in a breath through his nose and captured a hint of cherry scent. He folded like man with pair of deuces going against a royal flush.

"Alright… There you go again getting me to do things I don't want to do. You better watch that power, little lady. It could get you burned one day." Sheldon gave her a coy smile as his eyes lingered over her body. He had to catch himself from staring too long.

"I bet it will. Now shoo!" Amy used her apron to shoo Sheldon out of the apartment but that didn't work, he still wanted to talk to her.

"But what about your illness?"

Amy grabbed the white board and shoved it at Sheldon, "Here, you come up with something. Now, go!"

"FINE! I'll work on it instead of lying to Leonard. Boy, you just filled up my Sunday night."

"Glad I could help with your social calendar. Good bye!"

Amy closed the door and let out a huge sigh. It was almost 7 and Amy had to make everything perfect.

Amy waited nervously; she checked her hair 3 times, the snacks 5 times. She fluffed the pillows enough times that the seams were going to rip. It was 7:13, yet still her guests had not arrived. Amy sat dejected on the couch and grabbed the melting ice cream. She should have known better than to get her hopes up. Images of an otter and Norwegian Saunas filled her mind with the painful memory of how her so called friends had locked her in with the rabid animal. Then she heard a knock at the door.

Amy opened it to find Penny with a big smile. Next to her, the short blond from the restaurant holding a six pack of some brown bottles. Penny was dressed in a simple skirt with a spaghetti top blouse that showed too much skin for Amy's taste. Bernadette was wearing a floral dress, a cardigan and tights. Amy thought her outfit was adorable in the right light, except it was too short and so tight she could tell the woman's impressive bra size every time she breathed.

"Hello. Please come in!" Amy held the door open for her guests. She saw the door to 4A open and quickly pushed the girls inside and slammed the door.

Across the hall, Sheldon had been fascinated with Amy's symptoms. He had concluded that it was either an alien parasite, the early onset of menopause or she had experienced sexual arousal. The later was highly unlikely; he had only included it to ensure all bases were covered

He had been adept at avoiding Leonard all night, but now his brooding roommate was typing nosily on his key board as if it were a manual typewriter. Sheldon winced with every stroke, but didn't want to look at him for fear he would ask about Amy's guests.

Thankfully Leonard couldn't care less about what Sheldon was doing or what was going on across the hall. The noisy typing eventually got the best of Sheldon. "Could you please keep that typing down to a dull roar? Some of us need to think."

Leonard pushed back from his desk and snapped, "Well the great Sheldon Cooper is thinking! Let's all take a moment and gaze in wild wonder at his brilliance."

"Not yet Leonard, I still haven't figured out what's wrong with Amy!" At the mention of her name, Sheldon winced, "I mean, there's nothing wrong with Amy. She just has guests over. I think it's her family talking about her cousin… wanting a drug intervention. In Long Beach… I think…" Sheldon was very pleased with his impromptu deceit. Leonard was not so pleased with Sheldon at the moment.

"What is wrong with Amy is that she puts up with you!" Leonard had had enough of Sheldon for one evening, "I'm going out to pick up Howard and leave you to your…"

He took a quick look at Sheldon's board, "…Your alien parasites and vascular throbbing. Don't ask me to help design an experiment to test it out!"

Sheldon held his fingers to his temples in an attempt to blow up Leonard's head with his mind. Leonard opened the door just as the door to 4B was slamming shut.

Back across the hall, the girls were just settling in. Penny and Bernie saw the huge spread laid out before them. "Holy crap, Amy! Is this all for us?"

"Yes. I wasn't sure of your dietary concerns. There are gluten free cookies with lactose free milk and sugar substitute." Amy handed one to Penny.

Penny took a bite of the cookie, "Oh man, I can still get fat on these! Wow this is great."

"I brought some Long Island Iced tea. They are pre-mixed!"

"Great, thank you!" Amy loved tea and tea from New York sounded fancy, but the brown bottles were a bit off putting. They must be mixed with sugar, Amy thought.

Penny had brought a bottle as well, "Here's the wine!"

Penny unscrewed the wine and reached for three glasses. Before anything else was said, Penny had to know, "So tell me Amy, did you talk to Sheldon?"

Amy hadn't been sure about the protocol for a girl's night, before her guests had arrived; she had looked it up online. According to blog by ladiesRawesome71, a great ladies night consists of talk of significant others, alcohol and possibly a romantic comedy movie or a discussion of favorite sexual positions. Amy was ill prepared for most of it especially the sexual positions and she certainly didn't have a significant other.

"Umm, I spoke briefly with Sheldon, but.." Before she could answer, she heard the repetitive knock at the door that could only come from Sheldon. She almost growled, "Speak of the devil!"

Amy creaked the door open and let her nose out, "WHAT!?"

Sheldon was stunned at Amy's unwelcome tone, "Well, hello to you too!"

"What do you want, Sheldon?"

"I'll get right to the point. I am uncomfortable with this ruse you are perpetuating against Leonard."

Amy stepped into the hall so Penny couldn't hear what she was saying, "What ruse? I just don't want him to know Penny is here! He'll go nuts, kinda like you now!"

"Regardless. I need to know what lie you told him, so I know how to react when he asks me. Details, are important, Amy! The success or failure of our deceitful enterprise turns on details. So what did you tell him?" Sheldon was expecting great things from her brilliant mind, but he was disappointed.

"I only told him I had guests, but not who."

"Way to go with the details, Amy!" Sheldon was completely unimpressed.

"Sheldon! I have the guests now! Tell Leonard what you want, I am not answering this door again."

"Boy, you are testy! Anyway, I think it is defiantly the early onset of menopause."

Amy rolled her eyes and wondered what was going through his head, "What is?"

"Your symptoms. Now I have worked through most of them but I am still unclear on the localized vascular throbbing. Can you show me where exactly it is localized?" He eyed her body up down. Last night, he went into her apartment and checked on her. He knew Leonard had no idea how to take care of drunk people; he had not experience. Sheldon did, unfortunately. It was the least he could do, he thought, after he left Amy to have dinner with Lalita. He remembered taking off her cardigan and blouse to make her comfortable. Her head was arched back in his arms and she was mumbling about flags. He had a job to do that night: get Amy comfortable, but he couldn't help notice how graceful her neck looked or her shapely legs. Imagining now where her vascular throbbing was causing some of his own, but he ignored his strange reaction. He took a big gulp as his eyes roamed over her torso Amy crossed her arms over her chest.

"Go away, Sheldon!" Amy slammed the door. As Sheldon walked back to his apartment he felt that all those years he had spent with Barky old biddies in his Meemaw's bridge club were going to serve him well, living next to a pre-menopausal Amy Farrah Fowler.

Amy turned around and gave forced smile, "Sorry for that."

Bernadette asked her, "Does he do that often?"

Amy sat back and took a sip of her wine, "Do what? Act a little crazy? Yeah, like all the time."

"No! Come over here to ask you little things."

"Well, only a few times a day. He brings me my mail often. It's funny, the mail man seems gets our mail messed up a lot. Every day we have our word of the day we tell each other over Skype."

"Oh really?" Penny smirked and winked at Bernadette, "What else does he do?"

"Well, he comes over for medical emergencies."

"Like what?"

"Once he had a splinter. Another time I checked his the top of his back for a suspicious mole. This one time…" Amy started to laugh, "He thought he swallowed a bug and I had to check his throat for larvae."

Penny was just about to eat one of Amy's cookies, but she put it down and soured her face, "Ewe."

"Yeah. Gross. Good thing he was wrong. Oh! He also had me come over to figure out why Leonard had a tie on his door."

Penny choked, "Leonard?" Penny knew all too well what a tie on the door meant as did Bernadette who gave Penny a knowing stare.

"Yes. It turns out…" Amy leaned in as if she had a secret and whispered, "Leonard was having coitus!"

Penny seemed a little miffed, "I thought he didn't have a girlfriend?"

"He doesn't. Leslie Winkle only wanted him to satiate her in a carnal release of sexual tension and flood her system with dopamine."

Penny looked to Bernie for clarification. Bernie answered, "She used him as a sex toy."

Amy didn't think talking about Leonard was appropriate for girl's night, so she went for her predetermined list of topics, "Yep. So… Girl talk… Do you subscribe to the Freudian theory of penis envy?"

Penny shot Amy an uncomfortable stare, but Bernadette answered with glee.

"I think it would be great to have a penis. No periods, no yeast infections."

Amy was thrilled to find someone to share her opinion on penises, "I know! I would save thousands on feminine hygiene products! Sheldon told me to buy in bulk, but I don't have the room to store 30 years of tampons."

Bernie almost spit out her wine, "Sheldon told you what?"

Penny had tuned out of the conversation, "WAIT, go back. Leonard slept with that scientist lady from the restaurant?" Penny thought for moment and finally said, "But they aren't going to see each other again?"

"Not as interesting as our tampon discussion but okay…. No, Leslie is **not** going to see Leonard again. No…" Amy thought for a moment then turned to Penny and asked, "Wait are you interested in Leonard, because if you are, let me tell you, you would make him a…"

Penny cut her off, "No! I have a boyfriend! He's great… he's…" Suddenly Penny started sobbing. Now Amy found out the real point of girls night: Bitching about men. Penny told the group how Kurt had cheated on her not once, but 4 times since moving to LA. She was ready to leave him, but still loved him. Bernadette then informed them that she just ended a relationship with her college professor, Glen, who sounded like a hunk, but had issues in bed. Amy sat and listened and gave the best advice she could, but her lack of experience was a huge hindrance, when she admitted…..

"Wait, you never had sex?"

"No."

Bernie was starting to feel the effects of the wine, and she was intrigued by this shy virgin seated next to her. She felt a kinship with Amy that she didn't have with Penny. She wanted to help her new friend out, "Maybe you should go out and find a man and have your wicked way with him. You know, have him teach you a thing or two… Rawr!"

Amy giggled like schoolgirl. She was having a marvelous time with the two women. It might be the small amount of alcohol she had ingested but she was feeling and hoping that they could be good friends. "First off, no one has ever shown any interest in me or the reverse. I don't think I even have sexual desires."

"Ha! I bet you do and you don't even know it! How did you feel when that silent guy kissed you? What's his name again?"

"Rajesh"

"Oh, he's a sweetie!" Bernadette almost jumped off the couch in glee, "Oh back to the good stuff! Yeah did it make your knees go weak, your palms all sweaty? Did heart race like it was stabbed with a needle full of adrenaline?" Bernadette leaned closer to nudge Amy with her elbow, but Amy just stared into space ignoring her. All the symptoms she listed were the ones from her board.

Amy let out a gasp. "That shows sexual arousal?"

"Oh boy howdy yes. Oh did your lady parts go all wacky?" Penny nudged Amy on the other side but Amy looked frightened.

"No, I didn't feel like that with Rajesh, but another time…" Amy thought back to Sheldon standing in his uniform. She licked her lips as she remembered the feeling pulsing through her when Sheldon blocked the door and kissed her on the cheek. This new information might have thrilled any other woman, but Amy was frightened by the knowledge. She knew what kind of man Sheldon was, and having feelings for him would just lead to years of sexual frustration. She didn't want that life. She had to get him out of her mind.

"I mean…" Before Amy could finish, she heard that familiar knock at the door. She smiled at the girls, "And there he is again. Please excuse me. "

Amy opened the door even though he was the last person she wanted to see at the moment. "Hello Sheldon. Um.. Are you okay?" Amy held onto the door handle with vise grip just waiting for the symptoms to return. She needed to practice some type of mediation. She knew the best way was to treat him like any other friend. That's when she decided to think of him as one of gals.

Sheldon glanced into her apartment, "How long are these people going to stay?"

Amy ignored his rudeness, opened the door wider for him, bowed and gestured for him to enter "Oh dear, Sheldon… what's going on in that big bulbous brain of yours? Come in! Have some cookies." Sheldon timidly stepped into the room with the three intoxicated women.

Penny and Bernadette were now seated at the kitchen bar on stools. They had poured another glass of wine each and were shoving in Amy's snacks like it was first decent meal they'd had in weeks. They both turned around to see Sheldon nervously enter the room, "Come on in Sheldon, we were just discussing kissing." Penny snickered and shoved another cookie in her mouth.

Amy sat on the couch and he took a seat to the left of her. Amy was swirling her half glass of wine and smiling at him. All he could do was gaze at her almost forgetting the reason for his visit.

He tipped his head back to the bar and asked Amy, "Do they really have to stay so long?"

"Oh, Sheldon. Don't be rude. They might be able to give you some insight to your problem."

"Here stretch, drink this. Its Long Island Iced tea." Bernie handed Sheldon a bottle.

"Oh I love tea!" Sheldon popped open the bottle and guzzled down half the contents like a bar room drunk. Bernadette looked at Penny, but she put her finger to her mouth to hush her from telling him it was alcohol.

Amy didn't see the ladies silent communication. She sat back a little on couch, adjusted her skirt and readied herself for a Sheldon conversation, "Okay Sheldon, what is it? I know I will never get to finish this girls night unless I let you tell me, now spill! Think of us as your council."

Sheldon was uncomfortable talking in front of Penny and the other woman, but he needed to speak with Amy, "Leonard is back and making life unbearable in the apartment tonight. He has Howard with him and they are watching Babylon 5 with the director's commentary! I mean does the roommate agreement mean nothing to him!"

"Howard, like that the cute funny guy with great clothes?" Bernie was now swirling her wine and wiggling her eye brows.

Sheldon didn't know this woman, but having interest in Wolowitz was a bad sign, "Yes, although your choice of adjectives makes me wonder how much you ladies have imbibed tonight."

Bernie jumped up of the bar stool, "Let's go surprise them!"

Penny thought it was a great idea, "Yeah! Let's all go! Come on Sheldon, let's party at your place."

Amy shot off the couch and let out a cry, "Hey, what about girl's night."

"Best part of girl's night sometimes is getting guys! Come on Amy! Maybe Raj is over there and you can get another kiss!"

Sheldon was finishing the rest of the bottle when he heard the last line and almost choked on his tea, " **NO**! Raj is not over there. Just Leonard and Howard. There will be **no** kissing tonight!" He looked over at Amy with a worried expression. Amy just shook her head and giggled.

Bernadette scoffed, "We'll see about that. Come on Amy!"

Amy was thrilled that the girls seemed to want her company, but she could tell by looking in Sheldon's pleading blue eyes, that he didn't want to go back, "Okay, you guys go. Let me talk to Sheldon."

Penny and Bernadette grabbed a few of the cookies and rushed across the hall to knock on the door. Leonard answered and as soon as he saw Penny, his whole posture changed. "Penny! What are you doing here?"

"We were over at Amy's having a girl's night and we thought we'd come say hi. You don't mind do you?"

Howard popped off the couch and rushed to the door, "No.. He doesn't mind at all. Please ladies, come in. We were just in the middle of fascinating program called Babylon 5…"

Sheldon's shoulders dropped dejectedly as he let out a deep sigh, "Well… I guess there goes the evening of solitude. At least I don't have to worry about your cousin's drug intervention in Long Beach anymore."

"What …No … I don't even want to know… Anyway, I'm sorry about your night, Sheldon, but you didn't want to be over there anyway. Can I get you hot beverage?" Amy rose off the couch and headed to the kitchen. Sheldon followed close behind her and sat on one of the bar chairs, "No, I'd like more of that tea if you have it."

"Sure. I've never had tea in a bottle before. Is it good?""

"Yes, very tasty. Best tea in the world." Sheldon took the bottle eagerly and downed most of it while Amy watched his throat bob up and down. Then not bothering to ask, he almost staggered to the fridge and took another.

Sheldon popped open the bottle, and threw back the liquid into his mouth like he was at a saloon. Amy watched his chest puff out a little with every swallow. She grabbed her own glass of wine and rushed to the couch so she didn't have to watch his throat undulate.

Sheldon followed her back, sitting a little closer to her on the couch. For some reason, lost to Sheldon, all he could focus on were her lips.

"Why were you girls talking about kissing? Was it about Raj's kiss? Did they want to know if you liked it?" Sheldon swallowed the question floating in his throat along with another drink of his tea. _Did she?_

"No, not at all. Actually they were wondering if **_you_** have ever kissed anyone." Amy tried to look uninterested in the question but she was a terrible actress as she leaned in to hear his response.

"Well, other than my mother, my sister and my Meemaw, no. I have kissed you on the cheek though." Sheldon smiled unconsciously as he looked at her cheek. He almost reached up to touch the soft trail of peach fuzz that outlined her jaw, but he was startled out his haze by her voice. His brain was addle and he felt off, but looking at her was the best activity in the world, he thought.

"Yes, but I think they wanted to know if you had kissed anyone on the mouth." Amy wanted answers and she wasn't going to let him get away with ignoring the topic. She was curious that he was so open to this discussion.

"I did save a nun with mouth to mouth, does that count?"

"Not really."

"Well then no. Not...yet…" Sheldon licked his lips and looked at Amy's mouth. She had a hint of the wine still on her bottom lip. The glistening liquid was like a beacon, again he was jarred out of his stupor by Amy's husky voice coming from those tantalizing lips.

Amy needed to move the conversation along; she was desperately trying to think of something else to talk about before she kissed him herself. She knew he would hate it. "So tell me, are you still upset over Leonard and this paper presentation." Amy took a small sip of her wine. She was pacing herself. After her drunken night with Penny, she could ill afford another episode. She put down her wine and turned to face Sheldon. He was blinking fast and swallowing another drink of his tea.

"I really don't want to talk about that, but I need smart Amy now." He leaned in and whispered, "Smart Amy, come out and play." He let out a giggle and finished his bottle.

Amy had never seen playful Sheldon before, "You are acting stranger than usual. You must be really upset by this or you have a brain parasite."

Sheldon was lost in his own thoughts. He put down his empty bottle and slumped back onto the couch, "Oh Amy, he just doesn't understand. I will not cower before lesser minds." Sheldon leaned into Amy and sniffed her hair, "You smell like cherries, like a sexy sundae."

"I don't know how to process that comment Sheldon. However, it's my shampoo. Now back to business. Have you considered that your need to flaunt your intelligence might be the very thing causing your dilemma? I mean, what do the monkeys at the zoo do if there is a question of dominance?"

Sheldon sat up straight again and answered, "Well... when challenged, they do a stylized penial display. A little outside my comfort zone, but I'll give it a whirl." Sheldon reached for his belt and started to undo his pants. Amy stopped him just in time.

"No, no Sheldon. You are being too literal. You need stop thinking like a monkey and start thinking like a man."

"Maybe I should fight dirty." Sheldon lowered his voice and leered at Amy's lips. He pulled at his ear lobe and licked his lips, "Dirty… Excellent advice. Now, back to our previous topic."

Sheldon swiftly reached up with one hand and cupped Amy's face. His hands were so large, that he could feel his thumb on her cheek while his long fingers reached her neck. Simultaneously, he moved his mouth to hers and within an instant, his lips were pressed against her soft mouth. For Amy, it was 5 glorious seconds before he started to pull away. Then before his bottom lip broke contact, he pressed in again, this time he held her face with both hands. His thumbs brushed her skin, and felt the soft peach fuzz that had tempted him earlier and the warmth of her cheeks. He moved his lips over hers and felt a pulse of intensity that urged him to continue and taste more of her. The second kiss lasted longer, but it was just as intense as the first. Sheldon then pulled away slowly and looked at her face. Her mouth was gaped open and her eyes were hooded. She let out a short breath, swallowed and looked at him for an explanation.

Sheldon could only think of one word, "Fascinating." He sat back on the couch, not sure what to say or if he could say anything. He looked at the empty bottle of teas, and suddenly a wave of nausea rushed over him. He tried to swallow the sudden rush of saliva in his mouth, but there was nothing to stop the deluge.

"This is not a comment on our activity but I …" Sheldon didn't finish his thought. He rushed off to Amy's bathroom and the next thing Amy heard was violent throaty vomiting sounds. She wanted to go and help him, but knew that he needed privacy. He would also need some water so she went to the fridge to get a bottle, and then noticed that the bottled teas were made by Smirnoff. Either the vodka company had now decided to make tea or it was alcoholic. Suddenly the whole affair made more sense.

When the unsettling noise had halted, she gingerly opened to door to her bedroom to find Sheldon passed out on top of her bed. After much struggling with his lanky frame, she got Sheldon's shoes off and his belt. Little did she know, she was returning the favor from the night before. She tucked him up in her bed and gently brushed his hair off his forehead before she turned off the light and closed the door.

The next morning, Sheldon slowly opened his eyes to an unfamiliar scene, and to the smell of scrambled eggs and bacon. The first thing his blurry eyes focused on was a monkey statue staring at him. Next to it was a glass of water and two aspirins. He had no idea what had happened the night before but the taste in his mouth said it was not good. The last thing he remembered was Amy's new friends going across the hall. He must have been sick and Amy had taken care of him. Good thing she let him stay, and that he did not have to go across the hall to god knows what debauchery. Indulging in alcohol was a game for the weak, he reasoned and it was a good thing that he was above all that. He looked over and found Amy's alarm to be off by two minutes. He quickly adjusted the time to 8:07 and left the room.

Standing in the kitchen was Amy, dressed and cooking. She briefly turned around and gave Sheldon a compassionate smile.

"Good morning, sleepy head. Feeling the effects of veisalgia, are we?"

"Don't be silly, Amy. I didn't drink. Maybe it was those crazy cookies you made."

"Oh, but you did. Those teas the girls gave you? Made with vodka. You were drunk as skunk. Do you have some memory impairment to go along with your dehydration, headache, nausea? Well, a gift from the Smirnoff Company. Enjoy." Amy handed him yet another glass of water with a plate of eggs. He looked at the delicious breakfast and his stomach did a flop.

"I knew those girls were a bad influence! If they get their mitts on you, you'll be going to Vegas ogling Australian strippers by the end of the week!"

"Oh Sheldon, quit being such a fuddy duddy. You're fine."

Sheldon took a small bite of his food and asked meekly, "I.. um… didn't do anything stupid did I?"

"Well, I stopped you from having a penis fight with Leonard."

"WHAT?!" Sheldon dropped his fork and looked down at his pants. His belt was gone along with his shoes and socks. He must have been drunk there was no other explanation.

Amy just giggled, but Sheldon was in no mood for silliness, "Amy, what happened last night?

Amy cleared her throat and spoke in an all business tone, "Well, I gave you some advice about Leonard. You decided you were going to fight dirty with him, then you kissed me. You then threw up and passed out on my bed. I made sure you were safe in bed, and let you sleep it off."

"I did what?" Sheldon couldn't believe her words. Sheldon Cooper would never kiss anyone. Well, he thought, he kissed her on the cheek, but that was merely a thank you. On the mouth was a wholly different matter. He must have relived his Batman dream, but in real life. He was mortified, but with sheds of regret that he couldn't remember it.

"I don't know where we go from here. I'm sorry for my behavior." Sheldon hung his head low to feel the cold blade of justice in the form of Amy's anger, but it did come. Instead, Sheldon heard other, more cutting words come from her mouth.

"Well, you are going home to get a shower and dressed for work. I am going to Riyadh..." Amy didn't look at his reaction, but the silence told her it wasn't well received.

After a few moments, Sheldon spoke, "Why are you going to Saudi Arabia?"

"I was contacted this morning by a donor. He wants to see my latest work and is considering funding my addiction study. This is the funding I lost out on last summer. I have a second chance." Amy didn't say it was she whom had contacted Faisal.

Sheldon next question was almost inaudible, "How long will you be gone?"

"Two weeks possibly four."

Sheldon licked his dry lips and looked down at his breakfast. Amy heard him quietly ask, "And this has nothing to do with last night?"

Amy dried her hands and finally turned to face Sheldon. Sheldon had unkempt hair, wrinkled clothes and a vermillion hue around the lids of his blue eyes. He looked every bit the homeless drunk, but adorably vulnerable at the same time. Amy looked at his thin lips and took a deep swallow for courage.

Last night, as she watched him sleep soundly in her bed, Amy wondered what it would be like if he was always there, tucked in happily but with her beside him. After her discussion with the girls she had finally realized that she was physically attracted to Sheldon.

But it was worse than that. Every intelligent word from his lips had been pushing her to a new feeling that was overwhelming. Slowly, he had been unwrapping her heart and she now knew that she was developing strong feelings for him.

His drunken kiss was addictive and she wanted more, much more. But she knew the man seated across from her. He could never return her affections. He wasn't wired for that type of relationship and more importantly, he didn't want it. One kiss doesn't change a man like Sheldon Cooper, let alone a kiss he couldn't remember. Amy was smart enough not to tie her hopes to man who she thought could never love her. She wrapped her heart back up in a black lead lined bag so it would never see the light from those shining blue eyes. She had to distance herself from him and she felt that 7500 miles should do the trick. One email to the donor at 2:00 AM and she had her escape.

"Amy, did you hear what I said? I asked, does your leaving have anything do with my deplorable behavior last night?"

Amy smiled and said flatly, "Of course not. Why would you ever think that?"

"Forgive my assumptions. I hope I have not damaged our friendship." Sheldon shaking voice told of his fear. He didn't want to lose her as a friend again. 25 cats was enough. Also, she must have been disgusted by him. Her stoic expression revealed nothing but more questions.

"Well, it seems to be the week for me to be kissed and drunkenness, so don't worry. We will resume our friendship like nothing happened. Think of it like a restart or something like that... Now I must pack. Please make yourself at home." She gave him a swift small smile, rushed to the bedroom and closed the door. She put her back to door and held it closed with her body. She almost let out the hitch of air stuck in her throat, but her fist at her mouth stopped it.

Sheldon rose from the stool and walked toward the door. He held his hand on the wood holding himself back from knocking. Instead he put his forehead on the door and closed his eyes, trying to think of the right thing to say. Nothing came to him.

It was only 1 ½ inches of pine between them, but it might as well have been a continent. Neither knew the other was on the other side holding back the words they didn't know how to say.


	2. 12 to 16

Amy had some work to complete at her lab before she left for Saudi Arabia, but was having trouble in focusing on the simplest of tasks. She hit the record button on her work phone, and lowered her voice to business mode, " _Hello. This is Dr Amy Farrah Fowler. I will be out of the office for approximately two weeks given I am able to convince people of the value of Neuroscience and my personal affairs… Don't... I mean... Leave a_ …"

"Damn it…" It was the fifth time that Amy had tried to make her voice mail message, and it was becoming ridiculous. The morning events were still running through her mind. She had been surprised when she opened her bedroom door and Sheldon was standing in front of it holding onto the frame like he needed strength. She had handed him his shoes, socks and belt with a forced smile, being careful not to look at his face, knowing that if she had seen see his eyes; she would fold.

Sheldon knew something was amiss, but he couldn't read her; she had a new face that seemed forced, and unhappy, yet hiding it all. He was feeling pangs of remorse biting at him, not only from the kiss itself, but also because he could not remember it. He wondered if the kiss was anything like the dream he had when she held the batman statue. He had finally left her apartment, and despite her objections, he had stated that he would be back in the evening to help her pack.

Just when she was about to try her message recording again, Leonard knocked on the door of her lab.

The lab was a decent size and on par with the square footage of Leonard's. The room was lined with a wide counter that housed a variety of equipment including sparkling clean beakers, microscopes and a centrifuge.

Amy looked up when she heard him clear his throat. "Leonard what a surprise."

"Wow, this is your lab? Nice."

Amy let out an exasperated snort, "Yes, well your lack of a biology background is glaring if you think this is nice. But alas, here I am with a microscope from the Clinton administration and a centrifuge that needs a kick to start. Anyway what can I do for you?" Amy swiveled her chair around to face him. She had never had a visitor to her lab before and had no chair to offer him.

Leonard came over to stand by Amy, "I spoke with Sheldon briefly this morning. He was in quite a state when he came back from your place. Are you two okay?" Leonard was still in shock over Sheldon's haggard appearance. If he didn't know better, he say Sheldon did the walk of shame after a one night stand, but Leonard knew his roommate.

"Never better. He had unknowingly imbibed alcohol and probably had a case of the brown bottle flu." She didn't however add that she was leaving for trip to get away from his haunting blue eyes. _Never better huh_? She chuckled to herself at the lie.

Leonard nodded his head, "Okay, that makes more sense. I was wondering why he was upset over Penny coming to your place. He kept calling her Calamity Jane and she was full of the frowns of fortune. I knew he didn't like her, but she almost made the mortal enemies list!"

"It must be the unknowing alcohol consumption, Leonard, no other reason for his distress." Amy was in no mood to discuss the kiss with Leonard, or anyone else for that matter. "Also, he is not used to sleeping in a different bed. It upset his routine."

"You didn't…" Leonard looked at her with a skeptical eye.

"Didn't what?" Amy had no idea what Leonard was talking about. He could see on her face she was just as clueless as Sheldon.

"Never mind, stupid question…" Leonard took a deep breath, "I just had to ask, how in the hell did you not strangle Sheldon over his behavior this weekend? Forget weekend, since you met him!? I really need to know, because some days….I'll tell ya… I might need a lawyer."

Amy let out a huge sigh, "Leonard, you've been friends with him for a long time. Tell me something that I already know the answer to... Does Sheldon love rules, lists, order? Does he have a rigid schedule and a preoccupation with productivity, an adherence to social conventions and insist there is a right way of doing things?"

Leonard's eyes were wide as saucers. "Woah, are you reading my mind now? This is freaky."

Amy continued, "Does he live a cautious life style and shun personal relationships in favor of adherence to his rules and order?"

Leonard was stunned, "Okay… Do you have a camera in our apartment or something, because that is uncanny? Yes to all. You just described everything about Sheldon. So how do I deal with it? I mean I want to kill him some days."

Amy smiled, though saddened that some of her observations were accurate. "Well your roommate seems to display some characteristics of an anankastic personality disorder. One conversation with him is not going to change him. I don't understand why you would want to anyway."

"How can you not understand?" Leonard glared at her from over his glasses, he was getting none of the sympathy he expected.

"But, he doesn't let me whistle, he has our cereal organized by fiber content and his bowel movement schedule is on our fridge. If I get the wrong mustard, I hear about it for weeks. I don't even want to imagine what hell I would go through if he ever found out I didn't return that movie." Leonard pulled out his inhaler and took a couple kush kush pumps before continuing, "We have a safety drill every month. I have to pass inspections! We have a flag for the apartment!"

"I'm not hearing anything unreasonable here, Leonard. I love flags by the way. It doesn't sound that bad."

"Well, it's bad." Leonard crossed his arms and pouted. "How is it you understand him so well?"

"I understand the brain, Leonard. It takes time to modify habits that he probably has ingrained since childhood. He just needs someone who can understand him and accept them for just another facet of an already fascinating man."

"Isn't having a disorder a bad thing, Amy? I mean. Shouldn't he change just because of that?" Leonard quickly added, "You know, for him... Not just me..."

Amy snickered at Leonard, "Ya sure! Listen Leonard, we ALL have disorders Leonard. Just because someone puts a label on ones quirks and puts it into ICD-10 doesn't mean he should have to change. The best part of friendship and love is accepting one completely, quirks and all." Amy looked past Leonard for a moment and thought back to Sheldon and all the little things he did that she thought were fascinating.

Leonard saw a look in Amy's eyes that he recognized as love, even if Amy didn't. He knew he had the same look when he thought of Penny.

He shot her a knowing smile, but she quickly dropped her starry eyed stare and answered briskly, "Either that or we strap him down on a table and flood his brain with serotonin. I've got a big needle. I can do it."

Amy reached for a drawer, but Leonard stopped her. "No better not. I hate needles even when they are used on someone else. So can you help me here, he still refuses to go to the presentation tomorrow night?"

Amy let out a sigh. She could probably get Sheldon to do the presentation, but that would mean she would have to see him. She wanted to avoid him till her trip, it had only been 4 hours since she saw him and she already missed him. Amy knew what Leonard would ask next, "Please, can you talk to him about this. It means a lot to me."

"Ok, I will speak to him but there will be no tricks. Just because I understand him, doesn't mean I will manipulate him. I have to warn you though that you might not like the results."

"Just talk, none of your witchcraft. Sheldon is a handful and you seem to be able to handle him without the use of firearms. I need to know your secret."

Amy let out a nervous laugh, "I don't have a secret. I only met him a few months ago! There are no secrets. You know he hates them."

"I know, but I have never seen him react to anyone like he does to you. It's almost as if you speak the same language."

Amy looked down for a moment and her tone changed. Her voice was dreamlike as if accessing a memory, "I just understand him for some reason. He and I share a lot of habits. He is remarkable and frankly, I would hate to see him change too much. He is very unique." Amy smiled in a nostalgic haze and looked up to see Leonard watching her.

She quickly donned a professional tone and answered flatly, "It's simple. Sheldon is probably lacking serotonin. Get him outside, exercising."

"Okay, thanks Amy. But you have no idea how hard your advice is for guy like him who thinks getting fresh air is going into the hall. I'll try." Leonard almost left, but he turned quickly to ask her, "So, you'll talk to him? About the conference?"

"Sure, Leonard I will do what I can. But I understand his fears. Even I am not the best at social gatherings."

"Really? I don't believe that?" Leonard clicked his tongue and smirked at Amy.

Amy glared at Leonard making him take a step back, "Unlike Sheldon I can recognize sarcasm. Now, get out of here before I find that big needle!"

" OK, I'm outta here, will we see you tonight?"

"I don't think so. I need to finish packing for Saudi Arabia. Arrangements have been made for me to meet with a Saudi Prince for funding. The last meeting fell through because he was too busy playing golf with Tiger Woods."

Leonard was floored at the news. If Amy left, he would be left to care take after Sheldon by himself again. Amy living next door had been a welcome addition to Leonard's life, because it meant he could have some of his time back, "WHAT? No wonder Sheldon was in a mood! You can't leave! I need you!"

Just as Leonard made his declaration, Sheldon entered Amy's lab. Upon hearing Leonard's words, he shot Leonard a scowl and almost growled at Amy.

"First Raj, now Leonard? You are a vixen Amy! You are leaving a trail of broken hearts!" but Amy just laughed, and shook her head.

"No, Sheldon. Leonard wanted to talk to me about the conference, and I think I have a solution that you both find acceptable."

Sheldon's demeanor changed and he relaxed in an instant, "Color me intrigued."

True to her word, Amy had worked her magic and convinced Sheldon and the night before she left they presented their joint paper together at the Bose-Einstein condensates conference. Actually, Leonard had had to present the paper to the crowd. Sheldon just stood silently next to him as Leonard read verbatim the script that Sheldon had prepared. Leonard's only contribution was a joke that Sheldon found hilarious.

Amy helped Sheldon pick out his best suit, the plaid one. She thought he looked splendid in the suit, and tried to hold back her 'hoo's'. Sheldon knew he looked good, but catching Amy staring at his appealing posterior helped boost his already inflated ego.

The presentation was a big success, and convinced Sheldon that future collaborations between the two of them would not be, as Sheldon put it, "Unpleasant." Though Sheldon also added that as it would probably be 8 years before Leonard had another good idea, he had time to prepare.

**Two weeks later**

After two weeks, Leonard was missing Amy almost as much as Sheldon and though Sheldon had never admitted it, his actions indicated otherwise. He had been cranky the first week, caustic the next, and intolerable for the last three days. His frequent Skype calls with Amy did improve his mood a little; however, it didn't help his disposition that Penny had been spending a lot of time at 4A.

Since the girl's night, she and Leonard had formed a friendship. Penny seemed to have an uncanny ability to purchase electronics that needed constant repair. The Dell Corporation could not be faulted for their keys sticking since Penny's habit of eating yogurt and dropping splats on her keyboard caused many a malfunction. Penny also seemed to show up on Chinese, Thai and even pizza night. Sheldon was ready to include another person in his social circle least of one who could add nothing to the intellectual salon that was 4A.

Sheldon thought Leonard's unrequited love rants were tedious and he also found Penny as taxing as his twin sister, only half as bright. He couldn't say a disparaging word about her to Leonard without him changing the subject to Amy, which quickly lightened Sheldon's mood. At least Sheldon did not have to go to the musical 'Rent' which caterwauling Penny was in by chance. According to Leonard, Penny's "singing" made the only two people in the audience's ears bleed.

Though Sheldon had offered Leonard's serives to pick up Amy from LAX, the Saudi donor had already arranged for a car service. Leonard was less than thrilled to be volunteered for LAX pick up service, but anything to get Amy back was aces in his book. It had been a long two weeks.

Sheldon heard the rattle of keys and it could only mean one thing: Amy was home. He had been waiting all day for the distinctive ringing sounds of brass and as soon as heard them, he jumped off the couch and leaped to the door as his heart pounded in his chest.

Just before he opened it, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had to slow his sudden rapid heart rate. Carefully, he opened the door just in time to see Amy Farrah Fowler standing in front of 4B. All he could see was her brown hair, the back of her purple striped cardigan and the gentle curve of her hips hugged by her tight beige skirt. He smiled as he watched her fumble with her lab keys and struggle to find her house keys.

"You left them with me, remember?"

Amy swiftly turned around and flashed a brilliant smile as her hair splayed out like sun burst. She had forgotten that Sheldon had told her to leave her keys with him so he could empty her mail box, check her plants and rotate the mattress. Amy knew that arguing with him was futile, just like convincing him that she was already packed. They had had a lengthy conversation before she left on her trip:

" _Sheldon! That is a total waste of time. I don't need all that! I'm already packed anyway!"_

_Sheldon was already pulling out all of her clothes of her tightly packed suitcase, "Amy, by attaching RFID tags to your clothing, it will enable your laptop to read and identify the items with this wand. I will then cross-reference them against destination, anticipated activity spectrum, weather conditions, duration of trip, et cetera."_

" _Wait, I can track them too?"_

" _Yes."_

" _That's actually kinda cool."_

" _Of course it is. Simplifying the task of packing is the definition of cool. Speaking of weather conditions, it might be cold in the desert at night. Also, do you have extra scarfs, they will make you cover your hair over there. You have to be careful."_

" _I'll be fine, Sheldon. I went to the store in Tehrangeles and purchased a number of Hijabs. Don't worry."_

_Sheldon wasn't convinced, "And don't eat any lamb. Besides being disgusting and tasting like sweat, who knows where it came from. Also, eat with your right hand. Don't shake hands with men unless they offer."_

" _They're very welcoming people, Sheldon. I'll be fine."_

" _Amy…"_

_Amy looked up from her repacking to Sheldon. He was wringing his hands, "Are you sure you have to go?" He looked at her with desperate eyes. He couldn't avoid being needy, but he could mask it: "I mean, you know how Leonard is… He is lost without your explanations of his mother's research!"_

" _Leonard doesn't need to tell him what his mother thinks of him. The dust jacket of her book is explanation enough."_

" _True… But your insights to…" Amy just smiled and cut off his impeding rant._

" _Sheldon, I know you are worried about me, but I'll be fine. I think this trip will be good for me, Sheldon. I need to think about things."_

_She took at glance at his eyes and looked away, "I've been… overwhelmed with something… at work, and this trip will help me clear my head. I need to regain focus and not pursue avenues of research that I **know** will lead nowhere."_

_Amy couldn't face him anymore, she had to turn away, but Sheldon didn't help the situation. He moved closer to her and took the head scarf she had folded three times out of her hands to finish the job._

_Sheldon lowered his tone, "Sometimes, it does seem that we are wasting our time that we are focused on something that will not give us results. Truth be told, I wonder that about my own line of research and I get frustrated with String theory because I've get nothing back for years."_

" _I won't waste years Sheldon. "Amy bit her lip and faced her vanity which had a large mirror that reflected them both. Amy tried to look at herself, but could only concentrate on Sheldon who was folding her clothes. Even when she tried to focus on herself, she still saw him. She wondered if it would ever be true for him. She thought she knew the answer: No._

_Sheldon continued to speak, but his tone was softer. "However, but if you are secure in fact that your original premise is correct, then the answers will come. And if not, you can find a new area. You just have to be patient."_

_Amy didn't know how to deal with these feelings bubbling within her like a pot on the stove. She had to find a lid for them somehow, or she feared that her friendship with Sheldon would be tainted. Sheldon smiled at her in the mirror with his huge innocent blue eyes that melted her heart._

_The next words out of his mouth jarred her from her stupor. He had already started to catalog her clothes, "Okay, one leopard printed…"_

" _GIVE ME THAT!" Amy turned quickly to rip the bra out of his hands and roughly shut her suitcase._

At that moment, seeing him standing in his doorway made her heart jump and she couldn't remember why she left. Sheldon leaning against the door frame was now wearing the same intense look on his face as he had when he had convinced her to leave the keys with him. "Amy, I have them here. Those are your lab keys, remember?"

"Now I do. Good to see you in the flesh, so to speak." Their Skype calls were frequent while she was away. At first, it was just for the word of the day, or some question Sheldon had concerning her Sanserieria plant. She had had to listen to the history of the common name, "Mother in laws tongue" which then started a conversation about her mother, and Amy's dating habits. It was as if she had never left, and their original friendship was stronger than ever.

Sheldon also had to text, tweet and email Amy about the mail she had been receiving along with every little happening in the Middle East. The Iraq war had caused the price of oil to skyrocket and Sheldon was convinced Amy would be kidnapped by Al Qaeda and bargained in an arms deal. Amy thought a short conversation with Faisal would help ease Sheldon's mind, but the conversation with the Saudi prince only seemed to agitate him more. The prince's chiseled good looks and alluring accent was enough to make anyone swoon. Sheldon's snide comment on her Camel race photos with Faisal " _I see the one that likes to spit, oh and the camel is nice too_." almost caused Amy to take down the pictures.

Looking at him now, she forgot all the little aggravations that had plagued her during her travels. She also forgot the initial reason for the trip when she saw Sheldon cross the 8 feet like they were inches. His blue eyes morphed from light Cerulean to deep Navy the closer he moved toward her. By the time he was unlocking her door, Amy's sealed up heart was already freed from the black bag she had wrapped it in. 7500 miles wasn't nearly far enough.

"How was the trip? No problems getting through security?" Sheldon held open her door, placed her keys in the bowl next to it and picked up her case. Her apartment had none of the smell of vacancy. The aroma of fresh laundry fabric, hints of bleach and a delicate bouquet of talc hit Amy's senses. It was intoxicating.

"Well, this one TSA agent got a little handsy. I might not be able to go to the Middle East for while."

"Oh geez, that's… delightful!"

Amy smiled, she knew he hated her going, "Yes, you got your wish. Besides the groping, it was wonderful. I convinced Faisal to fund the addiction study! He is rolling in cash since oil is like 100 a barrel. He was so pleased with the idea of my expanded addiction study and the practice application of dopamine inhibitors that he proposed to me." Amy stopped dead in her tracks. She hadn't intended to let out the late night proposal from Faisal, because it was a meaningless flirt from a donor, nothing she wasn't used to before, she knew it was bluster. But her loose tongue got the better of her. However, her own curiosity over Sheldon's reaction was something she didn't expect. She held her breath and watched Sheldon's body language.

Sheldon dead dropped her suitcase and turned around like someone had walked on his grave, "I'm sorry, what?"

Amy tried to laugh it off, "Oh, he was just being silly. You know how donors are…I try to stay like a proton! You know…"

"Positive?"

"Yes! Ha ha… Anyway… Speaking of which, any reaction from your Bose-Einstein condensate presentation." Amy's quick subject change was almost successful.

"Yes, as you say, like a proton. Quite positive actually. But I don't have any marriage proposals from it. Just offers of research money, no vows or honeymoon nights." Sheldon snapped.

Amy sat down on the couch and ignored his snide comments, "I am glad. I told you that playing ventriloquist with Leonard would be a good way for you to convey your talents without dealing with public speaking."

"Do you know, I am getting worried how easily the words, "you're right" flow off my tongue with you." Sheldon gave her a sweet smile, which Amy returned happily.

Sheldon could feel his heart rate rise again and his palms were sweaty. He wiped them on his pants legs and continued his query. "So, other than requests for your hand in marriage, any other news from the desert since we spoke last?"

"Oh yes! I almost forgot!" Amy rushed to her suitcase, and pulled out a neatly wrapped box, "I got you a present!"

Sheldon slumped, "Oh no! Why on earth would you do that?" Sheldon held the box like it was filled with camel feces. "Now I am obligated to get you something! How can I top whatever you brought me from a foreign land? I have no plans to travel abroad! I don't know who your favorite superhero is… I can't even figure out what kind of perfume you wear no matter how much I smell your pillows!"

"What?"

"Um.." Sheldon ignored her question, "The foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation."

Amy smiled, "Ah! But it is I who is relieving an obligation. Think of this not at as gift, but as a thank you for watching my apartment for me!"

"I like your other customary thank you's better…" muttered Sheldon touching his cheek as he picked up the light weight box off his lap and shook it trying to figure out what was inside.

"Well, you don't even know what it is yet. Open it."

Sheldon pulled the ribbon off the box, and lifted the lid. His eyes met a field of Pantone 349 C, a distinctive green, and he knew in an instant what it was. "Amy! You got the Saudi Flag!"

"Yes! I thought we could do a whole episode on the proper word order and rules associated with it."

"That's a brilliant idea! You know you can't fly this half-mast?"

"Yes I do. I also know that it's not allowed to be hoisted vertically."

"I didn't know that, but it makes sense!" Sheldon looked over at her with beaming admiration, "I must say, Amy Farrah Fowler, I know I have said this before, but it does bear repeating – I have never met anyone as well versed in flags as myself. You are remarkable." Sheldon watched as Amy blushed at his compliment. He almost reached out and touched her hand, but then he remembered: he hadn't said thank you. He placed his hand on the back of the couch and leaned over to kiss her cheek. It was quick kiss, but he then moved to her ear allowing his lips to keep contact with her skin as he whispered with a warm breath, "Thank you Amy."

He slowly sat back up straight and shyly moved his eyes away from her as he looked over the new flag. He held up the flag to inspect it, but also to hide his face from Amy. He suddenly felt very flush. He wondered if he had contracted some virus.

Amy jumped off the couch to escape his haunting talc scent and warmth, "I should make some tea. They have lovely tea in Saudi Arabia." Amy spoke with such haste; her voice broke speed records as she babbled on about the tea, the camel races and the study she was working on. All the while, she kept in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil. Until one part of her rapid fire conversation hit Sheldon like a sledge hammer.

"What do you mean Faisal's wives were sick?"

"Yes all three of them. Funny, he didn't seem to mind." Amy set his tea on the counter, but Sheldon did not come to retrieve it.

Sheldon was off the couch and standing at the door "What kind of sick? Sneezing, coughing? Flu symptoms? Coccidioidomycosis?"

"Sheldon! There is no way they had San Joaquin Valley fever, they live in Saudi Arabia, not Fresno!"

" **You don't know their life!"** Sheldon pulled up his shirt to cover his mouth. "You might have brought back some desert flu! Were any birds there?"

"I don't have avian flu Sheldon! You are being ridiculous. Come have your tea!" Amy set out his mug, but Sheldon back into the door to escape.

"Not from your hand, typhoid Amy! Who knows what that Prince gave you when he proposed to you! Amy did he touch you?" Sheldon almost forgot his panic as he took a step closer to Amy, and pulled down his shirt. His eyes were wide waiting for an answer he was afraid to hear.

"NO!"

Sheldon let out a huge sigh, but tensed up again when she continued with an orotund response, "I am NOT showing symptoms of anything and the only time I really saw Faisal's wives was on the trip back to airport."

"Oh sweet lord, they trapped you in a tin can of death! You're a carrier! I've got to go!" Sheldon dashed to leave the apartment, but Amy called him back.

"Sheldon! Wait!" Amy walked over to the couch, but not so close as to upset Sheldon. He had his hand on his mouth to cover any germs. "I just wanted to say… Thank you for taking care of my apartment."

Sheldon watched her emerald eyes sparkle in the light, and his chest constricted, "Hold that thought for 5 to 7 days. Now I must go. I have to find my urine collection measuring cup. Good bye!" With a swift slam, he was out the door.

24 hours later, Amy hadn't heard from Sheldon other than a text to ask if she had any apricot yogurt or more green jello. Amy was groggy from her trip and had just sent a quick reply, 'NO', turned off her phone, and fell back to asleep. Sunday morning, around 6:30 AM, she thought she heard noises outside her apartment swiftly followed by footsteps running down the stairs.

2 hours later refreshed after a good night's sleep, she left to go to grocery store and stock up her cabinets. Just as she was leaving, she ran into Sheldon coming out his apartment. He was wearing more layers than a toddler on a snowy day. His head was covered in a knitted cap with yarn balls hanging on either side of his gaunt face. His nose was red as if had spent all day in the snow.

"Sheldon! Are you alright?"

With a congested nasally shrill, he answered coldly, "No, Amy. I am not alright. Thanks to you and your _fiancé's_ wives, that statement itself is ridiculous, I am sick, just as predicted." Sheldon let out a few coughs for added effect.

"You are sick because you let your immune system go down with worry and stress and flooded your system with corisol. Now, if you are truly ill, you need to rest. Where are you going?" Amy put the back of her hand on Sheldon's forehead. He was warm, but not burning up. Sheldon's mouth felt dry as soon as she touched him.

"I need soup. Leonard had to go to work. Wolowitz's mother hung up on me after telling me to call my mother. Mom said she was sorry I was sick, but she wouldn't fly out from Texas to take care of me. Raj won't answer the phone, and you only answered one of my texts." Sheldon sniffed again, "I need soup. I am going to a restaurant."

Amy was flooded with waves of guilt regretting that she had turned off her phone, though he was a grown man, and should be able to take care of himself. "Why didn't you just order soup to be delivered?"

Sheldon hesitated "I didn't think of that. Clearly, my cognitive reasoning skills are diminishing and febrile delirium is next. I expect full kidney shut down by the end of the week. I need soup." He sniffed again and looked at Amy with a pitiful stare.

"Okay, Sheldon. I will take care of you. Come on." Amy shepherded Sheldon back into his apartment and closed the door. "What can I do for you?

"Well, my mother used to make me split pea soup with little frankfurter slices and homemade croutons." As almost a quick after thought he added, "Oh and she would give me sponge baths too."

Amy's eyes widened on hearing the word: Bath. "Okay mister. I will make your soup, but I don't know about the sponge bath…" Amy eyed Sheldon suspiciously trying to see if there was any indication of ulterior motive. Instead Sheldon looked at Amy with blameless eyes as he related the story of his illness in Germany when he was a visiting professor at the age of 14. After some discussion of his symptoms, his house keeper said.

"Möchtest Du eine Darmspülung?"

Amy knew a little German, "She asked you if you would like an enema?"

"Yes unfortunately I did not understand German and nodded. I still tighten up every time I hear Edelweiss play."

"Don't worry, I am not messing with your Darms, spülung or otherwise! Soup, maybe a bath! That's it! Deal?"

"Agreed." Sheldon hobbled back to his room with Amy close behind. She got him out of his traveling coats and scarfs which he was wearing over his pajamas, put his hat away, and tucked him in bed.

"I'm going to make the soup now, you rest."

"WAIT! You need to put vapor rub on my chest." He gave her a few coy bats of eyes for added affect.

"Can't you do that? That soup takes forever to make, and I don't even know if you have little frankfurter slices."

"Please?" Sheldon's piteous voice through his clogged nasal passages was hard for Amy to resist.

"Okay, but just a little bit." Amy sat on the edge of his bed and took the jar in her hand as Sheldon lifted his shirt to reveal his bare chest. Her initial reaction to his bare chest was one of awe. He was so thin she could see each of his ribs, and the little patch of chest hair was adorable. With a soupçon of vapo rub, she started making clockwise circles on his chest using only two fingers at first. He drew in a sharp breath when her fingers first touched his skin. Then he relaxed into her touch "Is that better?"

"Yes and you are doing it the right way so my chest hair doesn't get matted."

Amy had started in small circles, but now her hand seemed to have a will of its own and was expanding the circumference to include past his nipples and toward his neck. She had never touched a man like this before and she memorized every curve of his torso. His skin was taut, but she could feel the hints of muscles beneath especially his pectoral muscles. Her movements slowed down as her eyes roved over his chest like she would be quizzed on every sensation. Sheldon's eyes never left her face as she concentrated on her task.

"Amy, will you sing to me?"

Amy needed to break the tension. Without a word she started to sing,

"Mahna Mahna  
Do doo be-do-do  
Mahna Mahna  
Do do-do do  
Mahna Mahna  
Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!"

"NO no Amy! Although that Muppet song is hilarious. No, will you sing Soft Kitty to me?"

"I don't know it, Sheldon." She put more vapor rub on her fingers and scooted closer to Sheldon. Her thighs were touching his hip and the warm feeling of her proximity distracted him.

"Um, well. It goes... Um ... Soft kitty, warm kitty... little ball of fur."

Amy repeated the words without ridicule and tried to match his every tone. He thought that her husky voice was the perfect instrument for the song.

"Happy Kitty, sleepy kitty.. purr purr purr…" Sheldon waited for Amy to finish the song, but she was lost watching his thin lips. Amy blinked a few times and repeated it perfectly.

Sheldon was breathing heavily and watching her every move with an intensity he had rarely felt before. Amy couldn't take much more of his tempting chest. She decided to change to a safer nursing duty. She pulled down his shirt and lightly padded his chest. "There you go."

"Why don't I read to you? I think you would like that. Hold on, I will get a book I think you will enjoy." Amy found a physics book by George Zweig, 1964.

With a husky low voice, Amy read the passage. Sheldon enjoyed her voice reading his favorite subject almost as much as the feeling of her hands on his chest. Amy finished off the paragraph, "Both mesons and baryons are constructed from a set of three fundamental particles called aces. The aces break up into an isospin doublet and singlet. Each ace carries baryon number ⅓ and is fractionally charged. And the mesons and baryons lived happily ever after."

Sheldon smiled contently, "That was great… Rub my chest again."

"No… I need to get you down for a nap, and that vapor rub seems to get you all riled up" not to mention what it was doing to her she thought, "Also, I need to start that soup." Amy reached behind his neck and took the pillows from his head and fluffed them up. When she did so she did not notice how near her chest was to his face. However Sheldon certainly did and it gave him a funny feeling in his pants region.

"Maybe I **_should_** rest for a while." Sheldon settled down, then shot up again, "Wait, you won't leave, will you?"

Amy was at the door with her hand on the light switch, "No Sheldon, try as I do, you just can't get rid of me. Now sleep." She turned off the light, closed the door and spent the next hour cooking Sheldon's soup, which once he awoke he thought was the best soup he had ever had in California.

After the soup, Sheldon slept again for some of the day and Amy stayed in case he woke up and needed anything. Dozing on the couch she was startled awake around 8 pm by Leonard trying to sneak into his bedroom unnoticed.

"And just where have you been? Trying to avoid Sheldon because he is sick I bet?" Amy was none too pleased with sneaky Leonard shirking his obligation to Sheldon. Additionally, she needed a break from rubbing his chest, which Sheldon had insisted she do at least 3 more times during the course of the day.

"I was at work… There was a laser emergency thing"

"Horse hockey! You were at the movies! I can smell the popcorn on your breath. Now, before you get comfy, go to the store and get me everything on this list."

Leonard looked over the list. Everything looked normal for a Sheldon's sick in, except: "Lavender bath salts? Really?"

"Or you can stay here, and I will go to the store?" Just as word finished on her tongue, Sheldon called out to Amy:

" _Amy, my pillows feel weird, can you fluff them again?"_

Amy crossed her arms and glared at Leonard.

"No.. No no …I'll go. I'll go right now." Leonard rushed out of the apartment and Amy heard the familiar pitter patter of his feet down the stairwell. _So that's who ran down the stairs at 6:00 AM!_ Amy had a renewed anger aimed at Leonard, but Sheldon called to her again.

Amy went into the room to check on Sheldon who was adorably tucked in his bed. She placed her hand on his forehead and he moved his head toward her soft touch. He was still warm, but not as bad as earlier. She reached behind him and fluffed up his pillows for the fourth time of the day. Every time she pulled away, he had a strange smile on his face.

He was starting to sweat out his fever and would need a bath, but Amy worried how she would keep her raging endocrine system under control if he needed her help. She had to have clinical detachment. She was his nursemaid, nothing more.

"You're breaking your fever. You are going to sweat this out."

"Amy, I don't like to be sweaty. It's yucky." Sheldon wiped the sweat from his forehead with his pajama sleeve. He was dripping for some reason, but his pillows felt fantastic.

"I know its yucky." Amy drew in a long breath and finally said, "I will run a bath for you, or can you shower?"

Sheldon didn't wait a second to answer, "I need a bath. I think I will pass out if I have to stand in the hot shower."

"Would you be strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help?" Waiting for his answer, Amy's heart pounded in her chest like a bass drum.

**Chapter 13: Chapter 13**

**The Big Reversal Theory 13**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

"Would you be strong enough to bathe yourself, or do you need my help?" Waiting for his answer, Amy's heart pounded in her chest like a bass drum.

Sheldon rose off the bed slowly and stumbled toward the door before he looked at Amy with bloodshot eyes. "I think you need to help me." He meekly answered.

"Okay, Sheldon. Stay here. I will go and get it ready."

Amy scampered off to the bathroom and started the bath. She used some of Leonard's Darth Vader Shampoo for the bubbles. " _More bubbles... Lots of bubbles"_ she thought.

After dumping most of the bottle, she went back to the bedroom and found Sheldon sitting on the bed. While she was gone, he had taken off all his clothes and re-donned his robe. His bare legs were sticking out the green plaid robe and his naked feet were as adorable as the rest of him.

Amy stood in front of him and helped him up by hooking her arm around his shoulder. He did seem weak, and his face was dripping with sweat and his breathing was shallow when he looked at her. Concern for his health overshadowed her own fantasies which she now pushed out of her mind as she helped him down the hall to the bath.

Once in the room, Sheldon didn't wait for Amy to turn her back before he reached for his robe tie. Amy rampant curiosity was begging her to keep watching as he pulled the robe open slowly, but she quaked with embarrassment of seeing him naked. She had to swiftly turn around waiting to hear the sloshing sound of the bath water.

"Leonard isn't back yet, but the next time you take a bath, you can use the bath salts I asked him to get. It will help you relax."

"Oh, I am plenty relaxed. I just need to get this sweat off me. Will you help me?" Sheldon said before he handed her a washcloth with a small smile. His neck was taut, and showed his veins as he strained to move in the small tub. His rounded deltoid muscles stretched and tightened every time he moved his shoulders. His clavicles poked away from his upper chest just enough for Amy's taste. She marveled how she could see every muscle group flex on his lanky frame. His body was a perfect model to her. Resisting him would prove more difficult than she originally thought.

"Okay, but just for a little while, you need to do this on your own, Sheldon."

"Thank you Amy." His weak reply was enough to drop her to her knees, resigned to her fate of Sheldon's caretaker for the day. She blew out the last of her resistance in a sharp breath, quickly took off her cardigan and rolled up her sleeves of her thin blouse. As she knelt down on the cold tile floor, she hesitantly dipped the cloth in the bubbly hot water, and gently covered Sheldon's pale back with a mixture of lather and water. As she bathed his shoulders and neck Sheldon's barely audible pleasure filled moans echoed in the small tiled cavern. Though Amy was thankful he could not see her reaction to his body, but she felt that he had to have heard her breathing change no matter how much she was trying tried to use the sounds of the water to mask her 'hoos' and jagged breaths.

The water slopped a little out of the tub, making the floor wet. As Amy knelt closer to Sheldon, her knee slipped. Her attempts to stop her fall failed as and she overbalanced. her hand went into the water, slid down part of his bony hip, and she felt the muscular side of Sheldon's buttocks.

Though he didn't seem to mind in the least, Amy did. She slowly pulled her hand out of the water. "Oh, I'm sorry, hold on." She said in shock as she got a towel, folded it and used it as a pad for her knees. She didn't realize that the water made her blouse transparent. Sheldon could see the outline of her pale blue bra through her blouse. He had to swift his eyes away, but he wasn't as successful at Amy earlier to avoid his rampant curiosity. He swallowed a large gulp as his eyes were fixed on her exposed figure while she crossed the room and came back to him.

She knew he was extremely thin from applying the vapor rub earlier, and she could see his ribs around his back. However, his shoulders surprised her as they were muscular for a man who never engaged in any exercise. His back with its smattering of black moles and freckles was just as tempting as his front, plus his skin was smooth as cabochon alabaster.

This was Amy's first experience with a naked man though she had encountered numerous lifeless cadavers on the UCLA morgue slab. She was all too aware that Sheldon was very much alive and also that the only thing preventing her seeing him completely nude was a blanket of bubbles that were quickly dispersing. " _At least I only have to see his back_."

Just as that thought had flashed through her mind, Sheldon lent back down in the tub with his hands folded on his lap, hiding wonders that Amy could only imagine.

"You can't sleep in the tub, Sheldon." The bubbles wrapped around Sheldon's shoulders like a shawl.

Without opening his eyes, Sheldon said, "I won't. Can you wash my chest too?"

"Oh, I guess, but that will take off the vapor rub."

"Maybe after the bath, you can put it back on?"

"Okay."

" _In for penny, in for pound,"_ thought Amy as she rubbed his chest with the cloth in the same pattern as she had applied the vapor rub. The wide circle she made on his chest was even larger now that he had no pajama top on. Her cloth gloved hand felt his entire torso, from his clavicle to his waist line.

She dipped the cloth in the warm water and started to move her hand over his stomach, Sheldon relocated his hands on the sides of the tub. He realized just how much he liked having his belly rubbed. Each pass she dipped her hand a little lower toward the bubbles. She feel his muscles tighten under each pass, and she could see his knuckles were white from gripping the sides. His eyes, now opened, were looking at her and had changed to a darkened hue, and his breathing had become as erratic as Amy's.

Amy had to change the situation somehow or she would not be able to stop herself diving into the tub and ravaging him, "Do you want me to wash your hair? It so short it would take…"

"Yes." Sheldon didn't even let her finish, he seemed just as eager for the change. He sat up quickly and handed her a small pitcher from the side of the tub.

"Close your eyes." Amy dipped the pitcher in the water and cascaded the waterfall over his head and washed away any bubbles that clung to his skin. With a small dollop of shampoo, she started to massage his head and neck.

Sheldon melted into her hands. "Your hands are like magic Amy."

"One of these days, I will tell you how you can massage yourself. My knowledge of the central nervous system is uncanny."

Sheldon couldn't speak as he was too busy giving off nasally moans. _'Good thing Leonard wasn't home or he would wonder what Amy was doing to me.'_

With this thought he pulled away slightly. "That's fine. Thank you."

"Sure, close your eyes again." Amy dumped the pitcher of water over his head, "Is this water warm enough?"

"After you went through the trouble to draw the bath and get the bubbles right, I shouldn't complain." Sheldon gave her a sweet smile, "But since you asked, it's a little nippy."

"That's good! Maybe you are breaking your fever?" Amy reached over and placed her hands on his forehead. She couldn't tell, but he seemed cooler. She rose and retrieved a dry towel to dry him off. She padded his face slightly with the towel. "I can't tell so I need to take your temperature again after I will do it after the your bath. Are you done?"

"Yes." Sheldon said before without warning, Sheldon he started to rise out of the bath.

Amy was struggling to get off her knees as he stood up and she saw the streams of lather drifting down his spine toward his perfect posterior. Amy quickly turned away before she saw anymore, the need to turn away was not as urgent as before the bath.

"I'll get a towel." Amy She said before rushing rushed to the other side of the room, found the largest towel she could, and handed to Sheldon from behind her back. "Here."

Sheldon wrapped the towel around his waist and tapped Amy on the shoulder. "Should we go?"

Sheldon face, neck and shoulders were glistening with beads of water. "Oh no, Sheldon, you're still dripping!" Amy grabbed another towel and padded his shoulders dry, lifting his arms and rubbing his chest. She tried to keep her eyes on his, but he watched her hands move over his exposed body like she was rubbing oil on him, readying him for a prize fight.

He knew that if it was a fight against his raging endocrine system, he would lose soon enough. He was surprised to have this reaction to Amy. He had had these feelings in his loins before but that was when he was a teenager. He now worried that the towel wasn't thick enough to hide his body's reaction to her touch.

He mentally chastised himself for having any thoughts of Amy at the moment. She was there to care for him, not the object of his hind brain's primitive fantasies. Although, the thought of Amy rubbing his body lower while peeling off her gossamer thin blouse seemed to be a double feature in his addle mind. He rationalized that his mental acuity was hindered by his illness and letting his hind brain take full control, but that knowledge didn't help him at the moment but Amy's nurturing voice did.

"Sheldon, let's get you back to bed. Come on, you need new pajamas. I will change your sheets while you dress."

Amy fixed the bed while Sheldon dressed in the corner of the room. She tried her best to keep her eyes away from his direction, but curiosity got the better of her again as she admired his hidden assets. Amy rationalized, a lady may not gawk, but she always ganders.

She was amazed at his lack of modesty at the moment but more amazed at his hidden assets; assets she had only read about in biology text books and seen in that one in an issue of National Geographic she kept hidden from her mother under her bed as a teenager next to her copy of Canterbury Tales with pages of the naughty bits dogged eared. She chalked his lack of modesty it up to his illness. His mind was muddled and a good night's rest would bring back the stoic Sheldon Cooper she had come to _lo…_

She almost let the word slip in her mind. Amy reaction to him frightened and excited her at the same night. She stopped suddenly in the middle of putting new pillow cases on the bed.

"Um, let's get you to bed. I will check on your tomorrow." Amy almost pushed him in the newly made bed and tucked him in up to his neck. She didn't think she could take more of his tempting taut physique.

"Will you put vapor rub on my chest again?"

Amy slumped her shoulders down. She would never get out of there, "Sheldon, you have enough vapor rub on your chest to drown in a mentholatum miasma."

"But Amy…Please!"

Sheldon's pitiful blue eyes were too much for her to take. She wilted down on the bed like a flower in a rain storm. She grabbed the jar while he pulled up his shirt and smiled at her.

" _Oh, Sheldon_. _Do you know what you do to me_?" She wanted to ask, but instead, quietly applied the vapor rub. He fell asleep while she was rubbing his chest and singing _Soft Kitty_ to him.

She tip toed out of the room just in time to see Leonard returning with the groceries.

"How's the patient?"

"Sleeping again, finally. Leonard… Do you know how much work he is when he is sick? Don't answer that, of course you do." With a viper's stare, Amy glared at Leonard, grabbed her sweater in a huff, "I will not be back tomorrow, so you better be ready!"

"But Amy!" Leonard tried his best pleading voice, but it fell short as Amy turned on him.

"Don't " _But Amy"_ , me, mister popcorn! You don't have haunting blue eyes that melt into me, so forget it! I won't succumb to your charms."

"I'm sorry…. but what was that about melting blue eyes?" Leonard smug smirk was enough to shut Amy up.

"Never mind! I need to sleep. I've inhaled too much vapor rub. Good night!"

Despite her comments Amy was back tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. Amy was playing Florence Nightingale to Sheldon Cooper for four days solid without a break. Besides making him soup and reading every Feyman lecture, Amy's days were filled with vapor rub downs, soft songs and baths. Lots of baths, each one more tempting than the last. Amy tried everything to keep her eyes from wandering over his tempting physique, but it was futile. The only saving grace was they were out of Darth Vader Shampoo and lavender bath salts.

Amy was the perfect nursemaid, never complained and always cheerful. Also, despite Amy's insistence, Leonard had been a master at avoiding Sheldon and Amy wondered where he was sleeping, because she rarely saw him.

Leonard had been busy eluding Sick Sheldon and dealing with the egotistical bratty Dennis Kim, a young physics prodigy that Dr Gablehauser had hornswoggled Leonard into touring around Cal-Tech. Dennis was, though it was hard to believe, less pleasant than Sheldon but just as arrogant.

Leonard, Howard and Raj had hatched a scheme to get rid of the arrogant little twit before Sheldon came back to work. They could not cope with two such geniuses. It turned out that Dennis Kim was not only a physics genius, but also a ladies man and had soon found other interests to keep him away from the university. Leonard's only solace from his hell week were the dinners at the Cheesecake factory and waiting for Penny to finish her shift so he could walk her to her car talking her through the latest relationship dilemma with Kurt. She had been sleeping at Bernadette's apartment to avoid him, which Leonard thought was a great idea.

So it had been left to Amy to nurse Sheldon back to health, but his recovery was taking far longer than expected, and Amy began to worry. She took Sheldon's meticulous notes and his throat cultures to her lab along with the swab of his throat she took while he was sleeping. The results were surprising.

Amy returned to 4A on the fifth afternoon of his illness to find Sheldon laying on the couch. He seemed a little out of breath. His orange soda and his comic books along with the Wii remote which was hanging perilously by its cord on the edge of the coffee table were indications of his afternoon activities.

"Oh, Amy, thank god you're back. I think I'm taking a turn for the worse."

"Really, Sheldon?" Amy walked slowly over to him on the couch with her hands behind her back like an inspector.

"Look, I'm all sweaty again. I think I need another bath. Do we have any more of those lavender bath salts?"

"No, we are all out. Perhaps I should pick some up when I go the pet store! Because you lie like a dog on the rug!" Amy growled at him for added effect.

"Amy… I …."

"I went to the lab today, you big fibber! Not only are you **not** sick, in fact, you were never sick! You didn't have rhinosinusitus! At worst, you had a psychosomatic reaction to something that caused your imaginary illness."

Sheldon sat up like he was scowled by the principal. He had to defend his actions, "Amy! I was sick in the beginning. You saw me! I was feverish, I had sweaty palms, and my heart was racing. It all started the moment you got back! Your _fancy_ fiancé must have gotten you sick!" Sheldon coughed again for added effect.

Amy wasn't buying it and ignoring his slam about the donor. she added, "Sheldon, I am going to say this calmly. I am not sick and neither are you! How long have you been feeling better and didn't tell me?"

Sheldon mumbled something toward his navel.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

Sheldon took a deep sigh. "3 Three days, but only when you were gone. I can't explain my behavior Amy. Every time you came in the room, the symptoms returned! My heart raced, my palms are sweaty. I have trouble breathing. I mean, it may be psychosomatic, but I still felt them. I wasn't lying to you."

"Well, beyond strapping you on a table and preforming some psychoneuroimmunological study on your susceptible body…" Amy said before licking her lips as she looked over Sheldon, imagining him strapped to a table. This thought was turning into a favorite fantasy of hers.

"I have a different solution. I picked up something at the drug store that will help you, no matter what the symptoms. Take this." Amy handed him an oblong white pill.

Sheldon looked at her suspiciously, but being afraid to say anything that would raise her ire, he popped it into his mouth. "It tastes minty."

Amy swallowed a smile. "That's how they manufacture them nowadays."

Sheldon gobbled down his medicine and gave her a pathetic look, but Amy disapprovingly shook her head and continued her tirade. "I have to tell you Sheldon, psychosomatic or not, this is unacceptable for you to take advantage of me like this. I am frankly shocked. I thought our relationship was based on trust and a mutual admiration that skews in my favor."

Sheldon furled his brow. "I thought it skewed in **my** favor?"

She narrowed her eyes and him and growled. "Maybe you **are** sick…"

Sheldon slumped down. He was caught and he knew it. Being with her for last few days had been strange for him. He had felt better during the day when he was on his own, then when she came into the apartment, he would fall ill again. It wasn't like he felt poorly, just out of control but almost addicted to the feeling of her presence. It was odd that he had the same symptoms as Amy's including localized vascular throbbing. He more than once need to revive himself through self-abuse during the time she left him alone. He wasn't ashamed by the actions, because he figured it was a strange symptom of his baffling illness. He thought about bringing up that fact, but Amy's scowl kept him from mentioning it.

He begrudgingly mumbled his admission, "Well, I should have told you I was feeling better during the day. A lie by omission is still a lie."

"It pains me to say this, Sheldon, but I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future."

Sheldon let out a defeated moan. "What do you suggest? No more raspberry turnovers?"

"I think that is a given, Sheldon."

"Well, in my house, my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey." He looked at her sheepishly.

Amy's mouth dropped when she realized his meaning. "Sheldon, are you saying you want me to spank you?"

Sheldon held up his hands in surrender. "I don't want you to! But it looks like I left you no choice!"

Amy gulped and backed up a little. She would never want to give a spanking. " _Get one however... Where did that come from"_ she thought. "There is **no way** I am going to spank you. You want a spanking, you have to spank yourself!"

Sheldon looked at her with large blinking eyes and said nothing.

Amy cleared her throat. "Um... I mean… Corporal punishment never works!"

"Well, you're probably right. But if you lied to me, I'd spank you! I wouldn't give it a second thought, just put you over my knee and have at it!" Sheldon slapped his hand for a sound effect.

Amy held up her hands to her face and let out a muffled _'hoo'_. For a brief moment she wished she was one who had faked the illness.

"I… I … can't do that Sheldon. You are just going to have to skip that Iron Man movie you're so excited about or that Batman thing!" Amy only suggested this to see his reaction. She was getting drunk on the power to make him squirm.

"AMY! I didn't kill a man!"

Amy let out a sigh and gave him a forgiving smile. "I know. You just gave into a human weakness!" She nudged his shoulder and winked. "I think you missed me..."

Sheldon snorted. "Preposterous. I saw you almost every day on Skype! How could I have missed you?"

Amy shrugged her shoulders and said like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Maybe you finally realize that you just needed human contact?"

Sheldon was truly insulted. "Ridiculous! Finding the mysteries of the universe and my inevitable Nobel Prize path would falter if I ever did such a thing. I assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you very much!"

He crossed his arms and turned away with a loud harrumph. "I think your minty medicine is working, by the way. I feel fine."

Amy should have known he would never admit to enjoying their physical proximity. She glanced at her watch and shot off the couch like a rocket shooting into the sky. "Good. I can't stay anyway, I have a date." Amy had been putting the man off, but her mother demanded she go. When she realized Sheldon wasn't sick, she lamented she had to finally go; she lost her excuse.

Sheldon jumped off the couch to intercept her hasty retreat to the door. "A date?" He started to cough. "What kind…" He coughed again. "With whom?" His chest tightened up and he felt a fever coming on. "It's not Raj, is it?"

"God no. Just a man from this dating site I use. It's part of my yearly obligation. I did tell you about this, but my mother insists I go on one once a year. Since I missed last year, she demanded I go before the end of the month." Amy headed toward the door, but once weak Sheldon was keeping up with her like an Olympian.

Sheldon let out a snort of haughty derision. "Some dating site? I'm sorry Amy, but I must tell you have been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey on the gullible and the lonely."

"I'm not looking for a soulmate Sheldon. There is no way I would meet the love of my life on some dating site or at a coffee shop for god's sake!"

"Who said anything about the _love_ of your life?"

Amy ignored his snapping and gathered more of her belongings, "I am just going a date to get my mother off my back! It's just coffee."

Sheldon didn't listen to a word she was saying. "Assuming you could find a match to your intellect, the algorithms used by matchmaking sites are complete hokum. I don't know why you would subject yourself to such a tedious evening."

"It's just coffee." Amy was rushing out of the apartment, but Sheldon was following her.

"And who is this guy? Does he know you performed surgery on your own feet at the age of 14? Don't tell him or you will get another empty marriage proposal by the end of the evening."

"Again… It's just coffee."

"Well, I'm sure it will be a droll evening filled with fake smiles and useless chit chat. I don't know why you would waste your mental capacity on such drivel as love and romantic entanglements." Sheldon was almost yelling across the hall to Amy who was heading toward her door. "And what happened to 'I don't drink coffee, Irish or otherwise!'"

"Sheldon! I am doing this out of obligation, not desire. Don't be ridiculous! Now I have to go."

Sheldon let out a ridiculously loud cough and sniffle. Amy was almost at her door, when she waltzed back to Sheldon and put her hand on his forehead. "Just as I thought, you **_are_** fine."

Her swift touch made Sheldon jet back, but then he leaned into her hand as she slowly pulled it away. He grabbed her hand and held her for a moment to stop her from leaving. His thumb ran over his delicate wrist briefly before he let her go. He didn't know exactly what to say, but he knew he didn't want her to leave, not yet.

As if he was telling her a secret, he told her, "Um, Amy. I know I should do more for you, but I just wanted to say… thank you for taking care of me so well."

In an instant, Amy's face grew warm with a rose blush. She hadn't expected his tone to change so dramatically, but she would never refuse him when he looked at her with his intense stare. It was one of her favorite Sheldon faces that she was beginning to identify: Raw honesty. It was face he rarely revealed to anyone because it was from the most guarded part of his heart. His other faces were easy to recognize, like his koala face, his twitchy lying face, and pouty childlike face.

This face, though, aged him from a young petulant boy into a full blown man in an instant. It was the face that made her knees weak. He had the same face after every small une bise kiss he gave her over the last four nights to say thank you for taking care of him.

Amy could never tell him, but he had such power over her at that moment. He could have just one word and she would have done it. One breath, and her date would have been forgotten. All he needed to say was don't go. It never occurred to him to ask.

"You've thanked me every night. You've been quite adamant about it, actually."

"Well, I just want to you to know, I really did feel sick. Especially the first two days. It wasn't a ruse."

"I know Sheldon. I also know you would never try and trick me for human contact. You have made it clear that you have no interest in that. I understand that, don't worry. If I am ever sick, you can return the favor? Okay? Like a contract or an agreement?"

"I'll write it up. Thank you, Amy. I really like written agreements."

"As do I." Amy offered a small smile as a peace offering. Sheldon took it gladly and returned it as he leaned down to kiss her cheek.

Before he could kiss her cheek to thank her, Amy rose up on her tip toes and met his advance. She lightly kissed his cheek, but lingered a second longer than one would think appropriate for a _une bise_ , more like _un bisou,_ a more familiar version of the greeting.

She had been wanting to kiss his cheek for days and feel his warm on her own lips. She drank in every whiff of his scent.

Her lips moved over the slight stubble on his cheek as her mouth shifted to his ear. "I never properly said thank you for watching my apartment. Thank you, again."

He may not want physical contact, she thought, but she did at that moment and he didn't refuse it.

Amy dropped back onto her heels and gave Sheldon a sweet smile, before sharply turning and marching swiftly back to her apartment. The feeling in his chest started again and his mouth turned dry. He watched her close the door before he let out the breath he was holding.

Sheldon went back into this apartment and quickly got dressed still feeling ill, though this time, it was his stomach that pained him. Once dressed, he sat on the couch in silence, staring blankly toward the kitchen remembering her cooking his favorite soup and preparing his tea. He had taken advantage of her kindness, but lord he loved being taken care of that week. For some reason unbeknownst to him, his eyes started to sting. He ignored it, and let his mind wander through the twisting twirling thoughts that fluttered through his brain.

Each thought led him to a new path, a new avenue to explore. He was mind surfing, a process he often did when he didn't want to think about something in particular. For 30 minutes he sat silently until he heard the door of 4B open and close, the clinking of brass keys, and the distinctive patter of Mary Jane shoes shuffling down the stairs.

He swallowed a strange feeling that was tightening up his throat. He rubbed his sweaty hands on his pant legs and tried to concentrate on the nothingness that should calm him. ' _Not sick?_ ' he thought. ' _What did she know_?'

He continued riding the waves of his thoughts. One minute he was thinking of the movie Army of Darkness, then the actor Bruce Campbell, then he remembered, that Bruce Campbell was a Lavender farmer in California in addition to being an actor. His mind floated over fields of lavender, or Lavandula angustifolia. How he got from a science fiction movie to fields of plants from the mint family was just part of the wondrous things he loved about his mind.

He smiled at his own thoughts. No other reason to smile, he thought. He wasn't a hippie, so thoughts of flowers would not affect him. However, he could almost smell the lavender before he reached up and gently caressed his neck in the exact spot that Amy had rubbed the night before when he complained his neck was far too fragile to hold up something as marvelous as his brain. It was like a Faberge egg, delicate, yet highly valuable. Amy massaged one spot, and he instantly relaxed. It was exhilarating, the feeling of pain replaced by pleasure. He had never been touched like that before, but Amy's hands were masterful.

Sheldon didn't make the connection of Amy's touch with his feeling. Instead he just let his mind wandered once more. He ruminated of the etymology of word, Lavender, from the old French, lavandre, _to wash_.

Suddenly his mind was not his own as memories of his baths with Amy swept through his head like a deluge, overpowering every ounce of will power he had to repel it. He was drowning in a maelstrom of smells and memories of the heavenly feel of her hands on his shoulders and back.

He remembered the way she would fluff his pillow whenever he asked for it, which was far more often than needed but he loved her cherry topped sundae evocative scent when she was close to him. He recalled her smile every time he said thank you in the evening after she nursed him all day. He didn't want to get her sick with his light thank you cheek kiss, but she was the carrier of his affliction. He reasoned, she got him sick, after all! The small cheek kiss wouldn't hurt her, and in fact, it was the social convention to which she was accustomed.

He took a deep bitter swallow as his mind wandered to a faceless stranger probably seated across from her that evening, smiling at her wit and her charm. The stranger may laugh at her jokes, but would only comprehend half of the humor or her brilliance. Then at the end of the evening, he would thank her for the date. It wasn't until Sheldon heard his name, did he snap from the haze. He realized his jaw hurt from clenching it.

Leonard was standing in front of him, holding a bag of take-out food and wearing a concerned frown. Standing next to him were Raj and Howard. He glanced at the clock, it had been 53 minutes since Amy left.

"Hey buddy, you okay?" Leonard held tight onto the bag of food just in case he had to make a quick escape.

"Am I okay? Leonard, I'm on a lifelong trajectory that includes a Nobel Prize and cities named after me, all four wisdom teeth fit comfortably in my mouth without need of extraction, and my bowel movements run like a German train schedule. Am I okay?"

"I meant are you still sick?"

"Oh, that… turns out…"

He stopped, deciding he didn't want to tell Leonard his sickness was psychosomatic. Sheldon didn't believe it himself, but he certainly didn't need to give Leonard any more ammunition. "…I've fully recovered."

"Good. I was beginning to worry. Amy was ready to strap you on table and dose you with antibiotics with that big needle of hers."

"Oh, she is always ready to strap me on a table, damn brain monkeys." Sheldon didn't realize the implication of his words, but Howard did.

Howard looked at Leonard and suppressed a smile, "Sooo speaking of strapping on down on a table, Sheldon… where is Mistress Amy?"

"She is on a date." Sheldon tried to say the statement with no more emotion than if he was talking about the weather. He thought he did well but he was sorely mistaken as the guys could hear his voice snap at the word _date_.

Raj couldn't believe what he heard. "I'm sorry, a what?"

Sheldon played like a thesaurus. "A date, a rendezvous, an engagement."

Both Raj and Howard looked to Leonard for clarification but he just shrugged his shoulders. Howard couldn't let it go and asked Sheldon, who was spending far too much time playing with his tangerine chicken. "Are you telling me that Sheldon's patented blend of condescension and no sex isn't enough to hold on to a woman?"

Sheldon snapped. "Amy and I aren't dating! There is nothing to hold on to!"

Raj leered toward her apartment, "I've seen her in a tight skirt dude, there is plenty to hold on to!"

Leonard shot Raj a look that told him to shut up. Raj remembered the 'Glorious Battle of Raj's Martyrdom' and kept quiet.

Leonard turned back to Sheldon, who was glaring at Raj. "Hold up. She's on a date, and you're okay with that?"

Sheldon started his yawn inducing lecture tone, but it had a bite behind it the men didn't recognize from him, "Why wouldn't I be? Amy is a friend who is girl, but she is not my girlfriend. I have no romantic ties to her, no feelings of remorse when she leaves. I go about my business no matter what she does, or who she sees, or what she drinks."

Sheldon held his throbbing chest for second and then threw down his fork in disgust. "I mean, coffee? Really? It's 6:00PM, who drinks coffee at this hour? Hippies and beatniks looking to up their coolness ratio with a swirling mug of arrogance with ground beans strained through hot water, that's who! Add some pumpkin spice and they charge you four dollars more. Four dollars! Coffee! The sponsored hot beverage of the hipster squad!"

Sheldon looked to his friends for support, "She thinks I'm being ridiculous?"

All three men said flatly in unison, "You are… yes… she's right!"

Sheldon almost threw down his plate and sauntered over to the kitchen to get a bottle of water. The guys just looked at each other and said nothing fearing the dragon would spit fire back at them. "I think you all who are being ridiculous. You are the ones going on about Amy and her _DATE_ …"

Sheldon came back to the table in a huff, "Now, are we going to play the inaugural round of Warlords of Ka'a Satanimals pack? If so, I have to put on my Beelzebobcat outfit. OR is that _ridiculous_ too?"

" Incredibly so… yes… absolutely.." His friends replied. He was not getting support from them for berating hipsters or wearing bobcat outfits with devil horns.

Before another word was spoken, or anyone had a chance to tell Sheldon again he was being ridiculous, they heard Amy's voice coming up the stairs. She seemed to be arguing with someone.

" _Yes Mother, I went! I promise! I met him at this hipster coffee shop. I mean who drinks coffee after 6:00 PM, mother?!... No.. I had tepid water… I did, I talked to him! Of course! I always tell them that 'All forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table!'… Mother! You are the one who told me to say that! I know I was only 16 but it still applies. No! Because he was boring Mother! I mean who cares about being a script supervisor for some sitcom. Yes yes, Mother, that one you like on Thursday night at 8:00. NO, he can't get you tickets to a taping! I am not going to see him again! Fine… Fine!"_

Sheldon heard all of the conversation as did the other men. They knew Sheldon was hanging on every word, even if he didn't. He was also unaware of the smile that crept over his face when she said her date was boring. However his smile quickly dropped when he heard the last thing Amy said before she entered her apartment.

" _Okay. Who is he? Oh Mother, your friend's son, really?... Fine! Okay! I will think about it. Maybe! If I do go on one date with him it will be just ONE! Then I am done for the year, Mother! I mean it!"_

The last thing Sheldon heard was the door close roughly.

All three men looked at Sheldon who avoided their stares. He breathed in a deep hot breath and waited for the men to say something, but it was deathly quiet.

Sheldon snapped at all of them. "Cluck, cluck, cluck. What are we, ladies at a quilting bee? Or are we men playing a fantasy card game set in a zoo from the bowels of Hell!?"

The rest of the evening passed with Leonard wishing for Sheldon's illness to return so he could drown in a lavender bath. Eventually he introduced the subject to Dennis Kim, whom Sheldon was pleased not to have met even though no one told him he had won a Stephenson Prize before Sheldon, or that he had criticized Sheldon's work, and had thought that he was a washed up string theorist. Howard had begged to, but Leonard told him if he did, he would have to move in with Sheldon for a month. Howard kept silent.

The next morning the guys went to the park to have a glorious kite battle when they saw Dennis Kim whose lips were firmly attached to a young girl's face.

"Screw him, he was weak. That gentlemen, is what befalls a man who succumbs to the charms of a woman. I'm lucky I am married to the sweet vixen of science." Sheldon observed as he marched off quickly to avoid watching any more public displays of affection.

Raj shook his head and whispered to Howard. "Does science know he is cheating on her with the Vixen in 4B?"

"No, and don't tell science. She would be heart broken."

**Chapter 14: Chapter 14**

**The Big Reversal Theory 14**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

It was Monday morning and as soon as Amy saw the three nerdy caballeros standing in the doorway of her lab, she knew what this was about and she wanted no part of it. She already knew that Sheldon's behavior had got him kicked off the physics bowl team in the span of no less than two days.

Amy and Penny had gone over to 4B on the previous Saturday afternoon, to quiz the guys on the physics questions and help them prepare for the Physics Bowl. Leonard was thrilled that Penny had come over just to help him out and had behaved like a twitterpated fool for most of the afternoon. Though dinner was of course included, Penny would have helped anyway. She was spending more time with the group now and was becoming a permanent feature at dinner, despite Sheldon's protest letter writing campaign to Leonard.

Amy loved having a girlfriend, but caretaking Sick Sheldon for a week had cut into their time together. The day of the quiz practice was the first she had seen Penny since she had left for Saudi, so Amy had not had much of a chance to talk to Penny and bring her up-to-date on the terrible date she had had or the fact that she had promised her mother to go on another one. However arrangements had been made for the girls to come over for dinner on Monday night and Amy could fill them in then.

That Saturday afternoon Amy could tell trouble was brewing in the form of Sheldon needing to prove he was the smartest in the room by refusing to let any of the others answer the questions. Then the next day Amy had heard from Sheldon how he had simply made a reasonable suggestion of a team name, and they had kicked him off the team for no viable reason what so ever. Much as he loved his new Batman cookie jar that Leonard gave him to smooth things over, and the macaroons that Amy made for him to fill it, they were of little solace for the betrayal of his so called friends.

In addition she had hoped for Sheldon to show a small shard of jealousy over her date but he seemed blasé about it, as if knew it was a disaster even before she had told him. He had been unusually self-righteous, though she had to admit that being smug was a natural state for Sheldon Lee Cooper. Amy had therefore tried to avoid being alone with Sheldon, but he seemed to be continually around her and acting a little strange. He had given her a George Foreman grill to say thank you for taking care of him though it was well out of character for him to buy gifts, and he had taken to asking nonstop questions about whether she had heard from her mother. It was unusual for Sheldon to be so interested in Amy's family relationships.

_Relationship_. That was a word Amy was sick of hearing from her never gratified mother whose constant nagging for Amy to be in a relationship seemed to discredit all her academic accomplishments. Amy felt that her mother would never think Amy was successful unless she had a boyfriend, as if having a man was a litmus test for a fulfilling life. Amy knew intellectually it was hoary Barbie doll mentality, but it still stung. Though Amy never got her self-worth on the arm of a man, it didn't mean that she didn't want one, just that she didn't **_need_** one and Amy's criteria for a potential mate was strict.

Amy had spent the weekend tossing and turning unable to escape her vivid dreams. She didn't need a Neuroscience degree to figure out the meaning; she had night after night fantasized of a bare chested blue eyed Titan rising out the seas whisking her away to ravage her on fields of lavender. His eyes matched the ocean and his voice was a siren's call. As the Titan was about to rip off her gauzy dress, herds of cats singing 'Soft Kitty' tromped through the field. The Titan ignored her to play with the cats, and the various toys that were suddenly surrounding them. Amy started to choke on the overwhelming scent of menthol and cat fur. The cats tied up Amy like Gulliver, each little paw strapping her down while they whispered in her ear in a hiss, " _He will never want you. He's ours and ours alone_."

Today Amy did not want to think about Sheldon, but the three men now standing in her lab reminded her that his presence was never far away. Amy was in no mood to play peacemaker. Things had been stable between them and she didn't want to get in the middle of a cat fight. She needed the break from his alluring scent of talc and his sculpted back that crept into her dreams every night. She had to keep her hind brain in check but she was thankful for her recent discovery of a new use for an electric toothbrush that she nicknamed Gerard after the man who played King Leonidas in the movie, 300. Amy thought there was nothing sexier than half naked Spartans. Of course, half naked Physicists were quickly moving to the top of her list.

So on this Monday morning she was tired and irritable

" **No**!" She didn't even bother to look at the trio of men at her door.

"But Amy, you don't even know why we are here?" Leonard's face was creased with worry, this was becoming a common look for him.

"Sure she does! She knows Sheldon is a whack job and is one bad day away from climbing on top of the tower in the court yard and swatting the drones we will launch at him. Come on Amy! Be our Ann Darrow to Sheldon's King Kong."

"NO! Besides he already goes ape anytime I eat bananas in front of him. I don't need to bring out his savage inner primate!"

Raj sneered, and whispered to Howard, who laughed. Amy asked, "What did he say?"

"He said, if anyone could bring out Sheldon's savage inner primate, it's you!"

"Malarkey with a big side of poppycock. Go away!"

Howard didn't take the hint. He walked over to Amy and put his hand around her shoulder. Amy looked at Howard's hand like it was dipped in ebola then at Howard's smug smiling face, "Amy is a reasonable gal. She will help us destroy him, right Amy?"

"They only thing I am going to destroy, is your chances of ever having a little baby Wolowitz if you don't remove that appendage." Howard snatched his hand away and held it protectively over his jewels as if her eyes alone could strike him. "Next, Sheldon is my friend as well as yours. I won't let some silly contest get in the way of that. Now shoo!"

"But Amy! We need you! Raj has suggested that we get the actress who played Blossom. She has a degree in chemistry or something but I said, hey, who needs Blossom, we have Amy!"

"You do not have Amy! No one has Amy! Amy is staying out of it! Besides, I am Neuroscientist, not a physicist. You need another physicist." Amy snapped her fingers, "I know! Ask that woman you had coitus with that upset Sheldon so much. Two birds, one stone."

Howard loved the idea, now that it appeared that his chances of getting Amy as a fourth member of the PMS squad was zero. "Perfect! Leonard, go ask her!"

Leonard held up his hands, "No way! Not Leslie."

Amy cocked her head in confusion, "Just because you saw each other's face contorted in the sweet act of coitus, is no reason not utilize her skills. I don't think she will hold it against you that you liked Brian Adams."

Raj whispered to Howard who agreed, "Yeah, Leonard, sack up Dude!"

"Fine! I'll take one in the sack!"

Later that evening, Amy was enjoying another ladies night at her apartment. Penny and Bernadette had come over to hear all the latest about the boys, but mostly they wanted to hear how things were going with Amy's date and especially Sheldon.

"Wait, so you're telling me this guy works on a sitcom? That one on CBS?"

"Yes, he kept going on and on about it. Like he was obsessed. I mean all he could talk was this one couple on the show who haven't had sex yet. It was so boring. I had my water and left."

"I need his number!" Penny jumped in, quickly pouring another glass of wine. She had relayed to the girls how her relationship with Kurt had deteriorated and that now it could only be called icy at best.

"No, what you need is a guy who will love you for who you are and not treat you like a pretty bracelet he wears on his arm when he goes out!" Bernadette snapped at Penny. Amy loved Bernadette's tell it like it is attitude, though she hoped that rough honesty would never be turned toward her.

"I am a great bracelet though!" Penny flipped her hair over shoulder and let out a giggle.

"Yes you are. Your secondary sexual characteristics are reasonably bodacious." Amy wondered if she had had Penny's looks, what doors would have opened for her. The only door occupying her mind at the moment was the one across the hall, but Amy knew looks alone wouldn't win Sheldon's heart. In fact, she doubted anything could.

"So, your mom made you go on that date? Didn't you want to go? Don't you want a boyfriend?"

Amy let a long breath flutter on her lips before she answered, "I guess. No.. not really. I don't know. I mean, Penny, your boyfriend sounds like a chimp hopped up on Viagra laced bananas! I don't want that! Also, they are a distraction; they take up all your time…"

"They give you affection, tell you that you're beautiful, they take you out, they make you feel all tingly." It seemed that Penny's mind was also on the door across the hall as she looked in that direction and smiled.

Now it was Bernadette's turn to look toward 4A, but she was not smiling. She added, "Yeah, they don't call you! Leave you hanging, wondering what's wrong with you! I'm with Amy. No men!"

"I wish I could say the same, Bernie, but my mother has been bothering me for days to make arrangements to go out with her friend's son, Victor.

"I thought the date last week was good enough to fulfil your obligation."

"For 2007. Not for 2008. The year is half over, but I have a quota, ya know." Amy leaned back and put her hand on her forehead, "It would be so much easier if I did have a boyfriend. She would shut up for once!"

"Well, you have a Sheldon! So yay!" Penny had heard from Leonard about Amy's amazing nursing skills with Sheldon, but not to what degree Amy had actually worked on her "sick" patient. Now Amy told the girls about the antics of the patient.

"Wait, what? Sponge baths? Vapor Rub downs? Are you sure he was sick, and not just trying to get some attention?" Bernadette had a theory that Sheldon was in a complete state of denial about his feelings for Amy. The only one that seemed to be in more denial was Amy. However, the fact that after 5 days of half-naked rub downs he didn't show any interest at all did not auger well.

"No. Sheldon doesn't like physical contact. It makes him uncomfortable. However, you're right, he was never sick. It was all psychosomatic."

"God, Amy, I hate to say this, but if you went through all that, and he didn't make a move, I don't know…"

Bernadette didn't pull and punches, "I do. He is either gay or asexual." She sipped her wine and glanced at Penny's shocked face at her blatant response, "Sorry…"

Amy let out a sigh, "Well, I know for sure he is **not** attracted to me, however even if he was, it doesn't matter. He would never want to have girlfriend."

"Well, how could he ever date anyone if he has you! You might as well be his girlfriend the way you dote on him."

"I'm just being a good friend." Amy had never had a friend like Sheldon before. Though truth be told, he was high maintenance.

"Oh really? That's how you would treat all your friends?"

"I would!"

"You would give Leonard a bath three times a day just because he asked?" Penny knew she had her. Amy looked sick at the prospect.

Bernadette added to drive the point home, "Or Howie?"

Before Amy could answer anymore, Sheldon's signature knock was at her door again, "Ugh… Excuse me." Amy roughly opened the door, "What, Sheldon? I have guests again!"

"Well Hello to you too! I need to know if you have any yellow thread. Specifically this shade of yellow." Sheldon held up a velour long sleeved yellow uniform shirt. He held a patch in his hands with the letters AA. He also had a wrist brace and look of desperation.

"Okay, but I must hurry I don't want to be rude." Amy need not have been concerned about her guests though, Penny had other plans.

"Don't worry! We will go across the hall and talk to guys! Come on Bernie, you can see if Howard is there again!" Bernadette was reluctant, "He never called back after that day. I guess he wasn't interested."

Penny would hear none of it, "He's an idiot who doesn't know what he is missing. Let's go show him! Are they all there?"

Sheldon snapped, "Oh they're there! Wallowing in ignorance and designing their t-shirts! Stupid name: PMS! I mean I informed them my daddy told me it meant **'Pass My Shotgun'** I don't know why they have to resort to violence in this, but I am ready." He looked toward the other apartment and called back, "It's on bitch!"

"I don't think that's what it means, Sheldon! I think they are referencing to Premenstrual syndrome."

"Well, then my bitch comment is appropriate!" Sheldon looked around the room and saw the wine glasses. "So, girl's night? Are you all discussing your menses or who has the best cervix?"

"Gross! No! We were not discussing that!" Bernadette snapped as she grabbed her purse to leave.

Amy lied through her teeth, "We were discussing my latest research project."

"Good thing I didn't interrupt anything important."

Penny rolled her eyes as she bounced out the door, "Okay! We will be back in a little bit Amy!" The two girls practically skipped across the hall.

Sheldon looked back at Amy with a nervous half-smile, "I just wanted yellow thread, and I didn't mean to make them leave."

"Well, they were about to ask about uncomfortable things, so nice break."

Sheldon stiffened up, "Like the date you mother wants you to attend?"

"How do you know about that?"

Sheldon ignored the question not wanting to admit about his eavesdropping and asked calmly, "Are you going?"

"I have the rest of the year! She can't make me go yet! I have lots of time. "Amy was riffling through her sewing basket looking for the perfect yellow. She found it and started threading a needle like a master. Sheldon was always amazed at how she could do such delicate work and he loved watching her hands move meticulously over any surface. Her brain slices were always too thin, as was her sliced bread or when she cut off a piece of cheese, but the skill to do that task, Sheldon couldn't deny, was impressive. Watching her play the harp was one of his favorite activities, but watching her sew at the moment would become another favorite as well.

Amy pointed to his wrist brace, "Your old video game injury acting up?"

"Yes…" He looked at her with his pleading blue eyes. Those same blue pools that could drown her. She knew he couldn't sew a stitch so she took the shirt from his hands.

"Do you want it there?" She placed her hand on his chest, once inch down from his clavicle and three inches from his shoulder. It was the first time she had touched him in a week. Sheldon didn't answer at first, he just swallowed as she traced an oval on the spot his patch would go. Then he whispered, "Um, yes that is the right spot."

Amy held up the shirt and started to attach the patch with army precision. "What does AA mean?"

"Army Ants. Gram for gram, no animal exceeds the relative fighting strength of the army ant." Sheldon thought the name was brilliant, but Amy was not so sure.

"Odd choice for you. I would think you would be Praying Mantis or something more… solo." She ignored the fact that the Praying Mantis devour their mates. She continued to speak to him while she worked on the shirt, "Army Ants are highly social creatures who work as a team to overwhelm their prey. One Ant alone is nothing. Their strength comes from their biological need to cooperate." By the time Amy had finished her lecture, the patch was almost done. Sheldon regretted that he had not thought of being a Praying Mantis before he had the patch made, but then he realized that the patch would show PM and it would be too close to his opponent's name.

"Well, Army Ants also have a Queen as a leader, so it's not all team work. " Sheldon sat up with a smug look. Amy didn't want to point out that a man acting like a Queen was usually bereft with drama. She instead stuck with the insect analogy.

"You want your only function to be to engage in sexual intercourse all day in order to breed until you die and are then replaced by a younger model?" Amy bit her lip to hide her smirk and waited for the anticipated reaction.

Sheldon held his chest like he was protecting his modesty, "NO! I don't want to have sex all day! I just want to be the leader! I want them to listen to me and accept that I am the smartest of the group!"

"Recognizing when to step aside and let the other team members answer is a defining aspect of leadership and shows great intelligence. It's called delegating. Knowing how to use the tools in your tool box and when to step back, shows you have academic as well as emotional intelligence. You would be an unstoppable force who would devour their prey and you would win. You'd be unbeatable." Amy handed him the Yellow captain's shirt.

Sheldon took the shirt from her capable hands. Amy ran her fingers over his forearm mimicking the feeling of a thousand ants on his arm. The action tickled him, but he didn't pull away. As Amy mirrored the actions of ants, she told him, "Remember, the Army Ant is only admired as a team, not an individual."

She was right, but Sheldon needed time to absorb her words.

The night of physics bowl was tense for both teams, but Leonard and Howard were elated. Penny and Bernadette had agreed to come with Amy. They wanted to cheer the boys on. Howard was on his best behavior and really wanted to impress Bernadette with his skill. He was beginning to realize what a great gal she was, but he still needed to get over the idea that he was destined to be with a woman like Katie Sackhoff. Leonard wanted to show Leslie Winkle that the hot girl in the first row was there for him. However, Leslie could care less.

Leslie Winkle had agreed to be part of the guy's team once it had been pointed out that it would make Sheldon Cooper scream like a little girl. She had made a few quips at Sheldon as they settled down, but had backed off when she saw Amy walk up to his side to wish him well. Sheldon was not happy that Amy had also just wished his opponents good luck, but he could see her face was different when she spoke to him. She wore her soft face, the one that he loved. Amy traced her finger around his patch and looked up at him with glowing green eyes, "The social convention dictates I wish you good luck, however I know you don't believe in it. Instead I will say, go forth and conquer!"

"Thank you Amy." Sheldon's chest warmed with a strange feeling. Knowing he had someone to support him in the crowd was more pleasing than he had expected. She sat in the middle of the audience but just one seat over to Sheldon's side. He could see her face after every answer.

As the match was underway, Amy watched the ping pong match of intellect volley back and forth between the two teams and it excited her more than she realized. Each correct question that Sheldon gave made Amy quiver. She could feel her arousal rise with the score. Her subtle smiles and nods toward Sheldon boosted his confidence. Penny noticed how Amy was reacting to Sheldon's quick glances and riveting answers. She leaned over and whispered, "They are pretty smart, huh Amy?"

"Oh yes… Yes.. Oh god yes…"

"Kinda hot, huh?" Penny winked at Leonard and looked back at Amy who was fanning herself with the program.

Sheldon had just answered a tough question and had given Amy a smug smile. Amy let out a whimper, "Hoo… Very hot indeed."

Amy didn't notice the woman behind her in the crowd reacting in the same way to Sheldon's intellectual prowess but she did hear her loud clapping every time he gave an answer.

Sheldon was on fire and his delivery grew more forceful with each round. Every time he heard the word, _Correct_ from Gablehauser's mouth, he looked at Amy and slightly sucked in his bottom lip. He was performing for her. Sheldon held his own against the four geniuses on the PMS team and was ahead by 25 points. Gablehauser gave the final question, but Sheldon couldn't process it. He stared at the board twitching.

The crowd was hushed. Suddenly a buzzing sound emanated from an unlikely source: the third floor janitor. "The answer is minus eight pi alpha."

Sheldon turned to his formally silent team mate and snapped at the large man with the thick accent, "Excuse me! What are you doing?"

The third floor janitor said with little emotion, "Answering question. Winning physics bowl."

Sheldon was shocked. The man had said nothing when he recruited him, "We agreed I would answer all the questions. How do you know anything about physics?"

The man answered flatly, "Here I am janitor, in former Soviet Union I am physicist. Leningrad Politechnica. Go Polar Bears."

Gablehauser was growing impatient, "AA, I need your official answer."

Sheldon was just about to protest again, scream that wasn't their answer, but then he looked at Amy. She ran her fingers over her forearm mimicking the scurrying of ants. Sheldon watched her delicate strong fingers move over her arm and held his own, remembering the feeling. He smiled, let out a large breath, and said, "That is our official answer."

"Alright, the winner of the match is…AA!"

Sheldon jumped up, grabbed the trophy and shot his hand in the air, "Yes! My brain is better than everybody's!"

After he calmed down, he looked at his Russian teammate and asked, "How did you get that question when the Lorentz indices and sign of the photon propagator were wrong?" It was the incorrect indices that tripped up Sheldon, not the question its self.

"I just assumed they were wrong. It was only a small part of question. Besides, in Soviet Russia, math trick you!"

"Yes, I guess it does!" Sheldon held out his hand to his Russian teammate, "Good job. I wish I had a meowow sticker, but I am all out."

"Really, that is okay. Your wife is waiting for you, by the way."

"Wife?" Sheldon turned to the crowd. Amy was waiting for Sheldon at the stage with a beaming smile. Sheldon was just about to correct the man, but he had gone. Sheldon came down to thank Amy for her advice. He leaned over to kiss her cheek, but he was interrupted as a young woman with long red hair almost knocked Amy over in her eagerness to get to Sheldon. She was holding a paper to her chest and had all the glow and vigor of a groupie at a Beatles concert. Amy was surprised she didn't throw her underwear on the stage.

"Dr. Cooper, your performance tonight was exhilarating! I am shaking at your brilliance!"

"Of course you are." Sheldon tried to get to Amy, but the woman blocked his path.

"My name is Ramona Nowitzki. I've read everything you've published, in fact I have your latest paper here. I slept with it all night."

"You can't absorb knowledge by osmosis, but I understand your exuberance. It was quite brilliant."

"I especially liked your paper on grand unification using string-network condensates and was wondering how you determined that three-dimensional string-nets provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons?"

Sheldon didn't see Amy start to walk away from him, he could always be distracted when someone was discussing physics and his favorite subject, his own work, "The fact is I'm quite close to a breakthrough in showing how neutrinos emerge from a string-net condensate."

Ramona couldn't get enough of anything that Sheldon said, "Oh, my God, that would change the way we view the entire physical universe."

Sheldon shrugged his shoulders and smirked, "It's what I do."

"Please let me buy you dinner! I would love to hear all about your ideas."

"Well tonight is Pizza night. We always get our Pizza… Where is Amy?" Sheldon looked around, but she was lost in the crowd.

Ramona ignored his comments, "We can pick it up and go to your place!"

"I live at 2311…"

"I know where you live, Dr. Cooper." Ramona blushed and put her head down while playing with her hair.

Let's go." Ramona hooked her arm onto Sheldon's, but Sheldon pulled away and looked for Amy who had disappeared from his sight.

"I want to invite Dr. Fowler, but I don't see her. I need to tell her where I am. I won't leave her again."

"Oh, she walked away a while ago. Text her!" Ramona inched closer to Sheldon, "Tell me again about your idea for neutrinos and string-net condensate…"

Sheldon texted Amy to meet them at the pizza place and started to walk with Ramona lost in his own regurgitation of his theories as Ramona hung on every word. He had just finished walking out with Ramona to get his free dinner when Amy emerged from behind the PMS group. The girls were going to go with the boys to console them in their defeat. Amy was standing by Penny who saw a familiar look in her eyes. The last time she saw it, Amy was on the floor on the Cheesecake Factory but this time, Amy had a strange look of resolve.

Amy saw the girls were going off with their dates, and Sheldon was leaving with his favorite companion: His own ego and a woman who would wax it tonight with vigor. It seemed yet again, Amy was alone, but the resolved to change that. Amy felt her empty arm and reached into her pocket to get her phone. She had one text message which she ignored. Instead she dialed the last missed call.

"Hello, Mother? Yes, it's Amy. Okay… make the arrangements with Victor. Tell him next week. I'll be there. I promise."

It had been a week since the physics bowl. Sheldon had been sequestered in his home by his new groupie, Ramona, who convinced him that his time was far to valuable to be wasted on social interactions and friends. Science needed him more than anyone else. Sheldon agreed, but missed his daily communications with Amy and games with his friends.

Amy had had a few run in's with Ramona, and in one instance was told they were sisters, especially when she found out Amy was a scientist like Ramona. Amy reminded Ramona that she was nothing like Amy because by the time she was Ramona's age, she had already completed her doctorate and had her first research contract while Ramona was a just a undergrad hanging on the coats tails of greatness. The sister comments quickly dissipated.

Amy took a different attitude about the whole affair. She wanted Sheldon to suffer and reap the whirlwind of his actions by letting a person like Ramona take over his life so easily. Leonard and Penny had been having dinners over at Amy's to avoid Ramona and Amy had heard all about her antics. She knew Sheldon could only take so much of his routine being disrupted before he would crack.

As Amy was getting ready for her date with Victor she heard an urgent knock at her door. Knowing that the triple knock could only mean Sheldon on the other side she took her time to answer. He was probably trying to escape his stalker. Amy had to chuckle at his self-imposed predicament.

"Hello Sheldon… Where's your fan club?"

Sheldon was frantic, "Please, please, I don't have a lot of time. Look, Ramona finally dozed off, and I need you to help me get rid of her."

"Like with monkey and poison darts? Done!"

"No of course not!" He looked back at his door, "Well... Maybe..."

"I trained the monkeys at the lab how to smoke. I can train them to shoot a poison dart. No jury would convict us 'cause people love monkeys." Amy had to giggle at Sheldon who was wringing his hands and looking back at his apartment in fear.

"NO! I need you to get me out of this apparent relationship with Ramona! She's been over every night this week. I can't play Halo, I can't read comics! She even made me give up paintball!"

"No Uniforms?

"Yes!

"Well, that's unacceptable, but what did you say again? "Science demands nothing less than the fervent and unconditional dedication of our entire lives?""

"Yes, but …" Sheldon heard the door of 4A start to open. He whispered, "Amy, you got to help me! Hide me! I formally request sanctuary."

"Let me handle this, but follow my lead no matter how strange!" Sheldon hid behind Amy as she walked to the middle of the hall to meet Ramona.

"Sheldon, why aren't you working?" Ramona asked Sheldon innocently, but her eyes were dripping with venom as she looked at Amy,

Amy used a voice Sheldon hadn't heard since her confrontation with Leslie Winkle, "Oh he was been working alright but just on a different branch of physics, dear."

Ramona glared at Sheldon, who shuddered in fear at her, and cracked, "Um… Amy distracted me." Then Sheldon looked at Amy and smiled softly, "I've been distracted since the moment I met you." but there was no tell-tale twitch to reveal a lie. Amy blushed at his piercing blue eyes and looked away before she became lost again.

Ramona crossed her arms and glared at Amy, "I know what's going on here!" She pointed at Amy with a bony index finger like a witch, "You're in love with Dr. Cooper! You need to give him up. He is a gift to the world!"

"He's a gift alright, but giving him up will be difficult. You see, I have an insatiable sexual appetite and Sheldon has been my breakfast lunch and dinner for months."

Sheldon's jaw dropped and he listened in amazement while Amy continued her explanation as if it was the most common thing in the world, "We have a 'Friends with Benefits' friendship agreement. He provides me with frequent and intense intercourse, and I provide him with useful analogies for his work."

"What?"

Amy kept her face emotionless as she spoke with a documentarian tone, "Oh yes, he is quite whimsically inventive about Physics when he is enraptured in the sweet release of orgasm."

"Oh my god!"

"Funny, That's what he said just a minute ago."

"What?"

"Did you think he came up with three-dimensional string-nets on his own? He did that when I had him tied up one night on a table." Amy delivered the line like a thespian and even Sheldon was convinced even though he had no memory of being tied up. He gulped the last bit of moisture in his mouth and stared at Amy in awe. Ramona wasn't buying it.

"I doubt it. He came up with that on his own. Just like his humorous footnote where he illustrates mirror-symmetry by likening it to the Flash playing tennis with himself!"

Amy didn't miss a beat. She also remembered Sheldon going on about how funny he thought he was for including it. "Oh, Sheldon was playing, but it wasn't tennis, I can assure you. He fell off the table, and said he should incorporate gravity."

Ramona was starting to believe Amy's performance, "What? So…. All his breakthroughs are from…"

"Yes…From having regular intercourse with me. In fact, my hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins as we speak." Amy raised her eyes seductively at Sheldon but with a slight wink at the end.

Sheldon tried to hide a smile and finally found some words, "Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt." He came up next to Amy and winked at her. Amy kept her eyes fixed on Sheldon's mouth. She had to place her hand on her chest to hold in her heart beat.

Sheldon inched even closer to Amy and eyed her up and down while his breath grew shallow. Amy thought Sheldon was a wonderful actor as did Sheldon of her. Neither knew how much life was reflecting art. The obvious unprotected eye coitus occurring between the two was what finally convinced Ramona.

"But I thought we would work together! I brought you food, I pumiced your hammer toe! You were going to share credit with me!" She cried out her broken heart.

Ramona's words drew Sheldon away from his staring contest with Amy, "I'm sorry, what?

"You know, the Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem?"

"Who's Nowitzki?"

Amy rolled her eyes, "She is Sheldon! Your girlfriend over there!"

"She is not my girlfriend! Or a friend if she thinks… you wanted to share credit?" Sheldon growled at her like a Rottweiler who had his tail pulled, " **GET OUT**!"

Ramona went crying down the stairs. Amy turned around and headed to her apartment with smirk and skip.

"Amy wait!" Sheldon followed her into her apartment. He closed the door behind him and rushed to her side.

Amy pivoted on her heels to face him, but he was so close behind her she almost fell over from his proximity. "You owe me, Sheldon. "

"I do. Where did you get all those…" He gulped and surveyed her blush neck, "Details?"

"I've been doing some reading. Little House on the Prairie and such and you pick stuff up on the internet." Amy cleared her throat, and turned away from him.

"What does Friends with Benefits mean? Does that mean I provide you with health insurance?

Amy went to her bedroom and sat at her vanity to finish getting ready, "Well, I read that it means you maintained a friendship with someone you had sex with, but you were free to date whoever you wanted."

Sheldon followed her but remained at the door "I can't imagine any of that."

"I don't know, Sheldon… On its face, the idea of satisfying one's sexual appetite, assuming one is afflicted with such, without emotional entanglement that seems eminently practical."

"It does, like you said, assuming one is afflicted with such…." Sheldon looked at her and asked shyly, "Are you.. um afflicted with such?"

"Well I have a stomach, I get hungry, I have genitals so the possibility for sexual arousal is there I've discovered recently, unfortunately." Amy combed her hair, and tried not to look at Sheldon's reaction in the mirror, but she could see him watch every stroke through her shiny hair. The smell of her cherry shampoo permeated his nasal passages and he drew in a short breath.

"It's a cross we all must bear, I guess." Sheldon gulped and watched Amy apply her lip gloss. He wondered why she was wearing her dressy cardigan and her button down dress, but he was mesmerized by her slippery lips.

Amy was shocked he had admitted to any such an urge. "I am surprised to hear you say that, but…" Amy continued, "Lalita and now Ramona? Both those women wanted to date you but you missed your chance. Tisk Tisk. You have fairly attractive features, a thriving career, you could get another woman easily."

"Well, I agree with you…but I don't want any woman.."

Amy didn't let him go on a conceited rant about his attributes, she just cut to chase, "You could find out if your sexual appetite exists or if you are not afflicted. It would be a fascinating experiment." She turned around to face him. He was caught off guard by her hair flipping as she spun on the chair, "If you do engage in sexual intercourse, would you agree to use my portable electroencephalogram? I'm doing research on emotions and brain activity and I …."

Sheldon cut off her, "WHAT!? NO! I don't want to have a sexual relationship with any strange woman! You saw how Ramona was, how could I ever date someone like her?" Amy had finished getting ready and started to walk toward the door. Sheldon was so shocked by what she had been saying, he didn't realize that by the time he was done talking, they were already out of her apartment and in the hall.

"But Sheldon is this what you fear a relationship would be like with a woman? I have to tell ya, not all women are psycho."

"Well, regardless, I have no interest in strange women, disrupting my routine, putting constant coital demands of my time. Science is my mistress." He crossed his arms and smirked as he followed her down the stairs.

Amy gave him a condescending tap on his arm and said emotionless, "Well, science is a lucky gal. Now, I must go."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"On a date."

"A DATE!? With whom?"

"This is the obligatory date my mother is forcing me to participate in. The man's name is Victor and he is picking me up here to go for coffee. But I will have water, as I always do."

Sheldon had no filter on his thoughts and blurted out, "Are you going to try and elevate your current sexual arousal with this man?"

Amy stopped and shook her head at Sheldon with an exhausted eye roll, "I don't have sexual arousal **now** Sheldon and I have no interest in becoming intimate with a man I have just met, least of all a call center representative for Probiotics Company. The most I hope to get out of the evening is a friendship and a year free of my mother's nagging. However knowing my history, I doubt even that would be the case."

Amy was on the 2nd floor landing. Sheldon had to ask, "Are you going to try out your friends with benefits clause?"

Amy stopped and thought about what Sheldon said, "Well, seeing as he is not even a friend, I doubt that would occur." Amy glanced at her watch and continued down the stairs.

Sheldon followed her and asked, "Would you be done for the year if you finish this date? You wouldn't have to date again?"

"Yes. Unless I find a man I would WANT to date, but that is highly unlikely."

Sheldon stopped and called out to her harshly, " **WHY** would you WANT to date?"

Amy stopped at the first floor and turned toward Sheldon. It was the worst question he could have asked. She had to explain her need for human contact and Sheldon would think less of her because of it.

Amy felt she shouldn't have to justify was almost every human on the planet feels, but this is Sheldon Cooper. "It is a human condition to seek our companionship. I am just following the biological imperative." Amy turned quickly away from him and faced the door. He almost screeched after her.

"How much are you going to follow your biological imperatives? With whom would want to do this? This person tonight?"

Amy turned again to answer. She locked onto his blue eyes, "I would want to date a man who actually _wanted_ to date me because he likes me. Not by chance, or obligation. I have never been asked on a second one, so I have no point of reference. We will see if this is the case. Please excuse me." Sheldon turned around to see a man, about his height but with sandy blond hair and a stocky build. He was wearing an obnoxious red shirt, nothing like the beautiful red of Sheldon's Flash shirt. This one was a warning sign red.

Amy offered a half smile to the man, "Excuse me, you are Victor Rabisher, I am Amy Farrah Fowler.'

"Yes hello Amy. Your mother described you to a T, except for your brilliant eyes." Victor stared at Amy for moment and cleared his throat, "Nice to meet you." He held out his hand and Amy shook it and then pulled her hair behind her ears. Sheldon could see the back of her ear was red from blush. His jaw started to tighten.

"Well, I recognized you from the shirt you said you would wear. Oh excuse my manners, this is my friend, Sheldon Cooper." Amy turned to Sheldon, but she didn't look at his face. He could see her face was flushed and she was breathing heavily.

"Nice to meet you Sheldon." Victor held out his hand but Sheldon kept his hidden, folded up around his chest.

"Yes.. I'm sure." Sheldon noted the man in the obnoxious red shirt didn't give him a second glance.

Victor looked back at Amy, "You are dressed far too nice for the place I have picked out. I either need to up my game, or get you out of those clothes."

Amy stuttered, "Well, I guess, I don't know.. I mean.. coffee is fine.. I just…"

"Nonsense! I must take you to dinner. Shall we go?"

Amy cleared her throat, "Well, we should go." She turned back to Sheldon slightly, "Good bye." She never looked him in the eye.

Victor held out his arm for Amy, who took it reluctantly. It was the same hold that both Ramona and Lalita had on Sheldon's arm. Sheldon held his arm in the exact spot that Amy had demonstrated the army ant's movements. Even with the long shirt and it being almost summer, he felt cold.

Victor held the door for Amy, but his eyes were watching her back side as she stepped ahead of him. He then resumed his hold on her arm and smiled at her with raptorial eyes. Sheldon watched Amy walk out of the foyer doors with the red shirt disappearing like the Doppler effect of red shift, Amy pulling away from him. Even his shining blue eyes weren't enough to pull her back.

**Chapter 15: Chapter 15**

**The Big Reversal Theory 15**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

The restaurant was lovely by anyone standards, but Amy hated the marble Italian tiles, overly large ornate mirrors and the oversize tropical plants in every corner of the room. She wished she had never agreed to this date. After being friends with Sheldon for almost a year she had a high tolerance for narcissism, but Victor brought the condition to new heights. She was waiting for him to say, "Well enough about me… What do you think of me?" There was a mirror placed directly behind Victor and Amy focused on that instead of her drool companion. There was another distraction in restaurant to keep her focus off his obnoxious red shirt and 3rd vodka gimlet. The waiters wore cerulean blue shirts with black aprons, just like the colors on the t-shirt Sheldon had on tonight before she left on her date.

On the stairwell Sheldon had asked the worst question he could have asked her: Why did she want to date? Should she tell him it was because she wanted companionship? He would just dismiss it as weak, that all she needed was her work to keep her company. How could he understand her need for an emotional connection with someone or the need for physical companionship? And the worst part was until she met Sheldon she used to feel the same. The fact was she really did not want to date anyone she just agreed to the date after seeing take off with yet another woman was too much to bear. The only person Amy thought she could tolerate as a date was never going to ask and she knew that Sheldon would be appalled if he knew how she felt.

She wasn't sure she wanted him to find out about the date, but his constant presence in her life meant that there was no way she could have hidden it. Seeing her reflection in the mirror and the hint of blue behind her, she only now realized the reason she felt the need to hide her dating from him. She did not want him to think less of her for wanting it. She tensed up every time the familiar blue passed behind her, hoping it wasn't Sheldon witnessing her embarrassment as she made idle chit chat with a man who to had asked her if a Neuron was some kind of star.

While Victor droned on about the vitamin business, Amy tuned out. She poked at her Thai Tacos and sipped her tepid water, but even that didn't sit well. It tasted bitter and it did little to wash away the belief that Sheldon would be disappointed with her. Unfortunately, she was right.

Back at Los Robles, Leonard gingerly crept up the stairs to 4A expecting to find Ramona either on the couch giving Sheldon another pedicure or guarding the door with a whip like the dominatrix she was. However, Leonard found a much worse scene. The first sign of trouble was the gloomy sounds of the Imperial March from Star Wars emanating from the apartment. After Leonard had opened the door, the dark apartment and Sheldon sitting in his spot with an afghan over his head like the Dark Emperor himself told Leonard that Sheldon was unhappy and about to destroy the world.

"Hey buddy, you doing okay?" Leonard dropped onto on the beige chair waiting for his head to be snapped off.

As if on cue, Sheldon obliged him, "There is ominous music playing, and there is an afghan over my head. I don't know where you're from, but where I'm from, that means I'm not doing okay. "

"Do you want a hot beverage?"

"Of course I do! What a stupid question!" Sheldon continued to brood.

"Tea?"

"Tea is for when I am upset, I am not upset. I am outraged!" Sheldon threw off the afghan, sat up straight and glared at Leonard.

"Cocoa?"

"This is worse than what cocoa can cure."

"Oh… I know! Hot apple cider with cinnamon sticks!"

"Of course HOT APPLE CIDER WITH CINNAMON STICKS!" Sheldon recovered his head with the afghan and hunched over.

Leonard hadn't seen him in this state since Firefly was cancelled, "My God, Sheldon, what did Ramona do?!"

"She wanted to share credit with me over the work, but that is not the problem."

Leonard almost dropped the mug, "That's not the problem? She wanted to hijack your work and that's not the problem, holy cats, Batman what is the problem then?"

Sheldon let out a huge sigh and fell back on the couch covering his eyes with his forearm. "Amy."

"Oh.. that…" Leonard continued his preparation of the hot beverage. He had known for some time now that this day would come.

"What do you mean, oh that?" Sheldon expected a great response.

"Let me guess, she is on a date again?"

"How did you.."

"And you hate the guy?"

"OF course! He is beneath her in every way..."

"What are you saying? Beneath her? You don't mean?"

"I mean, he is below her in intelligence, income, looks.. What did you think I meant?"

"Oh I don't know….Anyway go on..

"He is an expensive urine salesman, nothing more. Vitamins? Please… But her CURRENT, date isn't the problem. It is much worse than that. We are losing our medical officer!"

"What Medical Officer?"

"Amy!"

"Okay, you've lost me. Back up the truck down Crazy Street and drive this home for me. What are you talking about?"

"Amy is the medical officer that our landing party has always needed."

Leonard rubbed his temples, "Okay… What landing party?"

Sheldon couldn't believe that Leonard didn't seem to understand, "You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrapali is the guy who always gets killed, and then with Amy, we had McCoy. Have you seen how she can dress a life threatening wound?"

"That paper cut was not life threatening, unless you count that I wanted to kill you for screaming so much."

"Well, Amy took care of it better than you ever could! And she wrapped this wrist up like a prize fighter! She is a master at the central nervous system and she can slice a brain at almost the neuron level. She was perfect, till she let her hypothalamus swim in a soup of estrogen and progesterone and went on a date with some probiotic guy who looks at her like she is easily digestible." Sheldon sipped his hot cider but it did little quell his anger.

"Buddy, listen. I think this is about more than landing parties. You need to realize that you have feelings for this girl and tell her!"

"I don't know what you are talking about and I am not a hippy like you! Always spouting off about how you love Penny you two are destined to be together… Blah blah blah... I will state again, for the record: Amy is my friend who is a girl… but she is.."

Leonard had enough, "If I hear that she is not your girlfriend one more time, I will use Amy's medical tape and shut that mouth up for good!" Sheldon's eyes popped open at Leonard, who relented and softened his tone, "The point is Sheldon, Amy should be your girlfriend! She wouldn't be out with this guy tonight if you would just sack up and tell her how you feel about her!"

"Sack up?! Like hackey sack?" Sheldon held his chest worried that Leonard had just found out his dirty little secret. Leonard, had no idea why Sheldon was so distraught at the name hackey sack, but continued,

"NO! It's something Raj said."

Sheldon shot Leonard a look, "Sack up! What the devil is it a sports reference!? You know I only play quidditch. I know I have useless knowledge of all things football, but I don't see how that…"

"Wait, you know about football?"

"I grew up in Texas. Football is ubiquitous in Texas. But that is a different topic. For some reason I just don't trust this guy Amy's out with tonight."

Suddenly, football being brought up made Sheldon realize why he felt uncomfortable about Amy being with Victor.

When Sheldon was very young his father would often have his buddies over on Sundays for the game, and every time this happened one of his father's friends would always end up in the kitchen, where his mother was cooking. Sheldon had hated how the man had smelled of cheap whiskey, and chewing tobacco and that his hands were always filthy from working in the oil fields because he never bothered to clean them properly. He was always sucking his teeth when Sheldon's mother came into the room and would watch her walk back to the kitchen with the same leer Victor had had for Amy as she walked out in front of him earlier on.

Then one Sunday his father had asked him to fetch him a beer from the fridge. Sheldon had walked in the kitchen to find that same smelly man pushing his mother against the counter. She looked frightened as she tried to push the man off her. Sheldon ran back and told his daddy that the smelly man was dancing with momma, but she didn't like it. George Cooper walked to kitchen grabbing his rifle on the way. Sheldon didn't see what happened, but he heard lots of words he was never allowed to repeat, a scuffle and after a few minutes a shot gun blast in the air. Mary ran out of the kitchen and hugged Sheldon. She kissed him on the cheek and told him he was a brave boy. Sheldon never saw the smelly man again. He wished he could say the same for this Victor fellow.

Leonard's brutally honest words cut through Sheldon's recollection, "Of course you don't trust him, he is with Your Girl."

"Amy is not my girl! She is just a friend and" Sheldon looked at Leonard and didn't finish his rant, for fear he would have medical tape over his mouth… "Anyway… I worry about her well being. Nothing more! Perhaps your concern is based on jealousy." Sheldon crossed his arms and looked smug at Leonard who had no idea to what he could be referring.

"What do I have to be jealous of? You?" Leonard laughed, which infuriated Sheldon.

"Yes me! I told Amy at the Cheesecake Factory months ago that you would be jealous. I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female. You have none."

"Buddy, if you call this functioning and satisfying, you really have set the bar low. Sorry pal. I'm telling you, Sheldon. She wouldn't have even been out tonight if you would just acknowledge you have feelings for her."

That statement hit Sheldon hard. She wouldn't be out at all if she was his girlfriend, but there was no way Sheldon was ready to acknowledge that was even a possibility.

"You may not be ready to admit it, but you like Amy! More than a friend, and when you realize that, all this anger will go away! That is unless you **already** do realize it, and you are ignoring it because you're scared!"

"Sheldon Cooper is not afraid of anything!"

"Except, birds, heights, needles, ghosts, zombies, snakes, melting faces…"

"Well Raiders of the Lost Ark is scary! I don't care what you say!"

"I know it is, Sheldon, and so is putting your heart out there. But buddy, let me tell you, if you don't you will never have a chance at a relationship."

"I don't want a relationship! I like the way things are now! I was just in one with that Ramona woman and I didn't even know it! No siree. No one can bridle this stallion! Let alone some hotsy totsy from across the hall!" Sheldon held up his afghan to his chest, as if the thin cloth could shield his heart which was already pierced with cupid's arrow.

"Well, then your hotsy totsy cowgirl will just go ride someone else! Expect a lot of Yee Haw's from the apartment next door. I hope you're ready." Leonard left Sheldon to think in his spot, brooding over his hot apple cider and touching his cheek.

He had never thanked her for the help with the physics bowl, or when she sewed on his patch. If she started to date this Victor guy, her time with Sheldon would be drastically reduced. _Unacceptable_. Sheldon thought about what Amy had said, she never gets asked on a second date. Sheldon tried to calm down and reasoned he needn't worry unless she is asked out again, but he still had an unsettling feeling in his belly.

Just as he was about to fix another cup of cider, Sheldon heard Amy's voice in the hall and rushed to the peephole to spy on his friend:

" _Well, thank you for dinner, Victor. I had never had Asian-Italian-Mexican fusion before. It was… diverse."_

" _Yeah… Thai tacos with pho spaghetti is a bit of a stretch. I just wanted to take you somewhere better than a coffee shop for a first date. It didn't seem good enough for a lady of your caliber."_

" _Oh, well. Thank you again."_

" _Maybe on our second date you can choose?"_

" _Oh. I never thought of that. I um. Okay. I will have to think about it."_

Through the peephole Sheldon saw Victor lean over and give Amy a kiss on her cheek. He whispered something in her ear as his hand lightly ran down her arm. He saw Amy look down and blush before she quickly turned to her door and say a quick good night, but Victor wasn't done with her. He came up behind her and pulled back her hair to kiss her neck.

" _Boy you smell good."_ He brushed his face in her hair as he moved his hand roughly up her sides.

Amy pulled away and started to say something to him, but he turned her around, roughly grabbed her arms and pinned her against the wall. Amy let out a yelp before he jabbed his tongue in her mouth. Normally, Amy would be able to fight off the advance, but she could not move. Victor lifted his head, looked at Amy and said, "Let's take this inside."

"Listen up pal. You better…" she was interrupted by Sheldon barreling through his door.

Sheldon almost screamed, "What are you doing to Amy Farrah Fowler?"

Victor turned away from Amy and glared at Sheldon, "Look pal, you have no right to be here! Amy's fine, aren't you sweet heart?"

"Don't sweetheart me, buddy." Amy tried to pull away from him, but he still had a hold of her arms with a tight grip that hurt.

"Believe me, she's fine. She and I talked about this." He let go of her arms and tried to put one of his around Amy, but she pulled away and snapped at him.

"Yes I told you all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus were off the table." Amy just rolled her eyes and looked at Sheldon, "How does one miss that?"

Victor looked completely confused, "I thought coitus was some S and M thing."

"Are you deaf or just stupid?" Sheldon yelled out to the man. His normal witty retorts were replaced with white hot anger. Victor looked at Sheldon's Superman shirt and childlike innocence and snorted, "Go on now back to your hole and leave the adults here to play, okay sparky?"

By this time, Leonard hearing Sheldon's shouts of anger had rushed from the apartment and could see Sheldon's fists were white from his grip.

"What the ….."

"Leonard, PMS." Sheldon didn't look at Leonard as he barked the order his anger was making his native accent bubble out of him. Sheldon's eyes remained fixed on the man who just minutes earlier, had had Amy Farrah Fowler pinned helplessly against the wall and his tongue down her throat.

Leonard had never heard Sheldon like this before, but he understood the code. Though Sheldon did not have a fire arm in the apartment, he did have a paintball rifle that looked amazingly realistic.

"No problem, Sheldon." Leonard dashed back to the apartment to grab Sheldon's rifle.

"PMS? What are you talking about? Do you need a tampon?" Victor laughed and then sucked his teeth as he glared at Sheldon.

"Pardon me, I should have said PMR. R for rifle."

Leonard returned seconds later. Though Victor had released Amy's arms he was still standing beside her. He seemed to be having a staring contest with Sheldon, who had no intention of losing.

"Here Sheldon." Leonard handed over a large rifle with a scope that looked like it could take down an elephant. Amy grinned when she realized it was his paint ball rifle, but she said nothing. She just backed away from the impending spray.

"What the hell is that? You really have a rifle?"

Sheldon never took his eyes off the man as he held the rifle like a master sharpshooter.

"Oh, this is much more than a rifle. This is a SAR12 sniper rifle that ejects .68 caliber projectiles, It features a 20" Hammer Head barrel, and the bolt-action operation design and 6+6 dual stack magazine. It should tell you one thing…"

The man gulped as Sheldon pulled back the bolt and loaded the chamber. Sheldon looked down as he loaded the rifle.

Victor gulped and asked meekly, "What does it tell me?"

Sheldon looked up from his rifle with narrow slits for eyes and a deep Southern drawl said calmly **, "That you better run."**

The man almost leaped toward the stairwell as he ran down the stairs with the speed of a jack rabbit.

Sheldon's jaw was still clenched. He was holding on to the rifle with such a grip, his knuckles were pale white. The vein in his neck was pulsing and was unable to speak as he looked at Amy. Sheldon walked over to her wanting to say something, anything to comfort her, but before he could, she just gave him a half smile, and turned to open her door. He pulled in his lower lip and bit down while his eyes were blinking wildly to hold his still raging anger. He looked at Leonard with a glare that worried him.

"Watch her. I'll be back."

"Sheldon! Wait!"

Sheldon ran to the large window in their apartment that faced the main street, opened it and readied his rifle.

Leonard followed him, worried. "What are you going to do?"

Sheldon never took his eyes off the street, "Did I ever tell you my daddy taught me to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself?"

Leonard scoffed, "You know Paint ball rifles don't have a range!"

"Common physics, Leonard. I will use gravity and the fact that I paid extra so that this rifle has barrels which put horizontal rotation on the paintball, thus increasing its range." Sheldon stopped talking, and found his target. He let out one round that was positioned at a perfect arc to hit the ground right next to Victor's feet. The next round hit the roof of his car and the last one, the driver side window. Victor looked up in horror and held the seat of his pants.

"Hey look! Dad was right!" Sheldon handed Leonard the rifle and made a bee line to Amy.

Sheldon anxiously walked into her apartment and heard her brushing her teeth with all the vigor she used to clean beakers after an E coli contamination. He wanted to put on a kettle and fix her a hot beverage. In fact he could use one himself, but it was her home, so he did nothing till she returned except wring his hands until they were as red as Victor's shirt.

Amy emerged from the bathroom, surprised to see Sheldon waiting for her. She didn't want to look him in the eye and see his disapproval or the same smug look he had given her when the last date was a disaster. Without a word, she walked to the middle of the room and sat on couch, chewing her lip, her eyes fixed on her folded hands.

Sheldon didn't know what to say. He had an unsettling feeling brewing in his belly. He couldn't identify it yet, but it wasn't pleasant. He needed that hot beverage more than ever before. Finally he said, "Point of order. As you're in distress, it would be customary for me to offer you a hot beverage. But I'm a guest in your home, so it would be customary for you to offer me a beverage. How do you want to proceed vis-a-vis beverages?"

Amy dropped her shoulders and rolled her eyes, "Sheldon, do you want a hot beverage?"

"Yes.. I think I need one."

"Okay. I will fix it. Hold on." Amy rose off the couch and went to the kettle, but her hands were shaking so much that she almost dropped it. Sheldon came up behind her and reached for the mug before it plummeted to the floor. Amy turned around but couldn't look in him eyes all she could focus on was the large blue S on his shirt.

"Thank you… I …" Amy could not stop shaking as she tried to control emotions she had never dealt with before. She was embarrassed, mortified and angry.

"May I fix the tea for you, Amy? I know it's your home, but.."

"That would be lovely. Thank you again." She briefly touched his forearm and looked at his eyes for moment before he turned away. The face he wore was different, sympathy with a touch of something new which Amy believed to be distain.

As Amy's shiny green eyes looked at him for the briefest of moments, Sheldon realized the feeling that was brewing in gut. It was guilt. A bile horrific taste was swirling in his mouth. " _She wouldn't have even been out tonight if you would just acknowledge you have feelings for her_." Leonard's words echoed in his mind on an unending loop.

The word feelings rattled around Sheldon's head like lasers in a mirror room. He wasn't a hippy, and neither was Amy, so to acknowledge feelings was unthinkable and a waste of cognitive resources. She wouldn't respect him if he showed he had those emotions. Amy would think he was weak.

Sheldon's unfiltered reasoning deduced it was **his** fault Amy was accosted by some vitamin salesman. His mind wandered to all the horrific things the man could've done to Amy, not realizing that Amy had been one bad move away from flattening the man. Sheldon felt he should have spoken to her, maybe even asked her to be his girlfriend just so she wouldn't have to go out with these men anymore. He couldn't imagine having a girlfriend, but if he did, Amy would be his first and only choice. He swallowed the bitter taste in his mouth and looked away from her, unable to explain his lack of action.

Leaving Sheldon to finish making the tea Amy returned to her position on the couch and sat again with her hands in her lap. Sheldon carried the cups over, placed them on the table and sat down next to her. Neither one said a word. He didn't look at her face, just at her folded hands. Soon he noticed a dark drop form on her skirt, then another and another. He looked at Amy's face, she was stoic, and probably didn't even know she was crying, but Sheldon did and each drop was another twisting knife of his own unfounded guilt. Sheldon said nothing, but slowly reached for her hand.

"In times like these, some people crave human intimacy and physical contact. May I offer you a consoling hug?"

Amy sniffled and said through a cry, "What do we have to lose."

Sheldon leaned back and reached out to her. Amy, who had for so long wanted to feel his arms around her inched toward him and wrapped her arms timidly around his torso, Sheldon reached up and gently touched her cheek, then pulled her into a hug as she released her tears crying now for something that she knew she could never have. She cried softly while holding onto on his blue superman shirt as her body shook. Soon, she quieted down, and snuggled on his chest till she fell asleep. He usually didn't like weepy or any kind of emotion however he felt that, unless he held Amy, he would not be able to hold back his own tears.

Sheldon stayed with her on the couch for the rest of the night dozing fitfully but continuing to hold her tightly as she slept on his chest. The next morning she woke up disorientated and confused as to why she was snuggled up to Sheldon on the couch. Then the events of the night before came flooding back and she blushed with embarrassment that she had showed such emotion and weakness around him and a new wave of shame flooded her. She should have never let something as silly as a man being too forward affect her so much, but she knew that her tears had been for something entirely different, something she could never admit to Sheldon.

She was grateful to Sheldon for being with her last night. That despite what he must be thinking of her, he had comforted her and made her feel safe. But now more than anything she wanted to be alone and try again to brush away the bitter taste in her mouth.

She realized that Sheldon had now woken up, and she tried to smile, but was unable to look him in the eye as she thanked him for the care he took of her and she made her excuses as she got up and explained that she needed to shower and change.

Though Sheldon was exhausted from too little REM sleep, he had no problems in immediately remembering what had happened and his guilt resurfaced. He saw that she was unable to look at him and knew that he had caused this pain. She was about to leave the room, when she returned to his side, rose on her toes and gave him the briefest of kisses on his cheek.

"Thank you again. I am sorry for the trouble. It won't happen again, I can assure you." Amy let this statement lingering till the implication was too much and she hurried off away from him.

All Sheldon could do was nod as he watched her go toward the bedroom. He then left her apartment and silently closed the door.

The next few days, Amy avoided Sheldon as much as she avoided her mother's calls. Victor said nothing to his mother concerning the failed date; just that Amy was obviously a lesbian. Amy had had to screen numerous calls from her mother seeking an explanation on how the date could go so wrong. Amy could have said that man was one vodka gimlet from turning into a rapist, but she feared that her mother might question what she wore or said that could have made him act such a way. Amy knew her mother's way of thinking would shift blame on herself, and she was having a hard enough time battling her own thoughts on the matter. She felt no guilt or responsibility for his actions, but felt stupid in agreeing to go in the first place. Was she weak for now wanting human contact and intimacy? In her mind, she heard Sheldon say yes. Those words rattled in her ears even if she never heard them off his lips. She remembered his face that night and couldn't bear to see his reaction to her repeated and she especially didn't want to see him avert his eyes from her again.

She was at the mail box when a statuesque woman with piecing blue eyes showed up in the foyer looking disappointed that the elevator was out.

The beautiful woman had a slight Texas accent and friendly demeanor, "Excuse me hon, but please don't tell me that elevator is out and I have to walk up 4 flights in these heels?"

"Yes, unfortunately, it is. Given the fact that the rent has not increased in 4 years, the same time frame as the need for repair, one can assume that due to lack of funding the likelihood of a repair, let alone one that would alleviate your footwear dilemma is neither forthcoming nor likely." Amy put together the accent and the 4th floor comment. "You're here to see Sheldon Cooper, yes?"

"Yes! Boy, are you smart!"

"Well, I do have a high IQ, 188, but tests are unreliable at high levels."

"I've heard that somewhere before. God lord, another one! I was supposed to meet Shelly at Cal-Tech to sign some papers, but he took the day off. I'm his sister, Missy. Nice to meet you. How do you know Shelly?"

"We are neighbors. He lives across the hall."

"YOU'RE Amy?" Without warning, Missy grabbed Amy and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. "Oh lord a mercy, momma was right, and you are perfect for our Shelly!"

"Well, we do get along… I can't breathe so well now." Missy released Amy and gave her a wide honest smile.

"Now, how's my brother been? Has he been treating you right?"

"He treats me the same as all his friends, cautious irreverence with a side of neediness. No different. Well, a little different since…" Amy broke off suddenly.

"Since what?" Missy and Amy started up the stairs. "I haven't spoken to him since Saturday night. "

"What did that idiot do now? Did he say something bad to you? You know he can't keep that tongue in check. All the brain power goes to figuring out science, not how to speak to a woman."

"Oh, I know, believe me. No. It's something that happened. I think he thinks less of me. I don't know, I think it's my fault." Amy couldn't believe she was opening up so readily to this stranger. Amy found Sheldon's sister easy to talk to. It must be in the genes, she figured.

"I don't know what happened, but I am here to tell ya, whatever it was I bet it was **not** your fault."

The ladies reached the fourth floor, but instead of heading to 4A, Missy followed Amy to her apartment. "Both these papers and Shelly can wait. You tell me what's been going on the last few days. Let's have a hot beverage, okay hon?"

"Okay. I think I would like that."

As they closed the door, "He didn't try and burn off your eye brows did he?"

**Chapter 16: Chapter 16**

**The Big Reversal Theory 16**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Missy settled in on Amy's couch in Sheldon's customary spot. She had a cup of fresh brewed tea in one hand and in the other her jaw, trying to hold it up after Amy told her what had happened on her date. How Sheldon had scared Victor with a rifle and how he had taken care of her holding her all night. Though Missy almost fell over about the cuddling, she swelled with pride at Sheldon defending a woman's honor. She knew that if her daddy were alive, he'd be proud as well.

"You can take the boy outta Texas, but dear lord, girl, if you are gonna be telling stories about my dear brother brandishing a fire arm, you are gonna have to give me something stronger than lemon tea, honey."

"I have some wine from girl's night, if you like? Oh, and a bottle of Long Island Iced tea, but I must warn you, it's alcoholic."

Missy smirked at her, "Everyone knows its alcoholic honey. But I'll have the wine."

Missy watched as Amy got up to get the wine. She was still slightly amazed that Amy went on a date at all. By the looks of her dour manner of dressing, Missy thought she didn't seem the type to go out much, but there was a brazen confidence behind her unadventurous outfit and that Missy couldn't deny was appealing. She always knew her brother would go for a girl with spunk. Given what Missy's mother had told her about Amy and how smitten Sheldon was over her, she was amazed they were not dating already, though, knowing how clueless her dear twin brother was concerning the opposite sex, she supposed it was to be expected especially as the girl he was interested seemed to be just as clueless.

Amy handed her the wine, settled on the couch herself with her own cup of tea and continued to update Missy on her interactions with Sheldon. Amy had just explained about Ramona and the way she got rid of her using sexual metaphors that would make a hooker blush.

"I love it! Did Sheldon faint at all the references to knocking boots?"

Amy stopped and looked puzzled, "No, actually, he didn't but he did want to know what friends with benefits meant."

Missy smirked, "I bet he did, that brother of mine an idiot. This one time when we were young, a girlfriend of mine thought that Shelly was just the berries. Did he give her a second look? Not on your life. Didn't say a word to her. But the moment she asked him about his Easy Bake Oven experiments, you couldn't shut the boy up. That snake in the grass Ramona knew just how to get him, appeal to his ego."

"Well, his ego is hard to avoid." Amy continued the story. It was so easy to talk to Missy, she seemed eager to hear everything she could about her brother.

Missy smiled. "I still can't believe you put up with my brother… It's amazing."

"He's amazing. The most remarkable man I've ever met." Amy let out a slight sigh but seeing Missy's toothy grin beaming at her she smiled shyly.

Missy nudged her with her knee and winked at her playfully, "He likes you, ya know."

Amy didn't get her reference and said impassively, "I know. We spend a lot of time together. He also likes Yoohoo, getting his tummy rubbed, adequate time to prepare for a fire drill…"

"NO! I mean likes you… _Likes_ you!" Amy finally understood, but shook her head, and looked down, "If he liked me Missy, I would be with him now. He would not have ignored me for three days. He just isn't wired that way."

Missy sat up, "Hey, I got an idea. You don't want to date, so just tell your momma you're dating Shelly!"

"But he doesn't want to date me! Or anyone." Amy released a big sigh, but her own doubts plagued her. Not only did Amy think Sheldon would never be attracted to her, she was convinced he thought less of her, justified or not.

"Well, he **does** want you; he just doesn't know it yet. Besides, I'm not saying it's real, just pretend for your mom."

"Like we would perpetuate a ruse, as we did with Ramona? He was a pretty good actor. I bet if I presented him with this idea, he would agree to it! But my mother would have to see him in the flesh so to speak. I can't have another Armin the miniature horse breeder fiasco." She almost had her family fooled, if it hadn't been for those annoying questions!

"How on earth did you meet a miniature horse breeder?"

Amy put her head in hands "UGH! See! I can't do this!"

"Sure you can. Lying to mothers and manipulating men, honey, I got you covered. This one time, I stole this Mexican Peso out my friend's coin collection. Well, then my momma showed up. I told Billy Sparks to hide it quick! He did, up Shelly's nose!" Missy almost rolled off the couch, "Oh you should heard him! He sounded like a trumpet from a Mariachi band for weeks!" Missy laughed but noticed Amy was none too pleased with bullying stories. She quickly stopped laughing, and said calmly I'll show you!"

"Having Sheldon as a faux boyfriend sounds perfect! Following that date with Victor I realized that I have to quit going on dates because my mother wants me to and instead go because I want to!"

"That's what I like to hear! Go on girl, let's get you the man you deserve and I know just the man and so do you!"

"Who?"

"SHELDON OF COURSE!"

"HA! No way in hell."

"Woah, wait a minute, are you saying you don't like my brother?" Missy raised her one eye brow. She was used to defending her brother, but this statement shocked her.

"Quite the opposite, he is the ideal mate for me. I get along with him better than anyone I've ever met and if you must know, his tall frame and thin beckoning lips keep me up at night,."

Missy drank her wine in a gulp, "That is too much information, but then why would you say, no way in hell."

It was Amy's turn to raise her eye brow at Missy, "Really? I should try and date a man who said on more than one occasion that coitus was "ridiculous and off putting" and that social relationships baffle and repulse him?"

"Shelly just needs a talking to. He's just scared. He will come around, just you wait and see!"

"I know all too well how scared your brother is about everything. We are great friends and I value that. It is all he wants but I deserve more, and he isn't able to give it. I will not force him so please don't pressure him"

Just as she was pouring another glass of wine for Missy, there was the familiar triple knock at the door accompanied by her name. Sheldon was like Beetlejuice, you just think of him and he appears.

Sheldon had spent the last three days working on a secret document. He had even taken time from work to complete it, away from prying eyes. He didn't want Amy to be endangered by more advances from brazen suitors, and worst of all, what if she **liked** one of them. Sheldon feared that Amy's once a year dates would turn into weekly events. Then she would be courted, wooed by some man beneath her station, which now thanks to Leonard's explanation and that wretched book he had given him, he fully understood the reference. Then this future rapscallion would fall hopelessly in love with Amy and request her hand in marriage. She would be pregnant living in some backwater like Alhambra or worse Encino, before the year was out!

Science would suffer, so for the sake of science and science alone, Sheldon would have to make the ultimate sacrifice and ask Amy to be his girlfriend.

He had crafted a meticulous document that would keep the pretext of having a relationship without all the annoying things associated with it like physical contact or emotional attachments. They would have a relationship of the mind, nothing more. The only physical contact included was for hand holding on flu shot days and of course, under the caretaking clause, when one was required to give bath, neck massages and vapo rubs. There was also the clause for family visits and as this was a relationship agreement, he had also included a date night, once a month on the third Thursday.

He didn't codify the thank you cheek kisses that she seemed to love to give and that he put up with, as this was a social convention and nothing to do with a relationship. He was still hoping to catch up with the two he owed her. He thought she might give him one as well for cuddling with her all night, which given his aversion to touch should have been a herculean task but fascinatingly Sheldon found that he hadn't been annoyed by it at all. He had had the forethought to put into the agreement hugging and in dire cases and snuggling during deep emotional distress.

Sheldon thought everything would work out fine and Amy would love it and as long as she didn't bring up any of that stuff she had suggested during the confrontation with Ramona, he should be golden.

With a swagger and the relationship agreement in hand, Sheldon walked over to Amy's apartment, then quickly scampered back to his own and closed the door. He took three quick breaths and tried again, only to return to his home after the second attempt. Last time, he was able to knock on Amy's door and call out her name. Soon, he would be someone's boyfriend. He gripped the paper which was quickly absorbing his sweat.

Amy bobbed toward the door and smiled, "That would be your brother."

"Oh, don't tell him I'm here. I want to surprise him." Missy ran to Amy's bedroom and closed the door.

Amy smiled as she answered the door, "Hello Sheldon."

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler. I was wondering if I could speak to you…"

"Of course… Please come in." She wondered what was in the document he clutched so tightly, but she didn't have a chance to ask before Sheldon turned to her and shouted.

"Do you have a guest? One of your suitors?" Sheldon saw the wine glass on the table, and a cup of tea on the coffee table.

"I do have a guest, as a matter of fact." Amy continued to smile at his twitching face. "and this guest is tall, has beautiful blue eyes. Legs that won't quit. I'll tell ya, Sheldon, it's been hard to hold in my baser urges."

Sheldon almost threw the relationship agreement up in the air, "I knew this would happen! I should have taken care of this months ago! I bet I am too late!"

Now Amy was truly confused, "Too late for what?"

"Yes Shelly, too late for what?" Missy came out of Amy's bedroom to a slack jawed Sheldon.

Sheldon gripped his chest to hold in his heart beat, "This is your _suitor_?"

"I said _guest_ not _suitor_. But thank you for thinking I have a line of men just waiting at my door. It's rather flattering." Amy grinned and headed to the kitchen to get Sheldon a cup of tea. "I have good taste, huh? Good looks must run in the family." Amy smiled at Sheldon who blushed and looked away. Amy turned and didn't see Sheldon look back at her and gulp, but his sister did.

Missy nudged him in the side and smiled toward Amy. She raised her brows suggestively, but Sheldon snorted, and hid his document behind his back, "What are you doing here?"

"Well hello to you too, brother!"

Sheldon looked annoyed and said robotically to get it over with quickly, "Yes, hello. What are you doing here?"

"You were supposed to meet me at Cal-Tech, remember? I got that wedding at Disneyland and we gotta talk about Dad's land out near Beaumont."

Do you mean that little patch dirt that Momma called nothing but a pile of regret and a money pit?"

"Yep. Turns out, there's oil there and Dad was smart enough to buy the rights too. I need you to sign so they can start drilling."

Sheldon crossed his arms, "Well, okay, but I won't sell."

"I know how you feel about that Shelly, Don't worry. It's just a lease."

"Forgive me Amy, I better take care of this. We can conclude our business later."

"What business? I have someone coming over."

Sheldon who was almost out the door, turned so abruptly, that he almost knocked Missy over, "WHO?! Oh boy, maybe we should conclude our transaction now!"

"What does Penny and Bernadette coming over have to do with anything?"

"Oh them. Never mind. I will speak to you later, given you don't imbibe too much with that Nebraskan marinated moonshiner!

Missy finally took notice of the conversation, "Moonshiner? Sounds like a hoot! But I have to drive to Anaheim tonight."

"Nonsense, you can stay with me! I can sleep on the couch, and you can have the bed"

Sheldon cringed and whined out, "Ugh, Amy? Why did you do that?"

"Because it's nice and what is expected when you have a guest from out of town." Amy opened her eyes toward his sister to give a non-verbal cue that HE should have made the offer.

Sheldon was confused but asked, "It is?"

"Yes! It's the non-optional social convention."

"FINE! Missy can stay with me! Your couch is too small to sleep upon. I found that out the other night"

Missy smirked, "Oh really?" Missy nudged her brother who quickened his pace across the hall.

"I'll come over in an hour when you are done with Sheldon! We can go to the spa together. Penny is going to introduce me to something called Brazilian wax."

"Oh honey, save that Iced tea, you're gonna need it! I'll talk to you later about lasers. Less Band-Aids!" Missy slapped Sheldon on the shoulder, "Lasers! You'd like it Shelly!"

"I doubt it!" Sheldon gave Amy a sweet nod. Missy went across the hall with Sheldon who was nervously hiding his document. He rushed to his desk and shoved the papers in the drawer which made his sister smile.

Once the papers had been gone through and signed, Missy took it upon herself to interrogate Sheldon on why he was not dating Amy pointing out that for such a supposed genius he was an idiot. At this point Howard, Raj and Leonard showed up and interrupted her mid flow. Missy spent the next hour in an awkward dance avoiding one advance after another other. Howard was uncharacteristically sedate compared to how he usually acted around a beautiful woman. Leonard and Raj were left to fight for Missy's affections although Raj was winning the battle. Knowing from past experience as a child that Missy knew her own mind and had her own painful methods of dealing with any interference from him, Sheldon paid no attention to the antics of those around him, until Amy came to rescue her and suddenly Sheldon's attention couldn't be more astute.

Amy noticed Raj's ability to speak to women right away, "Rajesh, did you go speak to Dr. Chang about the social anxiety study?"

"Yes, Chang, good man…." Raj shook his finger which wouldn't stop moving. He tried to hold it down.

"You be careful, those drugs only work for so long and they have terrible side effects. I wish you would try the cognitive approach we spoke of before hopping on beta blockers with a Benzodiazepine derivative."

"But Amy! I can talk to women now! Isn't it wonderful?"

"Only for as long as the drug lasts." Amy put her hand on his arm and smiled, "I'd just hate to see you drooling in a cup in some drug addled stupor while your neuron receptors are swimming in a gamma-aminobutyric acidic soup just so you can speak to a woman."

"Wait, what about acid soup?"

"Just be careful!"

"Okay Amy!" Raj always appreciated Amy's thoughtfulness. Sometimes she was a better friend that the short man standing behind him mimicking his every movement to mock him.

"Howard! Don't mock Rajesh. Soon science may find a cure for 'general sleaziness disorder' and glaring Oedipus complex and we won't mock you then!" Amy gave Howard a wink, and he snorted at her. He never could respond to her fast enough.

Sheldon let out a chuckle, "Oh man Howard, now you know why I keep her around!"

Amy smiled at Sheldon for his praise. Missy watched it all, Amy's handling of the men, Sheldon's pride at her every action. She was going to do everything she could to insure Sheldon was cured of his head in ass disease before she left.

Howard turned and glowered at Sheldon, but was distracted by the ladies knocking and opening the door.

Penny called out, "Okay, here's where the party's at!" Leonard rose to meet her now slightly embarrassed for hitting on Sheldon's sister, but feeling better when she confirmed she was still dating Kurt. When Howard saw Bernadette beside her, he was happy he was guilt free. Raj was smiling like a fool, but no one knew if it was from the medication or the fact that he was the only one who wasn't attached.

"Oh my ears! The Grammar! It's an assault on the senses!" Sheldon scowled the group, " AND THERE ARE No parties' hootenannies or clinking of glasses after 10 PM!"

"Don't worry, Shelly bean!" Missy rose off the couch to greet the women who were surprised to see another woman with the group.

"Hello. I'm Penny. This is Bernadette." Penny tried to hide her slight jealousy, but she wasn't as a good an actress as she thought. "Are you here to see…"

"Hi! I'm here for Sheldon. I'm the woman that once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head." Amy giggled at the joke, the girls looked at her wondering why she was ok with this.

Penny dropped her jaw, "Excuse me?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes and explained, "She's my twin sister, and she thinks she's funny but frankly I've never been able to see it."

Penny and Bernie laughed, "Oh, she's funny Sheldon. Believe me! Hey, we were going to have a girl's day, do you want to come, or stay here with the boys?"

"PLEASE take me! I've only been here an hour and already I can tell I am one step away from watching a Star Trek thing."

Sheldon turned to Amy in his spot, "That's a great idea, Amy, do you want to stay and watch Amok Time?"

"As much as I love to be amok, I will pass."

"Really Amy?" Sheldon tilted his head and tried to give her his adorable smile.

However, Amy was already off the couch and ready to go, "Sheldon, you forget I am a lady. And sometimes I have an estrogen filled need to flip through glossy magazines that make me hate my body!"

"Why on earth would you hate your body, Amy? It seems perfectly functional to me. I mean you have a slightly larger than average…""

Missy shook her head at Sheldon, "Let me stop you right here, Shelly, before you say something you will regret and need to buy this girl a present to make up for your foot in your mouth!"

"Listen to your sister, Sheldon! Let's go. I think I may need extra time getting my nails sharpened!" Amy glared at Sheldon who looked away from her wrath, and the four women left.

The rest of the afternoon for Amy was heaven, if heaven was near a first aid kit and a gaggle of giggling girls. She had been put the through the ringer: Pulled, poked, waxed, threaded, plucked and tucked and she had loved every painful minute of it. Missy had talked her into laser instead of wax, which the spa appreciated since they didn't need to use so much wax. Amy had never waxed or plucked anything, so there was a lot ground to uncover. It was the first time she had had a group of girlfriends who didn't mock her or pretend to be her friend to tease her. She felt like a princess, all she needed was a tiara.

The ladies returned home to 4B with a few bottles of wine ready to watch some new movie called Mama Mia, which Amy hoped was an Italian cooking documentary. As the girls got to her door, Amy opened it quickly to get the ladies inside before their laughter would disturb the neighbors. Little did she know the neighbors were already laying in wait for her.

Sheldon tried to look nonchalant as he opened the door to see Amy standing in the hall after she had pushed the three women into her apartment but he was dying with curiosity to know where they went. He had a laundry basket as a ruse and if Amy asked what he was doing he would say he had to test the new fabric softener in preparation for Saturday night.

"Oh, hello Amy. As in the urban parlance, what is the down and the low?"

"Well, if you must know, I am spent, but my legs are a smooth as a baby's bottom. I wonder why the Brazilian's feel the need to shave so close to such sensitive areas, but it is hard to argue with the results! My thighs feel like they are wrapped in silk!" Amy did look radiant as she did a twirl revealing her bare legs. Her skirt flared slightly showing part of her thighs. All he could think of was would they feel like silk if he touched them.

"Uh huh… Really… Oh well…" Sheldon dropped his laundry basket and the fabric softener spilled all over the floor.

"Oh no!" Amy rushed over to help him clean it up with the few towels in his basket, but some of the liquid got on her skirt and blouse. She had blue liquid dripping down her smooth legs bare legs. Amy's help was making the mess worse by the minute.

"Oh look, Sheldon, what a mess we made!" Amy looked up at him with her green eyes sparkling and a diminutive giggle in her voice. He reached over and brushed a strand off her face and smiled back.

"At least your clothes will be extra soft to match the rest of your body." Sheldon tried to swallow back his words, but it was too late. Amy smirked at him and stood up.

"I better go wash up. I'll see you later. Try not to get your skin too soft yourself, Sheldon. You will be indistinguishable from cotton balls wrapped in silk and we can't have that!" Amy winked at him and headed to her apartment to be greeted with a gaggle of giggles and some stares from her friends. Sheldon cleaned up and headed down to wash the towels that didn't need washing only 5 minutes earlier.

"Oh, lordy, I dont have a snowball's chance in a Cat Scanner to avoid that Vixen's charms."

Later that night, after the caterwauling from across the hall had died down, Sheldon was finally able to get some sleep. However, his dreams were anything but relaxing:

" _Well, hello Captain, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Amy was dressed in a Star Fleet medical blue uniform with a skirt so short, Sheldon could see the top of Amy's underwear as she bent over to pick up the pen she had dropped just as Sheldon entered the medical bay. Her hair was up in loose bun, with spindles hanging down as it had been when she used the shower the first day they met._

_She wasn't wearing tights, and that was against regulations. Though Sheldon knew he was captain in the dream, his uniform was blue as well and when he reached up, he felt two pointy ears. He knew exactly who he was and he was loving every minute of the dream._

" _Ensign Fowler. It has come to my attention that you are out of uniform. . You need not be reminded of Star Fleet regulation 425 sub paragraph 9 section B.."_

_Ensign Fowler cut him off and repeated with a calm commanding voice, "All Star Fleet personnel should be in uniform at all times during duty hours. I am well aware of the regulations. Are you familiar with Star Fleet regulation 425 sub paragraph 9 section C?_

" _Well, yes.. if a medical condition precludes the person from wearing a part of the uniform, form 256.9A must be filled out and submitted to commanding officer. What Medical condition is prohibiting you from wearing tights?"_

" _My legs have been rendered hairless by an alien probe. For the time being, Dr McCoy advised I do not wear tights, and I am to apply this lotion to my legs every 20 minutes." Amy looked at her watch, "Oh dear, it's time again, can we talk while I do this?" Amy didn't wait for answer. She went over to medical bay table and started to rub lotion on her legs. Sheldon was mesmerized as her hands slowly wrapped around her strong shapely legs caressing every inch of her skin. In the dream he felt his pulse rise as she moved her up her thighs to between her legs. The whole time she applied the lotion, she watched his face as she licked her lips and moaned. Sheldon was stammering, "Well, I was unaware of your condition. I, too, was hit with the alien probe, but had none of the side effects."_

_Dream Amy stopped, "Captain are you sure? We need to do a thorough examination. Please remove your clothes."_

" _I will not! I have duties to preform!"_

" _As acting medical officer while Dr. McCoy is at a conference on Risa, you will submit to an examination or I will evoke medical protocols and find you unfit for duty. Strip captain." Ensign Fowler came behind him and barked her order._

" _I will not!" But Sheldon collapsed over the table._

_Ensign Fowler must have used a hypo spray on him. Next thing Sheldon knew, he was naked, strapped to a table, immobile. Ensign Fowler was straddling him while she rubbed his chest with the same lotion she had used on her legs. He noticed it smelled of cherries with a hint of chocolate. Sexy sundae._

_Sheldon could barely get the words out to ask what she was doing. He knew all too well. Suddenly, in the dream, his hands were free and gripping Ensign Amy's hips which were rocking against his growing erection. "Oh Captain, I should have kept you strapped on the table. If you continue to do that…" Ensign Amy pulled out her hair clip. Long flowing chocolate brown locks cascaded down her now bare shoulders. She was no longer in uniform, and Sheldon no longer had pointy ears. It was Amy on top of him, gyrating her hips against him, while every stroke of her inner thighs and other parts that Sheldon couldn't imagine were pushing him closer to oblivion. Sheldon's breath grew short and jagged as he watched her arch her back and push against him harder with each pass. Soon the feeling was too much and Sheldon let out a husky growl as he climaxed. Amy looked down at him and smiled, "oh dear, Sheldon, what a mess we made!"_

Sheldon woke up in a cold sweat, and messy pajamas. He rushed to the shower and cleaned himself off. If anyone asked why he only had a shirt on and no pants, he decided to tell them he spilled grape juice on his pajama bottoms and leave it at that.

The next morning, Missy gathered her things and started to head out though she still had some words for her brother.

Sheldon was at his desk trying to ignore her as always. Missy giggled to herself, at least he made her feel at home.

"Shelly, we need to talk about something. Look, do you remember…"

"When speaking to me, having a sentence containing "do you remember" seems a colossal waste of time, does it not? "

Ignoring his comments she went on "When you were young, you came out here to college. You were scared and didn't want to go?"

"I wouldn't say scared…more elated to be leaving Texas."

"Well, hiding in your room for week while playing that Star Trek Music sure made everyone think you were scared.

"It was Star Wars, but I get part of your point, now where's the rest of it.

"My point is, do you remember what I told you?"

"Yes, you said, you were proud of me for going on a grand adventure."

"Well, I am again. I know you are hiding one of them agreements things in your desk drawer there."

"MISSY! Have you been snooping in my stuff again! This is why I needed that robot to guard my room!"

"No, I didn't go through your things. But I know a Sheldon Cooper Agreement when I see one. I still have the sibling agreement you made me sign in crayon before you'd give me back my cabbage Patch doll"

"I wouldn't need to have blackmailed you if you just signed the agreement."

"I was 4 years old and couldn't sign my name!

"And that is the answer to the question, how can dizygotic twins be so different!"

Missy had to leave and was in no mood for Sheldon's usual banter when she was trying to be nice, "Anyway… I just want to say, I am proud of you. I am glad you are going to be with Amy. It's almost like your friends grew her in pod or something. She is made for you."

"Well, if you must know, I will be asking Amy to my girlfriend, but it is only to save her the unpleasantness of having to go out on dates. It will free her mind for science, not some fool errand of Eros." Sheldon decided to start a strict regiment of Kolinhr to keep his dreams at bay.

"Wait, I thought you liked her?"

"I do. I am quite fond of Amy." Sheldon thought back to the dream, _if only she knew how much_.

"So ask her because you like her, dummy! Not because you want to save her for science. She deserves better than that!"

"There is nothing better than science or **me** for that matter, so Amy's hit the jackpot if you ask me."

"Oh, boy. Did you give any thought behind the idea that she might want a real relationship, not just some marriage of convenience?"

"MARRIAGE? I never said anything about marriage! I mean, we just met. Well, 9 months ago, but marriage? I mean, that would imply… a little house, our golden years… Children… Oh lord.. Oh lord.." Sheldon breaths were jagged. Missy just rolled her eyes.

"Calm down! I just mean, you would be lucky if a girl like Amy gave you a second look. She's smart, driven and kind. Did you see how she showed concern for Raj and seconds later cut Howard even more down to size?"

"Yes, I did. She is remarkable."

"I shouldn't say this, but I saw her at the spa, and that girl is hiding a pretty cute figure under all those layers of wool and polyester."

Missy clicked her cheek and raised her eye brows. Sheldon turned beet red, crossed his legs, remembering his vivid dream, table straps included, "Well, I shouldn't care about that!"

"Well, you **_shouldn't_** but I bet you do. You got that same look when we used to watch Blossom together with that girl. You've got it bad, Shelly. " Missy looked straight through him to find the pubescent teenager she knew was hiding under all his science shielding. Sheldon wasn't fooling her.

"Quit looking at me like that."

Missy tried a different tactic. Sheldon hated his toys being taken away when he was a kid. Anytime she wanted him to do something, she just had to threaten she would steal his prized Mr. Spock doll. Amy seemed to be the same thing to him, something that he wanted to keep, but never play with, "Shelly, if you can't be the kinda man she deserves, step aside and let another take a chance."

"ANOTHER MAN? That's outrageous. There is no man good enough for her. That's why I am doing this, don't you get it?"

"Don't you get that Amy doesn't need to be trapped in a loveless relationship for years hoping for some kinda affection from you. How long before you kiss her? Years? Then what, will you put that in your agreement too?"

"I never thought about kissing in the agreement. Maybe I should think about…"

Missy's patience was exhausted "You never listened to me and I know you're not now. I am telling ya, you aint got a snowball's chance in a cat scanner with Amy if you don't realize you are going to have to give into those feelings you hide away." Missy sighed and gave Sheldon a huge hug which he awkwardly returned, "Take care, and think about what I am saying. Let it cook in that easy bake brain of yours like you did to snowball my gerbil.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Sheldon remembered vividly the smell of cooking gerbil when his homemade Cat Scanner didn't quite work as he planned.

"Now I know you grew up! You said sorry! That girl's a wonder on you. Keep her Shelly, no matter what! Bye!"

Sheldon did think about what Missy had said, in fact he had been doing nothing but thinking about it when Amy returned home. He immediately went over to her apartment to speak with her. Though the nerves of his last try were calmer it still took him 3 attempts before he had the courage to knock on her door, agreement in hand.

Amy answered the door with her usual smile, "Hello Sheldon, please come in. I am glad you stopped by. I have a matter I would like to discuss with you." She was wearing the green cardigan that brought out the color of her eyes and the beige skirt that showed off her hips. Sheldon tried to ignore her appearance, and focus, but her slippery lips were a distraction.

"As do I Amy." Sheldon was more confident than yesterday, but his sister's words echoed in his head. Did he really want Amy as girlfriend to save her, or for himself? After his dream, he wasn't so sure the answer.

Amy offered a Yoohoo to Sheldon which he gladly accepted. He almost asked for something stronger as joke, but alcohol was no laughing manner and he needed all his mental facilities sharp and ready.

Amy sat next to Sheldon and let out a small breath before she spoke. She seemed nervous as well. "Sheldon I have a proposal I would like to present to you. You may take as much time as you need to decide."

"Okay, paint me curious..."

Amy opened the discussion the same way Sheldon had planned. "I was speaking to your sister yesterday and it gave me an idea about my dating dilemma which I would like to discuss with you."

Sheldon let out a large sigh, "I am so glad you are the one bringing this up, Amy. I too have a solution for your problem that I think will benefit us as well as science." Sheldon was thankful Amy was the brave one. He held onto his relationship agreement, now bound with a leather cover.

"Great! I am glad we are on the same page. I have an idea. And I would like to you keep an open mind."

"Always."

"Remember our conversation with Ramona in the hall?"

"Vividly." Sheldon gulped and licked his lips as he recalled the novel feeling shooting through his body when Amy looked at him that day. He had been excited, yet terrified at the same time. _So that's what Spidey was talking about_ … He thought.

"Of course you do. Well it gave me an idea. I need you to be my boyfriend."

"I knew it would come to this, Amy. I am ready. I've been thinking about for days. It's all I can focus on."

"I'm so glad you and I have the same idea."

"We always do have great ideas. It's not surprising that we would think alike."

"So, back to Ramona and what we discussed in the hall, I was thinking that we could do that again."

"What the part where I provide you with frequent and intense intercourse and you tie me to a table until I am enraptured in the sweet release of orgasm?" Sheldon gulped so hard he almost swallowed his throat.

"Yes, but I don't think we need to be so graphic. Although it may come to that, I have to know you are ready."

"Amy, I must say, the idea used to repulse me, but lately, it intrigues me." He tried not to think about his vivid dream when he was looking at Amy's shiny hair. He had to concentrate, "However, preforming such an act, I mean… I never thought I would ever, I just don't think I am ready for that."

"I could get Penny to help you."

"PENNY?! Why on earth would I want to do that with Penny?"

"She has lots of experience. She even did it over a bowling alley once."

"Even more reason not listen to her advice! I am sure we can figure it out on our own, but we need time, Amy, I just can't jump into this, it's all so sudden! I've never done this before!"

"Neither have I, but I bet we can do it together if we support each other. I will be by your side for every action."

"Well, I would hope so! Where else would you be? Though I am not sure how the by my side would work." Sheldon wondered if Leonard's book could help. But to even entertain the idea was causing him to hyperventilate.

Amy saw his distress and placed her hand on his for a brief moment. "You will never be in a bad position."

"Oh dear lord, now we have to decide positions? Amy, can't we just wing it?"

"Well, yes, but we have to be prepared for anything. Who knows what will pop up?"

"Well, the book says that's the first thing that happens, actually." Sheldon shifted in his seat. The conversation was getting more uncomfortable, as was the feeling in his slacks.

"Oh, good, you've already done some research. Look, I think it will be fine, just act naturally and be ready for anything I throw at you. I have to tell you, I can get a little crazy.

"Oh Amy... I just.. woah… Amy I just don't think I am ready. And to "

"Don't worry. I just need you for one night. Maybe two…"

"One night? What kind of man do you think I am?" Sheldon looked so insulted that it confused Amy.

"One that can help lie to my mother… What are you talking about?"

"Oh that! Of course… I mean… What?"

"Sheldon! I am talking about lying to my mother like we lied to Ramona! I would pass you off as my boyfriend, and then I would be off the hook for dating."

"So I don't need to be your **real** boyfriend, just pretend?"

"Correct."

Sheldon rubbed his lips together and asked queasily, "And that's what you want?"

"Yes. I mean I could ask Leonard, but he can be tedious and he is not as aesthetically pleasing as you are."

"My good looks are a welcoming sight for older women." Sheldon loved a compliment.

"Yes, you're a veritable feast for the eyes, now will you do it or what?"

"Of Course Amy. I would be happy to be your boyfriend."

"Faux boyfriend."

"Yes… that's great. I wouldn't want it any other way." Sheldon shoved the document he was holding under his leg to hide it.

"Of course you wouldn't. Don't worry Sheldon, I know you." Amy gave Sheldon a comforting smile, but he still felt uneasy. He could not deny his disappointment, he felt like he had won a gold prize only to find out it was made of plastic.

One night a few weeks after Missy had left, they were all eating at the Cheesecake Factory when, Penny found out it was Leonard's birthday soon and that he had never had a party. She was bound and determined to give him a "kick ass Party." Sheldon was persuaded to go along by the sweet smile of Amy as she explained the social convention of annually celebrating births. Sheldon finally agreed, so long as the party was low key. Everyone seemed to chuckle as they agreed with a wink.

The day of Leonard's birthday came and everyone pitched in to make it wonderful for him. Howard, Bernadette and Raj decorated while Penny took Leonard clothes shopping to keep him away from 4A. Amy had the worst job of all: Taking Sheldon present shopping. She had explained it was the non-optional social convention for a best friend and Sheldon had finally acquiesced when Amy promised they would go to Best Buy. Everything was running smoothly, until everyone in the store found out that Sheldon was a veritable IT genius. By the time that they returned to Los Robles, most of the party goers were drunk, including Penny and Leonard who had been slow dancing for most of the party.

Leonard came up to Sheldon, who handed him his gift by shoving it at him, "Here, it is 802.11n wireless router."

"OH Sheldon, you shouldn't have!"

Leonard gave Sheldon a drunken hug, which Sheldon tried to brush off, "I know, tell that to Amy! At least it isn't a dirt bike!"

"Dirt bike, what in the world would I do with a dirt bike?"

"THANK YOU! That's what I told my parents when I was twelve!"

On the other side of the noisy room, Bernadette was explaining to Amy that Penny's boyfriend Kurt showed had up at the party looking for her. Penny told him his services were no longer required, and then proceeded to give Leonard the best kiss of his life. Though Leonard hoped it wasn't just for show, he was too thrilled to care. Kurt had stormed off in a huff, while Leonard recovered from the kiss.

Penny had been mortified that she had used Leonard, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that, Leonard. You shouldn't be a pawn for me getting back at Kurt."

"Well, as much as I loved being your pawn, you have had quite a bit to drink. See how you feel tomorrow and if you need another person to kiss in front of Kurt, just say the word!"

"You're a great guy, Leonard! You're so smart!"

"Yeah, I'm a fricken genius."

Penny hugged Leonard and whispered in his ear, "Next time I kiss you Leonard, I will be sober and it will be for us, okay?"

"OKAY! Hearing "Next Time" is the best birthday present ever!"

Penny spent the rest of the party smiling at Leonard and he had a grin on his face that made his cheeks hurt, but he didn't care. It was the best birthday ever for him and he loved that all his friends thought so much of him to do this.

Sheldon however was not feeling the love. The hordes of drunk people that had invaded his personal space was quickly reaching critical levels. The drunken masses were even closing in on Amy who was still talking to Howard and Bernadette across the room. They left when a very tall man, with broad shoulders and a welcoming grin approached Amy and was speaking to her. Sheldon dashed across the room to hear part of the conversation:

"Oh, menu designs? That's different! I never met a person who did menus." Amy's voice was much higher than her normal tone. She was also twirling her hair and looked fascinated at anything the man said.

The tall dark haired man had a low voice that flowed off his lips like caramel. Unfortunately, just like caramel, the quality content could be put up for debate, "Yeah, it's my dad's business, but it's cool. I know it sounds easy but there's a lot of science that goes in designing them. I mean, putting dessert with appe-teasers, that's like not cool, man."

"Appe-teasers?"

The hunk of man swelled up with pride, "Yeah, I came up with that… Oh hello." The man was just about to explain his theory behind the word, when Sheldon scurried up to Amy and stood closer to her than was normal

"Hello Sheldon, this is Zack. Hoo.. I mean who… was working with Bernadette at the Cheesecake factory. She invited him to party tonight." Amy blushed and put her hair behind her ear, which Sheldon noticed was red. Amy's breathing was erratic and she seemed to be shifting around like something was throbbing. Sheldon took one look at Zack's blank apelike expression and hoped that his Kolinahr was enough to keep his emotions in check.

"Yeah, it's cool. I love parties. Hey, are you a scientist like Amy here?"

"Well, not like Amy, she's a neurobiologist and I'm theoretical physicist."

"A Neuro what?"

"She studies brains…"

"Woah, you're a smart cookie then huh?" Zack winked at Amy, who looked nervous for some reason at the attention. Sheldon moved even closer to her.

Sheldon's hand was trembling, but he took a deep breath and said with a tremor in his voice, "And …she's my girlfriend." Sheldon put his hand around Amy's waist and rested it on her hip. With a gentle tug, he pulled her to him so their hips touched. Amy turned to look up at Sheldon to see if he'd had too much to drink, but no, not a drop. She had never dreamed he would show any affection toward her, let alone in public. His warm hand on her hip caused her to lose any cognitive functioning. She was speechless.

"Power couple! Two scientists? You guys could make some awesome lasers! Don't blow up the moon though, okay?"

"Blow up the moon? Do you hear yourself? How could you possibly think a neurobiologist could blow up the moon? With what? An over active amygdala medulla oblongata?"

"Dude? You have one of those? BITCHING!"

Sheldon was just about to go into a rant, but Amy having found some vocal ability interrupted him. "Hey Sheldon, drink this, I haven't touched it." Amy handed him a glass of punch. Sheldon looked down at the swirling red liquid then to Amy's forced smile which was fixated on Zack. He knew she was saving him from the education of the savages. A wave of gratitude overwhelmed him and he lent his head down to kiss her on the cheek. Just as he was about to meet her face, she turned suddenly and his lips met hers.

Their lips were only together for second, before Sheldon pulled back, realizing his error. The brief brush of their lips together felt like a circuit connected and an electrical pulse crackled between them even as they separated.

It was a brief moment that the world around them barely noticed, and certainly not Zack, who saw a shiny object in the other side of the room and went to investigate while Sheldon and Amy stood speechless, staring at each other. The volume of the world around them was turned down, and the only sound they could both hear was their own rapid beating hearts and short breaths. They were surrounded in a bubble of anticipation and neither one could pierce it or speak. Finally, Sheldon swallowed and offered a quick apology while he continued to stare at Amy's lips.

"Amy, I didn't mean to… I mean…I was just trying to…" Sheldon released her hip and pulled back slightly. He instantly missed the feeling, but it was too late to reclaim it.

Amy extinguished her twinge of hope. She slumped slightly, and said with a melancholy sigh, "I know. You were only practicing for my mother."

Sheldon drew in a quick breath through his nose, let his words out with a sigh, "Yes. Practice."

Amy grabbed the glass of punch out of Sheldon's hands, "Well, you are an excellent actor." She downed the entire glass in one gulp.


	3. 17 to 20

Amy and Sheldon had just finished their meal at the Cheesecake Factory and were having a heated debate over a question of biology that surprisingly, Sheldon had posed.

"Sheldon! If I could merge with another species, it would take genetic manipulation. So while they are in there, messing with my DNA they could throw some monkey and cat in there! Spice it up!" Amy snorted. "Or Splice it up. Get it?

"Yes, I get it, but Amy, you are ignoring my riveting explanation of the lichen."

"Oh, Sheldon, you can still have your lichen too."

"Amy, you're missing the point. You can only merge with ONE species. That's the question… If you could only merge with one species, what would it be?"

"But the process to do so…"

"Amy, you have no sense of whimsy! There is no process, it's hypothetical. Now do you have an answer?" Sheldon's wide eyes waited for the one answer that would satisfy him…Lichen.

However, it didn't come.

"Hmm… If you give me only one choice, can it be the same species but a different sex or DNA? I always wondered what it would be like to be a man for a day. Getting paid 30% more, standing to pee, and being acknowledged for your work rather than your looks. Sounds like a hoot!"

"No no, Amy, if you want to merge with a man, do it on your own time. This discussion…" Just as he was about to finish his thought, Penny came up to the table and heard the last statement and almost dropped the pitcher of tea she was carrying.

Overhearing Sheldon and Amy's conversations were always amusing to her, though most of it got lost in translation. However tonight she was titillated. She could barely keep a straight face as she teased Amy while playfully poking her. "Amy! Are you merging with men and you didn't tell me!? I thought we are, as you say, besties!"

Amy winked at Penny. "As soon as I merge with a man, Penny you will be the first to know! I'll leave the bed to text you!"

Sheldon coughed out his iced tea. As Penny slapped his back he spluttered. "What?! I thought the whole point of being in a fake relationship with me was to avoid such activities?"

"What, wait what?" This was the first Penny had heard about their subterfuge. Amy hadn't bothered to bring it up figuring it would only be relevant when she saw her mother. Although, the idea of being Sheldon's faux girlfriend was cozying up to her already warmed heart.

"Oh, yes, I forgot to tell you. If my mother asks, I am in a heated physical relationship with Sheldon." She smiled sweetly at Sheldon who gave a slight bow in response. "We have… what did you say?"

Sheldon looked up at Penny and said without emotion. "My coitus with Amy is frequent, intense and whimsically inventive."

Penny wasn't impressed with Sheldon's acting skills. She shook her head and turned back to Amy who was staring at Sheldon. "Hold up, you guys are in a fake relationship just to fool your mom?"

"Sure! I just need to present Sheldon as my boyfriend and make a few uncomfortable comments that will quickly shut the conversation down and then I am free!" Amy tipped her head with a slight smile and said to Sheldon. "Thank you again."

"My pleasure and though I cannot foresee any need, there may come a time that I might need to use our fake sexual relationship to get out of an uncomfortable situation myself. I trust there will be a quid pro quo for "fake coitus"?"

"Yes. You scratch my back in the heat of passion, I will claw at yours!"

Sheldon let out a quick chuckle.

Penny could tell that both Sheldon and Amy were thrilled at the arrangement, but she thought it was the damnedest thing she had ever heard.

"Will that work? You guys aren't known for being… well… like normal couples. How can you act like one that is let's say _'getting their freak on_ '?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "It's called method acting, Penny! You should know these things if you are to enter the dramatic arts! According to Lee Strasberg a founder of the method, we need to live through our characters to "get on our freak", as you say!"

"Oh, Honey, I know ALL about method acting." Penny smirked, "But you know that Strasberg also employs the idea of sense memory to evoke a feeling or emotion in the actor and relate it to the character they are trying to portray. What emotional memories or senses are you guys using to get into your "Method?" What are your processes? Your inspiration?"

Penny raised her brow suggestively to Sheldon. She knew she had him. Penny didn't spend 300 bucks an hour on acting classes for nothing.

Sheldon's eyes shot open and he looked at Amy in horror and saw she had the same look of shock on her face. Their brief kiss was his most recent sense memory. The feeling of her soft lips on his kept Sheldon reliving the dream he had where they had kissed and when she had almost ruined Batman. It was strange that the Batman cookie jar Leonard had given him was the same pose as his dream. He thought it was one of those circumstances that people unfamiliar with the law of large numbers would call a coincidence.

Also sometimes, he had another vague memory of kissing her, but it was faint, as if lost in a haze. Sheldon figured it was the drunken kiss he was accessing through the misfired neurons he had ruined with drink. Sheldon didn't register that these pleasant memories could indict feelings for Amy, but he knew something had changed in him. However, right now Penny's smirking kept him quiet and though there was no way he would confess this, between his dreams and memory, he had plenty of material for his "Method".

Amy laughed with a nervous chuckle, desperate to change the subject before Penny asked her the same question. "Oh man, Sheldon, you finally found the one subject that Penny can keep up with you! You better quit while you're ahead."

"It seems I should leave it to the experts…and Penny." Sheldon answered meekly

Penny winked at Amy. "Why have a fake relationship when you can have a real one? Real coitus included?"

Amy could've killed the blond buttinski. Penny knew the subject was verboten when it came to Sheldon.

Sheldon gulped and looked at his plate that formally housed his BBQ burger, wishing for some kind of food to occupy his mouth so that Amy would answer for him. She immediately saw his discomfort and saved the day.

"Penny… Sheldon and I can't have that type of relationship. He doesn't want it. What he does want is a sundae though! I promised him one, can you do that here?"

"Yes, I can. After that, you and I are going to have a little chat when I get off work, missy. Make no mistake…"

Penny turned and snapped at Sheldon "…and you, don't even start with me! I know about the half rainbow sprinkles and the damn cherry stems on the bottom, don't worry you won't choke again!"

Penny walked away and Sheldon let out the breath he was holding. "Boy, she's a nosey nelly. How do you put up with her?"

"She's nice, she has alabaster skin with no pores, so easy on the eyes. I admit that she is not the sharpest crayon in the box, but there are other qualities to people beyond intelligence that I find appealing."

"Like the ability to make a great sundae!? Oh I hope so…" Sheldon looked toward the back where Penny was making the treat Amy had promised him.

Amy had a huge favor and she knew a treat would sweeten the pot. "Sheldon, speaking of our present ruse. I would like to discuss something with you. I hope you will keep an open mind."

"I always do. If you want to codify the relationship, I have a document in my bag we can discuss. I don't have my notary stamp, however." Sheldon reached for his bag. He kept the relationship agreement with him at all time because Sheldon Cooper was always prepared.

"No, Sheldon. I don't need a contract, but I do need you."

"Oh boy…" Sheldon licked his lips, "Okay, Amy. I think I am ready. We can make this official."

Sheldon had decided it wasn't so bad having a girlfriend. Amy wasn't too pushy, had kept the sexting to minimum, she had been most attentive and had now even offered to buy him a sundae. He was a little giddy about the notion that he would be only man of the group with a girlfriend. Bragging rights on top of his already stellar status in the group would be most welcome.

"Good. I need you go with me to a wedding. Well, not a real wedding…Let me explain…"

Sheldon cut her off with a hysterical fit of coughing. "A wedding? Oh, Amy! That's a little too official!"

"Look, my mother will be there along with all my family. Besides, you already know the bride!"

"Of course I do!" Sheldon suddenly remembered that he had been fooled before and now he knew enough to ask before he presumed. "Wait, who is the bride?"

"Cousin Irene!"

Sheldon calmed down and sat back in his chair rubbing his neck as the phantom pain of the noose around his neck disappeared. "But she is already married…though the marriage must have been rocky if she had stooped so low as to sleep with Wolowitz."

"Actually, that's what got her thinking. She was ready to divorce her husband, but seeing what life would be like without him, they went to counseling and now want to renew their vows! Isn't it romantic?"

"Sounds like another in a long line of bad decisions. First weddings are bad enough, but a second one? Why on earth would one want to subject themselves to that tedious experience twice?"

Amy knew she would have to explain this to him. "Because they love each other and want to declare it front of all their friends and family."

Amy had always dreamed of a nice wedding, but then she had also wished to be part Monkey and Cat, and that seemed just as likely.

"Anyone with half a brain can do that without all the crying, flowers and rubbery chicken. Look, it's easy. I love you! Done! Where's the cake?"

Just as Sheldon said I love you to Amy, Penny walked up and almost dropped the sundae upon hearing what he said.

"Oh my god! He said he loved you! Finally! Oh Sheldon I'm so proud of you for admitting your feelings. Wait, I thought you wanted a sundae. Now you want cake?" Penny was beaming, but Amy's wide eyes and violent shaking of her head confused her.

Sheldon looked with disdain at the sundae which was completely covered in rainbow sprinkles "I was explaining a hypothetical situation. I wasn't saying that to Amy! I wouldn't do that over a sub-par BBQ burger and a poorly constructed sundae! I mean half a teaspoon of rainbow sprinkles! How does one not get that?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes at Amy briefly before concentrating on scraping off the pound of sprinkles that Penny seemed to have dumped on his sundae.

Amy was in muddled shock and speechless. Did Sheldon actually say he wouldn't say he loved her over dinner? Does that mean he does? She must have misunderstood him, she reasoned.

Sheldon was oblivious to his comment's implication as he just continued to bemoan the fact that he would have to put on some monkey suit and sit through a dreary evening. Fueling his lament was the knowledge that as soon as he had fulfilled his obligation to Amy to fool her mother, the pretense of dating Amy would be done. With that, he would be out of this his faux relationship which for some reason he had become accustomed to over the last few weeks.

Amy explained the situation to Penny. "No Penny, you misunderstood. Remember my cousin Irene?"

"The one you told me had banged Howard in your bed which had meant that you had had to sleep in Sheldon's?"

"Yes!" Amy glared at Penny's big mouth tonight, hoping she would not say any more about that night or how she had told her bestie that she felt she was surrounded by a Sheldon scented cloud and that it had been the best sleep she had ever had.

"She and Frank are renewing their vows and Sheldon has agreed to accompany me as my date. Right Sheldon?" Amy looked at the physicist as she shook her head rapidly up and down for confirmation.

"Ugh… Yes, that's what faux boyfriend's do… I am not going to have fun and it will be a nightmare of an evening."

Amy glared at him. "That's the spirit!"

"I won't have any one to talk to Amy. There won't be any scientists my age!"

"Are you willing to draw a moustache on your finger as a conversational icebreaker?"

"No! I detest paint on my hands. Kindergarten was a nightmare with all the finger painting. "

"Well, there is a sundae bar, so there will be something there that we can both enjoy. It the only thing cheapskate Irene sprung for in her food budget. She won't even have food, just a sundae bar."

Sheldon shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, I'm in."

Amy turned back to Penny. "There is a silver lining to all this because I get to be a bridesmaid! I am SO excited! I've never been a bridesmaid and have my moment walking down the aisle with all eyes upon me!"

"I think that's what the bride is for."

"Oh she can look at me too! I can't wait! I hope the dress is nice... I haven't seen it yet, but I hope it doesn't have capped sleeves, though from what I remember last time they are Irene's favorite."

Penny scrunched up her nose. "Capped sleeves, ugh… I'm with Sheldon, sounds like a nightmare of an evening."

A few weeks later, Amy was happy when she found out that capped sleeves were not on the dress. Unfortunately not only were there no sleeves, it was the most risqué dress Amy had ever seen. It was a sleeveless, corseted dress with laces in the back and an asymmetrical hem line that showed far too much knee for Amy's taste.

Amy thought that she looked like a slutty St Pauli Girl who had spent too much time on the stripper pole. Penny had told her the dress wasn't that bad and that she thought Amy looked fantastic. However, Amy, who was used to showing only her forearms, was not convinced.

Irene had been thrilled she had got the dresses so cheap from the Renaissance Faire and when Amy had pleaded with Irene to change the dresses or a least let her wear a short jacket, Irene had gone Bridezilla telling her in no uncertain terms that she was not allowed to change it.

Sheldon had yet to see the dress, but Penny told him he had to up his game and had forced him to go out and buy a new suit for the wedding. Though he was thankful he didn't have to rent a tux, the slick black suit that Penny had strong-armed him into buying made him feel ridiculous.

All the gang were gathered at 4A to see the couple off on their first date.

Penny had just returned from Amy's after applying her makeup having thankfully talked her out of emulating Cleopatra when Sheldon emerged from the bedroom wearing his suit. The guys were just as impressed as the ladies that Sheldon could clean up so well.

"Sheldon, Amy is going to be floored!"

"All this money for one color! I look like a clown!"

Penny brushed off his shoulders. "You do not! Besides, Amy's dress shows more cleavage than a Ren Fair no one is going to be looking at you."

Howard hummed, "I love Ren fairs. Taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says howdy is the definition of a good time."

Sheldon straightened out his cuff links and lectured Howard yet again. "Bosoms would not have said howdy in the fifteenth century. If anything they would have said "huzzah!""

"Well don't forget to tell Amy huzzah from us." Penny came over and straightening his tie whispered. "Oh and a method actor would tell his on stage girlfriend she is pretty, just so you know."

"Noted…" Sheldon took in a large gulp of air and headed across the hall. "Oh boy." He said quietly before giving her door a shy triple knock practicing his greeting in his head.

Amy had one of her cardigans over her thin revealing dress, but she still felt naked. She slowly opened the door and gasped at Sheldon. He looked stunning in his black suit.

As she stood aside to let Sheldon enter, he noted her curled brown hair that seemed to bounce off her pale exposed chest like chocolate on a vanilla sundae. Her makeup was different, a little stronger he thought, perhaps more striking. Whatever. The effect made her brilliant green eyes pop out like green lighting in a smoky storm cloud. She took his breath away and he could just barely utter the words he had practiced.

"Hello Amy. You look very pretty."

Amy gazed with amazement at Sheldon as she had never seen him look so handsome. She wanted to say that he did, but her courage failed her.

"I can't do this" was all she could say before she rushed off to her bedroom and slammed the door.

Sheldon was torn between leaving the apartment and forgetting the night all together, or checking on Amy who he could hear hyperventilating behind the bedroom door. He walked over to her bedroom door and knocked. "Amy, can I come in."

"I don't think that is a good idea." Amy looked down at her shelf-like bosom before she removed her cardigan. How could she get through the night dressed like a harlot and pretending she was having sex with the only man she ever wanted to have sex with in the first place? She was overwhelmed.

"Amy, if you don't want to go to the wedding, we can stay home. We can see your mother another night. Please open the door."

"There is just so much pressure on young couples like us, Sheldon. I mean, everyone will be expecting that we… you know…"

"I understand the pressure, Amy… but.." Sheldon sighed. "Isn't this what you want? Don't you want your mother to think we are making whoopee as Bob Eubanks used to say. We can do this Amy. We have been practicing being a couple for weeks."

Sheldon knew this night was important to her, but he thought he deserved faux boyfriend points for a year, talking her into going something he dreaded. "The pretending part…not the whoopee…"

Amy trudged over to the door and opened it. She stood in front of Sheldon with her eyes almost closed waiting for him to say something.

Sheldon had never seen so much of Amy's skin. Her bosom did indeed come out and say _huzzah._ The soft curve of her neck disappearing into her pale shoulders reminded Sheldon of a swan. He held his hand back just so he wouldn't reach out and touch her delicate skin, like he would be shocked by the touch. She was so radiant that it rendered Sheldon speechless. He really wanted to lie down and elevate his feet and catch his breath.

"How do I look?" Amy shrugged her white shoulders and looked up at Sheldon.

"Could you be more specific?" Sheldon couldn't take his eyes off her chest and his height was not helping the situation as he could see down her dress easily.

Amy's chest heaved as she looked away. "Oh, man… I'm having a panic attack…"

"You and me both, sister." Sheldon looked at Amy's face and could see that she was almost flinching with fear. "Oh... okay… calm down."

"If I could calm down, they wouldn't call it a panic attack Sheldon!"

"Okay come and sit on the couch" Sheldon said before without thought grabbing her hand and took her to the couch, "Now. Try to increase your alpha-wave activity."

They both sat down and Sheldon released her hand as she looked at him.

"Are you referencing relaxation through brain-wave manipulation? I read a paper about it in the Journal of American Neuroscience."

"Yes I am! It was a little sparsely sourced but I think the basic science is valid."

"Sheldon, I can't believe you've read that! I responded to that paper with a series of experiments and data analysis. They published it in the next month's journal!" Amy was feeling the tension leave her shoulders as they spoke about science.

"Imagine that! If I only had picked up that one instead, I would have known about you years earlier! How different would that alternate reality be?"

Amy was now more relaxed and calm as she looked into Sheldon's comforting blue eyes. "I am pretty happy with this reality, Sheldon, but I would love to have met you earlier."

She leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss on the cheek before she pulled back and brushed her lipstick off his face. "Thank you again Sheldon. You are a great friend to do this for me." She said softly.

Sheldon smiled, stood up, slicked back his hair, and held out his hand. "Okay then, let's do this, Babe!"

The wedding ceremony was tedious, with far too many fake flowers, sniveling Fowlers and falderal. Sheldon couldn't spend any time with Amy before the ceremony as Irene insisted she stay with her to redo her hair every two minutes. In addition she had taken Amy's cardigan and threw it out the window to insure she wouldn't wear it at the ceremony.

Every time Amy tried to find Sheldon, he was in the bathroom washing up after yet another of Amy's family had insisted on shaking his hand.

Every time Sheldon tried to find her, she was getting her hair redone by Irene's stylist. Sheldon finally saw her when she walked down the aisle holding a bouquet of obvious plastic flowers, but that didn't distract from how stunning she looked.

She was beaming, this was her day, and all eyes were on her, but the only eyes she met were Sheldon's wide blue ones as he watched her every move.

After the ceremony, Sheldon had to go to the reception without Amy as she was needed for the family pictures. He found a table in the back corner of the hall where he hoped he would be left in peace till Amy arrived but he was out of luck.

"Hello." A rotund man with a happy round face plopped himself next to Sheldon. He had an overwhelming scent of spice, some kind of pepper. When the man sneezed Sheldon jerked away and grabbed his Purell.

"Hello. If you are ill, there are a number of other tables where the occupants seem to have no compunction about risking their health. I recommend that table with the woman who has her tongue down the throat of that obviously sick man."

"Oh, he's not sick… He's just a drug addict. I'm not sick either. I work at a pepper grinding factory and it makes me sneeze cause I'm allergic to pepper. I'm William."

"Why would you work at a pepper grinding factory if you're allergic?"

"I never thought of that. Huh… Maybe I should look for another job?"

"I would recommend it."

"Boy, you're smart. You should meet Cousin Amy. She's smart too."

"I know your cousin Amy Farrah Fowler." Sheldon looked around but she was nowhere to be seen. "She is my date."

"Oh, good. Amy likes monkeys..." William scooted his seat closer to Sheldon who was less than pleased to make conversation with the round overly friendly man, but he offered a pleasant smile. He was hoping not to have to spend an evening chatting with Amy's less than bright cousin. "The animals, not the band, the Monkees"

"I do enjoy the Monkee song "Last Train to Clarksville." Sheldon smiled. He loved any song with trains as a subject.

"You know, if you ask the DJ, he'll play it for you. That's cousin Georgie."

Sheldon noted that cousin Georgie looked like the lost member of Green Day, only grungier. Much to Sheldon's chagrin, William continued to speak.

"That is about the station in Clarksville, Arizona, and not the Anti-Vietnam reference of it being near Clarksville, Tennessee. That's an Urban Myth."

Sheldon eyes lit up. "I do know that! How do you know about that?"

"I know everything about trains." William smiled broadly which Sheldon returned. It wasn't going to be so unpleasant a reception after all.

Amy, however, was having a miserable time. None of her relatives believed she had brought a date, since they had yet to see him with her. Every moment she could, Amy's mother was berating her for lying about bringing a man.

"Where is this dashing scientist of yours with, as you say, the haunting blue eyes? Is he running the mini-horses with Armin?"

Amy almost whined like a teenager. "MOM! He's here! I just need to find him and my blasted cardigan which Irene threw out the window! This dress is an abomination, Mother. Couldn't you have talked them into a more sedate outfit?"

"Believe me, the last thing I want is my daughter looking like some cheap German Bar maid, but Irene insisted. Something about them finding love again at some Pirate convention or something. I bet she made the whole thing up."

Amy's mother peered at her over the top of her glasses. "I hope it doesn't run in the family!"

Amy rolled her eyes and looked through the crowd. "I need to find Sheldon."

Amy found him in the corner, but her mother had walked away. She rushed over to him, trying to hold up the top of her dress while her chest bounced as she walked.

"Sheldon, there you are!" Amy was never so happy to see him.

"Oh, Amy! Hello. I've been having a marvelous time talking to your cousin, William. Did you know that he has a HO train layout of the Tehachapi Loop in his bedroom? That is the coolest thing I've ever heard." Sheldon felt a strange mix of envy and awe.

Amy was not so impressed. "Loops? Sheldon! We have to go!"

"Not loops. Just one loop." William felt the need to explain. "It's a .73-mile helix shaped track that connects…"

Amy cut him off. "William, I don't care about your trains! I need to introduce Sheldon to Mother!"

"Amy, that was rude. William was just explaining that the line connects the San Joaquin Valley with the Desert. It's an engineering marvel!"

"Yeah, the track goes around my head when I sleep."

Sheldon slapped his arm. "Around his head! Did you hear that? I have goose bumps! All this years, I've been so wrong. The tinier the train, the more concentrated the fun."

Amy stomped her feet. "Sheldon! I need you now! Would you rather talk about trains or help me like you promised?"

Sheldon didn't appreciate being snapped at by Amy. "Frankly, I'd rather talk about trains."

"Fine. I should have known better. It's just like Cousin Jason all over again. Thanks for nothing." Amy said before she stormed off.

William looked over to Sheldon who had crossed his arms defiantly. Sheldon felt uneasy as he watched her walk away trying to forget her dragon face.

Finally Sheldon asked, "Who is Cousin Jason?"

"Remember that guy who had the girl's tongue down his throat? That's him. He was paid to take Amy to Prom, but he spent it on drugs. I know because he is my brother. He also hid meth in my Lionel blue box car, the Rutland Solid Shield with split door."

"No, not the Rutland, one of the most rare box cars there is! The horror! The weasel!" Sheldon was enraged and then he saw Amy by the Sundae bar, heaping a huge amount of cherries on her plate.

Sheldon slumped his shoulders and murmured. "The Amy prom thing is bad too." Sheldon stood up and let out a short breath while he straightened out his coat. "William, I have to go."

"Nice talking to you. I think I will take your advice and get a different job. The lack safety inspections are scary at the pepper mill."

"Good luck." Sheldon headed toward Amy. As he weaved through the crowd to Amy's table, several women gave him a few lecherous glances, but he was oblivious. He was by far, the best looking man at the wedding, and the Fowler women noticed. Even some of the men.

Sheldon stood next to Amy, but she ignored him. He spoke her name softly. "Amy…"

"Yes?" Amy concentrated on her perfectly construction ice cream using her excellent spatial reasoning skills.

Sheldon waited for her to meet his eyes, but she didn't look up. "Are you going to look at me?"

"I am engaging the superior colliculus of my brain to direct my attention to you using by peripheral vision, while not wasting my higher brain functions on the task of looking at you." Amy shot a quick glance at Sheldon who inched a little closer to her.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear. "I'd like your whole brain to notice me, Amy."

"Fine." Amy popped another cherry in her mouth and looked up at Sheldon with a cold stare.

"May I join you?"' Amy saw Sheldon lick his lips and gaze at her with largest blue eyes she had ever seen. She was putty, and quick to forgive.

Amy curled the sides of her mouth into a small smile. "I would like that."

Sheldon started fixing his own sundae, but kept an eye on Amy's superior sundae structure. Amy leaned over and whispered. "Get more cherries, Irene had to pay extra for them."

"Way ahead of you sister." Sheldon said before he piled most of the cherries on his sundae and followed Amy to a table.

They sat eating their sundaes, unable to talk much because of the loud speaker behind them. Amy popped a cherry stem in her mouth and within 30 seconds, through dexterous manipulation, tied the stem in a knot.

"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" Sheldon had to shout over the loud music

"WITH MY TONGUE!"

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD SUCH AN AGILE TONGUE."

"I DON'T GET TO USE IT VERY OFTEN." Amy did it again, even faster this time, but with two knots. Sheldon was memorized by her mouth.

"FASCINATING! WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO WITH YOUR TONGUE?" The music died down just as Sheldon asked that question and everyone heard his last comment. Amy snickered, but Aunt Flora who was seated across from them appeared to be not so pleased.

"Amy, is this young man with the wicked _tongue_ your date?"

Amy was still giggling. "Yes! This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Sheldon, this is Aunt Flora. She is the one who's great with numbers."

Sheldon switched on his magnetic charisma. "Pleasure to meet you madam. I've heard you're quite the shark at Bridge." His accent was a little thicker than normal.

Aunt Flora started to curl up the side of her mouth in a smile, but quickly caught it and pulled it back, "I heard a rumor that Amy had a boyfriend. You're not corrupting our dear Amy with your devilish southern charm, are you?"

"No, ma'am." Sheldon cringed under the old woman's indignation. He never expected to have to pass inspection or be cast in the role as bad boy. He did not find it titillating.

"Too bad, a girl like Amy could use a good tumble." Aunt Flora winked at Amy as she went from scandalized old lady to randy cougar in the span of one minute. "Better train this one Amy. Looks like you're going to have to lead this dance Honey."

Where Aunt Flora had gone Sheldon knew he was out of his depth.

"Aunt Flora! Quit trying to scare off Sheldon! You're so naughty!" Amy seemed immune to her Aunt's spiked tongue and quick wit. She was queen of sassy and Amy was her apprentice.

"Let's hope you have been!" She leaned over, "So, tell me how you kissed her where she has never been kissed before?"

"AUNT FLORA!"

Sheldon looked completely confused. "Like Salt Lake City?"

"No, dear. Somewhere, more interesting…"

"Aunt Flora!"

"I'm just teasing the poor boy. I know you two haven't been doing anything. I can tell."

Amy hoped her ruse wasn't lost. "Well, we are… Just not… in … Salt Lake City type places…"

Aunt Flora winked at Amy and she knew she couldn't compete with a master.

Sheldon felt his hand grabbed before Amy pulled him away. He was now worried that the whole ruse was for naught. "What should we do now? Your Aunt Flora seems to be onto us!"

"I know. She's a crafty old bird." Amy tapped her chin. "Well, we just had a lovely sundae, the DJ is on fire, and you're standing next to a beautiful woman wearing whorish makeup. Why don't we head out on the dance floor and see if I can sweat through these dress shields?"

"Okay, Fowler! But I warn you, my cotillion training honed my dancing skills to precision."

"Yeah, well, I've been dancing with myself for 20 years, and I'm no slouch. Let's go!"

Amy pulled Sheldon on to the dance floor just as the music changed to a fast paced salsa. Cousin Georgie was trying to trip up Amy, but she was having none of it. She and Sheldon hit every step and glided into each other's arms as if they had been dancing together for years.

After the song, Georgie winked at Amy, who shot her tongue at him as he put on a slow paced song. Amy was about to get off the dance floor, when Sheldon pulled her back with a twirl and curled her up in his arms.

Sheldon slipped his hand around Amy's waist and pulled her into his body. His fingers were on the small of her back and he could feel part of her skin through the thin satin lace up ties that crossed her back. Sheldon was amazed how soft her skin was against the satin fabric but Amy's skin was by far the better texture. As Sheldon moved her around the dance floor he moved his hand up so he could capture more of the sensation.

"So, how can we show these people, especially Aunt Flora, that we are a couple?" Sheldon asked

"Just watch other couples, see how they act. In Primatology, one learns that apes observe and emulate in their social groups to model behavior. We are observers here. See if you can emulate a couple that seems in love."

"So we find a couple and just do what they do?""

Yes! Exactly."

"Okay… but I am not the best at facial cues." Sheldon eyed the room. "How about that woman in white?"

"The Bride? Yes, she is in love, Sheldon and happy. They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them." Amy said before she rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long lesson.

"Won't that awkward, because she is dancing with the best man?"

Amy turned and squinted at what Sheldon noticed. "Oh Boy, that didn't last long. Look for another couple. I don't want our faux relationship to end in a jealous rage."

"Okay, but this is hard for me, Amy"

Sheldon looked around and saw an old woman dancing with young boy, a young woman dancing with an old man and then the bride with the best man. Finally he saw a couple he thought he could copy.

Sheldon took a large swallow, and slowly moved his hand to Amy's posterior causing Amy's eyes to bulge out.

"Sheldon! What are you doing?"

He didn't take his hand off her butt, but did move it slightly over the thin satin cupped around the curve of her hip and buttocks. Amy drew in a short breath.

"I'm copying that couple over there. They seem in hopped up on goofy love juice given his interest in her posterior."

Amy looked at the couple Sheldon had pointed out. The man had both hands firmly planted on the woman's hind quarters and was grinding against her.

"Sheldon…" Amy pulled his hand up back to her waist. "That's hansy cousin Frankie with the cocktail waitress. I don't think she is enjoying his advances."

Just as Amy said that, the waitress grabbed his face and kissed him. "Or, maybe she does. Huh..."

"Amy. Can't we just dance? We are obviously terrible at this."

"I'd love that Sheldon."

Amy gave him a smile that Sheldon felt run through him like electrons through a graphene sheet and he wondered how one look from Amy could cut through him. The rest of the dance seemed to last only seconds, but cousin Georgie had put the song on repeat. The couple danced together for ten minutes not realizing that the entire room was watching their every move.

Finally, the song was over and Amy and Sheldon left the dance floor. As Amy passed by one of her more catty cousins, the dolled up woman held up her hand for Amy to slap. "Nice going, Amy. I wouldn't mind dancing with that tall drink of water. He could splash me anytime."

Amy just smiled and walked quickly to catch up with Sheldon who had heard nothing. She couldn't deny it felt good to be with someone that others found attractive. Amy knew it was the limbic system of the brain that influenced whether someone was thought to be attractive or desirable. Amy didn't need her limbic system to tell her that about Sheldon, she had known it from the first moment she had met him.

Amy hoped her mother had seen them dancing however she was nowhere to be found. "I can't find Mother. We should have just have done this over Skype."

"THAT WAS AN OPTION?"

"Calm down, Mom doesn't have Skype yet, so no..." Amy slumped down. "I guess our romantic dancing was for naught."

"Yes. It was a waste of time. So should we do it again?" Sheldon said before he inched closer to her and looked down, not admitting to himself that he was enjoying the advantage his height gave him with Amy's revealing dress. He could see her ample cleavage and a small smattering of moles that were shaped like Orion's belt just where the curve of her breast met her chest.

When they had danced together, the feeling of her pressed against him had caused a warm sensation that was becoming Sheldon's new addiction. He loved the face she wore when they danced, her pleased face, the one she had when he did something right.

There was also a new glint in her green eyes that he had seen a few times lately. It had become his favorite shade of green.

"No. We need to do something else romantic to show her we are a couple or you could just be some poor schmuck who was forced to dance with me."

Sheldon looked and noticed Amy's mother coming their way. "Well you had better think of something quick. I don't know what's romantic! You do something!"

Amy was frantic. "Fine, flowers, no... Chocolates… no… Hickeys! No time for that."

"What's a hickey?"

"I'll show you later... Let me think..." Amy was frantic. "Oh man... I guess. I don't know! We could have a glass of wine?"

"That's just drinking grape juice that burns, that's not romantic!"

"We could stare in each other's eyes?"

Sheldon looked at her eyes for second and asked. "How is checking your eyes for conjunctivitis romantic?!" He looked again, "You're fine by the way, I've been staring at your eyes all night."

Amy didn't hear him through her frantic fit to find some romantic gesture in 30 seconds. Finally, she thought of something. "Kissing is romantic!"

Amy gave Sheldon a quick kiss and tried to retreat, but his mouth followed hers. He reached up his hands and cupped either side of her face to hold her from pulling away. Sheldon could taste the hint of cherries and chocolate still on her as he moved his lips over hers in a slow dance.

His mouth opened slightly as he pressed against her lips. Sheldon moved his hands down her face, over her soft neck outlining her shoulders to find their final resting place on her hips. As his hands moved down her sides, Amy let out a moan, and opened her mouth slightly. Sheldon gently sucked on her bottom lip losing all sense of time. The electric current between them turned every atom in his body to charged ions.

He pulled away slightly, but gave her one more kiss before his lips broke contact completely. He felt he had been sucked into a wormhole and transported to another world for a moment. He slowly pulled apart from Amy and gulped at his actions but was unable to turn away from her.

Amy had never experienced anything like the feeling pulsing through her. Even with his drunken kiss, he didn't put the emotion behind it that evoked such a powerful pull in her. It was as if her body had gone through a magnetic pole shift in the span of the 22 seconds of Sheldon's powerful kiss.

She finally caught her breath. "That was nice." She said with husky low voice,

Sheldon didn't know what to say and his suddenly blank mind could only form one coherent word "Good."

Before the couple could say anything more, Amy's mother came up behind her before she glared at Sheldon, who could still taste Amy on his lips. "Amy! There you are! I see you and your boyfriend are enjoying the wedding."

Amy turned around to see her mother holding her cardigan. She must have spent most of the reception looking for it the bushes. "Oh yes, Mother. Um... this is Sheldon. He's my boyfriend."

"I can see that! How long have you two been dating Sheldon?" Mrs. Fowler was ready with her interrogation.

Sheldon blinked a few times and straightened up. "I have been with this cute little lump of wool for 73 days, but I have done nothing but think of her since the day I met her, September 26 of last year."

Sheldon looked down at Amy with a face she recognized, but rarely saw. "She is the most amazing person I have ever met."

Other than the 73 days comment, everything else Sheldon said was unscripted. Amy had now forgotten all her lines as she could only stare at Sheldon, becoming lost in the flecks of dark blue swimming in the field of azure.

Amy's mother broke her trance. "Well, speaking of wool, here is your cardigan. Put it on, but avoid Irene."

Amy threw on her cardigan, never happier to feel the wool on her. "I don't think we have to worry about Irene. She just left with the best man about 20 minutes ago."

Mrs. Fowler threw up her hands. "Oh good lord! Listen if you two are going to stay together, make sure it's for keeps."

Sheldon's eyes were completely focused on Amy. "Oh believe me ma'am. If I had Amy, I'd never let her go."

"I thought you did have her?"

Sheldon coughed and twitched. "I mean... What I meant was... I just..."

"Sheldon means in the biblical sense, Mother."

So much for fake coitus claims, Amy thought. Sheldon going off script was throwing her off her game, but the goal was still in sight. "Now that I have a boyfriend mother I don't need to date! It would be awkward."

Sheldon coughed again. "Yes, very awkward. Amy needs to be released from this obligation. She should only be with me. No one else. Ever."

Sheldon grabbed a glass of water to help his dry throat. He couldn't concentrate under Amy's mother's glacial stare. In addition, Amy's proximity and that kiss was distracting him.

Amy looked up at Sheldon as he nodded to her nervously. She knew they should have practiced more. "Yes, Sheldon, she gets that. Don't worry." Amy glared at her mother. "Right?"

Mrs. Fowler smirked at Sheldon's worried face. "Don't worry dear. I can tell when a man is in love. John had the same face when he looked at me. Just tell me when I need to call cousin Georgie for a DJ services. He is great at weddings."

Sheldon almost spit out his water while Amy slapped him on the back. "Mom! You don't know if he's a flight risk. Hush! Stop that!"

"All right dear, no wedding. I am just thrilled to see you happy. You've been glowing all day and happier than I've ever seen you. I'm glad you found each other."

A large crash distracted her. The Best Man and Groom were tussling over at William's table. William took his sundae and slowly moved as the men fought.

"I guess they didn't leave yet after all. Huh?"

Sheldon looked down at Amy. "Boy howdy, lady, if I didn't know any better, I'd say we were already related. This has got a Cooper wedding written all over it!"

"Let's go before the fuzz busts up this shindig!" Amy said before she grabbed Sheldon's hand and led him out the door of the reception hall. He didn't release her hand till they were almost at the car and Amy turned around with a huge smile on her face.

"We did it!" Amy threw her hands around Sheldon neck and gave him a bone crushing hug.

"Okay, Amy… Okay... Don't ruin our first date."

"All right Sheldon. Although, the script said this was our 12th date, you do remember?"

Sheldon twitched again. "Of course Amy."

The car ride home was quiet. Sheldon tried not to stare at Amy's legs as she shifted from the gas to the brake, but it was nearly impossible. Amy had a half smile she couldn't peel off her face and more than once, she reached up and touched her lips.

As the couple ascended the stairs of Los Robles, the tension between them almost caused a static charge. Sheldon swallowed the only moisture in his mouth repeatedly. Amy held onto the hem of her sweater for dear life. Funny, she thought, it really did feel like a first date.

As they reached the fourth floor, Amy turned to Sheldon and without a word, reached up and kissed him on his cheek. Sheldon placed his hands on her hips as she lingered near him. She closed her eyes for a moment and as she pulled away her soft cheek brushed against his lips before she looked down.

"I can't thank you enough for this evening Sheldon."

Sheldon's short breaths were affecting his ability to speak. He said with finality. "Well you will never have to date again, Amy. I call that a successful evening."

Amy walked to her door and then turned around to find Sheldon standing very close to her. "Um... Yes. Of course unless I want to... you know. Date…"

Sheldon stepped back from her. "Why on earth would you want to date?"

Amy furled her brow. "I don't know, Sheldon, because I like someone…and he likes me. We have a connection. You know?"

"No, I don't know!" Sheldon was enraged. All the work to go to the wedding to keep Amy away from other men and now she was talking about possibly running off with someone? He spoke without thinking. "Who would want to date you?"

Amy was confused, but tried to keep positive. "Well, Sheldon, if someone showed interested in me, and found me attractive, maybe…"

Amy looked up at Sheldon with shy smile. She had been hoping the whole car ride for something she had previously put out of her mind. Maybe she and Sheldon **_could_** date? She could still feel the kiss on her lips and her knees still hadn't recovered but his lack of response to her hints was slowly crushing her hope.

Sheldon cut her off with a confused look and barked the question. "Who would find you attractive?"

Amy's smile dropped in an instant as she stepped back and her back hit the door. All the wind was knocked out her lungs. "I guess I was mistaken. No one would, right Sheldon? I should have known better."

"I should hope so." Sheldon felt a wave of relief when she said no one, but Amy's icy stare stole the sense of relief away and in a matter of seconds, her face hardened. She stiffened up as if her bones were made of steel and her skin of metal. She had lost the glow she had had all evening.

Amy had put Sheldon's words through the filter of years of teasing, bullies and self-doubt. The result was Amy heard the inflection on the wrong word and it change the entire meaning of what Sheldon said. Her lip was quivering, but she refused to cry in front of him and her response came out in a robotic tone.

"Thank you for your time. You are now released from your obligation. We are even for Ramona. You will never have to pretend to be my boyfriend again. Good night."

Amy turned around in a reverse arms marching maneuver and opened her door and slammed it shut.

Sheldon stood in the hall for a moment confused, replaying the last few minutes in his mind. As he turned to walk to his door, he noticed a small camera had been placed above it. He opened the door to find Howard and Raj watching the feed from the hall on a laptop.

"What fresh hell is this?"

"The proof why Sheldon Cooper will be alone for the rest of his life."

**Chapter 18: Chapter 18**

**The Big Reversal Theory 18**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Sheldon stood in the hall for a moment replaying the last few minutes in his mind. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what had happened in the short span of seconds to have Amy's facial expression change the way she did. The only conceivable reason for the uncomfortable look on her face as she left him was that she had needed to empty her bladder,

As he turned to walk to his door, he noticed a small camera had been placed above it aimed right where he and Amy had been standing moments ago. Now he had bigger troubles than Amy's ablutions, he needed to catch a spy. He entered the apartment and found Howard and Raj watching the feed from the hall.

"What fresh hell is this?"

"The proof why Sheldon Cooper will be alone for the rest of his life."

Sheldon threw his keys in the bowl and went to sit in his spot. "Whereas being alone RIGHT NOW would be a most pleasant hypothetical scenario, I was referring to the camera you put above the door. What reason do you have for that?"

"After you went to the wedding, Penny and Leonard decided to go on a date." Howard shook his head, "I still can't believe she's into Leonard! Score one for alcohol and poor judgment?"

"What does Penny's poor life choices have to do with your violation of building codes, not to mention wiretapping laws?"

Raj gave a sweet smile and said while blinking like a teenage girl, "Yes, we want to capture the love!"

Howard rolled his eyes at his doe eyed friend, "Yes, that… and we want to see down Penny's dress."

"And Amy's!" Raj beamed a smile, but Sheldon almost snorted fire out his nose and glared at him.

Howard snapped at Raj, "SHH! Raj, don't poke the dragon…" Howard turned to Sheldon, "But forget that, what you gave us is gold!"

Sheldon was so insulted, "How could spy on me?"

"It was easy. You were there. Besides, as a scientist, you should appreciate the need for observational data."

Raj shook his head, "Yeah, dude, and this data reveals you're an idiot."

"What are you saying? Everything went well with Amy." Sheldon smiled, "Her mother thinks I am a delight! I met a new friend who likes trains as much as I do, and well… other things went well too. Dare I say, awesome?" Sheldon curled up the side of his mouth as he remembered the taste of Amy's lips: Cherries with hint of chocolate. His two unwelcome companions stirred him from his nostalgic haze with a cold bucket filled with a dose of icy reality.

"Awesome you say? Please don't be deluded... Let's just say, when future generations try to determine why your relationship with Amy crashed and burned, and you are the last of your species, this right here is the black box." Howard tipped the screen toward Sheldon who tried to feign disinterest.

Sheldon sucked in his lower lip and glared at the espial duo who had information he desperately needed. Could he have done something wrong? It seemed unlikely, however Amy's face had changed so much, and he knew that was a clear sign of trouble.

He couldn't show weakness however. "Well, as much as I loathe saying these words out loud, especially to you Howard, I have no idea what you are talking about."

Just then, Leonard came home with a goofy look on his face and lipstick smeared across his mouth. He was as doe-eyed as Raj.

"How was your date?" Raj wanted romantic details, but Howard added coarsely, "Yea, definitely score one for alcohol and poor judgment!"

"AWESOME!" Leonard slumped on his beige chair with a giddy expression and a starry eyed look. Nothing could take away the elation he felt, though Sheldon was sure to try.

"Awesome?" Sheldon snorted, "Are you sure? Because according to these two, that term is loosely bantered around."

"What's going on?"

"Sheldon screwed up with Amy, and he won't admit it because as clueless as he is with women, he is even more so about his own shortcomings."

Leonard shook his head and rubbed his temples, "Oh god, what did you do?"

"Why does everyone assume I did something wrong!" All three guys gave Sheldon a blank stare. He snorted his retort, "Well, Amy and I had a lovely evening."

"If that's so, how come you aren't her fake boyfriend anymore?"

"We are taking things slow..." Sheldon cleared his throat, "Mock turtle slow."

"Dude, if you go any slower, glaciers will pass you! You really screwed up! Let's go to the tape, shall we?"

Leonard sat up, "Tape? What tape?"

"Oh, while you were out gallivanting these two put up a spy camera on our door!"

Leonard yelled at the guys on the couch snickering, "Take that down!"

Howard rolled his eyes, "Yes, yes… no one likes the NSA till you need them. And believe me, Sheldon, you need it. Look here. When you walk up the stairs. Everything is fine."

Raj smiled and let out a sigh, "See the look on Amy's face that is a look of woman in love!"

"Well, I don't know about that... I mean... Amy doesn't believe in love." Sheldon had to admit to himself that Amy looked radiant, with a glow that even the poor quality camera could pick up. But it was another image that caught his eye and shocked him. Sheldon was in awe seeing his own face. He had never thought he would see an expression on his face like that; his eyes wide and glowing, ready to take in every sensation, his smile warm with a hint of nervousness. It was his koala face combined with the same expression he had when waiting for his calculations to be processed in the super computer: Giddy anticipation.

"Doesn't believe in love? Ha! The same woman who has a library filled with medieval poetry? Keep dreaming. Anyway, she gave you a kiss on the cheek, nice contact, mouth slightly gaped, good form."

"Yes, Amy seems to be a master at kissing." Raj stared dreamily at the screen.

"ANYWAY... Go on…" Sheldon snapped at Raj and stared back at the screen.

"Look there, you guys are talking, Amy's playing with her hair, eyes dilated. Good sign. Then everything goes down the crapper."

Sheldon watched the exchange on the screen with a bile taste in his mouth. He crossed his arms defiantly and finally commented, "Well, all that work, and she wants to go catting around with someone? I mean, why did we even do all of this?"

Even Leonard was stunned at how stupid Sheldon had acted, "Oh god, did you really ask her who would want to date her? What a train wreck."

"Wait, it gets better, the train derails, hits a car and causes an airliner to crash…"

Howard turned to Leonard as soon as Sheldon said, "Who would find you attractive?" Leonard put his face in his hands and mumbled through his fingers, "God buddy, even I know you never say that!"

Sheldon was beyond defensive. He tensed up his shoulders and stood up to pace around the room, "What did I say? Does she have a string of suitors waiting to take her to come medieval literature poetry reading? Or worse, do science experiments with her? I can just imagine her designing experiments, and the like! I didn't put on this monkey suit just to be another notch on her white board!"

"Sheldon! She wanted to date you! She wanted to know if you wanted her! You basically told Amy that NO ONE would find her attractive!"

"I didn't say that, I said, "WHO would find you attractive?" Not who would find YOU attractive. Amy's smart enough to know that! You are just looking for things to mock me! If I wanted to be mocked I would go talk to your snuggle bunny, Leslie Winkle, not my supposed friends! Good NIGHT!" Sheldon stormed off down the hall.

Leonard slumped down in his chair, "Oh man, he's never going to move out…"

A few weeks went by without a word being exchanged between Sheldon and Amy. She was skillful at avoiding him, and Sheldon felt slighted because he had done nothing wrong. Even Penny had told Sheldon he was an idiot when he showed up at the Cheesecake factory with Leonard, sans Amy, but it didn't matter, he didn't want listen to anyone.

During that time there had been developments with the other members of the group as well, each of the women were at a different phase in a relationship. Bernadette and Howard had dated briefly, but his sordid online habits and his lack of commitment had brought that relationship to a halt. This was not helped when Sheldon advised Howard that he should have put up a camera so he could decipher his failed relationship for data. Howard wasn't amused. He missed Bernadette terribly and felt a fool when he had had to acknowledge to himself that he was no better than Sheldon in revealing his feelings. Bernadette was trying to move on from her dead relationship but was missing Howard's jokes and tight little pants.

Penny had finally left the scoundrel Kurt and was sleeping on Bernadette's couch till the two could find a place together, and was giddy over her new blossoming romance with Leonard and how attentive he was to her. But she was weary of a starting a relationship so soon.

And lastly a relationship which Amy couldn't even say was in the embryonic phase, rather the gamete stage. Her friends noticed the robotic change in her. She was cold, quick to criticize any discussion of relationships as a waste of precious time. Her shoulders slumped a little more and she often had a faraway look that accompanied a melancholy frown.

"Ames, its girl's night! We are going paint to the town red. Come on, now. Let's get you out there and find you a man who doesn't suffer from foot and mouth disease."

"Yeah, some hunk of a man that is tall… Like really tall! Not afraid to show you a thing or two and willing to find out what's under that cardigan!" Bernie added a wink, but it was ignorned.

Amy looked at Bernadette and rolled her eyes, "It's another cardigan." She sipped her wine and added, "There is no way I would be able to attract a sex partner at the traditional water holes you frequent. I am almost 30 years old. If it hadn't happened when I was in my supposed prime, what makes you think it would happen now?"

"Come on, Ames! You got the hips, I saw you in that bridesmaids dress so I know your hiding a lot under that hood of wool, let's get you out there. You'll find a guy toot sweet, believe me!" Penny placed her hand on Amy's arm, and added adamantly, "Just let me pick the outfit, okay?"

"Your unwillingness to accept empirical evidence suggests an attempt at flattery." Amy could not help but hear Sheldon's words echo in her ears every time her friends tried to say she was pretty. " _WHO would find You Attractive_?" She was smart enough not know it shouldn't sting, but the bite wouldn't heal.

She felt the fool for thinking Sheldon would find her attractive and more the fool that she had any hope for a relationship with him at all. But the worst part of the wedding debacle, were the phone calls from her mother who wanted to know how the relationship was progressing with Sheldon and how much she thought Sheldon was perfect for Amy. Amy had to swallow the bitter taste of disappointment to answer each inquiry with a lie.

A few weeks later, Amy was just entering the apartment building after an exhaustive day at the lab. She had been working long hours in preparation for her talk on dysfunction of the prefrontal cortex correlated to addiction of lower animals. The conference had been moved up by 2 months thanks to Amy having made such great strides in her research and Cal-Tech wanting to show off the star Neurobiologist they had stolen from UCLA.

The last few weeks of avoiding Sheldon and throwing herself into her work had garnered amazing results in her study. Still, she missed his coy smiles and pontificating explanation of the mundane that always fascinated her. Amy needed to learn how to strengthen her armor for when she did meet his blue eyes again.

So after a long day, Amy just wanted to check her mail, curl up with a nice cup of tea and watch some Little House. She entered the building to find a rather coiffed middle aged woman standing in front of the broken elevator apparently perplexed.

"Hello, I am sorry to inform you that the elevator is not working."

"I can read the sign; however I noticed that sign and the tape are covered with a layer of dust, which indicates that the elevator has been non-functional for a significant amount of time. Which suggests either a remarkable passivity among the, I assume, 24 to 36 residents of this building based on the number of mailboxes and given typical urban population density or a shared delusion of functionality."

'"I concur," Amy thought for a moment, then said, "Or it suggests a passive complacency among urban dwellers that is not limited to lower socio-economic populations as reflected in the article by Bogard from Hofstra University." Amy tilted her head and looked at the elevator as well, distracted by her own thoughts. Beverly gave a slight smirk of approval. Amy turned to the woman and added quickly, "You must be Leonard's mother."

"Well, I don't know I must be, but I am."

"Forgive me for imposing a preconceived paradigm of the obligation of motherhood upon you. I am Leonard's neighbor, Amy Farrah Fowler."

Beverly almost dropped her bag, but composed herself quickly, "Dr Fowler? From the Cal-Tech study on addiction?"

Amy started to walk Beverly up the stairs. She had been aware that Leonard's mother was a formidable woman and she had read most of her research, either for pleasure or when Leonard had asked her to decipher it for him. He had wanted to make sure that his mother wasn't referring to him in the studies. Amy lied, she always was.

But to have a person as respected as Dr. Hofstadter know of her work made Amy glow a little brighter than she had in a few weeks.

"Yes. I am giving a talk on the subject this week."

"I am aware. I am actually here for the conference. I find it disingenuous that UC Irvine said that the study depicts the striatum as a site of diffuse modulatory influences mediated by cholinergic interneurons and by dopamine when they reference your work on their research. They should be ashamed for criticizing you while using YOUR research to bolster their point."

"Thank you! I've been saying that for years! I've admired your work, Dr. Hofstadter." Amy almost mumbled the next statement, "Amazing that you are Leonard's mother."

"Yes, his birth has given me quite the plethora of research material. My other children are highly successful and drab compared to the dysfunctional bounty that Leonard provides. I wonder if I had had more children would the results be similar."

"That would be fascinating. I would love to explore that myself, however, I have no plans to have children."

"Not interested in motherhood?" Beverly looked at Amy's ample hips and said flatly, "Intriguing, but admirable. I found that women who have the locus of their identity within tend to pair with one partner in life."

"Interesting. I guess the locus of my identity has always been focused within. Thank you for the observation."

"Don't thank me I am just stating the obvious."

"Well, full disclosure would command that I say I have an interest in motherhood, just no prospects for the required donation of the 23 chromosomes. Or experience with the act to obtain them." Amy found she was so comfortable speaking to Beverly. It must an occupational hazard for a Psychotherapist, Amy reasoned.

"Ah, yes. The male and coitus are necessary, of course, unless you want to take the Russian roulette chance with egg donation."

"Not a gamble I would be willing to make."

Beverly nodded, "I agree. My husband and I, aside from a pro forma consummation of our marriage, only had intercourse for the purposes of reproduction. And one time 7 years ago with a ping pong battle to attempt to research the implication of having your son walk in you. It was an action which we both regret."

Amy had considered such a lifestyle when she first met Sheldon. However, now that entire enterprise seemed unlikely, "That seems a fairly efficient arrangement. I have read your paper on the subject."

Beverly sighed, "My husband wrote one from an anthropological perspective, but mine was the only one worth reading." Beverly slowly pushed her glasses back on her head.

"Of course. Here is Leonard's apartment." Amy knocked on his door, hoping Leonard would answer. Thankfully, he did.

"Hello Mother, may I take your bag." Leonard showed his mother into the room.

"I hope your upper body strength has improved, it's quite heavy." Amy turned to her apartment, "Dr. Fowler, please join us. I would love your opinion on a study I am considering. Seeing as you have a background in Neurobiology, rather than neuroscience, I would love a biologist's perspective."

"Actually, I have a background in both, if you must know. However, I wouldn't want to impose on your reunion with your son." Amy continued trying to escape.

Dr. Hofstadter shrugged her shoulders and looked at Leonard for a brief moment, "We have already seen each other. I'm sure the obligatory banal conversation will be quickly dispatched and then you and I can discuss more interesting matters."

Amy was trying to think of an excuse not to enter 4A, but by then Sheldon having heard Amy's voice had come to the door. Beverly Hofstadter, ever the keen observer of human nature, saw the younger woman's pupils dilate as soon as her eyes met his lanky figure. Amy blushed, and looked away quickly. Then gripping the strap of her purse, she stiffened and pursed her lips.

Intrigued, Beverly glanced back at the man who had caused such a reaction in what had formally been a very composed young woman. Sheldon was looking past her to Amy, licking his lips nervously. His eyes were in the same state. Though she knew none of the details, she instantly knew the diagnosis.

"On second thoughts, why don't we have dinner later, would that be acceptable?"

"Yes. I would enjoy that. Good day Dr. Hofstadter." Amy entered her apartment quickly and closed the door with Sheldon still focused on the spot where she had once stood.

"If you ever want to sleep with that girl, make sure you tell she is beautiful in the most intelligent way possible." Though Beverly spoke to Leonard, she was looking at Sheldon, and saw him take a gulp as he looked with wide eyes back to Amy's door. Beverly then noticed Leonard's blank expression, "Oh never mind, I forgot who I am talking to."

That night Leonard had a date with Penny and was more than happy to leave Sheldon and his mother bonding over their mutual frustration with him, having yet again been unable to make his mother a simple cup of tea. In his absence they could forgo the festival of hum drum chit chat and continue on a variety of more interesting subjects, including the frequency with which his parents had intercourse.

"Speaking of intercourse, I'm sure Leonard will be engaging in such an activity given the dense cloud of Aremis that follows in his wake."

"Leonard seemed loath to tell me about his new girlfriend. It must mean, he's embarrassed about the relationship or he doesn't care enough about his mother to tell me he's in one. Either way, one of us two women should be insulted."

Beverly thought for moment and curled up her mouth, "Too bad he didn't pursue Dr. Fowler. I had hoped Leonard would find such a woman."

Sheldon jumped in quickly, he did not want Beverly getting any ideas at playing match maker, "That would never work, Amy finds Leonard tedious."

Beverly tsked her tongue with disappointment and let out a sigh "She would at that, I'm not surprised. She is brilliant, composed, driven, kind and with a mind that would be remarkable to get under a brain scanner."

Sheldon had a dreamy look in his eyes, "I've long wished to see Amy's brain scans." Beverly smirked which caused Sheldon to cough, "As well as my own."

"Conceivably we can go tomorrow together. I will ask her tonight at dinner."

Sheldon eyes lit up, "Perhaps I may join you this evening."

"I would like that." Beverly sipped her tea as she watched Sheldon. He was fascinating to her, like a long lost son she had raised but never knew. Sheldon cocked his head and told Beverly surprised, "I feel very comfortable with you."

"As do I with you." Sheldon curled up the side of his mouth almost a millimeter. Another person may not have noticed, but Beverly did, "I have only felt this comfortable with one other person."

"Let me guess, the woman across the hall?"

Sheldon smiled, "Yes, as a matter of fact!" Suddenly he looked melancholy, "However, I have to confess that Amy is not speaking to me, so it could be difficult at the meal."

"May I ask why?" Beverly sat back on her seat, and took on a therapist's tone all but asking Sheldon to lay back on the couch. "She seems highly intelligent, and doesn't seem to be a slave to her emotions like some females." She pushed her glasses up again and added, "Or son's of mine."

"Yes, it's one of the things I love about her." Beverly noted the obvious Freudian slip and regretted not having her note pad to chronicle this relationship.

Sheldon admitted through nervous ticks, "I think I might have given her the impression I do not find her attractive through a poorly worded question. She hasn't spoken to me since."

"Women, no matter how brilliant, long for confirmation that they are desirable by a male. It's simple biology." Beverly looked over her glasses to Sheldon. He felt she could see right through him, "I won't bother to ask if you find her attractive."

Sheldon straightened up his back and snorted, "That's irrelevant, she will be dating again, anyway, and that male can give her the empty compliments that she needs to feed her ego. In fact I should do the same!"

"You want to date a male who will give you empty compliments?"

"No! Go on dates with the opposite sex so she can see how ridiculous the notion is! She is putting herself at risk when she should concentrate solely on pursuits of the mind! I mean while unlikely, it's still a statistical possibility, she might be performing sexual acts with him and not even know it..."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"As a neuroscientist, you know that the mind's a mysterious organ. This ne'er-do-well paramour could be having the time of his life while she thinks she's a chicken pecking for corn." Sheldon bobbed his head forward like a chicken.

"Are you worried Amy will be preforming fellatio and you will not be involved?"

Sheldon's voice raised an octave, "What?! NO! I am just concerned."

"Fellatio is nothing to be ashamed of and frankly it is a common fantasy by males who suffer from an oral fixation as well as women whom, you may be surprised, enjoy the feeling of power that the act gives the woman. Your friend Amy seems like the type of woman that would enjoy the exultation of power while preforming such an act." Beverly Hofstadter had an unfamiliar leer on her lips as she sipped her tea like she had a memory she was reliving.

Sheldon blinked a few times while processing the data, "I really don't know how to respond to that."

"Well, it's a common practice. In fact, the act is not only performed by primates."

Sheldon felt relieved the subject had changed to something he could contribute to, "I know! The female fruit bats preform fellatio to increase the time of mating."

Beverly pushed her glasses back on her head and said emotionless, "Yes, But back to your scenario with your hypothetical hypnotist. Depending on the diet of the hypothetical male, Amy may have to contend with the acrid taste of the male's semen."

Sheldon scoffed, and crossed his arms tightly around his chest to protect himself from her words, "I really do not believe that Amy is interested in any man's semen."

"She does seem show more interest in her work than giving into her urges. I admire that she has committed herself to pure intellect."

"She is remarkable…"

But Beverly had some bad news for Sheldon, "However…." Sheldon gulped as she continued, "Make no mistake, once that woman is sexually awoken, there is nothing, and I mean nothing she wouldn't do to please the man lucky enough to win her heart. You can only have sexual repression on that scale for so long before it bubbles to the surface and explodes in a fiery torrent, much like the acrid semen of the hypnotist male you fear she will date."

Sheldon looked horrified, "Maybe I should hire a hypnotist to convince her she's a turtle. I heard they bite." Sheldon thought that was a brilliant solution till Dr. Hofstadter burst his bubble.

Beverly pushed up her glasses and said calmly, "Playing games is not going to help get Amy Farrah Fowler back. She is a formidable woman who would see through any ruse."

Sheldon snorted and snapped back, "I am not trying to get her back." Sheldon played with his tea mug for a brief moment before he tilted his head toward Beverly, "But, out of curiosity, what is a way?"

Beverly let out a sigh, "Well, if you want her back, in what capacity?"

"What do you mean?"

"As a platonic friend or more?"

"I miss our friendship. You know, she eats the Brasil nuts out of the Planters mix just so I don't have to look at them. She is a unique mix of saint and squirrel."

Beverly was unimpressed, "Charming. That didn't answer the question. It seems you will need to do the impossible: I am afraid that you need to admit that you do have carnal desires for her."

"I do not!" Sheldon felt he was hit across the mouth the sex book Leonard had been shoving down his throat.

"Thank you for proving my point. As for getting back to friendship status, Amy is probably attracted to your mind. Women who are that highly intelligent usually are." Beverly thought for a moment, then said, "Humans develop emotional attachments as they grow up, and you need to find out what those are for Amy and transfer those feelings to you."

Sheldon smirked, "You're attempting to build on the work of Ebbinghaus by triggering an involuntary memory in Amy. Clever. I like it! Amy will be more comfortable with me. Thank you for your advice."

Dinner was anything but comfortable. It didn't help that as soon as Amy found out that Sheldon was tagging along, she narrowed her eyes and stated flatly, "Well, I do hope he can keep up with our conversation, Dr. Hofstadter. Being a physicist, Neurobiology will be way above his level."

"Excuse me, I have two doctorates and an IQ of 187 I can keep up with anything, including Neurobiology!"

"Yeah yeah, who at this table doesn't? Let me put it this way, I had to take physics for my field, did you have to take Neurobiology for yours? NO! Because it is lower on the difficulty scale in the sciences."

"How can you possibly say that?"

"Everyone is required to have basic understanding of physics for science, whereas Neurobiology is too advanced. It's part of Bloom's taxonomy, you see that at the lower levels of the cognitive phase…" Amy droned on about Bloom taxonomy, Clark Maxwell, and other examples to bolster her point and Sheldon was keeping up with her every argument with a point of his own. As they made their arguments, they drew closer together till they were almost within touching distance.

Beverly observed the unspoken erotic cerebral foreplay between them as if she had been hired for couple's therapy at a Mensa convention. Every time Amy made a good point, Sheldon drew in a short breath, as if holding in an orgasm. Amy would listen to Sheldon's explanations, and for a moment, forget she was upset with him. She would curl up the sides of her mouth and place her hand on her chest or twirl her hair. Beverly watched it all wishing she had brought her portable electroencephalogram or could strap these two on a table. Though Sheldon's initial attempts to woo Amy with his intelligence had been met with cold ire, Beverly observed her armor was slowly melting against Sheldon's heat.

Finally, Amy and Beverly were able to discuss Dr. Hofstadter's idea. Sheldon listened to the woman he admired show veneration and respect for the woman he adored. Watching Amy keep up with what Dr. Hofstadter dished out was better than any Tijuana sex show Sheldon could imagine. He was practically a melted pile of goo when he returned home.

Unfortunately, Amy wasn't quite as smitten with Sheldon. He tried to walk her to the door, but she refused and bid him good night in the stair well before rushing off to her apartment. Before she could reach her door, Dr. Hofstadter called back to her:

"Dr. Fowler, would you like to accompany me for brain scans tomorrow. I scheduled time at 5 o'clock."

Amy smiled and tipped her head, "I would enjoy that very much."

Beverly offered a half-hearted smile, "Good." She turned then called back over her shoulder, "Oh, and Dr. Cooper will accompany us as well."

"Oh."

"That's not a problem, correct?" Beverly turned around and pushed up glasses as she raised her one eye brow.

Amy looked over to Sheldon who had a smug look, "Not at all. I would like to see his brain." Amy turned then turned back, just as Beverly did, "… Just to see what all the fuss is about. Good night." Amy closed her door as Beverly shot Sheldon a look.

"That little comment should teach you never comment poorly on a woman appearance again, yes, Dr. Cooper?"

"Undoubtedly, Dr. Hofstadter." Sheldon still felt the chill off Amy's acceptance. She said she would go, so Sheldon tried to stay positive, but thought, _Still should look into hypnotists who specialize in turtles…_

**Chapter 19: Chapter 19**

**The Big Reversal Theory 19**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Beverly Hofstadter accompanied Leonard to work the next day to observe his latest experiment. He dreaded having his mother with him, and waited like an abused puppy for her critical jabs at this career. Life would so much simpler if he didn't care what she thought or if she was any good at being a mother. Both those prospected were out of his reach however, he was pleased that her ire wasn't reserved for only him. Howard was teasing Leonard about bringing his mother to work, but he got him back by sic'ing his mother on them both.

Just as Amy approached the lunch table she heard the tail end of the conversation. Beverly had just said to Howard and Raj, "It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy." Amy giggled almost dropping her tray.

Howard's jaw hit the table, "Say what?" Raj leaned over and whispered in his ear to which Howard responded, "That's basically what I just said." Howard looked up to see Amy, "Amy, you don't think Raj and I are in an ersatz homosexual relationship do you?"

Amy cleared her throat, and looked to Leonard nervously, "Leonard, its one o'clock, weren't you going to show your mother your laboratory at one o'clock?"

Sheldon looked at his watch, "It is one o'clock, Tapping it, "Her logical is infallible."

Beverly Hofstadter looked at her watch as well, "She's right, it's one o'clock."

"We have time, mother. Tell them again about their secret love for each other." He snorted and glared at Sheldon, "And while you're at it, why don't you take a crack at these two."

Beverly considered the low hanging fruit of Sheldon and Amy's relationship and when she saw Amy face turn ghost white decided not to expose their obvious feelings for each other. "While I do possess an uncanny ability to size up this situation, I also possess a surfeit of Fingerspitzengefühl that tells me when to tactfully exit a situation. Now it's one o'clock. "

Leonard let out a defeated moan,"Yes mother, you said so."

Beverly rose from the table and bid her goodbyes, "I will see you later, Dr. Fowler, for our trip to the brain scanner?"

"Yes, looking forward to it, Dr. Hofstadter." Beverly left with Leonard, berating him for not having any original research. Amy tried to walk past the table to sit at another, but Howard called her back.

"Amy come sit with us!" Amy acquiesced and came back to the table and took a seat as Howard continued, "I must admit, I know a little German, but even I don't know that word, Fingerspitzengefühl"

Sheldon started to explain at the same time as Amy. Sheldon sat back, "Please go ahead." He smiled at her and crossed his arms. Beverly had recommended that he let her show off her intellect, and though generally it would be difficult to allow someone else to shine, with Amy it was different, he loved to hear and see her flaunt her exceptional intelligence.

"No please, I am sure you would do it justice." Amy blushed and tucked her hair behind her ears.

Howard rolled his eyes at these the two obviously flirting with their intellect again, "Oh please, why don't you talk about an ersatz HETROSEXUAL marriage to satisfy _your_ need for intimacy."

"ANYWAY, Howard… Fingerspitzengefühl means a finger touch sensitivity to a situation. Knowing when to use tact. She is an extraordinary woman."

"That woman has the tact of a sledge hammer!" Howard whispered, but he needn't worry, everyone heard him, "She said Raj and I are in a _homosexual_ relationship."

Raj whispered in Howard's ear, "I know that… But we will discuss it later." Raj whispered again, and Howard chastised him, "You said that the other night at the comic book store! Why is it my responsibility?"

Sheldon and Amy watched the fight between the mock lovers like a ping pong match. Sheldon's Vulcan hearing caught Raj's comment but his only response was, "You went the comic book store without me?"

Later that night, Amy, Sheldon and Dr. Hofstadter were walking up the stairs admiring their brain scans.

"You know, I always thought my occipital lobe looked good in the right light..." Amy held up her scan and smiled at the image. Sheldon was scowling at his.

"Funny, I thought my frontal lobe was too small."

Beverly snickered to Amy, "Common complaint among men, nothing is ever big enough."

Amy giggled back, "Unless it's a tumor."

Beverly offered a partial smile, "Too right Dr. Fowler."

As they reached the fourth floor, the trio met Leonard who was just leaving the apartment. He had been hoping to avoid his mother for rest of the trip as well as the two other people that were practically her clones. Penny had been more than understanding about it, and let him hide out with her. Leonard almost wanted to thank his mother for bring them closer.

Beverly let out an exhausted sigh and clipped, "Are you on your way to your date to engage in intercourse with Schilling?"

"Not Schilling, mother.. Penny!"

"Oh dear, even more cheap."

Leonard snapped at his mother, raising his voice to a level rarely heard by the man, "Penny is not cheap mother!"

Sheldon came to his aid, but in the way he had hoped, "Certainly not! In the last few months, she has eaten over 850 dollars' worth of takeout food, 235.00 dollars of various snacks and drinks..."

Amy shook her head and turned to her clueless companion, "Sheldon, by the way, it means easy to get to bed! Not monetary value…" She tried to say more, but Sheldon cut her off.

"Oh, well I have no data on that particular aspect of her life. If she lived next door, we could calculate the number of men who leave her apartment at strange hours. If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias and postulate an initial dating age of 15…"

Leonard yelled at all of them, "No one is doing any calculations on Penny's dates. How would like it if I calculated the likelihood of Amy's having sex!" Leonard screamed at Sheldon before he turned to Amy to see her face turn white and look away from him.

"Leonard we both know that that is zero." She took a large gulp, "If you will excuse me, I have to prepare for the conference. Good evening"

"Amy, I didn't mean… I'm sorry." Leonard tried to catch her, but she slammed the door.

Sheldon rolled his eyes at his friend and said, "God Leonard, even I know you never say that!"

"NO YOU DON'T! You don't have a clue!" Leonard had had enough of his mother and his oblivious roommate. He needed to speak to Amy before he left; he knew not to leave that statement hanging in her mind. At least, he thought, that was one aspect of his life where he was smarter than the great Sheldon Cooper, who was still staring at him more naïve than ever, "Ugh, have a great evening!" Leonard slammed the door on the couple.

Leonard knocked timidly on Amy's door. She answered it and meekly said, "Hello Leonard."

"Hey Amy, look, I'm sorry. I should never have brought you into this business. I was so upset with mother over commenting on Penny."

"It was uncalled for and I should have defended her as well."

"Well, I never should have said what I did. I'm sorry."

Amy have a half smile, "Leonard look… just because your mother is wonderful researcher and respected in her field, doesn't mean you have to listen to what she says about you. Frankly, she need to justify her own lack of ability at forming emotional attachments by shifting the blame to you. Don't take it, Leonard. You're a good person. Frankly, I find you tedious sometimes, but you know that's because I am more like Sheldon than we like to admit."

"I know, you guys are cut from the same cloth. Thanks for support Amy. I know we aren't the best of friends, but you really are a great one. Sorry again."

"Please, Leonard, don't worry. My lack of sexual attraction is common knowledge. Let's leave it at that. Good night." Before Leonard could say anymore, Amy closed the door.

After Leonard left, Sheldon made Beverly a perfect cup of tea and as they both sat on the couch she turned to him without a moment of hesitation and asked bluntly, "Speaking of intercourse, when are you going to consummate your feelings for the remarkable woman next door?"

Sheldon coughed out his tea, and almost screeched, "Amy? Oh no, we do not have that type of relationship. Purely platonic; a relationship of the mind if you will. I find the idea of coitus ridiculous and off-putting."

"Be that as it may, your body does not agree with your assumptions. Nor does your mind. You display all the signs of a physical attraction, as she does for you. Your body is telling you to act on your suppressed feelings."

Sheldon was amazed at how a person could see through him so easily. Leonard was indeed lucky to have such a mother but he still didn't like being put on the spot, "Well, my body can shut up then!"

Beverly drew in an uninterested sigh and sat up straight, "I have long found it easy to deny my carnal instincts. It's been quite freeing."

Sheldon thought Beverly had acquiesced, and understood that Sheldon was above such primitive urges, "As I have found that as well."

"It helps not falling victim to one's emotions and never being in love with Leonard's father." Beverly sipped her tea while Sheldon smiled.

But his grin quickly fell when she added the next statement, "You on the other hand, are caught within the sights of Eros. You are in love with her. The symptoms are easy to see, even to most unobservant. Elevated heart rate, dilated pupils, flushes of blood to your ears and neck when she speaks. It's quite text book actually."

Sheldon had been told the same by all his friends, Amy's mother, his sister, his mother, even the busboy at the Cheesecake factory, and the Zoo employee who saw them together every week. He didn't believe any of them. He knew his brain, his feelings. He was above such emotional entanglements. Those people were just projecting their own inadequacies onto him to make him more palatable. However, this woman seated next to him had no agenda, no ulterior motive. She was the top of her field, and hard to ignore.

Sheldon had to try the last arrow in his quiver before he would believe it was possible, "Are you sure I don't have a brain parasite?"

"Your scans tell a different story. As did your brain when Amy was taking off the electrodes. They were still active when she was standing close to you. I was amazed how your brain lit up when she smiled at you. Such a response is only really seen in couples who have been together for years and are hopelessly in love. She even activated your reptilian hind brain as well as setting your dopamine receptors on fire. It is fascinating really."

Sheldon swallowed, and asked meekly, "What is?"

"How much you are in denial. It seems you suffer from alexithymia."

"You may be right. I have long found my own emotions undecipherable and recognizing them in others has been baffling. But what does that have to do with Amy?"

"Oh dear… You are really are the poster child for alexithymia. Clearly you have unrequited feelings for her. I don't blame you, if I had homosexual tendencies, I've give the girl a tumble myself."

"WOW! Really?"

"Yes. However, I have long since ignored that part of my brain."

"I have as well, as has Amy, I assure you! We have spoken how we are above such useless emotions…" But now even Sheldon was beginning to doubt it.

"Well, it's fascinating to be meet two people with Folie à deux."

"I do not have shared delusion with Amy!"

"Forgive me, but you do. You are both in love with each other, but denying the feelings probably due to neither one of you wanting to admit weakness of such an emotion to the other. You reinforce this delusional state and dance around the fact that you two are one bottle of wine away from ripping each other's clothes off. Would you and Amy like to come to New Jersey and discuss this while I take an EEG?"

"Would that help us?"

"No, but it would help me."

Later that night, while Sheldon tossed in his bed, trying desperately not to think of Amy preforming fellatio, he threw his head back on his pillow in disgust with his own body betraying him. He hated to admit that Beverly Hofstadter could be right, that he just might be in love with Amy. But he was on shaky ground, and as much as he could _entertain_ the _possibility_ he was in love with Amy, there was no way the feelings were mutual. Amy was as robotic as any droid on Star Wars. If she knew how utterly sexy he found that concept, she might stop.

Amy's interactions with Dr. Hofstadter had been enlightening, but not in the way Sheldon would have hoped. She had found a role model whom had dedicated her life to pursuit of knowledge instead of love. Sure, she had a husband and children, but that was for show or as research subjects, not for love. Amy had found the answer to the scenario of her being alone for the rest of her life. Given Dr. Hofstadter's success, it wouldn't be so bad, Amy reasoned.

Unfortunately, the same night Sheldon was imagining a life where he admitted he loved Amy and the implications, she was imagining one without him. Both didn't sleep well.

After Dr. Hofstadter left, Amy became more robotic, distant and tried to ignore Sheldon. He had to do something if he was going to confirm Dr. Hofstadter's diagnosis. He needed more data, but he was unsure what he would do with the knowledge. However, not being able to explore the possibility made his belly ache.

Again as recommended by Dr Hofstadter, he designed a series of experiments to increase Amy's feelings for him in an accelerated manner. He spoke to her mother, and found out that Amy's favorite dish while growing up was Cordon Bleu. He had also discovered her favorite drink, and that she loved Little House on the Prairie along with Garfield comics. Also that she spent a lot of time at the Folk Art Museum on Wilshire.

Two weeks after the visit Sheldon invited Amy over for dinner. He had ensured she would be famished when she came, by ambushing her lunch order at work. He was going to surprise her with dinner, but had invited her under the ploy of a Skype call with Dr. Hofstadter.

"Hello Amy, I trust you had a good day." Sheldon met Amy at the door with a smile, but she was not in a gracious mood.

"No I did not. I want to say hello to Beverly and go home and eat. I didn't get lunch today because someone lost the delivery order at the cafeteria." Amy pulled off her purse and sat on the couch. The wafting aroma of something delicious was invading her senses and making her mouth water.

"Funny you should say that, I have prepared dinner. Can I offer you a plate?"

"You cooked? I thought you ordered take-out because you didn't know how to cook?"

"I can cook, I just choose not to. However, I know everything about frying meat that isn't chicken as if it were chicken."

"What's for dinner?"

"Chicken."

Amy chuckled, "Not much of a leap, Sheldon." Still she would eat the cardboard a pizza came she was so hungry. Her stomach growled as she swallowed the salvia forming in her mouth.

"Specifically Chicken Cordon Bleu." Sheldon's mouth curled up on the side when he saw Amy's mouth drop open.

"I love that dish! I'd love to try it, I'm starving." Amy jumped up and almost ran to the kitchen.

"I'm sure you are." Sheldon swallowed his snicker. "Now, sit there and I will prepare everything. May I offer you a beverage?"

"Oh, sure, what do you have?"

"Cherry Kool-Aid?"

"I LOVE CHERRY Kool-Aid! Oh boy!" Amy was thrilled by the impromptu dinner which was perfectly prepared. Sheldon tried to hide the grin when she asked for seconds.

After Amy's plate was refilled with her favorite dish, she looked up at Sheldon with a sweet smile and said innocently, "We should do this more often!"

"Yes, we should, shouldn't we?" Sheldon swirled his cherry kool-aid in this glass as he congratulated himself on being a genius once again.

Sheldon made his way to the couch with two cups of tea and Amy's favorite dessert: Lemon Pie. He had been asking Amy strange questions all during dinner: With whom in the world would she most like to have dinner? If you woke up with any quality or ability, what would it be? Finally he asked her to describe her perfect day.

Amy answered all the questions but surprisingly to her, so did Sheldon. She never dreamed his perfect day would involve French toast, although perhaps she should have, as the last time she made it for him he had raved about it all day. He had opened up to her more in the last 30 minutes that their entire time together and it was completely out of character for him. Amy felt a smile forming on her armored face.

Next thing Sheldon did was completely within his character. He was convinced he had conjunctivitis and asked Amy to look in his eyes for confirmation. She stared for a moment, but found nothing. She tried to look away, but Sheldon kept asking her to look again. Amy lost track of time staring into his blue eyes. She loved the ring of dark blue surrounding his pupils and how his eye brows were perfectly shaped and showed all his hidden emotions. While she was hunting for the nonexistent infection, Amy's breath grew short as did Sheldon's. The examination was over when Sheldon's timer on his phone went off.

"Well, you're fine. Which I told you in the first 20 seconds."

"You can never be too careful Amy." Sheldon let out a heavy sigh and asked Amy hopefully, "How do you feel?"

"Fine. I doubt I have any infections. Although, I am stuffed from your dinner." Amy slumped back on the couch as did Sheldon but for a different reason. The experiment to get Amy to fall in love with him had failed like the hokum he knew it was. He should have known better than to take advice off the internet.

After the examination, Amy asked when Dr. Hofstadter was due to call. Sheldon had almost forgotten that he still had to keep up that ruse.

"Um… I will text her…" Sheldon texted Leonard instead and told him to pick up orange juice to make his arrival later.

While they waited in silence, Sheldon suggested that they should listen to music. She thought nothing of it until she heard the theme to Little House on the Prairie play over the speakers. Then looking down she saw the Garfield napkins under the plate of her favorite dessert, lemon pie and knew something was up. The topper was Sheldon asking her if she wanted to go to the Folk Art museum to weave baskets next Saturday night.

Amy had a decision to make: Let Sheldon know she was onto his manipulation or let it go. Amy's mind was made up before she put down the fork. She would say nothing, and let Sheldon try and get back in her good graces. She thought it was adorable how hard he was trying and all this effort just for her was thrilling.

After dinner, and the unexplainable absence of Dr. Hofstadter's call, Amy decided she should retire. Sheldon walked her to her door.

"It's too bad Dr. Hofstadter texted you back that she had to help her cousin with a drug rehab."

"Yes, but she is nothing if not selfless." Sheldon stopped for moment and said with a twitch, "Um… don't ask her about it. Doctor/patient confidentiality and all that."

Amy didn't let Sheldon see her roll her eyes, "I'm sure… I won't say a word, Sheldon."

"Good."

Amy turned around and said kindly with a coy grin, "Thank you for a lovely impromptu evening Sheldon. I would like to enjoy your cooking more often, if the mood ever strikes you."

"Sure." Sheldon bent down his head, so Amy's could kiss his cheek as soon as he heard the words 'thank you', but Amy did not kiss him. Sheldon straightened up and gave her a confused look. She thought she should explain.

"I never should have kissed your cheek so often, Sheldon. I understand you do not like physical contact, and it was wrong of me to impose an unrequited kiss on a person who finds the idea of another person's saliva on their skin repellant."

"But Amy, I am used to that now. I am not repelled by it. I am disturbed by change though; that is something I don't enjoy." Sheldon furled his brow as he saw Amy look away from him.

"Well, I think I should stop. Good night Sheldon. Thank you."

Before she closed the door, Sheldon reached his hand up holding the door open. His fingers were red with his grip. He drew in a short breath and nervously said, "Amy, I've done the math."

"What Math? What are you talking about?"

"Leonard asked, so I did the math. The likelihood of you engaging in sexual intercourse."

Amy offered a half smile, "Oh, Sheldon, there is no math! Leonard just made some off handed comment because he was put on the spot by his mother. He apologized to me that night, don't worry, it's all good..." She tapped his arm to tell him to release her door, but he held onto it and opened it wider.

"Well, it's not all good as you say, and I think you should know…" Sheldon gulped and bit his lip while the vein in his neck bulged out. "Amy, I have postulated the values of your appealing attributes, such as your long brown hair, the color of mud, with glints of sunlight bouncing off of it when you walk. Also one cannot ignore the fact that you possess the most rare eye color, green. Only 2 % of the population have your color, and none of them have the spark from the gold flecks or the almost ethereal glow when you smile. We also have to include the sexual attraction of your physical form beyond that of your facial features…" Sheldon let out a quiet breath while Amy held hers.

Sheldon continued, "You also have a large posterior and hips, which most indicates a successful child bearing. A quality most…" Sheldon swallowed and looked at Amy's wide eyes, "… that most men find appealing."

Amy didn't know what to say. All she could do was watch Sheldon's eyes move as if he was reading a white board, "If we track these characteristics over a curve, peaking at the height of your appeal, your intelligence, and then the number goes up exponentially."

"You think my intelligence is my most attractive feature?"

"Of course! If I was dumb person, I could say your hour glass figure or the curve of your neck as it meets your clavicle to your ample bosom, but that is not as rare as your brain. However, as you are most likely would choose a suitor who would respect your intelligence and wit not to mention your kindness, and selfless nature, the possibilities for a sexual partner have increased to 62% of the current populations and average age of potential suitors."

"I don't know what to say!"

"Well, you should prepare what you **will** say when they all come a knocking. Because, given that the male population tend to be driven by their hind brain, I calculate the likelihood of you engaging in intercourse in the next year to be at least 87.3 %. Plainly put, you are very attractive both physically and otherwise, despite what some less tactful people may have indicated in the past." Sheldon looked at his shoes and sucked in his lips nervously.

"Did you use statistically algorithms to tell me I am attractive?"

"I didn't make it up, I can show you my calculations. They are rather thorough." Sheldon darted his eyes around, "But yes."

Amy smiled the type of grin that made her eyes glow like phosphorescent pools. She placed her hand on his arm that was still holding on to the door and stretched up and gently kissed Sheldon on the cheek forgetting she just promised not to. Sheldon cheek curled up with the smile as her lips pressed against his skin.

"Thank you Sheldon. That was very kind of you."

"You're welcome. Just to let you know, that percentage can go down if you get really fat, or wear lumber jack clothes while wearing a short hair cut or move to Fresno."

"Noted. I do not plan on any of those things, including the intercourse, by the way. However, it is nice to know I have an 87% chance of falling in love."

"87.3%. And it was for intercourse, not falling in love. The falling in love calculation is much different algorithms. I would need a lot more than observational data, Amy."

"I wouldn't have intercourse unless I was in love."

"Oh…" Sheldon looked away with a scowl, "That throws off all my calculations."

"In those calculations, would any of my future prospects be people I know." Amy cocked her head to the side and tried to hide her smile by biting her lip.

"I should certainly hope so!"

"Good. I hate to think I'd fall in love with a stranger." Amy put her hand near her mouth to try and hide her smirk, "Well, it's nice to know I have options."

Amy smiled and put her hand on his cheek to wipe away her lip-gloss. Sheldon leaned into her touch.

"Yes. You have a lot of options." Sheldon didn't like to think of the OTHER options. His face tensed up.

Amy saw his scowl and misinterpreted it as distain for her entertaining the idea of love and her touch on his cheek. She backed up and spoke rapidly, "Oh, well. There is NO chance of that happening! None! I found the notion of romantic love an unnecessary social construct that adds nothing to human relationships."

"Oh. I see. That's the most pragmatic thing I've ever heard!" He loved how her mind worked, but didn't carefully consider her words when he beamed his smile at her.

"Well.. um good… then. Yes." Amy knew he would be pleased that she wouldn't fall in love. It was back to status quo, till he said:

"I um… I used to feel the same way… "

Amy's eyes lit up, "Used to?"

Sheldon coughed, "um… still do… yes…"

Amy saw his facial tick and nervous hand wringing, and was perplexed. "Oh. Okay… Well. Thank you again, Sheldon." She reached up once more and kissed his cheek. As her face approached his, he slowly closed his eyes drawing in any scent of hers through his nose. He wanted the feeling of her soft lips on his cheek to last longer, to get caught in a time loop, but it was gone in an instant.

"Um… Good… I'm mean good night.. Amy. Fowler. I mean, Amy Farrah Fowler."

Good night." Amy slowly closed the door as she smiled at Sheldon.

Sheldon's huge smile bloomed on his face as he walked back to his apartment. " _The most intelligent way possible, she said_ …" He twisted his body in a makeshift dance move and said quietly, "And that's how it done!"

**Chapter 20: Chapter 20**

**The Big Reversal Theory 20**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

When Sheldon Cooper has a feeling, he knows it. Trains? He loves them. Swordfish? He loves them too. Any fish with tools for heads are winners in Sheldon's book. However, when it came to his feelings for Amy, he was 96.5% sure he had feelings for her that he would classify as more than a friend. However, finally recognizing a feeling and knowing what to do about it were two drastically different things.

He figured out who to blame for all these unruly hippy dippy feelings: The French! If those overly affectionate snail eaters hadn't taught Amy how to greet a person with the unsanitary exchange of saliva, he wouldn't be sitting at the moment watching Amy's lips hoping to feel them on his skin. It likely would have been years before he had to succumb to her beguiling charms. The whole process had been accelerated thanks to those foreigners, and Sheldon was ill prepared for the effects of these feelings raging through him.

If she went to Saudi and received her funding, she would have never moved into 4B, and he wouldn't have even know her. He had to thank the flaky Saudi's because the idea he could never have met Amy made his belly ache, even with her addictive kisses. From the moment she latched her lips on him, he was infected with her. Like the tip of paper dipped in dye, he was slowing changing, colored by her influence.

Sheldon shook his head to break the trance, which was a practice he had to do often with Amy. Spending time with Amy lately was causing unusual reactions in his body that were becoming difficult to ignore. More than once he had had to leave her presence before his body betrayed his desire. The feeling he had at the moment while he performed a task he had never dreamed he would do: well, he knew he hated it. Worse was she was forcing him into it.

She was a vixen indeed.

"Amy! This is impossible! I don't know what to do with my hands."

"I told you! You're holding that too tight you're going to choke the head off it. Let it go, I will handle that. You just worry about your hands. Now, put this one here and this one here. Hold tight, but not too tight. Now, remember when you were watching my legs?"

"Um. Yes." Sheldon shifted uncomfortably remembering her legs moving back and forth in a seemingly erotic type dance.

"Good now you just do the same. Spread them a little. Wider. Oh god, do you want me to show you again?"

"Maybe." Sheldon looked down at her bare legs and swallowed again. "Can you switch positions?"

"No! You're fine. Just push a little." Sheldon lunged forward. Amy was still unimpressed, "A little more. YES Sheldon… yes that's perfect."

"Now, push the other one. Slower slower! Oh you are so so good!" Sheldon bit his lip trying to concentrate, but he was losing control.

"Try again Sheldon, but don't go so fast, this will be over too soon."

"I really need this to be over now, Amy. I'm building up an enormous amount of tension here!"

"And when you finally do it, you will feel so good. It will be an addictive rush of endorphins! You'll see!"

Sheldon winced under the pressure building up in him. He was holding on with a while knuckle grip and the salty taste hitting his tongue was his own sweat dripping down his face. He was losing control, "Can't we do other things to get an endorphin rush Amy?" Sheldon was whining, but Amy was having none of it.

"Nope, you promised. Now, do it again!"

"Yes Miss Amy."

Amy was almost ready to throw him out of the car, "Don't give me that Driving Miss Daisy crap Sheldon." Sheldon kept his eyes front so as not to enrage her further.

Amy softened her tone; she knew he was trying, and that it wasn't easy for him, "Now, just push the accelerator a little more." Sheldon drove around the Cal-Tech parking empty parking lot while Amy helped him avoid the parking barricades. It was the first time, but Sheldon was better than he gave himself credit, "Good! For the first time behind a real car, you're doing great, Sheldon!"

"Thank you but I sure don't feel great.'

Amy took the napkin and dapped his face free from sweat, "You will. Once you get the pedals right, you will be so proud of yourself and I will be too!" Then Amy smiled with her approval face that melted him, and his resistance to learning the task failed.

Amy had been telling him for some time now that she thought he should learn how to drive. Whereas everyone else had given in to his insistence that he couldn't drive, that as Homo Novus he had evolved beyond that, Amy was having none of it. She had told him that if Homo Novus could shoot a rifle, play video games or play the recorder, then he could drive and she was relentless no matter how much he begged her. Then in a moment of weakness he had promised her he would try, no matter what. A statement he was now regretting after 3 weekends of driving lessons.

The driving lessons had started after Leonard was unable to take Sheldon to work because of a late night project. Sheldon had just assumed Amy would take him, but when the day in question arrived Amy wasn't at home. She had left an hour early as she had to work with one particular monkey who would only do the puzzle box test at 6.00 am.

Sheldon had been abandoned. He couldn't take the bus because they wouldn't let him use bungee cords as seat belts anymore. Howard was no help, he had refused to take him after he almost killed him on Euclid Avenue and Raj wanted nothing to do with going to the Pottery Barn. Penny and the lads had even held an intervention. They helped him get his permit and had tried to get to him to drive with a simulation machine. None of it worked and Sheldon gave up, claiming he was above the plebian task of driving. Amy knew if she could get monkeys to open puzzle boxes, she could get Sheldon to drive.

The first stage was an impromptu trip to Santa Monica. Sheldon had had a marvelous time impressing Amy with his shooting skills and winning the large teddy bear. He really could get a raccoon to crap himself from 200 yards. Amy added kindly, "I know you and your father didn't see eye to eye, especially as he had very little to teach a person of your intelligence. But I think he would be proud of how you've kept up with those skills he could teach you. You are quite a marksman, Sheldon."

Sheldon hugged his bear a little tighter, "Thank you Amy. I guess daddy did teach me that…"

Amy was always able to find a way to make him feel better about things he had once hated or rejected. She had a special way of speaking to him; as an equal who respected him and accepted all his quirks without question or derision. However the good feelings running through Sheldon quickly faded when he saw where Amy was leading him next. She held his hand and dragged him to the place that had been her purpose for their visit.

"Amy! Bumper cars? No way am I getting into one of those death traps just so some snot nose brat can ram me into chiropractic's chair! NO WAY! Can you imagine the germs?"

"First off, the park has only just opened, and all the cars are clean. Second, I know the operator and he is going to let us go on them alone for 30 minutes before the Pretty Princess Birthday party shows up at 11:00AM. Lastly, you promised you would do whatever I said, because I took you to Pottery Barn to return those ridiculous sheets!"

"I thought you would take me to some boring Chaucer thing or make me watch a Little House marathon, not this!" Sheldon held the bear even tighter as if to gain strength from its real life counterpart.

"Well, you promised and this is my choice. Now the first time I will go with you to get you used to the controls. Okay?"

"Okay, but I am going to hate this. I will promise you that too!" Sheldon looked at the small cars with large poles gliding on the ceiling of the track. He wanted nothing more than to go back to shoot that rifle. He didn't want to say at what, but these cars looked like good targets.

Amy smirked at him, "I know. You can spank me later for putting you through such a horrific experience!"

"Can I?" Sheldon said it with a little too much glee.

"NO! Next lesson: Sarcasm." Amy mumbled, "I suspect it will be harder than this."

Amy stepped into a small red car but Sheldon stepped back and looked like he had just swallowed a fly.

"Red? Really Amy? Statistically, red cars are stopped by police far more often than any other color. I don't want any hassles with the fuzz."

Amy knew he would come up with any excuse, "I had Seth over there clean this one twice with Purell." She raised her eye brows a few times for added effect and showed off the car like a dolled up car salesman. Seth the operator held up the bottle of sanitizer for added effect.

"Red it is!"

Amy had to hike up her skirt to get into the small space and though Sheldon tried to turn his eyes away he failed dismally. Sheldon climbed into the driver seat, his lanky legs meant that his knees were almost on his chest. He put on his seat belt and wanted to check his mirrors, but there were none.

"This is as bad as Penny's car!"

"Oh, no, this car is maintained much more often than Penny's! See… no check engine light."

"Good to know."

"Okay, there are only 3 pedals. Let's go easy first, that one is the accelerator and that one for the break. All the other cars are off the main track, so we are just going to go around the track closest to the middle. Just like that game with the Italian pizza guy."

"Mario Kart? He's a plumber."

"Why does he always say, " _Pizza Go?"_ Amy had spent far too many hours watching Sheldon play Mario while waiting for Leonard to come home with dinner.

"I don't know, it think it is Nintendo's way of sounding Italian… But that's a good point. I am a wizard at Mario Kart. Did you bring any bananas to throw on the track?"

"No, I did not! Let's save that for 405 at rush hour. Now slowly press the accelerator… Good… just a little bit more…" Amy guided Sheldon around the track once. He hit every car parked on the side and drove so fast a snail passed them. The second trip, Sheldon only hit half the cars. Every time he hit a car, Amy's hair flowed toward her face but she pulled it back and smiled every time. The third and fourth times were smoother and by the fifth time, Sheldon was zooming around the track like a different Mario, Mr. Andretti.

"Okay, stop. Now I am going to take a different car and I will drive in the opposite direction. Your job will be to avoid me, okay?"

"Okay, but just to let you know, I only have liability insurance."

Amy chuckled, "Hey, you made a joke. Good job!"

"It's not a joke. I really have liability insurance. I am accident prone, and it seemed prudent."

"Well, we will just exchange numbers, and deal with it off the books." Amy winked at him and climbed out of the car. She found a green car near him and hiked her skirt to jump in. Amy started around the inside lane and headed in the opposite direction. Sheldon watched her a few times before he started on the track. The first time he rounded the corner near her, he was distracted by her hair and slammed right into her.

Amy giggled, but Sheldon was worried. She eased his mind and said, "That's okay it's just a fender bender."

"Are you sure you want to put yourself at risk for me Amy?"

"Of course I do! You're the only one person I would! Now, start again." Amy turned her wheel and backed up. She pulled next to Sheldon who had a strange smile on his face. "Oh, I forgot to tell you how to do reverse. See that third pedal. Try it now."

Sheldon shot back up into the cars behind him and his neck lunged forward. He reminded himself to send Amy the chiropractic bill. Amy laughed and took off around the track like a bat outta hell. Sheldon took off after her with a determined glare and white knuckled grip. They were chasing each other trying to avoid hitting the cars while zooming around. Amy was giggling like a school girl. Sheldon couldn't keep up with her, so he got an idea. He put the car in reverse and hit her from the other direction.

"HEY! The idea is not to hit me!"

"I'm altering the paradigm of our arrangement. Now, prepare to meet your doom, Fowler!"

"I don't think so, slim." Amy backed up and slammed into Sheldon with such force it knocked his head forward. Amy grinned and raised her brows a few times rapidly before she tilted her head down to show him her game face.

She left him with a cackling laugh as she tore off around the track. Sheldon was a quick learner and though Amy tried to hit him he was adept at avoiding her every move. Finally Amy was able to slam into him. All of her hair flowed forward as the cars met and Sheldon could hear her giggling as she used her hands to brush it back. Her face had a peachy glow and her eyes were that almost phosphorescent green that Sheldon loved so much. For a moment he was unable to move as watched her compose herself.

Amy noticed Sheldon had a strange smile on his face and his eyes were glowing. The blending of their shining stares was interrupted by a gaggle of 25 little girls in Princess outfits baying at the gate.

A young man's voice called out to Amy, "Oh, Dr. Fowler… The other party is here.. So, um. It's cool if I turn in that paper in next week then, huh?" Seth's pimply face and high pitch ungulate voice indicated to Sheldon that he was one of her young students from the high school class she was mentoring this semester.

Amy tried to compose herself, "Yes, Seth. And next time I tell you not to tease the big monkey, you'll listen, right?"

"Right. Sorry Dr. Fowler." Seth moved to help Amy out of the car but Sheldon had wasted no time in getting out of his car so that he could take over the task from Seth. Amy grabbed Sheldon's bear and handed it to him and the couple walked to the exit just in time before being overrun with little girls wearing all manner of pink frilly dresses rushing to claim their cars. Sheldon and Amy watched in awe as the girls turned from sweet little angels to vicious take no prisoner assassins', hell bent on drawing blood.

Sheldon flinched at the sounds, "Boy, nothing makes one's reproductive organs shrivel back into one's body like the sound of screaming children. I would never have children who behaved like that."

Amy leaned against the rail with a misty look in her eyes, "I would. I like that these girls can go from cooing over their fake tiaras to fighting to the death. It shows spunk, but I agree that 25 spunky girls is a bit much. Let's get away from the bloodthirsty horde and go get an ice cream." The couple headed toward the ice cream shop, holding the bear between them, each holding one paw.

Back in 4A, seated at the counter and watching him prepare their tea, Amy had a hard time keeping her raging endocrine system in check and Sheldon was becoming distracted by Amy's constant caresses of her neck and shoulders.

"Is there something wrong with your neck, you have rubbed it at least 4 times since we have left your car and 8 times since we left Santa Monica." Sheldon was finding it difficult keeping his eyes off her neck. Every time she touched it, she arched it to the sides and jutted her chest while rotating her hips. It was as distracting as it was alluring.

"Oh, it's nothing. Probably that last hit you gave me. It'll be fine."

Sheldon came around the counter toward her like a cat. Giving her a quick look he moved behind her and placed his hand on her shoulder. Amy drew in a breath as he leaned down spoke in her ear, "Take off your sweater."

Amy's mind and body were acting separately. As her hands were unbuttoning her cardigan, Amy was protesting, "Sheldon you don't need to do anything. I just need an analgesic or maybe a heating pad."

Sheldon didn't listen. As soon as she had finished with the buttons he peeled the sweater off her shoulders. Amy shivered as his hands slipped the fabric down her arms.

Sheldon folded the cardigan and placed it across his chair. He came back to Amy who was almost quivering and squirming in her seat. He bent down and whispered in her ear with a husky low voice, "I won't be as adroit as you are at doing this activity, but you can guide me." Amy could feel his warm breath on her ear and smelt the aroma of peppermint tea.

He placed his hand again on her shoulder and let his other hand glide down her spine to where the scapula meets the acromion process. It was near the exact spot that Amy had found on Sheldon when she cured his sore neck when he was sick.

Amy may have been a master of the central nervous system, but Sheldon was certainly a very quick study. "Sheldon you really don't… Oh my god… Yes…" As Sheldon's large hands manipulated her muscles, Amy melted back against him. She arched her head back hitting his chest as his hands moved over her nerves.

Sheldon looked down at Amy's moaning head against his chest, "Um… Amy just… um… relax all of your muscles. Except for your pubococcygeus and your anal sphincter."

Amy laughed, "Of course, Sheldon. That would be.. oh wow… messy. How did you learn…" Amy couldn't speak anymore, words were for those who could think, and that wasn't her at the moment.

She was humming and Sheldon could see her lick her lips as she rubbed against him. Sheldon held onto her shoulder feeling the tip of her clavicle on his long fingers. He shouldn't be enjoying all this unnecessary touching, but he did. Watching Amy moan at his touch was invigorating.

Amy almost whimpered, "You found the myofascial point, oh god, your hands… are … like… magic…"

"I know. I am often amazed at how my hands can elicit pleasure." Sheldon coughed at his own confession and added quickly before Amy could ask any questions, "I have been practicing on Mona."

Sheldon looked down to see Amy's face with an innocent smile, but it melted away when he saw her reaction. Her head was against his chest looking up at him. He had never seen her eyes quite that shade of green: Like flames from burning copper sulfate.

Amy shrugged off his touch, and turned around and barked, "Who the hell is Mona?" Even Amy was taken aback by her response.

"Mouth to Mouth Mona. Howard used to borrow her often. I admired his dedication to safety practices."

Amy stood up and grabbed her sweater, "Please tell me you washed that thing! You really do not want to know what I think Howard was doing with Mona." She remembered that Sheldon showed the CPR dummy to her when she spent the night. Good thing, Amy thought, she showed him her CPR certification, or he would have made her practice on Mona, which with this new information, make Amy feel ill.

Sheldon was shocked, "Are you saying he was using her in some felonious intent? Like the extra body for the carpool lane! I knew he was up to no good!"

"More like fellatio intent." Sheldon fell back on the bar stool feeling ill. Amy put her hand on his arm and said kindly, "I would keep Mona for yourself Sheldon. You don't have to share your women. You're not bikers."

"She's not a woman, she's a practice dummy. I would never share a woman, whether I had a bicycle or not!"

"Not those kind of bikers, Sheldon. Never mind." Amy composed herself and said with a large sigh, "Well, thank you for your massage and tea. I better go." As she started toward the door Sheldon almost jumped in her way and pulled at her sweater.

"Um, Amy, are you sure you neck is alright?"

Amy twisted her neck around, and it did indeed feel better, "It is Sheldon. Good as new."

"Well, I hope not new. Babies necks are fragile."

"Oh, that's easy." Amy used her sweater like a swaddle, "You just hold them in the crux of your arm, and it supports the neck." Amy rocked her sweater and looked up at Sheldon who smiled at her with a face akin to his koala face, but with more shine in the eyes.

"I told you that you'd make a good mother."

Amy let out a sigh, "Well we will never know. Good night Sheldon. Thank you again." Amy leaned up and gave Sheldon a short peck on the cheek and left the apartment, but she was quickly caught by Sheldon's grip. She twirled around to discover Sheldon's body was almost touching hers. Sheldon reached up his hand, and cupped around her jaw and neck as he bent to down to kiss Amy on the cheek.

"Thank you, Amy." Sheldon pulled away and held his own hand so not to touch her again, "I really wasn't looking forward to the driving lesson, but you showed me it wasn't so bad to face your fears." The words stuck in his mind like they were trapped in amber.

"You were great today Sheldon!" Amy placed her hand on his bicep. She couldn't resist squeezing it slightly as she asked him, "Promise me you'll try to learn to drive? Next weekend I will show you how to operate a real car, and the week after that you can try. We will take it slow. Promise you'll try."

Sheldon felt her hand on his arm and tighten it up to the touch. The slight intimate feel of her small hands on him was intoxicating. She could have asked for him to eat lamb while watching Babylon 5 and he would have agreed. He just nodded his head as he studied her face. He loved the face she wore at the moment. It was the one that told him he could anything. Her faith in him was unwavering. As strong as his ego was, seeing that look at him embolden him. He finally smiled and said, "I promise, Amy. I'll try."

As he watched her close the door, his smile faded. "Oh lord, what did that woman make me promise?" He knew he could find a way to blame the French for this as well.

That night, Sheldon wondered how he was going to be able to cope with this new found discovery that had been unearthed in his psyche. Now he approached the situation with all the trepidation as a non-swimmer perched at the edge of the pool. He had been told that the water would feel good, and he would enjoy it, but it didn't stop the fear. He just couldn't take the leap.

Sheldon reasoned incorrectly that Amy seemed content with the relationship at the present and Sheldon didn't want to push her. He decided to stick to what he knew: No change is a good thing.

An annoying little voice entered his mind housed in a slight East Texas accent. The voice had an intelligence behind it that Sheldon couldn't ignore. He heard it replay his own words:

Y _ou showed me it wasn't so bad to face your fears._

The following Monday evening Penny and Amy had joined Howard, Sheldon and Leonard at 4A for dinner. Howard had made some sleazy comment to Penny who made him sit on the other side of the room, but other than that, it was a usual evening. That was until Raj rushed into the apartment babbling with some exciting news. However, as soon as he saw Penny and Amy his voice squeaked into silence.

"Come on Penny let's eat over at my place. I think Rajesh wants to tell the group something."

Sheldon protested, "But Amy, we were going to work on that thing later… you know… that thing…" Sheldon's wide eyes and adamant tone lost all hope at subtly. Amy tried not to roll her eyes.

"Sheldon, I will be back tomorrow evening, and we can work on that… research project then. Don't worry."

"Okay. But I bet Raj's news is not as thrilling." Sheldon scowled at Raj, but he was smiling at the ladies as they left.

"Good night gentlemen." Amy leaned over, "And whatever it is, congratulations, Rajesh." Penny gave Raj a cheek kiss and left with Amy.

"Thank you!" Raj replied automatically and then realizing covered his mouth and Amy smirked while making a hasty exit.

Penny and Amy went across the hall and Penny had the decency to wait till the door was closed before grilling Amy over her comment, "Okay Ames Spill! What is up with you and Whack a doodle?"

The ladies settled in on Amy's bar stools to finish their dinner, "Oh nothing. I am teaching Sheldon how to drive, and I promised to help him with Wolowitz's driving simulation."

"He tried that, and wrecked the Glendale Galleria before he gave up! How did you get him to do it again?"

Amy shrugged her shoulders, "I told him I thought he could do it."

"Amy, you have lot of power over that guy, you know that right?"

Amy's shoulders drooped as she played listlessly with her food, "I really don't think I do. Sheldon lets me in for certain things. I wish… Oh never mind." Amy continued to pick at her dinner trying to ignore the bitter taste forming in her mouth again.

"If you could talk him into learning to drive, I am fairly certain you could talk him into dating you, ya know."

"I know, but I won't take advantage of him and I don't want him to ask me for all the wrong reasons."

"What reasons would they be?"

"Well because he is jealous, or feels he has to due to some stupid social convention. I would never manipulate him like that. Sheldon is brilliant, but malleable. He needs someone he can trust and I am proud that he places that trust in me."

Amy let out a huge sigh, "Besides, Sheldon and I are just friends, nothing more. He doesn't want anything other than friendship from me. We have been so close lately, and he had made no indication that he feels differently so I've accepted that…" but Amy's voice had lost its resolve by the end of the sentence. Penny shook her head, and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Ames, you can pull that crap with clueless Sheldon, but not with me. I know you are crazy in love with him!"

"AM NOT!" Amy scowled and said again, "Am not…" Then whispered, "Am.. not…"

"Sure, Cleopatra, Queen of denial… Anyway Sheldon will come around. If not, you have lot of options out there."

Amy shot a deadpan stare and quipped flatly, "No Penny, I really don't."

"You never know! Promise me the next guy who asks you out, you will give him a chance?"

"Ha! You'll be waiting a long time, but sure Penny. I promise!" Amy looked at her watch, "It's still early, want to call Bernadette and have a girl's night?"

"Sure! She should be done with class by now. Poor Bernie definitely needs a pick-me-up up after her train wreck with Howard. He really is an idiot to let her go."

Amy shook her head, "I know… Some people just won't admit their feelings… Such a shame."

Penny sighed and grabbed her glass of wine, "Yeah, a real shame huh?"

The next evening, Amy was scheduled to meet the guys at the Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Raj's being chosen as one of the '30 Under 30 To Watch' for People magazine. Though Sheldon had informed her about the celebratory dinner he really did not want to go because Raj had been acting like an arrogant fool over his brief moment of fame. However Leonard had informed Sheldon that it was his social obligation and that he should just grin and bear it, and grin he did..

As Amy approached their table, she was just in time to hear Raj finish pontificating and Sheldon's response.

"There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea where, when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village they kill him, and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense of course, but one can see their point." Sheldon gave a fake smile which changed to a genuine one then saw Amy come up to the table.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" Amy took off her purse and sat next to Sheldon. Penny had just brought another Grasshopper drink for Raj, "Here you go, Raj, you might want to drink this one slowly. And heads up Howard, Bernadette is here."

"Talking to the ex… oh boy." Howard almost jumped out of his seat and darted his eyes around the room, "Oh lord, how can I play this? Sophisticated and relaxed? Friendly, noncommittal? Cold and distant?"

Raj sneered at Howard and called out, "Oh, Bernadette, won't you come here, as well, dear?"

Howard glared at Raj and dove under the table before Bernadette turned around. Bernadette had been waiting on another table and was in no mood to see Howard, but when she saw he was absent, she came over to hear what the announcement was.

"Good now you are all here, so, Saturday night, can I count on my posse?" Sheldon and Leonard both looked ill and shook their heads. Sheldon confirmed that he was able to attend but he chose not to. Howard remained silent, wishing he had a fork he could jab in Raj's leg.

Penny was confused, "What are you guys talking about?"

"Well, there's a reception for my magazine article on Saturday." Raj told her.

Amy was incensed, "And you guys aren't going? I can't believe you, Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment, and you all should be there to support him!"

Penny nodded, "Yeah, guys, god!" She gave Leonard and Sheldon disapproving looks and then kicked under the table at Howard.

Bernadette joined in too, "Really, you should go!"

Raj turned to the ladies, "Would you ladies like to join me?"

The all looked at each other for confirmation, "Sure, Raj, we would be delighted to go, right Penny?"

"Absolutely, Bernadette?"

"Yes! We will! Sorry guys I need to get that table!" Bernadette left, as did Penny and Amy excused herself to wash her hands.

Howard emerged from underneath the table with a look for Raj that would melt lead. Raj ignored him and smiled at the trio of men who were almost growling at him, "Hey look at that. I got a date with all of your women! Your main squeeze Leonard, your ex Howard and your… whatever Amy is…"

Sheldon looked at Leonard, " **Now** have we met our social obligation?"

" ** _Definitely_**!" The guys left the table, leaving Raj alone with his Grasshopper and the bill for their untouched beverages.

Sheldon met Amy before she came back to the table. Without a word, he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door.

"Sheldon, what is going on? Aren't we going to eat dinner?" She was enjoying his commanding grip on her hand, but was curious what the matter was.

Sheldon stopped mid stride and turned around, releasing her hand reluctantly, "No we are not. Raj is being, as Howard would say, an asshat."

Amy thought Raj must have done something terrible, "Sheldon! I have never heard you speak like that! What did he do?"

Sheldon didn't answer her but instead swallowed hard and asked in a low growl, "Are you really going on a date with him?"

"It's not a date! I would never date Raj! I am going as a friend." Amy looked back to the table, "Oh god, he doesn't think it's a date does he? That would be awkward!"

"Very." Sheldon relaxed and let out a sigh.

Amy's voice lowered and she stepped a little closer to him, "I would be more comfortable if you came too, but I know that is lot to ask given Raj's recent status as an 'asshat'."

Sheldon smirked at Amy who returned it in kind. He couldn't resist, "Okay Amy, you've twisted my arm, I'll go. But only if you go and I can wear my plaid suit."

"If I may be so bold, I think you are devilishly handsome in your plaid suit, so if you want all the girls to go crazy for you, go for it."

"Oh, boy. Grey suit it is then." Amy turned away to hide her snicker; she loved his grey suit. She had to admit to manipulating him, just slightly.

As they started to walk away Sheldon stopped, "Can you get Leonard and Howard to go too?" Sheldon looked back the table with Raj speaking to some unsavory man, "I think that would be a good idea." Sheldon knew that to deny Raj the pleasure of woman's company would eat at him and he was in the mood to be vengeful.

"Sheldon Cooper, you are devious, aren't you? Getting Howard and Bernadette together under the guise of Raj's party!? Maybe you do believe in love after all?"

Sheldon had no idea what she was talking about between Howard and Bernadette, nor did he care but he did know the answer to her question.

Sheldon's head was down looking at his feet. Without lifting his head, he shot his eyes up to her and smiled, "Maybe I do…"

Amy's power of persuasion meant that she was able to convince the whole gang to go together. Though Bernadette was not thrilled, Amy had suggested that it would be an opportunity for her to make Howard see what he was missing. The ladies went to the spa, and got completely dolled up, including hair, make up and a new wax job for Amy.

She and Sheldon were going to arrive separately because suddenly, Sheldon had refused to ride in the limo since it didn't have seat belts. Amy had to hear that even the bumper car's at Santa Monica pier had seat belts, but some limo that wouldn't stand up to the scrutiny of a black light didn't? Amy just let the rest of the group go alone and finished getting ready. She had 10 minutes before Sheldon came to collect her.

Just before the she was about to slip on her dress, Amy noticed she had some wax on her legs. She felt that she had just enough time to have a quick shower with the nozzle to clean off her legs. Unfortunately in her rush, some of the water sprayed onto the side of the tub, and slipped on it when she exited the tub sending her crashing to the floor.

As Amy tried to stand up, she winced in pain. She knew the fall had dislocated her shoulder and that she had sprained her wrist. Just then she heard Sheldon's signature knock on the door. She ripped the towel off the rack with her good arm and shouted out to him. "SHELDON! HELP!

Sheldon dashed into the apartment. "Amy! Are you okay!?"

"I'M IN THE BATHROOM"

Sheldon ran to the bathroom to knock again, but Amy screamed for him to come in. He found Amy on the floor with only a towel covering her. She was holding her arm and wincing "Oh dear Lord, Amy!"

Sheldon knelt down on the ground to help Amy up, "What happened? Did you slip in the shower?"

"No, I have adhesive whales for all the good they did me! I slipped on the side of the tub. I think my left humerus is no longer seated in the glenoid socket and I have intercarpal supination-stress. I better go to the hospital."

"Okay! Okay… But I don't think you should go in just a towel." Sheldon noticed the towel was barely large enough to cover her body.

"No I need to get dressed quickly and go. Can you help me?"

"Of course. There is a long standing heroic tradition of a coming to the aid of a damsel in distress." Sheldon hitched his arm around her waist and hoisted her off the ground. He gingerly walked to the bed room.

"Well, this damsel needs some clothes. Oh man, this hurts. Let me sit on the bed for moment." Amy's wrist had taken the brunt of the fall and it hurt worse than the shoulder, "You know, I should just go against a door frame, and slam this sucker back in there. But I don't have whipped cream cans."

Sheldon looked confused until he remembered she had used the nitrous oxide from cans of whipped cream as anesthesia. "Amy, I don't think I could stand the sound of your glenoid socket getting…filled..."

"I am too far gone with this wrist." Amy tried to keep the towel on her chest, "I need clothes, top drawer, underwear, tights and bra. Second drawer undershirt, third drawer blouse. Cardigan and second cardigan hangin... ow!"

"Amy do you really need all those clothes? Just wear some sweat pants and a t-shirt."

"Sheldon! I don't own pants!" Amy winced again, "Okay… No tights… But I will feel naked."

Sheldon looked over her body peeking out of the small towel that barely wrapped around her hips, "Well not as naked as right now."

"Yes I am well aware of that. Give me the panties first."

Sheldon drew in short breath before opening the drawers. He saw her undergarments were matched and folded like a pro. He was impressed, and easily found all her clothes just where she said and one other surprising item, "Amy, why do you have your toothbrush in your drawer?"

Amy sucked in her lips, "Dental emergencies. Just give me the panties Sheldon!" Sheldon handed her the undergarment and turned around. He could hear her struggling and curse under her breath.

"Damnit. I can't do it… Sheldon I am sorry but you will have to help me."

"Okay… Don't worry." Sheldon turned around to see Amy had only one foot in the lacy bit of cloth. He took a large gulp and got his knees in front of her. He tried not to, but he could see the apex of her thighs in a gap of the towel that stretched over her legs.

"Keep your eyes closed!"

While Sheldon pulled the pink lace panties up to her hips, his hand glided up the sides of her silky legs. Trying to distract himself he commented, "You may be interested to know that a prohibition against looking is well established in heroic mythology. Umm, Lot and his wife, Perseus and Medusa, Orpheus and Eurydice."

Amy in her turn was desperate for a distraction from his tender touch, "Well, Lot's wife was an idiot! I mean how hard is it to follow the rules? Don't look back or stop in the plain… Speaking of stopping, Sheldon, you've stopped before they are on." Sure enough Sheldon's hands had stopped just as they had reached her hips and he could feel her soft curves under his shaking hands. He knew he had to reach behind her and pull them over her hips and butt, but he needed time to steady his nerve.

"Right. Sorry." Amy tilted her hips up and Sheldon was able to pull the garment over her slowly outlining her curve with his hand. He blew out his held in breath, _One down, six to go_ , he thought.

Sheldon opened his eyes and helped Amy stand up off the bed. The towel was mostly covering her chest now, "Are you sure you need a bra, Amy? I mean… you seem perky enough without it."

Amy's eyes popped open, "Well… um thank you... but… my mother said, you never go out with a bra. Only women of ill repute do so. I would feel like Lot's wife, before she left Sodom."

"Fine. But I have never put on a bra before." Sheldon picked up her matching bra, and examined the clasp and determined it was a death trap. "Nor taken one off.."

"We will worry about taking it off later. I just need it on now!" Amy hooked the bra around her good arm, and then looked at Sheldon's gapping mouth, "You need to close your eyes again." Sheldon did so, and he felt the towel fall on his feet. He took a deep swallow and reached up to feel for Amy's arm while she explained, "Okay, you need to hook this over my elbow and then up my arm."

Sheldon fumbled around Amy and grasped her elbow. It was soft with a strange texture in the middle bend. The texture changed as he ran his thumb over the surface. "Sheldon! That is not my elbow."

"Are you sure? It feels like an elbow." Sheldon squeezed the mound again.

"Do you feel any bones?"

"NO! Oh good lord, did you break that too?" He squeezed it again to check for injury but the flesh only became warmer.

"No Sheldon, good god, just open your eyes!"

Sheldon did so and saw the mound he was feeling was Amy's breast which his whole hand now had in a firm grip. Sheldon was frozen unsure how to proceed. But Amy's yelling quickly helped his decision.

"Let it go, Sheldon!"

Sheldon did so but that only made his eyes grow wider. Sheldon hadn't been mistaken earlier; Amy breasts were perky. Her nipple had a rosy hue and bounced up when he released her breast. He was again frozen, but this time with mouth open as his wide eyes.

"You can close your eyes now, Sheldon!"

Sheldon pulled his hands away and shut his eyes, "Sorry…"

"Just help me get this bra on, and I will feel less exposed."

Through trial and error, Sheldon was able to get her bra over her chest. He went to her back to hook the bra, "I need to open my eyes to do this, Amy."

"Okay, I'm in so much pain, I don't care anymore. Just hook it so we can hurry." Sheldon opened his eyes and saw her figure from the back. When he had described her hour glass figure, he had been extrapolating from the many layers of clothes she wore. Now seeing Amy standing before him in only a bra and panty set, he realized that his assessment wasn't off base. She had a remarkably feminine figure. Her long brown hair was the strings on the perfect violin shape of her form. He held his breath and snapped the contraption together.

After struggling with the skirt, and fumbling with the buttons on her blouse while trying not to feel her chest again, Amy was dressed. Sheldon managed to convince her that the button up blouse and one cardigan was enough. After navigating the four flights of stairs, they finally made their way down to Amy's car.

As Sheldon secured his seat belt and adjusted the mirrors he said proudly, "It's a good thing I am such a easy student, and you taught me how to drive, Amy." He put both hands on the steering wheel and narrowed his eyes to the street, "I think I can do this."

"Yeah... easy student... Now step on it Sheldon!"

At the hospital, Sheldon helped her fill out the forms and learned more about Amy's physical history than in the year he had known her. She had more than one bully related injury resulting in a hospital visit and had a number of unusual physical attributes including the inability to open her legs more than 22 degrees, a divot in her spine that made her leg shake and brittle ankles. But the most surprising was she was getting Depo Provera shots.

Sheldon tried to ask calmly, but his squeaky voice gave his fear away, "Amy, why are you on birth control?"

"Remember when I told you had to wear feminine hygiene products all the time just to avoid accidents?"

"Yes, and I told you to buy in bulk, but you didn't listen."

"I did something better, I get a shot once every 3 months and I hardly have a menstruation cycle or any of the side effects that go along with it. It's been so freeing and saved me hundreds of dollars."

Sheldon voice lowered to a secret tone, "So it's not to prevent pregnancy?"

"Why would I have to worry about that?"

Sheldon leaned in further, "I told you, 87.5% Amy! But once the male population finds out you won't be a slave to your raging hormones that number will go up significantly!"

Amy gave Sheldon a deadpan glare and sneered at him, "Well, right now, it's zero! Where are my drugs!?"

In the meantime, Leonard, Penny Howard and Bernadette were having a fabulous time at the party. Raj, however, was not. He had hoped to hook up with either Penny or especially Bernadette, however, as soon as Howard saw Bernadette, he ran to her and fell to his knees.

"Bernadette, I've been a fool. I missed you every day. I've realized something I'm never going to find another girl like you… You know… a real girl."

"What about your troll type girl?" Bernadette crossed her arms and turned away, but Howard hobbled on his knees around to face her again.

"Never a troll again Bernie I swear!" Howard pulled at the hem of her skirt, but Bernadette batted his hands away.

"Oh Howard get up! You're embarrassing me!"

"I hope to embarrass you for the rest of your life! Bernadette, will you be my wife?"

"Oh god, you've got to be kidding me?" Bernadette ran off toward the VIP room with Howard following her on his knees.

"That guy is clueless! Acting like he didn't want her. DENIAL!" Penny shook her head and turned to see Leonard glaring at her over his glasses.

"Yeah, not admitting your feelings. I mean, who does that?" Leonard had been asking Penny if she was still harboring feelings for Kurt, her current feelings for Leonard, and what she wanted to do about it. Penny dodged the questions like ninja.

Penny was no fool, "I know you're referring to me Leonard!" Then she put her arms around him she added, "Look, I don't want to jump into a new thing when I just got out of a bad one. But just to set the record straight. I do like you Leonard. You're smart, sweet and when you tell me what to do, well, kinda sexy."

Leonard curled up his mouth, "Oh really.. well then.. let's go make out in the limo!"

"What happened to going slow?"

"Or get another drink… either one…I'm cool" Leonard cleared his throat and looked away.

Penny shook her head, "Let's try this, drink… one dance, schmooze with these Hollywood types for 30 minutes, then limo. Deal?"

"If you are going to make me dance I'm gonna need more than one drink."

"Okay! But none of that moustache on your finger thing as an ice breaker. Amy did that one girl's night and it creeped me out."

"Everything she and Sheldon do creeps me out."

Penny shook her head, and looked around the crowd for their eccentric friends who were nowhere to be found, "Can't you hit him over the head and make him ask her out. I'm mean, it's getting old already. It's obvious how much he likes her but he just won't admit it. Amy is just as clueless. She thinks she is doing HIM a favor by denying her feelings. It's maddening!"

"Actually…" Leonard looked around and raised his brows up, like he had the best gossip in the room, which is saying something for a party at a tabloid magazine.

Penny slapped his shoulder hard, "NO! SPILL!"

"OW!" Leonard recovered, "You have to agree to the cone of silence. NOTHING I tell you leaves this space! Sheldon will make my life a living hell. He says up to this point we were getting happy fun time Sheldon."

Penny turned white, "Oh god, my lips are sealed."

Leonard was adamant, "Not Amy… Not Bernadette. Promise, or no limo!"

"You drive a hard bargain Hofstadter… Deal!"

"Okay, Sheldon had all this strange math all over his boards…"

"How is that different than any other day, Leonard?" Penny was underwhelmed.

"Wait till I tell you what he was figuring. After much wrangling, he told me he was determining the likelihood of Amy's attractiveness. I asked him why on earth would he do that?"

"Because he was a colossal douche bag who basically told her she was ugly."

"Yes, that and…."

"And… what? SPILL IT!"

"He likes her, but he doesn't know what to do. I told him just ask her out on a date. He balked at the suggestion, but finally agreed he was going to ask her if they could consider tonight a date. That's why he didn't go with us, he was going to ask her privately. But I don't see them around. Maybe he chickened out."

"WOW. If he would just ask her on one date… That would be huge! Amy would finally know how he felt about her. She thinks he doesn't like her that way."

"I know, its crazy. You'd think a neuroscientist could easily see through denial. I can't wait to see them tonight to see how it went!"

As the night wore on, Howard had eventually persuaded Bernadette to listen to him and suggested that they go to the limo to talk in private but the steamed up windows indicated it was already occupied. By this time it was getting late and they felt it was time to leave. So while Bernadette interrupted the loving couple, Howard returned to the party to get Raj who by now had had a number of drinks and was now having a great time chatting up most of the guests. Howard decided to leave him there and send the limo back when it had dropped them all off.

Bernadette and Penny were supposed to be dropped off first. Howard walked Bernadette to the door, hand in hand.

"Bernadette, I really never should have been with that online troll, but it's just, as a man I have needs…"

"You could have had a real woman for your needs, but you never made a move."

Howard was shocked, "I had to make a move?"

"Of course Howard. A girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter and your tight hoochie pants if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move."

"I had no idea! Okay then!" Howard leaned in to make the expected move but she quickly pushed him away.

"Not now, later! We have lots of time." Bernadette giggled and turned around, "See you tomorrow?"

"Definitely."

Penny was still kissing Leonard in the limo when Howard came back. "Hey Penny, aren't you staying here?"

Penny looked at Leonard, and he answered, "No. She is going home with me!" Leonard tried to sound commanding but then whispered to Penny, "That's okay right?"

Penny chuckled, "Yes, Leonard! So much for taking it slow."

With all this going on, no one missed Sheldon and Amy and it was not until the next morning when they all woke up with massive hangovers that they were informed of the previous night's events.

So while the rest of the gang was being dropped off at their homes, Sheldon was practically carrying Amy to hers. She was doped up on pain killers and muscle relaxers. Her low tolerance for such drugs made her extremely lightheaded and giddy.

Amy was almost slurring her words. She tapped Sheldon's shoulder, and pointed at him, "Sheldon… You are such a good driver! But just one thing. You know that you can go above 35 miles per hour, snookums. It's okay!" Amy giggled, "Snookums."

"Amy, I didn't want to risk your safety! Besides, you kept grabbing my knee!"

"TO PUSH THE ACCELERATOR!" Amy snapped, but quickly smiled at Sheldon dreamily, "But I should shut up. I'm home, safe… You are the best! Now I just need to sleep." Amy headed toward the bed room, "Hey are you as good at taking off a bra as you are putting it on?" Amy stumbled toward the bed.

Sheldon held her steady as he helped her slip off her cardigan. He nervously unbuttoned her blouse as Amy unfocused eyes watched his every move. He reached behind her and undid her skirt, which fell to her feet. She was only wearing her pink laced set that hugged her hips and breasts. She was swaying in front of him almost falling into him. Sheldon's hopes that she would just pass out so that he didn't have to battle his body's reactions were short lived. But he had to be in control and continue to be in caretaker mode. He walked to the bed to set her down while he looked for her night gown.

"Amy, where do you keep your … Amy?" Sheldon turned around to see her back side pointed toward him as she crawled into bed. Amy covered her body with the blanket and smiled while Sheldon let out a sigh of relief. He still couldn't get the image of her exposed breast or the memory of its texture out of his mind.

"Amy do you need anything else?" Sheldon tucked her into bed and sat next to her as he pulled off her glasses and brushed back her hair.

"No. I just want to know if I could give you a kiss to thank you for saving me?" Amy blinked a few times and curled up her lips.

"You always do Amy. I doubt I ever could stop you." Sheldon leaned down and offered her his cheek, but she reached up, turned his head, and smashed her lips on his. He was taken aback by her brazen kiss but her hand kept him steady. Amy started off roughly, just pressing at first, but then she softened and moved her mouth over his as if she was trying to memorize the feeling. When she pulled away she saw that he had closed his eyes. She said to him softly, "Thank you Sheldon."

Sheldon popped his eyes open and asked startled, "Amy, what was that? Is that some new French thing? I thought… You usually…"

Amy shot Sheldon a devious look, "I'm sorry, I will take it back!" She pulled him back to her mouth. This time the shock opened his mouth slightly and Amy was ready. She ran her tongue along his lips and used her mouth to pry his open. Sheldon was stunned. Not only was he powerless to stop it, he seemed to lack the will to do so. He just let her move, taste him, touch him.

Amy pulled back, and smiled with hooded eyes, "I took it back. Oh, and that was French kissing…I think.." She didn't pull away too far.

Sheldon was still slack jawed. Finally he closed his mouth and said in a whisper, "I didn't mean for you to take it back Amy. I was just surprised."

"Oh in that case..." Amy crashed her lips against him again. But this time it was Sheldon who was ready. Reaching up he held the back of her head as he moved his mouth with hers. She darted her tongue against his; timidly at first to test the reaction. Sheldon's reaction was primal. He held her head tight and pulled her closer to him. His other hand hooked around her waist, feeling her soft skin under his touch. Sheldon was losing control.

He moved his hand around her back to feel every curve of her twist while she moved against him. Sheldon's probing kiss produced another stifled moan from Amy. Then Sheldon felt her movement slow down to crawl. He moved his lips around her open mouth, but there was no reaction. Sheldon pulled back to find that Amy had fallen asleep. The only thing now holding her head up was his hand. Once he moved it, she slumped back into the pillow.

He pulled the covers over her shoulders and once again, brushed the hair off her face and wondered if she would remember the kiss at all, or would it be like his drunken kiss, just a vague disjointed memory. He was surprised when he admitted to himself that he hoped she would remember. He stayed with her for over 30 minutes, watching her sleep, making sure she was safe from the drugs and injury. He spoke to her briefly as she slept. Finally, he pulled himself away from the bed, and turned out the light. He was thankful he only lived 20 feet away, but on nights like this, 20 feet was too far.

He went back to his apartment and prepared himself for bed. As he snuggled into his sheets and pillow, he heard horrific sounds coming through the walls from Leonard's bedroom: Yee hawing and more "oh gods" than a church in East Texas… Sheldon rolled his eyes and wished for noise damping headphones. If Leonard had finally managed the impossible, and started to date Penny, life in the apartment was likely to become very uncomfortable indeed.

At least, he figured, Penny didn't live next door. That would be a nightmare.


	4. 21 to 25

The next morning, Sheldon woke up and rushed through his morning routine in order to check on Amy's recovery. He kicked himself for not staying with her. He told himself he wasn't prone to worry, but also told himself he was the master of his endocrine system; both were a lie. As he rushed across the hall, he licked his lips and he could swear he still felt her kiss, or should he say kisses, still embedded on his lips.

He decided to draw on every ounce of courage he had, and ask her to consider the party as a real date, but those plans were derailed by her accident. He thought time would erode his resolve, but her kiss erased the word "coward" from his character sheet. Sheldon drew in a quick breath and gave his traditional knock.

Amy opened the door, brushing her hair back behind her ears and covering herself with her arms, "Hello Sheldon. Forgive me I am still in my nightgown." Amy was suddenly shy, even though she knew that the previous night Sheldon had seen every square inch of her. She could barely look him in the eye.

Sheldon gave a perpendicular glance and breathed a thank you. He didn't think he could take another minute seeing Amy half-dressed, flaunting all her desirable parts. Well…he thought, he could take it but the problem was _how_ he would take it. Last night, Sheldon had had numerous dreams about _taking_ her up against a door. Lately, he had such unspeakable dreams, that if he ever _could_ vocalize, he was sure he mother put him over her knee.

Sheldon gave her a sweet smile, and entered the apartment, "Oh, um… good. I am pleased you are dressed, given you went to sleep in just your undergarments. I was unsure if I should have taken off your… um… bra... but you were so exhausted, you fell asleep while we _were_ …." Sheldon opened his eyes wide hoping she would finish the sentence.

"We were what?" Amy was struggling with the tea box trying to open it with her arm in a sling but more from her bumbling. Her voice shook as she asked the question.

Sheldon took over the task and sucked in his lips waiting for her to finish his comment. Amy spoke much too fast, but Sheldon mistook her nervousness for pain, "Oh dear, did I cut you off mid-sentence? I know you hate that! Okay, tell me what we were talking about, so you can get it off your chest. What was it?"

Sheldon continued to bite his bottom lip as he debated whether or not to mention the kiss. He lost his courage at her perceived lack of memory, "Nothing Amy. Just customary greetings and the cultural based salutations from an anthropological perspective…" Sheldon tilted his head, "You don't recall anything that we spoke of last night?"

Amy slumped her shoulder and turned from him, and said quietly, "I remember, I was grabbing your knee pushing the accelerator. " Amy turned back to him, and wore a half smile with a bit of regret around her eyes.

"Sorry for that by the way. Not only should I not do that to a new driver, but I know you well enough to know I crossed a line..." Amy gave him that knowing smile that told him she knew him better than anyone. Little did Sheldon she was speaking about more than driving. She thought the actives of last night were best left unsaid. She was wrong, but too keen to make him happy to correct the error.

Sheldon wasn't listening to her apology, but was thinking of the words he offered her unconscious body last night as she slept. She did know him well enough; better than anyone, but there was one subject he just couldn't let her know.

_He knew she couldn't respond, but he spoke anyway, hoping her subconscious could help him in some mysterious way. While he watched her sleep for those 30 minutes, he brushed her hair off her face and thought aloud, "Amy, I wish you could help me. I've tried talking to Leonard, but he is as useless about relationships as he is about getting the dinner order correct._

_I really need smart Amy now, but she is always wrapped up in pink laced tempting Amy and silly Amy and infuriating Amy. I don't know what to do about how I am feeling, it is all so novel. I have nothing to compare it to I have never encountered anything like this. I'm afraid it will overwhelm me, Amy. I will be lost in it. How can I put order and rules on something I have no way to predict?"_

_Amy turned slightly and moaned. Sheldon said with a scowl, "You're right, we can't predict everything. I know that, don't be preachy. I just... I need to know what to do. I don't want to botch this Amy. A little help here would be nice I'd have you know!"_

_Amy gave a little smile in her sleep. "Fine! I'll just have to figure it out on my own." Sheldon softened his tone and ran a finger down the side of Amy's face outlining her jaw._

_Amy smiled and moaned again, "But, I just want to say, yes I love my family, my mother and especially Meemaw, but that feeling is not even close to how I feel about you and I don't know if I can handle it. You're like dark matter Amy. I can't see the feelings I have for you, I can't predict them, I can't make rules for them, heck I can't even detect them, but you are affecting my gravity. I'm spinning crashing, losing control, and I need a stable orbit, Amy and I fear I can't do it without you."_

Sheldon sipped his tea while his mind replayed his own words. It wasn't until conscious Amy spoke to him with an odd lilt to her voice that the spell was broken.

Amy was quick to change the subject, "Speaking of drivers! Want to be my driver for a week!? I only have to wear this for that long." Amy pulled at her sling and winced.

Sheldon brushed her off, "Oh Amy, that's what I have Leonard for! He would lack purpose in his life if he wasn't at my beck and call!"

"So, can I highjack your codependent relationship and get a ride to work?" Amy rose off the couch and placed her tea on the counter.

Sheldon scowled at her, "Yes, but with little less sass, if you don't mind. I did rescue you!"

Sheldon remained seated on the couch eyeing his cup of tea dejectedly. Amy came over to him and kissed the top of his head, "Yes you did. Thank you again. Now I will attempt to get dressed. Be right back."

Sheldon reached up and touched the top of his head, and slumped back into the couch. "Another cultural salutation to master… Oh boy…" his eyes wandered to the closed bedroom door and he wondered if she needed anymore help dressing…

The following Saturday, Leonard dropped Sheldon and Amy at the Zoo. Now that Amy's injury had healed up nicely, this would be the last day of his role as chauffeur to the both of them. Leonard deserved the roommate AND neighbor of the year award for putting up with both Sheldon and Amy's insanely difficult car games. It was as if they enjoyed making Leonard uncomfortable, or they were avoiding a subject neither of them were ready to talk about. Now Leonard had his own game to finish back at the apartment. He and Raj were cooking up a scheme.

"Okay. I just need to combine this and Oua la! Hydrogen sulphide and ammonia gas. "

"Dude, rotten eggs smell is the worst." Raj helped Leonard move the canister to the elevator shaft and suspend it on a pulley that would bring it to the 5th floor.

"No this is fine…" Leonard pulled the cord, and the noxious fumes rose to the upper floor. "Hey Raj thanks for helping me with this."

"Dude, I grew up in India, an entire subcontinent where cows walk in the street, and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement. This is nothing." Raj stepped back and said, "Besides, it would be great if they moved out! Maybe Howard can move in?"

"Well, I have different plans for a roommate. Speaking of which, "Leonard looked nervously around again, even though he knew Sheldon would be at the Zoo with Amy for another 2 hours, "PROMISE you will never tell Sheldon. "

"Dude, for sure, but I hope this doesn't blow up in your face like that rocket fuel thing. We don't have Sheldon here to help us and this elevator can only take so much!"

"Nothing's going to happen! I did the calculations myself! The canister will release the gas in slow increments. The residents of 5A will not know where the odor is coming from, and after some inspection, realize it's better to move. They are thinking about it anyway… I am just moving it up a bit. Nothing is going to happen!" Just as Leonard spoke, a small explosion occurred in the elevator shaft.

"Dude, that thing is never going to be fixed."

A few weeks later, the whole gang were seated around the coffee table eating their traditional Thai food and Penny and Bernadette seemed to be a bit too giddy. Finally Sheldon had had enough of their whispers and giggles and talk of their favorite songs.

"Ladies please, these four walls once housed a salon, where the mind as well as the stomach was fed. Through no one's fault… Penny… the level of conversation about Anxiety at dance halls and the like, is bringing down the intelligence of the whole room, which given the fact that Wolowitz is here, is really saying something."

"Sheldon! Don't be mean to my sweet little Howie Wowie!" Bernadette leaned over to rub noses with Howard."

"I really need a bucket." Amy rolled her eyes at the display, which made Sheldon give her a curled up smile.

"Don't worry Amy. We only have to put up this nauseating display once a week." Sheldon smiled in ignorance. He had yet to hear the news.

"Penny, are you sure this is the best idea. You know." Bernadette pointed her nose upstairs and then at Sheldon.

"Yes! It is." Leonard knew exactly what she was referring to, but wanted to ease the idea into Sheldon's mind slowly. Penny didn't help his cause and continued to blab.

"Bernadette, it will be great. We will only have to deal with Sheldon occasionally. Besides, Amy will keep him on a leash, won't ya Ames?"

Sheldon looked at Amy confused. She tried to hide from his view by hanging her head lower and having her hair block his view but Sheldon was having none of it. He brushed back her hair on her shoulder unaware of the intimacy of this action, and continued his interrogation, "What are they talking about? Why am I on a leash? Is this more about love potions and anxiety filled dance halls… Well let me tell you, that's nothing but twaddle."

Penny cracked. She could only take so much Sheldon, and her meter was full, "Sheldon! That's My Chemical Romance and Panic at the Disco and it has nothing to do with us moving in upstairs to 5A."

Sheldon fell on his knees from his seat on the couch, "Oh good Lord."

"Sheldon! It's not that bad…" Amy tried to comfort him, but he was beyond words.

"How is this possible!? What happened to the quiet almost nonexistent folks who lived there before?"

Leonard quickly looked at Raj, who was silent as always, and mouthed to him, "YOU KNOW NOTHING!" "Um… They had a better offer…" he said turning Sheldon

"Oh the horror!" Sheldon looked over to Penny, "Look at those freakishly large man feet! Oh the horror!"

"Hey pal! My feet are fine, as you will find out for yourself when I use them to kick your nuts in!"

"Oh my god!" Sheldon was wailing like a paid mourner at a funeral. Amy just rolled her eyes and gave him a few condescending taps on his shoulder to feign comfort.

"Penny! Why did you do that! I have to live with this!" Leonard pointed to the huddled mass of Sheldon melting into the wood floor.

Penny rolled her eyes, "We all do now, sweetie… we all do…"

Amy was elated. She had a beaming smile and said with glee as she bear hugged Bernadette and Penny, "We are going to be neighbors! We can do 1980's Hair band Sing A Long night! Paint each other's toes, leave notes for each other in our mailboxes! You'll see, it will be just like High School for you, only better with less homework!" Amy looked at Sheldon, "Well, a little homework."

Both Penny and Bernie cried out, "Oh the horror!"

After the girls moved in, Los Robles became a hot bed of romance for two of the couples. Leonard and Howard had numerous fights over who got to stay over at the ladies apartment and on what night. After a compromise was made, including ties on the door and text messages, the couples were calm.

Sheldon was anything but calm, but was thankful that most of Leonard's amorous activities occurred up stairs, though he swore he could hear every squeak of the bed. He was especially vexed however since the holidays were approaching and the gang was in full Christmas spirit mode, despite Sheldon's Saturnalia lecture.

Amy had always wanted to have a holiday party. Raj usually did the holiday parties, but this year, his dog Cinnamon had developed an allergy to dog hair, so he was having his apartment fumigated, and Amy jumped at the chance to host, and dove right into the holiday spirit.

Sheldon was a scrooge about the whole season, especially seeing how much everyone, including Amy clamored to the festivities. Amy wracked her brain to figure out what to get Sheldon for Christmas, despite his aversion to gifts. She went over to the Cheesecake factory to pick up Penny after her shift so that they could go to the mall and hopefully find something for him. Amy was having dinner while waiting for Penny's shift to end when she noticed an older gentleman across the room who looked familiar. Amy knew she had seen him, but she just couldn't place his face so she called Penny over to ask her about him.

"Penny, does that man look familiar to you?"

Penny squinted, "Oh my god, that's Leonard Nimoy! Sheldon would freak if he was here! All the guys would!"

"Yea, so would Nimoy, he has a restraining order against Sheldon." Amy saw that Nimoy was alone but was too shy to approach him for an autograph. However thankfully she knew that Penny would have no hesitation.

"Penny, see if he sign would something you can give it to Sheldon. It would make a great present."

"Just what I was thinking Ames!"

"He'll love you forever and it will make you're living upstairs more palatable to him!"

"Good Idea! I'll be right back." Penny left and walked over to man who gave her a sweet smile. Amy could see the two talking for a while, and Penny looking for some paper. She looked over to Amy and waved her over. Amy rose up and timidly walked over to man who seemed more than generous in allowing the attention.

"Mr. Nimoy. This is Amy Farrah Fowler. She the girlfriend of the guy I told you about."

"I'm not his girlfriend Penny. That hasn't changed. He doesn't want to change…" Amy rolled her eyes and smiled, "Sorry, she's a hopeless romantic."

Leonard Nimoy beamed at her, "So am I!" Amy held out her hand to shake his, he smiled and said, "I do wish you were his girlfriend. Then he might be less obsessed with me!" Nimoy let out a hearty laugh.

"Oh, I doubt that! He really admires not only your character with the ears but you as well. He loves In Search Of, and …" Amy couldn't remember anything else he had done, "You know… oh boy, would he just about faint to know you shook my hand."

"Well, do you want to take a picture or something to say hi to him? That is not against the restraining order." Nimoy straightened up and put on a wide smile.

"Oh my, that would be lovely." She was just about to take the video, when she stopped and said, "You are very kind to do this, sir. I know you meet a lot of crazy people, but you have to know how much they love you."

"I do. I am nothing without my fans. So let's give your future boyfriend something to remember."

Amy rolled her eyes, "Again, not my boyfriend…"

"Just roll the tape, lady."

Amy turned her phone camera on herself, and started, "Hello Sheldon. I wanted to say Merry Christmas and I have someone here who would like to say a little something to you."

Amy turned the camera to Leonard Nimoy, "Hello Sheldon. It's me. Yes… Calm down. You have a wonderful woman here. She is… "Nimoy looked Amy up and down. "Fascinating. I just wanted to say, change is the essential process of all existence. I hope you remember that as you…" Nimoy held up his hand in the Vulcan greeting, "Live Long and Prosper."

Penny bit her lip and said, "That was beautiful."

Amy put down her phone, "Okay… Great. So, this time let's try more real boy, less Pinocchio. And action."

Penny pulled Amy away, "Okay, thank you Mr. Nimoy! SO much! Free nachos!"

Nimoy clapped his hands together and smiled, "Alright!"

Penny pulled Amy to the side of the restaurant and squealed, "Oh man, Sheldon is going to freak!" Penny handed Amy the napkin. "You give it to him, with the video."

"Penny! I can't do that!"

"It was your idea to get him to sign something!"

"You would have done the same thing if I wasn't here! Then it would be all you!"

Penny shook her head and pushed the napkin back, "But he will love it and I want all that love to be directed at you. I **will** get you two together! Mark my words!"

"Oh, Penny… If he didn't even want to mention the kiss I gave him, why do you think he would fall in love with over a bit of cloth? "

"I still think you should have told him you remembered kissing him, Amy. Just because you fell asleep, doesn't mean anything! You told me how he kissed you back! He liked it!"

"Yes, but not enough to deal with it." Amy looked at the napkin and said, "From us, okay?"

"Okay! But the video is all you, understand?"

"Well okay... but ugh… it was terrible. I just wished he tried to say it the way people sound."

Penny couldn't believe Amy, "Amy! You know he did that for free?"

"And we got our money's worth!"

"Oh god…"

Later that day, Sheldon, Raj and Howard were playing Wii Bowling sans Leonard who was out carousing around with David Underhill, a visiting physicist who, according to Raj, was dreamy. As Leonard was not available it would be hard to have the necessary four person full team.

Sheldon had a brilliant idea, "Let's ask Amy! She is a wiz at bowling. She has an extremely low center of gravity. You should see her do Wii skiing." Sheldon had a dreamy haze in his eyes form which Howard pulled him out.

"Sheldon, you just want to see Amy bent over getting strikes!" Howard and Raj snickered, but Sheldon didn't get it.

"YES! I'll go ask her!" Sheldon went across the hall and knocked on the door. Amy was on a ladder putting the finishing touches on her tree and yelled for him to come in. Sheldon was just about to ask her to join them for Wii bowling when he noticed that she had two presents on the table, both of which were addressed to Sheldon.

He was mortified, "Amy, oh good lord, you didn't get me a present did you?"

Amy rolled her eyes and chastised him, "Don't give me that you've given me an obligation noise again Sheldon. You pulled that crap on me last year when I got you the flag from Saudi. Now hush. It's the social convention to get a gift for your best friend. So I won't hear another word about it."

Sheldon stepped back, "I'm your best friend? I thought Penny was?"

"You are my best male friend! I knew you first. Besides, you've love your present! It's mind-blowingly cool!"

"SPOILER ALERT, Please! Now my mind is pre-blown." Sheldon was now more worried than ever about what to get Amy.

Amy growled at him, and snapped, "I can tell you something else to blow." Sheldon still didn't get it.

Amy did not have the time to educate him, "Go away. I'm in the throes of the Christmas spirit and I don't want any of your hum bug attitude harshing my buzz!" Amy went back to hanging some more ornaments.

"But I wanted you to come play Wii Bowling with us. Is your shirt clean?" Sheldon had had a shirt custom made for Amy even though she had only previously spent 20 minutes playing bowling with him.

"Yes, it is, Sheldon." She leered at him. "And I will remind you, that shirt…. A gift! SO neener neener! Hand me that snow man ornament with the little Bunsen burner attached!"

Sheldon did what he was told, "So that's a yes on bowling?"

Amy slumped and looked around the room, "I don't know Sheldon… I still need to hang these ornaments, and the mistletoe, and the star!"

"Fine, if I help you, will you come play?" He looked up to her on the ladder. His rounded dark brows outlined his pleading blue eyes like perfect frames. She could never resist it when he looked at her like a boy asking to keep a lost puppy.

"UGH! Darn your eyes! Yes!" Sheldon licked away his smirk, and helped Amy the best he could. Amy handed him the last few ornaments for the tree. His height was an advantage for sure, especially hanging the garland.

Amy pulled out an old cardboard box, with worn corners. The box was so old, the sides were held together with yellowed tape that had long since lost its stick. Amy carefully lifted the lid, as if she were opening the arc. She reached inside, and pulled an object wrapped in tissue paper which she carefully pulled away as if the tissue itself was part of the relic. It was an old gaudy star topper with multi-colored lights. The fake tinsel and gold leaf was peeling off the object, but Amy held it like it was made of gold.

"My dad used to let me put on the star every year. He said it was the crown of the tree and only his little princess should put it on." Amy ran her fingers of the tissue paper lightly before she carried the star to Sheldon who was standing by the tree.

She looked up at him with shiny eyes, "Can you put it on for me?"

"Amy, I thought only a princess could put it on the tree?" Sheldon pushed her hands back to her but held on to them for a moment, "But let me help you do it." Sheldon held onto the ladder as she climbed up, she leaned over to place the star and Sheldon held her hips to steady her. Once it was placed, she looked down at Sheldon and gave him one of his favorite Amy faces. She was pleased, he had done something right.

Amy stayed on the ladder and looked around to spot where to hang the mistletoe. Over the entrance to her bedroom she thought. She climbed down and brought it over with a nail and string. Following her 'more to the left, more to the right' directions, Sheldon helped her hang it. Finally, he was done and put his arms down as Amy approached him, reached up and kissed his cheek.

Sheldon gave her a disapproving stare with far too little power behind it, "Did you kiss me because of the mistletoe?"

"No, to say thank you. I know you wouldn't want to be kissed because of some plant."

Sheldon shrugged his shoulders, "But it is tradition. Kind of like a game, how to avoid getting kissed. I was a master at it when I was little." Amy smiled imagining little germaphobe Sheldon avoiding all the mistletoe in his family's church during Christmas.

Sheldon gulped down and bit his bottom lip, then said, "... We… We wouldn't really be playing the game right if we didn't see that through."

"You're right, Sheldon." Amy smiled and arched her head back for Sheldon to kiss her and tilted her face so her cheek faced him. Sheldon took her chin in his finger tips and tilted her head back to face him. Amy breathed through her nose, and almost felt faint. He placed his hands on her hips, and pulled her close. Amy could feel his breath on her lips as he hesitated for a moment. Sheldon drew in a breath, and just as he was about to kiss her, they heard a pounding on the door.

"HEY! Are we going to play Wii Bowling or what?" Howard bellowed through the door.

Sheldon released Amy and jumped back against the door frame. Amy drew in a few short breaths and tried to stop her racing heart, "I'll go get that shirt…" Amy closed her door and as it shut, the mistletoe that Sheldon hung fell on his head and landed in his hands.

Sheldon sighed, "I guess I won again…"

Later that week after some Christmas shopping, Amy and Penny returned to the apartment. Penny rushed upstairs to change for her date with Leonard unaware that he had hurt his leg in a motorcycle accident that day with David Underhill. After checking the mail, Amy walked toward the stairwell, as Leonard came hobbling into the lobby on one leg with a tall man dressed in a leather jacket. He looked similar to Zack in build, and hair color though certainly better looking.

"Oh my god Leonard, what happened?"

Leonard tried to feign swagger, but he failed, "Motorcycle accident… It fell on me…"

"Well Hello, and who might you be?" The handsome Dr. Underhill gave Amy a toothy smile that made her knees weak.

"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Nice to meet you Amy. I'm David." David offered Amy his hand to shake which Amy studied before she took it. She was nervous for a moment, but relaxed and smiled at him.

"Can you give us a hand here?"

"Sure." Amy hooked her arm around Leonard, and helped him up the stairs.

"So, what are you a doctor of exactly, Amy?"

"Neurobiology. I work at Cal-Tech with Leonard. "

"Oh, I've never seen you there." Underhill eyed Amy up and down and smiled a little too wide for Amy's taste.

"Then you didn't look hard enough. I am there every day."

Having a woman brush him off so easily seemed to excite David. He grew a sly grin and said like a wolf to a lamb, "I will have look harder next time. Definitely."

Underhill went on to explain his work at Cal-Tech. Amy was impressed with his research methods though it was still only physics. By the time Amy got Leonard to the door Sheldon had already opened it having heard Amy's voice and that of a strange man.

Amy was busy chatting to David and didn't notice that Sheldon was watching her. He spoke to Leonard, who had been left to his own devices since reaching the 4th floor.

"What do **_they_** have to talk about?" Sheldon crossed his arms and tried to listen. Before long, David asked Amy, "So do you want to go on a motorcycle ride? I bet you could handle it better than Leonard."

"Oh, well… two problems. I'm wearing a skirt." Amy looked down at her attire which was unsuitable for riding with your legs spread open. The thought of which made Amy blush.

Sheldon interrupted, "And her hips only open up 22 degrees. She could never get on the thing without popping off." Sheldon walked toward Amy and glared at her.

"Yes… that's the other...reason" Amy glared back and then turned back to David, "But thank you."

"Well, won't ask how he know how far your hips open up. I can guess." David winked at Sheldon and smiled at Amy with less of a wolfish grin.

Leonard coughed and shot Sheldon a look expecting him to deny the implication, but he didn't correct Underhill.

Amy caught the reference, "Oh, well. NO not that! He helped me with a shower injury. I was.. he just helped.. I mean I was.." Amy slumped down, "It's all very complicated."

"Yes, Amy. Did you tell me that tidbit about you, hmmm… was that before or after I put on your clothes?"

Amy narrowed her eyes at Sheldon to form lasers, "AFTER! At the hospital and you know that because you have an eidetic memory!" Her snapping tone reminded him of a turtle.

"Oh, that's right. It was…" Sheldon placed his hands behind his back and offered his fake smile he had to practice when Raj got his People Magazine award. Leonard stifled a chuckle.

David was uninterested in anything Sheldon had to say. He turned back to Amy, "Well, I really like your idea about neuronal connectivity. Can I swing by your lab tomorrow? Perhaps we can discuss it and maybe grab some lunch?" Just as David asked Amy on a date, Penny came down the stairs. Amy saw the wide eyed look on her face as she hid on the stairwell. She remembered that she had promised Penny if she was ever asked out on a date, she would say yes. Amy sucked in her lips then answered, "Um… sure… I will get my calculations ready."

David smiled and licked his lips, "Good, I look forward to going over your figures."

Sheldon snorted, but David ignored him and headed down the stairs waving behind him. "Leonard, hope your leg feels better!'

"Thanks…" Leonard looked at Sheldon whose neck vein was pulsing. "… for asking…"

Amy turned away from Sheldon without a word, and headed toward her door, followed by Penny, who quickly closed the door behind them.

Penny didn't wait a second before she started yelling, "What the hell Amy? You agreed to a date… in front of Sheldon?"

"I thought you wanted me to! You said to say yes to the next guy who asks me to go out! So I did!"

Penny rolled her eyes, "It was supposed to be SHELDON!" Amy snorted and turned away to make tea. Penny barked at her, "Who the hell is that guy?"

"A physicist who is working with Leonard." Amy slumped on the couch, "He wants me to help him with some figures. I should have known… With this brain, and beckoning pelvis it was bound to happen!"

Penny dropped down on the couch beside her, "Well he's a beast! Oh sister… you are good. Having Sheldon see you with another man, you'll be together before New Year's Eve." Penny shook her finger at Amy and snickered.

"HA! If that was the case, Sheldon would be over here right now asking me out… and as you can plainly see…"

Knock knock knock.. Amy?

Knock knock knock.. Amy?

Knock knock knock.. Amy?

Penny rose off the couch with a smug swagger, "You were saying, Miss beckoning pelvis?" Penny opened the door, and let Sheldon in. "I'll see you later, you little minx." Penny ran across the hall to Leonard.

"Hello Sheldon." Amy was smiling but Sheldon was not. He burst into the apartment and started to pace back and forth rallying his thoughts.

"Sheldon, did you need something?"

"Yes! What did he mean your figures?" Sheldon skin was burning. His hands were red with rage and he was almost panting. Amy took no notice as she went to the kitchen to put on a kettle.

"Well, I've been thinking of a cellular automata approach to neuronal connectivity and it might have some applications to String theory. No big deal."

"NO BIG DEAL! That's my field Amy! Why would you help any guy on the street corner with your math instead of me?"

"Well, I tried to, but you blew me off! You said the only math biologists know is if you have three frogs and one hops away, what do you have?"

"Well, that was a joke!" Sheldon laughed, "It was a good joke too." He looked to Amy who wasn't laughing and he went back to being upset, "I can't believe you would share this with that… that.. Other man! String theory isn't even his field!"

"You seem to exhibiting jealousy, Sheldon." Amy couldn't help but curve up the side of her mouth.

"HA! Impossible. He is beneath me in every way!" Sheldon glared at her, and thought, _she better not say the same thing, the beneath part…_

"Is it the work, you are jealous I am sharing, or something else?"

Sheldon eyes popped out, "WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO BE JEALOUS ABOUT, AMY?" Sheldon stepped back surprised, but his own voice. It had a vague familiar hitch and diction; a lot like a whisky soaked Texas that would take Sheldon driving to see a certain blond bar maid. He calmed down quickly, and changed the timber in his voice, "Its.. Just the work, Amy. You shouldn't share your ideas with just anyone!"

"We are all colleagues, Sheldon. I was helping out another scientist. You could have heard my idea and seen my calculations if you had only asked, and I knew that if I had made the suggestion it would have been dismissed because you are too intent on keeping everything inside and secretive. It is only because I have offered it to another scientist that you are now interested."

Sheldon eyes darted around in a frenzy. He didn't want to ask for Amy's idea, he shouldn't want it and he definitely shouldn't need it. Why should he have to spill his guts to any hotsy totsy with a clever derivative? "Well, I don't need it! I can do it on my own!"

"Fine!" Amy turned around to finish the tea expecting Sheldon to leave in a huff. He did not. He came up behind her and grabbed the tea mugs from over her head. Amy turned around just as he pulled them down.

Sheldon stood inches away from Amy. He was looking down, but he was so close to her he could only focus on her hair. Amy was looking down as well, trying desperately not to look up into his eyes. Finally the pull was too great, and she looked up into his pools of blue. She whispered to him,

"I take it you want tea?"

"Yes please." Sheldon backed away. "I have something to ask you, and I wanted you to be in a good mood for it..." Sheldon moved to the bar stool. He added, "But you seem emotional, so I will wait."

"My emotions are not getting any better with comments like that. So what is it?"

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Well, I know you don't like costumes, but…"

Amy drew out her word, bracing for impact, "Yes….."

Sheldon cleared his throat, "First, let me explain the exciting and thrilling genre of comic books."

"Oh, brother… Lame-o…"

"Now, wait… you should know comic books employ storytelling through sequential art, a medium that dates back 17,000 years to the cave paintings of Lascaux, and B. They are not LAMO." Sheldon looked around the room, "Besides, you play the harp. Like that's cool."

Amy snapped again at him, "Not helping your case, Sheldon!"

Sheldon decided to change the pitch, "Okay… let me explain the exciting and thrilling world of the JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA!"

"Oh god, Sheldon! Just ask me!"

"Fine, we need another member of the Justice League for a New Year's Eve Costume contest. I ran into Zack and he agreed to be Superman, but we need a Wonder Woman."

"Zack? Big dumb Zack that dated Bernadette for like a day, before she dumped him when he asked her what type of microbe was in a microscope?"

"YES! Him. His a perfect Superman because he actually has muscles! But, back to Wonder Woman… Penny won't do it, because she says the black wig is stupid. Bernadette is too short and also blond…But you are…" Sheldon outlined her figure with his hands, but put them away quickly, "Well you are brunette!"

"Sheldon! You know I hate costumes."

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Rue to play this card…. But.. Amy, given that you have classified us as "best friends" I am evoking the "favor" Clause. Plus, you totally owe me for saving your life!" He gave her those blue eyes topped by half-moon brows in a pleading stare. He leaned his head forward to emphasize them. She vanished in them, willingly. Sheldon had his own Amy kryptonite.

Amy lost three inches in height slumping down. _Damn his baby blues_! "Fine! I didn't have plans for New Years anyway!"

Sheldon was thrilled beyond words. He had to count to three not to grab Amy and hugs the daylights out of her. Still there was one issue gnawing at him.

While they drank their tea, Sheldon gingerly ran his fingers around the rim of the mug and asked Amy, "So… um.. out of curiousity, what is your idea anyway?"

"You want me to show you my idea after all?"

"Yes…" Sheldon cleared his throat, "You know… so you won't embarrass yourself on your… Date."

Amy frowned at him, "My math is solid, Mr."

Sheldon curled up lip, leaned back on the couch and crossed his arms, "That's Dr., and prove it, Ms. Smarty Pants.

"That's Dr. Smarty pants to you! And I will!" Amy raced off to get her white board and markers. At first, Sheldon expected some half thought out nonsense that would garner a tap on the head. What he found as Amy started to explain her thoughts was nothing less than genius, and he should know.

He rose off the couch and studied the board, with his hand on his chin. He grabbed the pen out of her hand, "What about this?"

Amy took it back, and added another thing, "Or, this but you would miss the neutrino decay at this point. It like neural decay. That's why I thought it was similar. Do you see what I'm driving at here?" Amy pointed to one part of the board, but Sheldon had already pulled the marker out of her hand and worked out about 15 more problems before he turned around and smiled at Amy.

"I think you got something here, Amy."

Amy had to get back at Sheldon for being so callous with her, "I'm sure Dr. Underhill will be pleased."

"Um… Yes… He would be…" Sheldon snapped the cap back on the marker and headed out the door. "Good night, Amy."

"Good night Sheldon!" Amy called out to him as he stormed across the hall.

The next afternoon, around 2:00 PM, Sheldon made an unexpected visit to Amy's lab.

"Hello Dr. Fowler."

"Sheldon! What an unexpected delight! What are you doing here?" Amy seemed to unsurprised in the least to see Sheldon. She actually expected him much earlier.

Sheldon walked into the room, with his hands behind his back. "I was just curious how your.. um.. date went with the charming Dr. Underhill." Sheldon tried to look around her lab like he had never seen it before, but the thought of touching anything made him reach for his emergency Purell.

"Well, if you must know, I cancelled it."

Sheldon released his hands, and almost jumped to Amy with glee, "Really, why?"

"I am not in the habit of dating married men."

"Oh, he was married? Really? The cad." Sheldon was smiling too much not to know anything.

"Yes, it was amazing. His wife called looking for him just before we were going to have lunch. It seems someone from the University called her saying he was in come kind of accident at the monkey lab? Strange, don't you think, Sheldon?"

"Very! I would think the University switchboard would more careful giving out false information!"

"Oh don't worry, I will speak to them later, after work."

"Um… well.. I don't think you will have time, Amy! I mean, I was going to ask you to accompany to the comic book store tonight. We need to find your costume."

Amy smirked at him, "Well, okay." Amy went back to her work. As she would looking in the microscope, she said to Sheldon, "I really should thank whoever called his wife, or I would have never known." She looked up with her googles hiding her smiling eyes, "I also decided not to share my idea with him."

"Oh, good. He's not good enough for you, Amy. I mean… your idea… You should share it someone who can really appreciate it."

"As soon as I find a person who will appreciate my ideas. I will. Wholeheartedly. See you later Dr. Cooper."

"Good after noon Dr. Fowler." Sheldon almost skipped out of the lab.

A week later, it was almost time for the Christmas party. Amy had agreed to move the party, tree included to 4A since it was much larger for the dinner. Sheldon, begrudgingly agreed, when Amy evoked the "favor clause" of their friendship. Amy had all her shopping done, her Figgie pudding was perfect and she was just finishing up the roast beef. If she could only talk Penny and Leonard into the fun party games she found on the internet, they would be having a terrific time.

Penny and Leonard were frantic to escape, but they felt they were tied up with garland and trapped by a stupid tradition.

On the other side of town, Sheldon was in a similar state. He had recruited Bernadette and Howard to go Christmas shopping for Amy. He had to get her something that was so spectacular, she could never top the gift again. Howard had suggested the bath soap shop, but it was too pedestrian. He needed something that would take her breath away.

"Well, the best gifts are the ones that come from what you know about a person."

Sheldon stopped, "Hmm.. What do I know about Amy…?" Sheldon's face lit up like a Christmas tree, "Well, she loves to play the harp. Her fingers dance over the strings." Sheldon smiled, "Oh and she loves medieval poetry and literature… She's read Chaucer to me before. That night, she talked me into a French movie, too... Can you believe that vixen? But you know it wasn't so bad. Lots of reading, but Amy helped me keep up with the French…"

Sheldon gave a sigh then straightened out like cat who had eyed his prey. "I know exactly what I am going to get her." Sheldon have a devious grin, "Oh that woman will never get me a present again!"

As Sheldon rushed away, Bernadette whispered to Howard, "He really does love her, huh?"

"Yep, but he is making a bee line to the Lego Store… Red Alert. Wait.. Where is he going?"

"Holy sweet mother of god! He going in!" Bernadette and Howard both looked at each other in horror and rushed toward Sheldon, who had just entered a store they never thought he would.

The Christmas party was a great success, even the pudding. All during dinner, Sheldon was itching to give Amy his gift. He had purchased 5 gifts, each one of varying degrees of expense. He held one back, knowing it was his ace in the hole. Amy would never get him a gift again once she laid her eyes on Sheldon's surprise. His plan was foolproof.

Penny was just as excited as Sheldon to exchange gifts. She couldn't wait to see his reaction when Amy gave Sheldon hers.

Amy grabbed the first package. "Sheldon, you need to know, this is mostly from Penny."

Penny interrupted and slapped Amy on the arm, "No… no… mostly from you… Open it!"

Sheldon hadn't planned on getting Penny anything, and it totally upset his master plan. "Fine! But a little heads up that Penny was on this debacle would have been nice."

"Sheldon, if you like it, just let me and Bernadette live here without any complaints, Okay?"

"Fine! But I doubt…." Sheldon opened the package and grew a confused expression, "Oh, a napkin."

Penny smirked at Amy, "Turn it over."

Sheldon and stumbled backwards as he read the words, "To Sheldon, live long and prosper. Leonard Nimoy."

The guys all gasped while Sheldon tried to recover. Penny was elated, "Yeah, he came into the restaurant and Amy and I saw him. Sorry the napkin's dirty. He wiped his mouth with it."

Sheldon almost cried out, "I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy!"

Amy smiled as she saw how overwhelmed Sheldon had become. She almost didn't want to give him the gift she had.

Sheldon screamed out, "Do you realize what this means? All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!"

Penny held up her hand, "Okay, you have to get that from Amy, Sheldon. Okay?" Amy snapped her head back to Penny and narrowed her eyes. "Shh!" Amy scowled her, but Penny didn't care. She was having way too much fun with her favorite couple.

Sheldon looked over to Amy, who handed him the other gift. He was almost too overwhelmed to open it, "Sheldon, this goes with it."

Penny shouted out, "And that one is all Amy! So enjoy."

Amy pulled out a frame that showed a video. Sheldon looked perplexed when Amy's face appeared, but then she turned the camera. There on the screen was Sheldon's ultimate hero, smiling back at him. Sheldon gasped, and he heard his deep voice bellow over the small speakers, " _Hello Sheldon. It's me. Yes_ …"

Sheldon looked at Amy and started to hyperventilate, " _Calm down. You have a wonderful woman here. She is… Fascinating. I just wanted to say, change is the essential process of all existence. I hope you remember that as you, Live Long and Prosper._ "

Sheldon looked at Amy with wide eyes, "I didn't tell him to say that. He just winged it. I hope it's okay, I couldn't get him to say much else." Amy glared at Penny, but she was smiling too much to care.

Sheldon's lip was quivering. He said nothing, but pulled Amy into his arms and held her so close she found it hard to breathe. Sheldon pulled up one hand and cupped her face, while the other kept her close to him. He didn't care who saw him, and he didn't care what the protocol for gift giving was at the moment. His emotions were busting through his every pore.

He kissed her cheek and breathed onto her skin, "Thank you." Then he kissed her again, and said it again, this time moving his mouth to close to her ear. He had to say it one more time, as he kissed her so close to her ear, she could hear his lips snap as he pulled away and looked back at the screen.

Sheldon composed himself and looked at Penny with shiny eyes. Not wanting to have Sheldon overwhelm her with kissing, Penny backed toward Leonard, "We're good pal! Merry Christmas."

Amy sat stunned still trying to recover from Sheldon's abrupt touch, but the frenzy around her was just beginning. Sheldon ran to his room and brought out all the bags from the store. He handed them to Amy, covering her with silver bags.

"Sheldon... what the devil?"

Sheldon slapped his hands to his face, "I know it's not enough! Here start with this one."

Sheldon threw a bag at Penny as well, "Here you need this too! OH man… Not enough! Not enough!"

Penny reached in her bag and pulled out a pair of diamond earrings. Her jaw dropped to the floor, "SHELDON! Oh My GOD!"

"I know! It's not enough! I should have gone to that bath store!"

Howard held up his glass, "I told ya! Chicks love it!"

Amy reached into the bag and felt metal with coarse stones. She almost melted into the hair piece as she screamed out, "Oh my It's a tiara! A Tiara a tiara!" She rushed to Penny for her to help her put it on, "Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!"

As soon as the tiara was on her head, Amy beamed. She rushed over to Sheldon and wrapped her arms around him. She reached up and peppered his cheek with rapid fire kisses before bear hugging him again. It was now Sheldon's turn to stop breathing. He put his chin on the top of her head and spoke to Penny, "I thought it was too much, but it's not."

Amy was elated beyond what the crowd watching her knew. Her father had died when she was 7 and it was the last time she was ever called a princess. If Sheldon only knew what this simple piece of jewelry meant, one napkin with some actor's scribble was not enough in her eyes. Amy continued to hold Sheldon, hoping not to cry.

Leonard looked over to Penny and smiled, "Just so you know, all I got you was a new stereo with latest DTS for low end sound…" Leonard smirked, "No crowns, sorry!"

Sheldon pushed Amy away and scowled at Leonard, "Excuse me? You gave her what?"

Penny smiled as she put on her new earrings, "Sheldon! I only want you to be nice! That's my only Christmas wish!"

Sheldon looked down at his napkin, and timidly came over to give Penny an awkward hug, "Welcome to the building Penny."

**Chapter 22: Chapter 22**

**The Big Reversal Theory 22**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

"Sheldon, I rarely like to say this out loud, but you really are a genius." Leonard checked himself in the mirror as Sheldon adjusted his costume. Leonard was completely impressed he had talked Amy into being Wonder Woman for the New Year's Party at the comic book store. Amy had long said it was a place that perpetuated ones' Peter Pan complex and aptly described it as a " store that sells picture books about flying men in colorful underwear."

Leonard had to admit, he was little envious of Sheldon having his "girlfriend" go with him to comic book event; in costume, no less. Sheldon was beaming; Leonard had never seen him so happy.

"There should be little doubt Leonard, now… You may borrow my limited edition Green Lantern lantern, but one scratch and I will repay it in kind on your bottled city of Kandor!"

Leonard put on his green mask, and pulled on his gloves, "There's no need for that kinda talk, Sheldon!" Leonard put his glasses over the mask and added, "Speaking of Superman, did you hear that Zack will be meeting us there? He had to drop off some new menus somewhere."

"Yes. Bernadette told me. Handy that she dated him, or we would never have a more manly and convincing son of Krypton."

Leonard whined and stomped his foot, "Hey, I was a great Superman." Sheldon looked at him like he told him 2 +2 was 5.

Leonard sniped back, "Well, at least I agreed to **let** him be Superman. Howard was ready to blow a gasket!"

Sheldon clicked his tongue, "He and Bernadette dated once, hardly a relationship of which to be envious….Petty jealousy, Leonard. Such a shame. I am glad I have never succumbed to the green eyed monster."

Leonard rolled his eyes, but the mask hid his derision, "Oh yeah… Sure…. You're above all that!"

Sheldon's posture rose while he answered, "Of course, Leonard. Just like my genius, there should be little doubt."

Leonard couldn't help it, he actually snorted, "Then, pray tell me, why is it you INSISTED on being Batman this year when every year you call dibs on the Flash? Could it be that in the new animated series, Batman and Wonder Woman are an item?"

Sheldon ignored him and pulled on his black boots, "Please, Leonard, as much as I am slave to canon, there is no correlation at all with my and Amy's costume. I just… Liked my new cookie jar this year so much.."

"Oh Good…because in the comics, Superman and Wonder Woman are an item. And I've seen Zack eying up Amy. But, you are have never been bitten by the green eyed monster, have you, Sheldon?"

Sheldon straightened up and thought for a moment. _Maybe he should have insisted on Superman?_ Sheldon irked out finally, "Yes, Leonard good thing I've never been bitten, I have tender skin."

Leonard took pity on his friend who suddenly looked ill, "Don't worry about it buddy. I don't blame you for being worried. I would hate to see Zack around Penny."

"Although they share the same range of IQ points, there isn't a universe I can fathom that Penny would be with Zack."

Leonard knew Sheldon was attempting to be nice, in his own way, "Thanks buddy. Oh Raj called, they are going to be late because Raj can't get on the bus with his Aqua-Man outfit."

"Speaking of multiverses," Sheldon shook his head, "In what Universe is the Flash late?"

"One where Aqua-Man is the only ride, and the Flash's girlfriend agreed to take him."

"No matter. I am in such a good mood, nothing will disturb it, not even tardy super heroes." Sheldon paid no attention to Leonard's snide looks, as he put on his Batman outfit hood, complete with pointed eared mask. "We should be guaranteed to win! I can smell victory, Leonard! That trophy will be ours!"

"I think what you smell is your Green Lantern lantern. Didn't you turn it off?"

"Drats.." Sheldon looked inside, and saw he had burnt out the bulb.

Across the hall, Amy was getting her makeup done by Penny who was thrilled it was Amy all dolled up like the Fourth of July and not her. Amy was wringing her hands fretfully as she looked down at her exposed chest. She had never been on display in public like this, not counting Irene's horrendous bride's maid dress. To top it off, she was going to a contest where she would be judged on her appearance. She had never worn so much makeup since the wedding.

Amy laughed nervously, "For being an Icon of female power, Wonder Woman sure put on the whoreish war paint, huh?"

"HA! Look at this outfit, Amy. Is Wonder Woman an icon of female power? More like super hero eye candy!" Penny laughed till she saw Amy looked down at her exposed chest and pulled nervously at the bodice. She looked up to Penny with half-done eyes filled with worry.

"Oh, but not you Ames. You changed it remember? The skirt!"

Ames smiled and leaned forward for Penny to finish, "Yes! It's the 1950's Wonder Woman was more conservatively dressed due to more stringent purity laws. God bless the McCarthy era." She was still wearing the original bottoms under the skirt; an extra layer wouldn't hurt. Amy let out a sigh, "God I hope Sheldon likes it."

"He'll love it! If he doesn't, he has no pulse! Your eyes look amazing. You should do this more often."

"If I could see through these, I'd think about it." Amy blinked; her contacts were killing her, but they did help keep true to the character.

Penny finished her up, "And… done!" Penny backed up, "Wow Amy, you look pretty good! I have to say, that outfit is pretty hot!"

Amy flipped on her cape to cover her back and butt, "Well, let's give it all away, shall we." Amy looked at herself in the mirror and shook her head while whispering to herself, " _The things I do for that man!_ "

About 15 minutes later, Amy timidly knocked on the door of 4A with a giddy swing to her cape. She did feel pretty, even with showing so much skin. The boots were fun and the skirt was long enough to cover her thighs. Amy was thrilled.

Sheldon opened the door with a large smile which quickly dropped as he looked down Amy's outfit.

"Amy! What did you do?"

Amy's happy toothy grin dropped like it was sucked into gravity well. She looked down at herself, and furled her brow, "What? What's wrong? Don't I look okay?"

Leonard could hear the screeching of train brakes of Sheldon causing another train wreck with Amy. He jumped to the door to see Amy. He couldn't believe his eyes, she looked fantastic, he thought. Her hair was darker, because she had used a so much gel to hold the curl, it was almost glossy black. Her eyes were stunning and perfectly in character. She was wearing a red cape that matched her knee high boots. Her bodice covered her chest well, and she had the chest to fill it out. Actually, Leonard had to look away from her chest, so he looked down to see the problem: Amy's skirt was wrong. Sheldon, of course would notice.

"Amy, you look great! Doesn't she look great, Sheldon." Leonard was impressed. Amy had the outfit, hair style, everything down to meticulous detail. Sheldon saw none of it but just that she was anachronistic mess.

"Yes, if we're going to party in 1950! Amy! The Justice League wasn't even formed till 1960! While I appreciate your attention to detail, this is not a Justice League Wonder Woman costume!"

"But, I don't want to wear that other one! This one covers me more." Amy pulled up her bodice at the same time she pulled down her skirt. She wondered how could he not understand that this was hard for her to do at all?

"Yes. It covers you in a layer of WRONG!" Sheldon looked at her like she was wearing a garbage bag.

Amy put her hands on her hips and puffed out. She wasn't about to put up with Sheldon's selfishness after all she did, "You know what, Sheldon? I should have known you couldn't be bothered to give one indication how I looked. This is not a Justice League Wonder Woman? Fine!" Amy pulled the handmade gold tiara out of her hair, and handed it to him, "Then I will stay home."

Amy stormed off back to her apartment. Sheldon looked down at her tiara. She even remade it so it would match the decade. Her attention to detail was uncanny, and incorrect.

Leonard snarled at his boneheaded friend, "Nice job, Sheldon." Leonard slumped on the beige chair, "So much for winning this year. I bet another group will kidnap Zack as their Superman."

Sheldon's jaw was clenched so tight he almost couldn't open to speak. _How dare she cancel at the last minute_ , he groused, He stormed over to Amy's apartment, and tried to knock thrice but Amy opened on the first knock.

Amy screamed at him before he could a word out, "I'm not going. Get over it."

She slammed the door.

Sheldon didn't know what to do. He knocked again, once, but Amy opened it before he could finish.

"GO AWAY! Get mouth to mouth Mona to wear your costume!"

"Wait, Amy I need you!"

Amy opened the door slightly, "You do?" She had hopeful half smile.

Sheldon ruined it, "Yes, the costume has to be worn by a human. We already tried Mona two years ago!"

Amy slammed the door again.

"Amy, wait!"

Sheldon knocked again, this time twice. He was so flustered, and upset over the costume and now not knowing how many knocks he should do. Amy opened the door before he could finish the rest of the missed knocks.

"Five! You are missing five knocks! I know that is what you are thinking, too! That is it. Not, how did I hurt Amy's feelings, or how much time did Amy put into this stupid juvenile costume! Just that you are missing your 5 knocks. Well.. KNOCK! Then Do it!" Amy slammed the door again.

Sheldon took a deep swallow and waited. The lack of action or knowing what do to do ate at him, like acid on his skin. He had to scratch that uncomfortable feeling and finish it. He knocked on her door calling her name 15 times before she answered.

Amy threw the door open. This time, she was wearing the original costume that Sheldon bought for her after Christmas. Amy had told him not to worry about the outfit, she would take care of it, but he insisted. It wasn't as nice, showed far too much of her thighs and hips, it was skin tight and Amy felt as uncomfortable as a hooker in church. Amy's face had lost its glow as she covered herself in the cape. Sheldon noticed how well the bottoms fit around her hips, but he told himself he just wanted her to accurate: that was all.

Sheldon beamed at her, "You changed!"

"I had to! Because you never will!" Her words ripped through him like his heart was as the paper thin as the fabric of the cape that hid her body.

Sheldon said nothing to her. He just looked down to her costume and tried to give a smile, but Amy was having none of it.

She grabbed her purse, pushed Sheldon out of the way, and barked, "Let's go! I don't want to let Leonard down. He's been a good friend."

Amy stormed off down the stairs. Leonard had heard everything from the opened door or 4A. He grabbed the keys and shook his head disapprovingly at Sheldon and took off after Amy. He was still holding her 1950's tiara in his hands.

The comic book store was crowded with 95% men. There were a few women there, but Amy suspected they were the mothers of some of the younger men. At least she hoped it was the younger men. Amy found a seat in the corner and covered herself with the cape. She grabbed the first comic within arm's reach and started to read, but her contacts made it impossible. At least the blurry character on the cover of the book was handsome, she thought, and the Thor guy he was fighting wasn't bad either.

A friendly man with wild hair coming out of large brimmed hat sauntered up to Amy and smiled, "Can I help you find something?"

"Yeah, a comic that doesn't depict a woman's bosom like it can be used as a flotation device."

The friendly man dressed in a long beige trench coat and overly long multicolored scarf laughed, and tilted his head as he said, "Well… some of the guys here like big boobs…" The man looked around, "Hell, some of them have big boobs."

"Well, we all want what we can't have, it seems." Amy stood up and held out her hand for the man to shake. As she did, her cape fell away from her body and revealed her rounded hips, tucked in waist and a bosom that could compete with any comic book character, only real, and very much on display. The man swallowed and offered her a shaking hand. "I'm Amy Farrah Fowler, by the way."

"Um.. yes.. I'm … uh.. Stuart… right… Stuart. I own the comic book store." Stuart tried to focus on Amy's stunning eyes instead of her ample bosom or even more appealing hips.

She made the phantom motion of pushing up her glasses to refocus, but then she remembered, she wasn't wearing them. She knew that Sheldon wouldn't have approved of a glasses on an Amazonian princess. He made such a big deal about how she would be a princess, and wear a tiara she almost felt he used her past attachments against her. She knew he would never be so manipulative, but said it innocently. He was not in-tuned with her feelings enough to know how that flattery would hit her. She joked that she wanted to wear the diamond tiara Sheldon gave her, but he scowled at the suggestion. She should have known then.

She had spent all week making the costume better, improving on it. She didn't want to be a half-naked spectacle, she was nervous to show so much skin in front of so many men. She thought her costume was a great compromise and she had hoped Sheldon would applaud her efforts. She held onto dubious hope that she might even get a New Year's Eve kiss; her first ever. Seeing Sheldon across the comic book store glaring at her like she was super villain, she wondered why she tried at all.

Amy turned her attention back to Stuart, "Oh, the owner. Do you host this party every year?"

"Yep! Every year hordes of comic book loving nerds make the pilgrimage to my store vying to be crowned the best in Geekdom. It's magical!" Stuart dropped his smile, and looked around his store, "And expensive. These guys never buy anything and eat like truck drivers. They spent all their allowance before the end of the month."

Amy laughed and relaxed a little, "Well, that would be annoying. Maybe charge a cover to compete?"

Stuart looked at her with coy grin, "Boy that's a good idea. I need to keep on the payroll. I have to tell you though, I can't pay much. I can give you dibs on all the first issues."

"I should probably ask then, who's the best superhero?" Amy asked innocently.

Stuart grabbed her by her arm and pulled her to the side, "Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?" Stuart noticed how her skin felt like silk. He regrettably released her arm and smiled innocently. Neither Amy nor Stuart saw Sheldon almost stumble when he saw them touch.

Amy looked around to see if any fights had started. So far, she was safe, but a few of the men surrounding them were giving her strange looks. Amy bit her lip and tasted the red lipstick that Penny had applied. She was having such a comfortable conversation with Stuart, she forgot she was dolled up like the women on the covers of the picture books surrounding her. She decided to enjoy it. Let them look, she thought. _That's right boys, soak it in!_ She flipped her cape over her shoulder and arched her back to extenuate her chest. The same men jaws dropped. Amy almost pushed their jaws up and said, "Let me get that for ya.."

The men surrounding her weren't the only ones gawking. Sheldon hadn't taken his eyes off her all night.

Leonard noticed Stuart chatting up Amy, "Looks like Amy finally left the corner, huh?"

"Yes, and now the wolves are circling. Amy will keep them in line." Sheldon continued to look through the stack of comic he had already thumbed through 5 times while watching her. By now, he didn't even bother to look down to give the illusion he cared about them at all.

Sheldon hated this gnawing feeling and he had felt too often with Amy. He never knew what he did wrong, or how to fix it. Looking around the store, he wished more than ever to have the super power of reading minds. If he had it now, he could read Amy's and determine if her wide smile and hardy laugh at Stuart's jokes were for pity or admiration.

Finally, Stuart left Amy's side and headed to the refreshment table. He nodded with a sly smile to have Leonard who met him at the table. Leonard knew the look on Stuart's face: Smitten.

Stuart almost stumbled as he kept his eyes on Amy while he walked toward Leonard, "Holy hotness! Leonard! Is she your friend? How did you get a girl here? You guys didn't drug her, right?"

"NO! She's is..well… She is kinda with Sheldon."

Stuart slumped, but then perked up and asked, "Kinda? Like they are dating? I didn't think Sheldon knew how to do that. "

"Well, he doesn't, hence the kinda…Frankly, I don't know what they are…"

"Well, ask him if it's okay if I ask her out." Stuart looked over at Amy swaying her hips to the beat of the music, "She's amazing."

"Sheldon thinks so too…" Leonard cleared his throat, "Um, you do realize she doesn't look that normally, right? She was here like a week ago. You were out. Dale was here."

"Oh, yeah, I was trying to beg my Aunt for a loan. No money, but a free piece of cake!" Stuart looked back to Amy and gave her a shy wave, which she returned and turned away from a man in grey sweat pants eyeing her like a steak.

"Anyway, I know she doesn't look like THAT all the time! If she did that would be weird. Been there.. ComicCon chicks are crazy. Some wear the costumes to bed." Stuart looked back and smiled sweetly at Amy, "Although that wouldn't be so bad..." Stuart cleared his throat, "She said she was a biologist, so I'm thinking lab coats. I don't know. It doesn't really matter… But…How does she look?"

"Cardigans, sensible shoes, tights, you know, like my Great Aunt Gladys."

Stuart leered at Amy, "God, that's so hot! She dresses like that, and she is sporting that figure. Oh man. I got goose bumps! Hey, ask Sheldon if it's okay if I ask her out, okay?" Stuart almost bounced away as he headed back to Amy with two glasses of red punch.

The party wore on and Leonard worried they were missing two of their cohorts. Finally, after Bernadette dropped the guys off by slowing down to 20 mph and opening the door: Howard dressed as Flash, and Raj as Agua Man had arrived. They were chatting up Zack who had his nose in the latest Archie comic, mouthing the words as he read. The contest was scheduled for right before midnight. Leonard hoped that Sheldon wouldn't do something to ruin it, but with Stuart's undivided attention to Amy and Sheldon's constant growling, it looked unlikely to end well.

Leonard approached Sheldon like a wounded animal, "Hey buddy. How you doing?"

Sheldon snarled, "It's time my enemies shared my dread. "

"You're brooding and quoting Batman, not a good sign, Sheldon!"

"I'm Batman… I'm brooding to be in character!" Sheldon swallowed and asked seething through his grinding teeth, "What did Stuart want, besides ruin the honor of Tom Baker with that abomination of Doctor Who costume. I mean. That hat is WAY to large!"

Leonard let out a regret filled sigh, "Honestly, he wants to ask out Amy and he wants your blessing."

Sheldon cranked his neck up and straightened out his back, "I…I'm not sure how to respond, Leonard. I don't own Amy, you can't own a person." His feeble attempt to feign interest in Amy's dating was giving away by his spastic twitching.

Leonard cocked his head in confusion. He almost wanted to put Sheldon in Wonder Woman's golden lasso of Truth in order to get him to be honest, "Sheldon! Are you telling me, you're okay with Amy going out with Stuart?"

"The question is moot, there is no way Amy Farrah Fowler would be at all interested in Stuart, an impoverished peddler of picture books." Just as Sheldon finished the sentence, Amy let out a chuckle, and pushed her hair behind her ear. She wore her pleased face, that Sheldon had only seen given to him. "No matter how interesting being a comic book store owner is. I mean, what could they be talking about for so long?"

A skeevy little man who had been listening let out a stifled laugh, "Kissing!"

Both Sheldon and Leonard turned around to see a short young man, with a pimple face and far too much glee for any topic. He looked like it took an effort not to bounce up and down. He was failing at the moment.

Sheldon snapped at the little man, "What? Who are you?"

"Dale! Stuart left me in charge of the food tonight." Dale let out a nasally giggle.

Leonard asked, "Really?"

Dale looked off in the distance. "Yeah, I don't get it, either."

Leonard looked around, "I don't see any food..."

"Yeah... getting food is hard..." Dale looked like he processed the information and then continued, "Anyway… They are talking about the tradition of kissing at New Year's Eve."

Sheldon looked at Leonard for confirmation, "Is that true? Do people kiss on New Year's Eve?"

Leonard tapped his arm, "Sheldon, relax. You don't have to kiss anyone. That's only for those with hormones."

Sheldon looked back to Leonard, surprised by his response. If he only knew that Sheldon's hormones were raging and had been activity suppressing them since September 26 th of 2007: The moment that woman currently wearing flag themed underwear moved in across the hall. The only hormone rushing through him at the moment was adrenaline. Without another word, he walked over to Stuart who had just spilled Amy's drink and was on his way to retrieve another.

A short Flash came up to Leonard and tipped his head toward Stuart and Amy, "Trouble in Shamy-ville?"

"Have you ever seen a skinny Batman take down a short Tom Baker Doctor Who?"

"No, but think I am about to, and I didn't bring a camera. Should we do something?"

"Yeah.." Leonard looked at Howard's Flash outfit, "Get a cranial extractor for Sheldon's butt. He's an idiot."

Howard watched as Amy giggled at whatever Stuart said, "Holy smooth moves, Stuart." Howard shook his head, "What a player! How could he get Amy Farrah Fowler to give him a second look? I tried to get with her for months! Better keep Penny away from him, Leonard."

Leonard let out a laugh and looked at Howard like he grew a third head, "In what universe would Penny EVER date Stuart?"

Howard laughed, and looked through the stack of comic in front of him, "You're right! There isn't one!"

Across the room, Sheldon's husky Batman voice seemed in character, but it was really Sheldon's vocal cords rumbling with anger. He groaned in a low baritone, "Hello Stuart."

"Hey Sheldon. Hey… um… Amy's great. Is it okay if I ask her…"

Sheldon interrupted his anticipated question with a wave of his hand, "Stuart we have bigger problems now than your impeding failed love life. I have just been having a heated debate with Leonard. He asserts that in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, that original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl. I tend not to agree with Leonard, however on this point, he does make a good case."

"A good case? Sheldon, I'm sorry, but you and Leonard couldn't be more wrong."

"More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation." Sheldon looked at the paper cup in Stuart's hand and curled up his mouth slightly. _That's right Stuart, put down the cup…_ Stuart put down the paper cup that once held Amy's drink. _Point Cooper._

Stuart shook his head, "Of course you can be more wrong! It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge. But returning to the original issue, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, a superhero in his own right. Batman 2 is probably gonna be Jason Todd."

Just then another man came who had heard the debate, "Hold up, Skinny Batman here makes a good point!" He slapped Sheldon on the back, to which Sheldon just returned a strained smile.

Another younger man in a Wonder Woman outfit joined the triad, "No way, Batman 2 has to be Jason Todd, the second Robin." The man crossed his arms over his exposed chest when everyone was staring at his impressive cleavage.

Sheldon snorted and said, "Has to be? Has to be? I hope you're being deliberately provocative."

"Telling you hard facts that you aren't ready to hear, is not provocative. It's just the dose of reality you need to hear: You're obviously stuck in a pre-Zero Hour DC universe."

Yet another man came up, "Now, hold on… Let's look at this logically… Removing Joe Chill as the killer of Batman's parents effectively deprived him of his reason for becoming Batman in the first place!" The large man in grey sweat pants spoke so loudly, that 5 other guys came up to join Stuart hoist his own petard.

While Amy waited for Stuart to return, she glanced around the room for promised drink, but he was lost in the large unruly crowd gathering near her. Amy snuck away from the corner, and made her way around the side of the group to the back of the store. By the time she turned around, Sheldon was standing right next to her, leaning down to whisper a husky hello in her ear.

"Hello Princess Diana."

Amy held her hand on her chest, "Oh god, Sheldon, you scared the pants off me."

Sheldon looked down at her tight blue and starred bottoms and smiled, "I guess it worked." His attempt at joke was lost on his audience.

"Well it would have been a skirt if you weren't such a baby!" Amy turned around and crossed her arms, "Shouldn't you be over there fighting about Batman, or birds or something."

"Oh, that debate will go on for hours. It's like asking who the best Super hero is."

Amy turned around and poked Sheldon in his styrofoamed bulging chest, "You did that on purpose, didn't you!?" Even though he was padded, he still winced in pain.

Sheldon was shocked she caught him so easily in his clever ruse but he was wary to admit to it, "AMY! We are in a comic book store. People are going to talk about comics, kinda goes with the territory!" Sheldon held his arms open, "What can ya do?"

"I can do a lot of things." Amy flipped her cape over her shoulder, "I can walk away, but not before I show you my super strength." Amy punched Sheldon in the shoulder and walked away.

Sheldon held his shoulder and cried out, "OW!" Then he remembered his character and growled, "I mean… OW!

Amy stormed off, but she didn't know where to go in such a small place. The front door was almost blocked with the unruly crowd, so she headed toward the curtained back room being followed by a caped crusader.

"Amy! Wait!" Sheldon grabbed at her, but could only reach her lasso which pulled from her costume. Amy paid no attention to the golden rope, and rushed to the back door of the store, but it was locked. She turned around to see Sheldon playing with the rope, getting it looped up and fiddling with the tie. His body was leaned against the doorway to the shop, blocking Amy's escape.

Sheldon's costume was very tight around his hips and upper thighs as well as his back. Seeing him lean against the door with a boyish charm mixed with a rough swagger almost caused Amy to buckle to his every whim. Amy could have sworn Sheldon's biceps seemed larger since his bout with his "flu" and his shoulders barely needed the padding. She had to admit, he looked very handsome in his grey and black outfit, with his steel blue eyes gazing out of his mask like blue beacons. Although she wondered how a character with the name of Batman got away with such small ears.

His overwhelming aroma of baby powder followed him like an intoxicating cloud, but at the moment it was like fumes sucking the air from her lungs.

"Amy, you seem to be getting along well with Stuart, huh?" Sheldon's usual well-spoken witty retorts were replaced by a cracked voice adolescent nervousness. He continued to fiddle with the lasso but shot her a blue flamed searing look through his mask.

Amy just wanted to get back to the party or leave, preferably the latter. The only reason she came to the party was to make Sheldon happy and try and milk some response out of him. She had been confused by him for months. One moment, he acted like the most attentive man she had ever known. Just one look from his blue eyes shackled her heart to him. However, the next moment, he would back away from her, almost like she was a pariah. More than once he seemed he wanted to say something to her, but quickly gave her some random fact. The night he recited pi to a thousand places was as dull as it was uneventful.

Amy had enough of his juvenile actions and selfish fits. Her mind was brewing through all the little things she had ever done for him without a second thought. She had done everything right for this ungrateful man: She took care of him, chauffeured him around, treated him as if she was best girlfriend he would ever have. Amy realized the problem in an instant. He already had her, heart and soul. They only thing missing was the title. He was fine with status quo. Amy was not.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. He is nice, attentive and seems intelligent. He is also funny." Amy threw down the gambit. She knew Sheldon didn't like to share her attention.

"Well, are you interested in him? He wants to go out with you, you know?" Sheldon said so meekly, that Amy could barely hear him.

"GO OUT WITH ME? LIKE ON A DATE?! What a crazy idea, huh Sheldon!" Amy cleared her throat, and opened her eyes wide hoping he would get the sarcasm. Her lessons in sarcasm hadn't stuck: he completely missed it.

"Yeah, I know! Why would he waste time with you?" Sheldon smiled, but seeing Amy's face ripped it off his face.

Amy grew 10 inches and seethed at him, "WASTE TIME? Being with me is a waste of time?"

"NO! I mean you'd waste your time!" He gulped and thought he might not have said the right thing. "I mean… you are too good for him, Amy. It's a compliment! Learn to accept them!"

"Sheldon Cooper, you wouldn't know a compliment if it slapped you across your the face. And let me tell ya buddy, it just might!" Amy glared at Sheldon and he swallowed whatever moisture was left in his mouth.

Amy kept at him, not stopping for him to gain back any composure, "I would really like to know why you care what I do. How is it any of your **concern**? Based on the current parameters of our relationship, I can waste time with anyone I choose. "

Sheldon walked toward her at the other end of the room. With each step he drew in a breath, hoping to keep his courage through oxygen. "Well, it could be my concern… If we change the parameters.. I mean…"

Amy backed up, confused by his sudden movement and change in demeanor. He had traversed the room to stand next to her as quiet as a cat.

Sheldon stood up straight, but was almost shaking as he continued, "I think you should be my girlfriend before you go off and ruin your life with Stuart. So, can we agree to that before you go back out there?" Sheldon snapped his fingers and made a circle with hand to hurry things along, "Let's get this over with quickly, the contest is starting any minute." He looked away from her so she couldn't see him wincing in fear.

Amy was trembling, with fists held tight, and eyes downtrodden. "That's it? Are you asking me to your girlfriend? LIKE THAT?"

Sheldon coughed, and cleared his throat, "Um.. yes.. I am. I think you should be thrilled."

"Really? I should be so lucky to be Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend?"

"Well… Yeah!" Sheldon gulped and tried to smile, "You forget what I bring to the party, Amy?"

"Selfish callous behavior that any normal person with a modicum of self-respect would never sign up for?"

"NO!" SHeldon crossed his arms over his chest, "But you will be able to say you're Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend, which rings hallow if you can't lord it over them!"

"Unbelievable!" Amy held her fingers to her mouth to rally her thoughts, "Was it a good idea to be your girlfriend yesterday? When we went to the zoo? Or the week before, at Christmas? When did this good idea pop in your brain, Sheldon?" Amy snapped her fingers with such a harsh sound, it cut throw the air like a whip, " I KNOW! When you saw me with Stuart? That's when!"

"Well, I just don't think you should be with him. He is not good enough for you."

"And you are?"

Sheldon held out his hands like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Well…. Yeah!"

"Then maybe it's you who want's to say your Amy Farrah Fowler's boyfriend, huh?"

Sheldon knew he should say something here, but he just swallowed and blinked at her, "Umm."

"Why do I try?" Amy rolled her eyes, again, "Tell me something, Sheldon… Do you want to be with me? Or am I just something you want use your label maker on? Claim me as yours, but never treat me differently?"

"Why would I treat you differently? You'd be the same! I don't want to change anything, Amy."

"Of course you don't… This is like that string theory work I did with Underhill. You are only interested in me when someone else is. Do you even **want** a girlfriend, Sheldon?"

Sheldon looked away. He didn't want to answer that. What he wanted was all the breath he lost every time she entered the room, or touched him. He wanted back the hours that he thought of her. He wanted control back.

He didn't use to want a girlfriend, he didn't want to have his emotions enslaved by anyone. He also didn't want to hold his breath every time she kissed his cheek, feeling his chest almost explode. He didn't want to miss her every night he slept alone, hoping for her attention, and craving her approval. He didn't want to see her with other men. He didn't want any of it. More than anything, he didn't want her to leave. He didn't want to imagine a life without her by his side. What he didn't want was a much easier topic.

Amy heard volumes in his silence, "Sheldon… You can't just ask me to be your girlfriend because you won't share me. I am worth more than that, Sheldon. I deserve better than that!" Amy's voice cracked, "I don't even know if you have feelings for me or if you are attracted to me. I won't go into a relationship wondering that for years. I might have before, when I lacked confidence, or craved friendship and companionship so much it physically hurt to go home to an empty house. But now? NO!" Amy turned from him, not able to look at him for a moment more.

Sheldon didn't know what to say. He stood for a minute watching her back bob up and down as she tried to regain her breath. He had to say something, but the right words were as allusive as dark energy and just as mysterious, "I just… I told you. I don't want…I just need to know…" Sheldon couldn't formulate a coherent thought. He looked down at his hands for answer.

Sheldon came up to her and put the lasso around her body. Amy just rolled her eyes, "What are you doing?"

"This is Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso of Truth. You have to answer honestly."

"Sheldon, please, this is ludicrous." Amy tried to walk away, but Sheldon tugged at the rope. Amy stopped, but didn't turn around. "That thing doesn't work on Wonder Woman because she controls it."

Sheldon smiled at her obvious research in the subject matter, but he still knew more than she, "Yes it does! Since you are a DC Pre-crisis Wonder Woman, the lasso power is innate to the object, not merely a vessel to channel Wonder Woman's power."

Amy didn't care enough to hear half of what Sheldon was babbling about, "Huh?" Amy turned around with furled brow and confused expression.

Sheldon snapped, "It'll work!"

Sheldon drew in a short breath and asked, "Did you remember the kiss you gave me the night you sprained your wrist."

Amy pulled in her lips, holding back the answer, but she finally let out a small reply. "Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Because I thought you hated it, and if you wanted to do something about it, you would have. But you didn't. I knew then, like after the wedding, that you didn't really want me. I pushed away what I was feeling to make you feel better, like I always do, Sheldon." She tried to pull away from him, but he brought her back wanting to see her eyes. She didn't look up.

Sheldon's chest felt like it was going implode from the sinking feeling in his heart. "Do you even have feelings for me, Amy?" He held his breath.

Amy's face was crimson with anger, but he couldn't see her eyes; she kept them down, "Do I have feelings for you? That's what you want to know? How completely blind could you possibly be? "

Amy finally locked eyes with him and then Sheldon saw it. Her eyes were blue, not green. She had put so much effort to keep in character for him. She wore blue contacts for the costume and Sheldon had only noticed at the moment it was convenient for him. Either the irritation of wearing contacts were making her eyes water, or some other cause, but she had a single tear streaming down her face.

"For all the good they do me, yes, Sheldon. I do." Amy wiped away the tear and glared at him.

Amy struggled away from him and her voice shattered, "Why did it have to be you!? Of all the people, you! You're infuriating! You are the most selfish person I've ever met in my life! I had to go and fall for a guy who thinks the idea of love is indicative of weakness. I have feelings for a **man** … and I use the term loosely… who couldn't even admit if he liked me or not." She almost spit her response, "Why don't you use that damn rope on yourself."

Amy stormed off toward the door, but Sheldon still had the lasso in his hands. As he felt the rope slip through his hands, he had to make a decision. Let her go, or pull her back.

_Just before the end of rope slipped through his fingers, he grabbed the end, stopping her. He pulled the rope, hitching it around his elbow pulling her back to him. Amy fought the pull of the rope, and stumbled back to him, but he was too determined not to lose either the silly game they were playing or her._

_He pulled her into him by her waist but she moved her head away from him. Sheldon put his hand on her cheek, and ran his thumb over her skin before he pulled her chin closer to him. Sheldon dropped the rope, and put his other hand around her cheek. He closed his eyes to kiss her, but the sound of Leonard' voice stirred him._

As he opened his eyes, he looked down at his hands. They still held the rope, and that alone. No Amy, just the golden thread tied to nothing, empty and cold. Amy was untethered and he never pulled her back. She was gone.

Leonard voice called to him again, "Sheldon, the contest is starting… Are you coming?"

Holding onto the lasso for dear life, Sheldon rushed past Leonard to find Amy.

The competing groups had gathered together for the costume judges. Sheldon stood next to Leonard and Amy stood in front of Raj and Howard. Raj was sullen, still upset over being Aqua-Man, Leonard was concerned for Sheldon, as was Howard. The only grinning one of the bunch of Zack, who was completely clueless of the intrigue behind the scenes.

As the winner was announced, the team held their breath. Even with all the drama, both Sheldon and Amy had a fierce competitive streak. The crowd hushed as the name was announced:

"The winner of the group costume contest is….The Justice League!"

All three groups who were the Justice League looked at each other, but Stuart clarified: "Justice League group one!"

As soon as their victory was assured, Sheldon glanced over to Amy, who had a slight smirk on her face. As soon as she saw Sheldon watching her, she dropped her smile and drew in a breath as she looked toward the door.

Stuart joined the group and handed Sheldon the trophy, but his eyes were on Amy, who offered him a half smile and closed her eyes. Her contacts were killing her, and she just wanted the night to be over sooner than later.

Stuart bent down and kissed her cheek and whispered something to her. Amy's eyes were still closed and she mouthed something that caused Stuart to pull back and look at Sheldon who held onto his plastic trophy with a Titan's grip.

To see another man kiss Amy's cheek, tore something deep in Sheldon's soul. He had seen Stuart touch her arm and Sheldon had seen a man kiss her, but it was nothing compared to witnessing someone else doing something that was so uniquely theirs, a part of him shattered.

Amy was so taken back, she glanced at Sheldon whose eyes were boring into her and she had to look away. Unfortunately, Zack was thrilled with winning and felt like celebrating. He grabbed Amy by the waist, lifted her off the ground and tossed her around him in a twirl. Amy let out a squeal and demanded he put her down.

"We WON!" Zack put Amy back on solid ground and gave her an innocent smile. "AWESOME!"

Amy thought all the attention was less than awesome. Sheldon could see her trembling as she pushed Zack off of her. Amy rushed out the comic book store door just as the clock was a minute from striking midnight.

Zack was confused as always, "I guess Wonder Woman doesn't dig Superman?"

"No she doesn't." Sheldon snapped at Zack who shrugged his shoulders and started doing a makeshift victory dance with a giddy caramel skinned Aqua-Man.

Sheldon handed the plastic trophy to Leonard, "Here, don't lose it." He pushed through the disappointed crowd of other Justice League competitors, and headed toward the door. Stuart was directly behind him but Sheldon swiftly turned around and practically growled at him.

"Stuart, you wanted to know if I would mind if you asked Amy out. The answer is now and will always be yes." Sheldon stepped a little closer to him and with a husky growl that would make Bruce Wayne alter ego proud, he sneered, "I would mind VERY much. Are we clear?"

Suddenly Sheldon Cooper seemed 20 feet tall. Stuart took a step back and almost swallowed his Adam's apple, "Crystal clear, Sheldon. You don't have to tell me. She whispered your name when I kissed her cheek. Sorry, I didn't know."

Sheldon said nothing more, but pushed back through the crowd toward the exit. When he rushed out of the store, he felt a drop of rain on his cheek. The streets were wet from a recent rain. Under an awning down the block stood a shivering Wonder Woman, huddled against the wall with her thin cape covering her.

Sheldon rushed over to her, and wrapped his arms around her, but not before he slipped the lasso around his own chest.

Amy rolled her eyes, and gave him an exhausted look. "Oh Sheldon, give it a rest." She thought she couldn't take him seriously while he was wearing the ridiculous Batman mask.

"Here." Sheldon offered her the end of the lasso, "Ask me anything."

Amy let out chuckle, "Did you really like my Figgy pudding, or were you just being nice when you said you liked it?"

Sheldon smiled through his mask, "I tolerated it. It was better when I knew it didn't have raisins."

Amy smiled through the tension. She didn't know if she was shaking from the cold or the feeling of him so close to her.

Sheldon lowered his voice, "Now, ask what you really want to know, Amy." He moved even closer to her and pulled her into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her along with his thin cape, trying to give her as much warmth as he could.

Amy was surrounded by him, both physically and mentally, she couldn't escape. "Do you … have any feelings for me, Sheldon?"

Sheldon smiled, and pulled off his mask. The street lights lit up his shining blue eyes with a cerulean hue. The mask had made his hair wild and it matched the look he gave her.

"Amy, I have feelings for you I can't explain. I briefly thought I had a brain parasite, but Dr. Hofstadter said that seemed far-fetched." He licked his lips and said softly, "The only conclusion… was love."

Amy fell back against the cold brick and placed her hand on her chest to hold in her beating heart.

Sheldon followed her body against the wall, pushing against her as his hands reached up to hold her face. Sheldon tried to kiss her but Amy leaned away slightly, but Sheldon was undeterred. His lips lightly graced her, but he drew back slightly, catching his breath. Amy's lips had been magnetized, locked onto his. She chased his lips and gave him a slight kiss, then pulled back to look at him with her faux blue eyes. He pulled her into him, finally succumbing to every fear, and doubt. Each time his lips touched hers, he forgot his reasons for never doing this before. He closed his eyes, lost in the feeling of holding her, sharing her sweet breath with every kiss.

The couple could hear cheers, car horns going off and fireworks, but none stirred them apart. Only Amy's shivering body finally broke the spell. Amy was freezing but too surprised with Sheldon's actions to stop.

Sheldon pulled back far enough to ask her, "Does that count as New Year's kiss?"

"Yes, Sheldon." Amy caught her hitched breath through shivering, "It does."

"Good..." Sheldon reluctantly pulled back and kept his arm around her waist as they walked back to the comic book store. "Um... later Captain sweat pants might play his tuba for us..." Sheldon could only focus on her mouth and holding onto the memory of her lips for a moment longer.

"Well, have fun then..." Amy let out a sigh, and looked away.

Sheldon pulled her face back to him with a light feather touch on her chin, "Um... Do you want to go with me?"

"Really?" Amy was flabbergasted, but the idea of listening to Tuba music in the wee hours of the morning made her skin crawl, "I really don't... I'm sorry."

"That's okay. He is terrible anyway." Sheldon smiled and pulled her closer.

Before they re-entered the store, Amy stopped him, "I really am ready to go home, Sheldon. I can barely see through these contacts now."

"Okay… I'll get Leonard." Sheldon almost entered the shop, but then turned to her, "Amy? Are you my girlfriend now?"

Amy smiled sweetly as she wrapped her arms around herself, "We'll see, Sheldon."

**Chapter 23: Chapter 23**

**The Big Reversal Theory 23**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Amy's emotions the last few weeks felt like they had been put through a taffy machine. At first, she was elated after the comic book store kiss and Sheldon's confession. Her heart stretched beyond what she thought possible.

After a few weeks, however, Sheldon had pulled away from her, like the strands of sugar in the pull, her heart was at its tensile strength limit. As she sat in her lab, alone, she dreaded to head home; not because she didn't want to see him, but that she wouldn't. Amy always tried to keep her emotions close to her chest, the confusing actions of her kinda sorta, not quite boyfriend, made her heart ache. She only hoped he would come back again, to status quo.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*

In the early morning hours of New Year's Day, Amy and Sheldon left alone together after Sheldon talked Leonard out of his car keys. He didn't bother to tell Leonard that he was the one who was going to drive, Leonard just assumed it was Amy.

When Sheldon returned to her, sans Leonard and keys alone, she offered him a proud beaming smile that told him he did something right. Sheldon insisted he drive, fearing Amy's reddened eyes would get them in an accident. The ride back took longer than it would with Leonard, but Amy was thrilled. Her own superhero rescuing her in his Batmobile.

As they walked up the floor flights, Amy was pensive, crafting the words she would say to Sheldon like a house of cards. He walked her to the door without a word, as he was thinking the same thoughts: How to end the evening? What should they do? He needed rules, a plan, and some kind of strategy. The ignorance on how to proceed grated on his mind.

He remembered the last time he was at her door, he wanted to tell her how stunning she looked, but his mouth and mind weren't in synch. Now, as he watched her brush her dark hair off her pale shoulders, he knew he needed to say something.

"Amy… I really did think you looked pretty tonight. I should have made that clear." He licked his lips and looked at her once more. She was the perfect Wonder Woman: Strong, intelligent, and with an aura of class like royalty. She was a princess in his eyes.

All the thoughts Amy had hewn left her mind and she let out a love soaked sigh, "Really?"

"Yes… So much so, I almost panicked."

"Well, you don't need to worry. There is no pressure here." Amy saw her words didn't soothe him, so she came up with a proposal. Something he could predict and plan to assuage his fear, or so she thought. She inched closer to him and tried to capture his gaze.

"Proposal. We go on three dates together and dip our toes in the wading pool of a relationship, so to speak." Amy bit the inside of her lip waiting for him to respond. She was afraid of spooking him.

"That's seems amenable. We ease into a new paradigm. Agreed." Sheldon beamed a smile at Amy, "When would our first date be?"

"Um…Today is Thursday, January 1, 2009. What do you propose? Do you need time?"

That was the last thing Sheldon wanted was time. He wanted this whole dating thing over and done with so he could get to some kind of equilibrium with their relationship. In his heart, he wanted to schedule the dates in rapid succession in the same evening. "NO!" He screeched back, "No… No…"

He drew in a breath and wringed his hands. "Um… How about Saturday? The 3rd?"

"Sounds perfect."

Amy looked down at her own clasped hands and licked her lips, unsure how to end the conversation. She wanted nothing more than to feel him against her. His fake muscles and polyester suit soaked in a talc aroma was like a Sheldon flavored pillow that she longed to collapse into and forget the world.

Sheldon felt the same way looking at Amy, her eyes were red from the contacts and tears she fought back that night. His heart dropped thinking how once again he had hurt her through his words, but she forgave him. She always did. He stepped closer to her and placed his hand on her cheek, rubbing her bone with his thumb as his fingers glazed over her ear and neck. He wanted to erase the tear trail he saw fall down her face earlier.

Amy looked up at him as he gazed at her false colored eyes and curled up mouth. In a low voice, he told her softly, "I miss your green eyes, Amy. Blue is so… common."

"Oh, Sheldon, I've seen the rarest of blue staring back at me. Common is never a word I would use for them."

Amy melted into his touch, closed her eyes, and drew in a few short breathes at his soft contact. She smiled as his hand moved across her skin.

He moved closer to her and lightly kissed her cheek. "Thank you for coming with us, Amy."

Amy's cognitive processes stopped with the feel of his warm breath so near to her ear. "Sure...sure, no problem. Any time."

The mood changed in an instant as Sheldon sprang back with a huge smile. "Really!? So you'll go with us to the comic convention in Bakersfield? I was thinking we should go as Star Trek characters from the Next Generation."

He was giddy with excitement to have a new member of his squad. She could see his mind wandering through all the costume ideas he would torture her with in attempt to convert her to his juvenile pastimes. Amy slumped her shoulders down. _Damn his talc laden aroma_! She thought, what did she get herself into now?

Sheldon stepped back and held onto Amy's hips as his eyes roamed over her body so exposed by her costume. He memorized her every curve as he let his thumb caress her hip bone as he sized up her body for a costume. He was breathless thinking of her in knee high black boots and short skirt.

"But now that you are coming… I am thinking Original Series….Oh you would look good in Starfleet Blue!" Sheldon's eyes grew dark in an instant.

Amy couldn't imagine what was running through his mind, but Sheldon's entire Star Trek fantasy flashed before him, including her riding on top of his naked body. Sheldon's eyes were clocked in a longing hungry gaze she had never seen on him before.

Amy jumped back against the door, "Oh God, Sheldon! Star Trek! I don't like that tall, Space Bear thing who growls to talk or that lady that looks like she is wearing cinnamon rolls on the sides of her head!"

Sheldon snapped out of his lust filled haze. He tried to stay calm, but failed miserably, "Amy, if we are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend soon, you have GOT to learn the difference between the two! THAT'S STAR WARS!"

Amy felt a rush of blood flood to her chest. For some reason, having Sheldon be commanding with her set her endocrine system on fire. She let out a husky sigh and arched her head back. "Oh my. Okay... I will... yes, sir…" Sheldon couldn't see her eyes darken as well, but her instant blush said enough.

Sheldon sucked in his bottom lip. He loved it when she called him _'sir'_. He lowered his tone, but softened the words, "Oh...just so you know. I will be a Starfleet Captain." He stepped closer to her and lowered his voice to almost rumble, "So you will have to get used to calling me sir."

Sheldon was transfixed as Amy stepped closer to him and ran her hand between his faux muscles to the six pack of foam around his ribs. He watched her hands, but her eyes were fixed on his face.

"Oh... I can get used to it…. Sir." Amy bit her lip slightly and drew in a short shot of air. "Good night, Captain."

Amy turned around, flipped her cape over her shoulder so Sheldon had one more shot of her back side before the closing door took it away.

Two weeks after their first date, everything changed one evening when apartment 4A was burglarized. Amy worried Sheldon shying away from her was through her actions and the break- in that occurred. Little did she know how much things would change between them and it would almost pull them apart forever:

Denying Sheldon and not becoming his girlfriend was difficult for her, but she thought it was what he needed to be comfortable. Additionally, Amy was not ready to jump into a relationship with Sheldon. Truthfully, she was dying to be his girlfriend, but she decided there was no way she would agree to be his girlfriend after the appalling way he asked her, not matter how good that New Year's Eve kiss was. Her knees were still weak from that evening. She felt electrified for the two days she had to wait for the first date. It was worth every second of nail biting anticipation. Sheldon was a perfect gentlemen, in fact she couldn't have dreamt of a better date.

Sheldon drove her to a restaurant they had been to before, but it felt as new as the rising tension between them. As the evening progressed, they grew more comfortable with each other, talking and laughing most of the night so easily, Amy almost forget it was a date, let alone their first.

When he dropped her off at her door, he gave her a sweet lingering kiss on her cheek and a hungry look that was almost a promise for more. The smile he gave her was almost like dawn on a mountain: warm, glowing and blew away the cold from years of loneliness. She almost said forget the three date rule, but she hesitated.

After the second date, she wished she had.

The next date was awkward, forced and one of the worse she ever had, including handsy Victor. The date coincided with time the men started to build their robot for some competition that Sheldon could not shut up about all night. Amy thought Sheldon was just distracted by the competition, but Sheldon seemed eager for the date in the days leading up to it. Everything changed the night the guys worked on the robot.

Sheldon delayed the date for two days before Amy insisted they go. Sheldon took Amy to the movies, which was a heated debate. Sheldon refused most of the movies because of the suggestion of sex, even a nature documentary on Penguins.

Finally they agreed to a G rated film. He had to find the acoustic sweet spot in the theater that took up any chance of talking before the movie. He seemed more worried that she would steal a sip of his slushee than seeing if she was happy.

Sheldon hated the film and made sure Amy knew it by sighing loudly every few minutes. After the film, Sheldon said he ate too many Red Vines and needed to rush to the emergency room. Amy convinced him instead to just go home and lie down.

Once they were back at Los Robles, he almost raced up the stairs. There was no good night thank you kisses, just the hollow sound of the door to 4A slamming before she even reached the 4th floor. That disaster of a date was three days before the break in and Sheldon had yet to speak to her about a third date since.

 **Sheldon Cooper's Journal** :

_Security system in place. However, sleep continues to elude me. I've seen the underbelly of Pasadena, this so-called City of Roses, and it haunts me. Ah, the injustice, I lie here awake, tormented, while out there evil lurks, probably playing Donkey Kong on my classic Nintendo._

_It's been a week since the break in and I have yet to find peace. I knew we should have gone straight home from the Southern California Robot Fighting League Round Robin Invitational, but Wolowitz insisted we drown our sorrows in frozen yogurt after Kripke's Krippler destroyed our beloved Monte the killer robot. Frozen yogurt…Ha! Any idiot knows that it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures, therefore it's really just iced milk with carrageenan added for thickness._

_The scoundrels pilfered my laptop and all elctronics. At least they didn't discover my flash drive with all my papers. My heart sank when I saw my Batman cookie jar had been moved, but thankfully the rapscallions didn't have a taste for genre. Good thing too, I still have over five thousand dollars implanted in Green Lantern's buttocks._

_The women in 5A seemed unfazed by the violation of our domicile and stated that they said they were armed with bats if the intruders returned. Amy seemed to exude the same indifference as she demonstrated what she would do to an intruder on poor unsuspecting Mouth to Mouth Mona, who I fear has given her last safety practice session._

_Of course, Amy's apartment was left untouched, including her precious monkey figurines. If they were pilfered, she might be more diligent about finding out the caller identification before answering her door._

_On a completely unrelated topic, the ill-fated night that my space was violated was the same week Wolowitz also informed me of a certain threshold for coitus. I usually ignore Wolowitz baser urges banter, but I was informed that after only three dates, the female expects coitus from the other pair bonded individual. My three so-called friends enjoyed taunting me on the subject for hours while we worked on Monte. It seems there is an understood time line that I was not informed of previously._

_I ignored their jabs at my seemingly lack of hormones. This information about a threshold for coitus is of no concern to me. Amy Farrah Fowler and I have been on only two dates. I have yet to schedule the third. Given the mean streets of this lawless metropolitan area are teaming up with undesirable elements, I am weary to do so. I am just worried for her safety, nothing more._

_However, now that I think about it, perhaps Amy's insistence on three dates before we change our relationship status was in some way indicative of her intension to pursue coitus with me. I have not considered coitus as something I needed to worry with our relationship, however, I have not ruled it out._

_I should be to blame for this increase in her womanly urges and estrogen based longings. I informed her of the likelihood for the activity through my brilliant calculations. 87.5 %! What was I thinking? Maybe she is upping the odds!_

_Given the lawless nature of the community, it seems my only option is to…_

Sheldon's keen Vulcan hearing tuned in to an unidentified noise originating from somewhere in the apartment. He did the only rational thing he could think of, and went out side his 4th floor window.

He crawled to Leonard's room on the ledge outside the building. Needless to say, there was nothing there, save for his amorous roommate's activities with Penny. They had knocked a lamp over and that was the sound he had heard.

After Sheldon went to the living room, he was "attacked" by Wolowitz's security system and electrified with a net. After he cleaned himself up from his uncontrolled bladder, he made the decision to leave Pasadena forever. He felt it was his only option.

The next week, Sheldon tried to avoid all contact with Amy, but she made it impossible for him. Amy tried to go her friends for help, because they had no explanation or insight why Sheldon would ignore her. She thought he might be just freaking out over the break-in, he did seem to want Leonard to stay with him every waking moment.

A few nights after the break in, Amy did some rouse to get Sheldon over the apartment. She lured him with Spaghetti and little hot dogs cut up to tried to make Sheldon feel better. Dinner was quiet, and Sheldon spent more time looking at the door then speaking to her. As they hung out in her apartment, but he was anything but relaxed.

He was pacing back and forth frantic running his hands over his hair. He avoided sitting near her or looking at her. Amy was beginning to worry. Amy handed him a glass of pink liquid, "Here, I made you some Strawberry Quik."

Sheldon took the glass begrudgingly, "I have real problems here, Amy. My home has been violated! I can't be mollified with a beverage designed for children."

He took a sip and exclaimed, "Mmm, yummy." He finally sat on her couch and looked at his drink.

Amy didn't really know what to say to placate his fears, "You know, this might work out for the best. I mean, you're always complaining about what a terrible operating system your laptop had, now you can get new one!"

Sheldon looked away, "Ugh… Windows Vista. What were they thinking? I mean the power save mode is ridiculous."

"Yes, and you hate the sounds of those alarms." Amy sat on the couch, but deliberately sat on the far edge away from him. He still inched away further from her.

"FOUR ALARMS! I just want to change a directory, and Bill Gates gets to be the warden of all my information! Fascists!"

Amy smiled, "See? Maybe you'll love your new computer."

Sheldon looked down at his drink, "I don't know. Perhaps."

"And if you don't…you can always come here and use mine. Anytime you want...

Sheldon snapped, "Oh sure! Just use your computer anytime the notion crosses my mind? Just because you have an Apple, doesn't mean you can tempt me with your lack of Blue Screens! While you're at it, why don't I just use your tea kettle…or your shower! Sleep here! Do you hear yourself, woman?" He almost slammed down his drink in a huff.

Amy's face fell, "Sheldon, it was just a thought."

Sheldon stood up in huff, "No. Here's a thought. I'm not going to switch to Mac, you're not going to tempt me with your…"

He waved his hands over Amy's body then blurted out, "... Operating systems… Everything stays exactly the way it is"

Sheldon stomped toward her door and roughly opened it before he snapped back at her, "And by the way, I saw you make this Strawberry Quik with syrup. You're supposed to use the powder."

"It tastes the same!"

"No! The syrup tastes better, and I don't like it!" He slammed her door.

The next morning, she briefly spoke to him at the mail boxes but he was still brooding. Amy tried to offer that he could stay with her if he was frightened, but that flustered him even more, and she hadn't spoken to him face to face since.

As the events of the last few weeks weighed on her mind, she shuffled off to her car, leaving work a little later than normal. She got nothing done for the day, anyway; it was a waste.

All her thoughts were how she could speak to Sheldon. What would she say to quell his fears with dismissing them? She spent more time thinking about Sheldon's feelings that he did his own and she knew someday, the balance would need to be shifted. She would not always be the one to think about their relationship. The drive to Los Robles that night seemed more solitary than normal.

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*

**Sheldon Cooper's Journal:**

_I am currently waiting for a bus to take me to Bozeman, Montana. After extensive research, I've determined that it was safest place for me. Leonard promised to send my belongings and forward my mail. I was unable to say a farewell to Amy in person, however I did send her a link to the video I made to say good bye. I'm not comfortable with prolonged good-byes and maudlin displays of emotion. As I assume Dr. Fowler would be the same, I decided to schedule my departure when she was in the lab. She is a formidable woman who would understand my reasoning; probably the only person who would._

_In fact, in retrospect, perhaps I should have informed her of my decision and asked her to accompany me. However, since I have never scheduled the third date, I am not sure of our status and to ask her to move away from everything she knows seems like a drastic decision that would take our relationship to a level I am sure she is not prepared for or welcoming._

_The change in our status has been confusing at best to me. She was my friend, but now she is not my girlfriend and currently, I am not sure about the parameters of our relationship. These changes are just too much for me. I am overwhelmed. I need to get away and think and a 17 hour bus trip to Montana will do the trick. Get back to what I know best…Me._

Back in Pasadena, Amy was just coming home from work after her lonely ride home. She hoped to see Sheldon at the mailbox, but he wasn't there, just like every day for the last week.

As she started drudging up the stairs, the conversation she had with Bernadette and Penny the evening before weighed on her mind.

" _Did he ever ask for the third date, Amy?"_

" _No, and I don't think he will. He has been avoiding me. He usually only calls me to talk now and avoids seeing me as much as possible. However, he always finds an excuse to get off the phone. We do our word of the day over text instead of in person on the way to the mail boxes. He must have decided he didn't want me after all." Amy tried to stay upbeat, but it was difficult with the heavy weight of disappointment manacled to her heart._

_Penny seemed nervous, "He is just freaking out a little now. I'm sure he'll get over it."_

_Bernadette looked pensive and then added, "Well…Amy, it could be the three date rule."_

_Both Penny and Amy asked, "What's that?"_

" _Sex after three dates?" Bernie looked at both her friends, "What you never heard of it?" Bernie looked at her ignorant friends with shock at the lack of knowledge._

" _What? Are you serious? What rule is that?" Amy was floored she had never heard of it._

_Even Penny was shocked, "Three dates? That's a long time!" Penny looked at both her friends, and rolled her eyes, "Come on…wait three dates? Who does that?"_

" _I did, with Howie." Bernie nodded, "It's true! I told Howie about it. He was stunned too."_

_Amy finally put two and one together and got the answer she was looking for: 3. Three reasons for his behavior: The break-in, the need for closure to their relationship status. The third reason was the real trouble: Closure of their relationship status would be tainted by the insane idea that he had to have coitus with her after three dates. "Oh God. Howard probably that to Sheldon, and he has been freaking out ever since and never asked for the third date! He thinks he **has** to have sex with me!"_

As she walked up the four flights, she had an uneasy feeling. When she turned the corner on the fourth floor, Penny and Leonard were waiting there with a bottle of wine and worried expressions.

Amy slumped down, "Oh, God, what happened?"

"Come on, Honey. Let's get you drunk."

Amy opened her apartment and let her worried friends in the door. Penny went straight to the glass cabinet, thought for a moment, and then grabbed a measure cup.

Penny poured Amy a glass of wine and handed it to her. "Wine glasses should have handles, especially today." Amy looked down at her wine and swirled the liquid around the cup. Her stomach was too upset to drink, especially out a Pyrex measuring cup she normally uses for pancake batter.

Amy was nervous over whatever curled her friend's brow, but she was anxious a great deal recently. Feeling bathed in disappointment was almost a permanent condition and it was all due to the three dates she insisted she and Sheldon go on before they discussed their relationship.

The last few weeks made much more sense now that she knew Sheldon's motivations. He was afraid of their progress and what that meant for them. It was a change, a large one, and the word itself made Sheldon shiver in fear. Amy's heart was back in the taffy pull powered by Sheldon's actions.

As Amy gingerly sat on the couch, her friends approached her with such trepidation, she feared something terrible had happened.

Leonard sat next to Amy on the couch, "Amy, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Sheldon is gone."

"What do you mean, gone?" Amy could barely swallow.

Leonard cleared his throat and used that calming tone Amy had often heard him use with Sheldon to sooth him. It didn't work on Amy. "He left. He said it was all too much to handle living in Pasadena, and he left."

Leonard didn't look at Amy's face, but he could almost see her armor reappear. She stifled, like she was dropped in starch and drowning in it. She could barely breathe.

Amy locked her jaw and gripped her cup with such strength, the thick glass almost shattered in her hand. It would have cut less than the feeling in her heart.

Amy could only eek out one word, "When?"

"About three hours ago."

Her eyes shot back with beams like lasers, "No… when did you know he was going?" She looked at Penny with a renewed ire. Penny shirked back into her chair.

"Amy… I saw him working on some map, but I never thought he would do it! I thought he would snap out of it, you know... Sheldon being Sheldon. He just needs time to think. I think this might be a good thing for him." Penny chewed her lip, unsure at her declaration.

Amy set her glass down extremely carefully because she worried she was about to put it through the table. "Penny… I am so glad you have determined what is good for Sheldon and by extension, me."

**Sheldon Cooper's Journal:**

_The bus is late, I shouldn't be surprised. Typical poor customer service associated with unreliable metropolis that is Pasadena. I recall the first time I stepped foot in this city at the tender age of 14 after my brief professorship in Germany._

_Within a day at Cal-Tech, I realized I was again alone. Intellectually, and physically, but not that I minded. I am used to being unique. A sui generis genius. That status has afforded me the luxury of freeing my mind to explore endless wonders. I am not shackled to the constraints that tie other people to social convention. I am free. I am alone. Unless of course, I choose to bring a person in my inner circle. It was apparent to me, after a few failed attempts at roommates, that perhaps having a companion would not be so repellant. Also having someone at my beck and call would free me from the mundane task such as fetching dinner or driving._

_Not until I met Leonard did I find a true friend. He idolizes me, and nothing I could ever do would knock me off that pedestal he put me on, but he is not my intellectual equal. In fact there are few who can keep up with me, challenge me, and excite me._

_I was sure that I would find my intellectual equal somewhere in the sacred halls of Cal-Tech that was once home to such giants as Feynman, Wilson, Fowler. That name itself evokes genius._

_Even though I'm not sure that Amy Farrah Fowler is related to William Alfred Fowler, I would not be surprised to learn she was. She has excellent genes; I've seen her DNA profile. It's breathtaking. As is her mind. Her brain scans makes one quiver. Never have I met a person so completely like myself, yet so different. She is everything I am not, attuned with emotions, generous, patient, yet with mind that is as quick as my own. She is a sui generis genius._

_I will have to ask her if she related to William Alfred Fowler the next time I see her…_

Sheldon looked up from his book when they announced that the bus to Bozeman was leaving. He looked around at the faceless crowd around him and in an instant had a feeling of dread wash over him. He was lost and alone once again. The thought back to the last time he saw her eyes, really studied them. It was after their first date, and he was staring at the gold flecks scattered around her emerald iris like jewels.

As the thought struck him that he would never see those green eyes again, never feel her skin or her breath on his cheek, he caught a cry in his throat, and his chest felt like someone had pulled his heart from his rib cage. He loved her, he knew it; so much so he told her. It took everything he had to admit that feeling, but he knew it was real. When he has a feeling, he know it, and he is running away? How often does one find another sui generis? Never… He will never find another like her, nor would he want to.

He looked at the last words he wrote ( _next time_ ) and said out loud, "What am I doing?"

Sheldon grabbed his suitcases and rushed to the door. He caught the bus just before it was about to leave. It was the number 9 to Pasadena, Los Robles line.

Back at the apartment, Amy had just set down her wine glass, "Penny… I am so glad you have determined what is good for Sheldon and by extension, me."

Amy glared at Leonard and breathed out the only words she could pull from her heart, "How could you have let him go?"

Leonard was about to shield himself from angry Amy, while Penny checked her nails when all three heard a knock at the door:

Knock Knock Knock, "Amy?"

Knock Knock Knock, "Amy?"

Knock Knock Knock, "Amy?"

All three friends looked at each other like they heard a ghost at the door, frozen from any action. Sheldon knocked again.

Knock Knock Knock, "Amy?"

Knock Knock Knock, "Amy?"

Knock Knock Knock, "Amy?"

Amy drew in a breath as she rose off the couch. She straightened out her skirt and deliberately walked to the door. Her hand was trembling as she reached for the knob. As she slowly opened the door, her eyes were down and she lifted them to see a reddened face, sweating, breathless Sheldon. He held himself up by bracing his arms on her door frame.

"Amy… please tell me you didn't watch that video."

Amy was so shocked by Sheldon's appearance, she answered before she thought, "What video?"

Sheldon put his head down and breathed out every molecule of air in his lungs. Once he caught his breath, he straightened himself out to his full height. "Thank goddess…."

He was just about to latch onto her and pull her body to his, but then Sheldon saw Leonard and Penny in the apartment and his heart sank.

"Oh..You..two are here. Have you told…?" Sheldon's eyes were begging to hear that they hadn't told Amy he left. He wanted to forget it all, every stupid decision he made for days without her: The research in leaving Pasadena the only home he's know for almost 20 years, listening to Wolowitz and his stupid rules, worried about their status without speaking to her. None of it he discussed with her, and that was his biggest mistake. She was his sounding board, the only clear thoughts he had were echoed from her, and he turned a deaf ear to only person in the world who could translate his emotions for him.

"Did…"Sheldon couldn't tell by Leonard and Penny's petrified expressions what the answer was but he didn't have a chance to ask before Amy spoke in a calm tone, almost business like.

Amy cut off his stammer, "Oh Leonard and Penny were just here to ask me what I wanted for dinner." Amy seemed icy calm, like a frozen pond.

Amy turned to Leonard, "It's Thai night, correct? Hmmm. Yellow curry for me. How about you Sheldon, oh wait…"

Amy swiveled around to face Penny, "I'm sure Penny knows what you want, Sheldon… Don't you, Penny?" Amy's flaming look melted the icy exterior.

Penny stood up and threw a quick glance at Leonard before she said, "No Amy. I think you know better than all of us." Her stuttered and embarrassed tone made Amy give her a half smile. Penny knew she crossed a line, and Amy knew it as well.

Amy smiled, "Yes… mee krob with chicken satay with extra peanut sauce, right Sheldon?"

"Yes…Nothing changed." He hoped, went through his mind as he looked at Amy. However the glare she gave him told Sheldon he should stay quiet.

"I know. You would **hate** that, wouldn't you? Amy almost spat the words at him, but tried to pull back her emotions before the elastic of her heart snapped.

Penny could feel the tension rise in the room like a thick fog, "Leonard why don't you and I go get that dinner, huh?"

They left the apartment, and grabbed Sheldon's suitcases that were hidden in the hall. As soon as the door to 4B closed, Penny and Leonard let out a sigh of relief to escape Amy's wrath.

"How can she not kill him? He left her without a word, callous son of bitch."

Leonard opened 4A and put Sheldon's suitcases in his room. He had only been gone for 3 hours, but it seemed like a life time. Leonard let out a relieved sigh, "But he came back. Amy knows Sheldon well enough to know what that means."

"What does it mean?"

"He's grown up. A lot. I don't think if this happened a year ago, he would have been gone. The only thing that surprised me is that he didn't take a train. Something must have pulled him back." Leonard shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe you were right after all, it was good for him to go."

"God, don't tell Amy that." Penny gulped as she looked at Amy's door, "I don't think she is going to forgive me for not warning her."

Leonard slumped on the leather couch and rubbed his temples. He sat up and leaned on his knees as Penny sat down and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I should have told her. I knew he was making a mistake, but I thought he needed to do it. I should have warned Amy, she's my friend." Penny started to chew the nails she was so interested in earlier in the evening as Amy was dying a little on the couch. Penny thought it was just another one of Sheldon's selfish acts, and she was almost bored with Sheldon's behavior at this point. Penny felt that Amy had hitched her wagon to that crazy train, then it was her business. However, Penny realized that no matter what she thought of Sheldon and his childlike antics, Amy deserved to be treated like the friend she had claimed to be. If roles were reversed, she would want to know if Leonard ever left her. She laughed a little inside, thinking how ridiculous that sounded.

"Yeah… I hate to admit this, but maybe I was worried she would talk him out of it." Leonard took a big sigh and continued, "Then he was gone for three hours. Only three, and I missed him."

Penny looked over at 4B, "I hope Amy talks to me." She smiled and said, "I never thought she had a backbone, but that girl got spunk. I wonder why she let him think she didn't know he left."

Leonard pulled Penny over to his chest, "She knows if you confront him, he will bolt. His mom said, you have to take your time with Sheldon. I never have enough patience, but she does. I am not in the mood to raise a 6'1 toddler."

Penny let out a laugh, "I'm not ready to be a mom. It's time we treated him a friend and less like a child we have to raise. Besides, can you see he's not thinking like a toddler anymore!"

"What do you mean?"

Penny rolled her eyes at her unaware boyfriend, "Oh please, don't tell me you haven't noticed him checking out her butt every time she gets off the couch or how he always looks at her a few seconds longer after she looks away? He's not thinking like a toddler with her anymore."

Leonard pushed Penny back on the couch, "I'm not thinking like a toddler either." He starting kissing her neck and whispered in her ear, then quickly looked up in horror, "Do you think they'll be okay if we are late with dinner?"

"Oh, they're gonna be!" Penny wrapped her legs around him. "Besides, no more babying him, right?"

"Right!"

Behind the doors of 4B, Amy went straight to fix Sheldon a hot beverage, which he was desperate for at the moment. The only thing Sheldon wanted more was to take Amy in his arms and feel her against him. He ran his thumbs roughly over the middle of his palms, hoping the sweat and strain would disappear without another word. Just like he almost did to her.

Amy brought the hot mugs of teas over to the couch with shaking hands. She was trembling in her loosened armor she donned the moment she heard he left. She knew he was a flight risk and this proved it.

One of the main reasons she waited to become his girlfriend was that she feared having the label would spook him. Amy didn't have time to process his leaving before he returned and she was still in shock. As she tried to find some air, she pulled in what she could, but it made her lip quiver and she almost shed tears she swore he would never see.

Sheldon noticed her quiet demeanor and shaking, "Amy, are you all right? Are you sure you didn't see that video?"

"No, I haven't seen it. I haven't started up my Mac over there. I just got home."

"My new laptop has Windows 7. It's much more user friendly." He ran his thumb over the rim of his mug desperate for that mind reading power. He put down his tea, and warmed his hands on the phantom heat from the cup. He wanted his hands free to touch her, but he could tell she would reject him.

"You must hate that." Amy smiled and sipped her tea.

Sheldon smiled and held his hands so he wouldn't reach out for her. She knew him better than anyone and he almost ran away from her.

"Amy, you seem upset. Please tell me." He looked down and saw the almost full two cups of liquid in a measuring cup that smelled like wine. "I see you are keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how grumpy you get when you've had a few." Sheldon smile quickly faded when he felt her icy gaze.

He swallowed the last remaining taste in his mouth. She knew. He left her, and she knew. He didn't know how to fix it. He wanted to run again and get away from the feeling pressing on his chest. Instead he moved closer to her, and out of instinct, he grabbed her hand for a moment, but Amy pulled away from his touch.

"Sheldon… I had some disturbing news that I wasn't prepared for, and it shocked me. It turned out to be false alarm, but news that still hurt me." She looked at him with shiny green eyes holding back tears. She wore the face he hated, the one that told him he hurt her. He was wrapped around his own poor thought-out actions, tied to his mistakes.

"Um…would you like a consoling hug?"

Did she want the man who pulled her heart apart in one minute be the same one who pushed it back together?

Amy hesitated for a nanosecond before she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his torso like a boa constrictor. Sheldon thought it wasn't tight enough. They sat quietly for almost ten minutes letting the tension of the day precipitate off them like mist. Neither of them knew what to say to each other.

He wrapped his arms around her, one secured on her waist pushing her near him, the other wrapped around her arm, stopping her from pulling away. Amy could barely speak, but finally she broke the silence and eked out a word which asked more in the three letters than a paragraph could.

"Why?"

Sheldon took shallow breaths and whispered, "Because I was afraid."

Amy swallowed back the lump in her throat, "Did you stop being afraid?"

"No..." Sheldon looked down at her, "It changed."

"To what?"

"Afraid of losing you." He brought his hand up to her face, and brushed a strand of hair off her cheek. He held onto her chin to hold her face up to him, as he ran the pad of his thumb over the bottom of her quivering lower lip. "I'm… sorry."

Amy pushed her face back into his chest, "I know..."

Sheldon put his hand on her hair, and placed a small kiss on the top of her head. Amy pulled back and looked at him, "If you… again… I can't. I won't…"

"I won't. I promise you." The push and pull was done, just a stable orbit as they locked eyes with each other. It was four solid minutes of intense staring, each one saying nothing, yet assurances were made with each second that passed.

Finally, Sheldon spoke again, "Amy?"

"Yes?"

"Can I use your computer?" He asked with such a causal tone, it seemed to Amy status quo had returned more quickly than anticipated.

Amy was not expecting him to ask that, "Really? My user friendly operating system calling to you from across the room."

Sheldon looked over at her computer, "Yes, the silver clad vixen. Now, can I use it or not?"

"Go ahead, but don't be surprised if you fall madly in love with it, and want to switch." Amy stood up, and took the tea mugs to the kitchen. She looked at her watch hoping dinner would come soon.

"Nothing would surprise me anymore." Sheldon rose off the couch and started up her computer. He went straight to her mail folder, opened it, found his video which he explained his leaving to her including crime statistics, and a link to Cops: Pasadena.

There was nothing on the video about how he felt about her, or anything that she would want to hear. Just a flaccid explanation why he left without saying good-bye. He hit delete just as Amy came up behind him.

"Is that my mail?" Her piercing green eyes that earlier showed such love for him were now cutting him like lasers. He gulped and thought as fast as he could.

"I was trying to log you out, but Steve Jobs won't let me!" Sheldon coughed, "See how hard it is to navigate this system!" He looked away from her laser beams.

Amy rolled her eyes at his flagrant deceit. She tapped him on shoulder and made him look at her, "I won't watch your video, Sheldon. I promise. Don't worry."

"I'm sorry, Amy. I just don't like my stupid decisions immortalized on the internet forever."

She nudged him playfully, "Come on Sheldon, it's not like you pulled your pants off or something!"

"At least that would be funny." Sheldon stifled a laugh, but Amy was still taciturn.

She took in a short breath and said quickly, "Well, at least you admitted it was a mistake. That's progress."

Sheldon stood up as Amy started to walk away to head toward 4A for dinner. He pulled her back to him by lightly touching her hip with his hand. Amy turned around to find Sheldon looking down at her with an expression Amy had seen often grace his face. It was the one that told her that she did something right.

"Amy…" Sheldon bent his head down, and pressed his lips against her cheek, "Thank you." He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against her again, this time closer to her mouth. He didn't pull away as he spoke, "Thank you for being so patient."

Amy pulled back and smiled, but the look she gave him was still damaged slightly. "No problem. But just so you know, we will not be having coitus after three dates."

Sheldon pushed her back in alarm and his face turned ghostly pale, "What? What do you… um… mean... Amy… who ever heard…" His eyes darted around as his brow twitched. Is she a mind reader, he thought as he blinked his eyes rapidly.

"Cut the crap, Cooper. I know Howard told you that after three dates there is a threshold for sex. You do realize that means you can't have sex BEFORE three dates, right? Not that you have to have sex after three dates?" Amy crossed her arms and glared at him.

His eyes darted around in a frenzy and he finally said, "I might have heard… something…" Sheldon feigned ignorance faded quickly to rosy embarrassment blooming on his face, "Wait… What? You just can't have coitus before three dates, are you sure?" he couldn't believe he misunderstood that. All the worrying he did, wondering if she could love him if he couldn't do it or if waited too long, it was all for naught. He had more time, lots of time and now, it seemed he didn't have to worry about it all it all. He should be thrilled, but he felt robbed yet again.

"Of course I'm sure! Besides, I've said it to all my dates, and now to you. All forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table." Amy turned away from him to hide her smirk. He followed her around the room, throwing rapid fire questions at her like a lawyer.

Sheldon voice fractured, "All physical contact? Like when you kiss my cheek? Or consoling hugs." He unconsciously touched his cheek and wrapped his arm around his waist. Then he shot her a look of horror, "Oh no, not that neck muscle thing you do? Not that right?"

"Well, not that, but coitus... off the table." Amy didn't want to give up her bits of intimacy she had grown addicted to. She adored getting consoling hugs, loved the une bise kisses he gave her and never wanted to give up the opportunity to touch his tempting back. She thought she was alone in this longing, but upon hearing Sheldon want them just as much, it empowered her. She pulled in a smile and turned around to face him.

Sheldon looked agitated, like someone took his candy, "Like forever?"

"Off the table."

"Are you breaking up with me?" His voice crackled in his throat as he spoke.

"We are not boyfriend and girlfriend, yet... I cannot break up with you." She should have reminded him that after he had planned leaving the state, he should count his stars she even spoke to him. Amy was giving Sheldon was she though he wanted, because he would never say himself. "It's just coitus… it's off the table!"

Sheldon crossed his arms and glared at Amy who was busily trying to get to 4A for dinner, "Why does it feel you are breaking up with me over this table thing?"

"Sheldon! What idiot would break up with a person over a table?" Amy rolled her eyes, "It's an expression! No sex! No pressure, okay?"

"Well…okay…" Sheldon scoffed his feet and looked at her with those huge pleading blue eyes that melt the coating around her heart, "Um…so can we schedule our third date?"

"We'll see."

**Chapter 24: Chapter 24**

**The Big Reversal Theory 24**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

Amy Penny and Bernadette congregated at 4B for a much needed girl's night. Amy was hoping that Sheldon would not interrupt this one as he and the boys were on their way to the comic book store. She was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he had intended to leave Pasadena forever without telling her and Sheldon had been overcompensating for his attempted selfish sojourn by never wanting to leave Amy's side again. He was almost smothering her, but Amy had to admit that his talc laden aura and pontificating ways were working. He was inching his way back in her heart, mending the shattered bits he almost left behind.

She knew she needed to let it go. Penny's attempt to help by suggesting that Amy try some silly visualization thing with a pen had Amy rolling her eyes at the pop psychology mumbo jumbo. Amy said she'd let go of the damn pen when she damn well wanted to let go of the damn pen. Penny shut up after that.

Penny knew that she was still on shaky ground with Amy following her apparent lack of support for her friend by not informing her about Sheldon's planned move to Montana and had promised to keep this to herself and not let Bernadette know.

Amy needed a break, and this girl's night was supposed to be just that. However, no sooner did she pour herself the first glass of wine, than the Yellow Rose of Texas ring tone on her phone sang out.

Penny rolled her eyes and whispered to Bernadette, "He's been like this for weeks now. Hardly a moment goes by that he doesn't want to see her."

Bernadette slurred her words. She was having a wonderful girl's night, even though it had just started. "Aww. That's swwweet!"

"Yeah, like drowning in syrup…"

Amy was in the middle of a heated discussion with Sheldon on the other end of the line, " _Okay… Yes. I know… Forget it! Nope, don't care about the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach… Yes… I memorized it… you want me to do what when I see you?_ "

Amy turned away from the ladies eavesdropping on her conversation and started to twirl her hair. _"Okay... I will remember what I said and say it to you again when I see you… Stop that!_ " Amy let out an uncharacteristic giggle. Both Penny and Bernadette looked at each other wondering what the heck Sheldon had just said to make Amy's blush like school girl.

Soon the blush left, Amy slumped down and her tone changed to agitated, " _No, it won't be on the train! I don't doubt your endorphin rewards will be on fire from the steady clickety-clack of steel wheels on polished rails, but that doesn't do it for me, Sheldon...YES I MEMEORIZED THAT TOO! Good for you! Mine will be enjoying a one hour flight to San Francisco, with free drinks in first class, and without the view._ "

Amy covered the receiver and mouthed to the girl's, "sorry" and turning back to Sheldon " _I understand… Oh yeah? Well maybe the rails will help **your** sour disposition abate. … I know.. I will. Don't worry! I will be there almost the same time as you are, just without the 11 hour train ride. Okay… bye_."

Both Penny and Bernadette stared at each other during the awkward call. When Amy finally hung up, they asked, "Amy? What the hell was that all about?"

Amy let out sigh and sunk into the couch, "Ugh, Sheldon… He wants me to go with him on the train to the symposium."

Bernadette drooped her shoulders, "God I wish I was going. Stupid Finals!I hate being a TA!"

Amy continued to gush about the conference, "I heard there's supposed to be bioorganic cellular computer devices! And a talk on the advancements in multi-threaded task completion!"

Bernadette had only one year left on her doctoral thesis and the weekend of the symposium was going to be a critical time and additionally she had promised she would watch Raj's dog Cinnamon. But at this point she was too drunk to glower at Amy for boasting about going.

Amy jumped up excitedly, "Sheldon says, there's a roundtable on the non-equilibrium Green's function approach to the photoionization process in atoms. Smoot is going to be there too!"

Penny let out a chuckle, "NO WAY! Not Smoot!?"

"You know him?"

Penny rolled her eyes as she grabbed more wine, "Of course I DON'T! Well, at least it's in San Francisco. You can ride the cable cars, after you get drunk, of course!"

"It will be a non-stop weekend so I doubt I will be drinking. Sheldon is dying to go to all the panels."

Penny raised her brows, "And get you on a train! Hubba hubba!"

Amy rolled her eyes, "There is no hubba! Just Sheldon being Sheldon."

"Oh Amy, Sheldon **wants** you to go with him on the train! How romantic!" Bernadette was starry eyed thinking of a nice romantic weekend on the train, maybe looking out the glass roof to gaze the stars.

Though she was hammered on her 4th glass of wine, Amy's chuckle cut through her tipsy haze. "HA! The orient express is romantic. Going on a train with a train enthusiast, not so much. Sheldon would spend 11 hours explaining every detail of the train. Lord help the guys."

Penny nudged Amy with her shoulder, "Soo… Amy…. What are the sleeping arrangements? Sharing a room?" Penny raised her brows again, but Amy just ignored her.

Bernadette let out a whistley woo, and winked at Amy, "Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree.. K-I—s-s-s-s-s-s-s."

"That's too many S's, you're cut off, Bernadette!" Penny grabbed her empty glass.

Amy sipped her wine and revealed, "No. We will not be sharing a room. Sheldon is sharing a room with Leonard. We didn't want to jeopardize our new relationship by getting to know each other too well. Nothing sours a friendship more than over-familiarity with someone's toilet routine."

"Friendship? What happened to his declaration of love for you? That kiss! Your three dates?"

Amy licked her lips nervously and looked away from Penny's wide eyes waiting for an answer, "We are taking it slow."

Bernadette woke up from her stupor. "Looks like someone has commitment issues!'

Amy shook her head, "No, Sheldon has been…"

Bernadette cut her off by poking her chest, "Not him, **you**! It's been over a month and no third date?" Bernadette grabbed Penny's wine and threw it back with one swallow. She stuck her tongue out at Penny who glared at her.

"No! I'm just… I don't know… I'm afraid he'll freak out if we become boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't think he wants a relationship. He had never seemed interested in one before and now, well I think he just is going through the motions. Things are good now. I want to keep them that way. I'm keeping things… you know…" Amy flattened out her hand in a sweeping motion, "Homeostasis."

"What the heck is that? Some kind of kinky sex thing. I'll have to tell you Amy, I don't think Sheldon is ready for that kinky stuff….. Yet!" She started to snicker, as did Amy.

Bernadette was now laid back on the couch and had started to fall asleep but couldn't helped letting out a drunken giggle, "Sex thing.. that's …zzzzz funny.."

"Not some sex thing Penny. Homeostasis refers to a system's ability to regulate its internal environment and maintain a constant condition of properties like temperature or ph."

Bernadette snorted out a sleepy moan, "Worst bedtime story ever! Just sleep with the lanky SOB and get it over with!"

_Over at comic book store…_

Sheldon had waited a whole 10 minutes on the drive over the comic book store before calling Amy. He had to convince her to try and take the train; it had become almost an obsession. For some reason, the idea of seeing Amy on a train made his heart skip a beat, but Amy was not so enamored with the idea. The guys heard Sheldon on the phone with Amy:

" _The train is best way to see the coast, Amy. But Amy... You have to hear about the signature characteristics sounds of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach. Did you just repeat back what I said? Did you memorize it or something?"_

Sheldon turned away from the guys so he couldn't be overheard and see a blush rise on his cheeks. Having Amy speak out about trains was giving him thoughts best left for the shower. Unfortunately, he was still in public and on the phone,

_"Oh, Amy you have to say that back to me when we are alone. Promise? We have to be alone... I need to hear that on your lips. The best would be on the train! Amy, your endorphin rewards will be on fire once you hear the steady clickety clack of the patented sound of steel wheels on polished rails. It's breathtaking. Oh my god, you memorized that too? You vixen, what are you doing to me! Amy... Amy... are you going to be drinking on the plane? That will affect your cognitive prowess, and you will be late! I think the rails will help your sour deposition abate!"_

Sheldon slumped down when she snapped at him _, "I just don't want you to miss anything. Fine... but you're missing out. Okay.. Bye..."_

Howard watched Sheldon hang up with Amy and come back to the group with a scowl. Without a word of warning, he blurted out, "So are you and Amy dating or not?"

Leonard snapped at Howard, "Howard! We don't ask Sheldon questions like that!"

Howard glared at Leonard, "You don't, but I do…" and turned back to Sheldon, "So what's the deal?"

Sheldon swallowed and looked down at the stack of comic books he had already thumbed through twice, "We are taking things slow…"

Raj laughed, "Ha, like a glacier."

Howard had watched Sheldon for the last month, and he saw a man who didn't want to take things slow. He had to know what was going on, "Why? Why are you going so mind numbingly slow?"

Sheldon looked around and bit his lip, "No reason…"

Howard shook his head, "Come on.. There has to be a reason.."

Sheldon turned to face Howard, "Not necessarily. This is a classic example of Munchausen's trilemma. Either the reason is predicated on a series of sub-reasons leading to an infinite regression, or it tracks back to arbitrary axiomatic statements, or it's ultimately circular, i.e., I'm moving slow with Amy because I'm moving slow with Amy."

Howard wasn't impressed with Sheldon's explanation, "Denial. You must have screwed up! How could you not? You're well… Sheldon!"

Raj's turn at Sheldon was not so nice, "Sheldon, are you like those Ken Dolls with no genitals? Amy was smoking in that Wonder Woman outfit! How can you go slow when that is at the finish line?"

Sheldon shot Raj a familiar glare that told him not comment on Amy, especially her appearance. He stood up straight and proclaimed proudly, "Well.. In the fable the tortoise and the hare, it's the tortoise who crosses the line first. So slow and steady wins the race!" Sheldon narrowed his eyes at his friends and then added quickly, "And for the record, I do have genitals and they are fully functional and aesthetically pleasing."

"Well I hope Amy finds out how aesthetically pleasing they are soon! Keep that slow and steady thing for then, okay pal!" Raj and Howard then caught scent of a new comic book and went to the other side of the store to bother Stuart, who had been avoiding the group all night; Especially Sheldon.

The other guys knew nothing about the events earlier in the month when Sheldon due to his fear of coitus, almost left the woman who was tailor made for him and he was thankful for their ignorance. Leonard like Penny had agreed to keep this to himself.

However, the last month had been tough on Sheldon and Leonard knew this by Sheldon's stranger than usual behavior. Sheldon seemed to have particular problems at night. On the third night in one week Sheldon had woken Leonard at 2:00 am to ask him a critical question:

" _Leonard, I have an important question…do you like transformers?_

_Leonard let out an exhaustive moan, "Sheldon I don't like anything at 2.00 am except sleep! Why? What is going on?" Leonard grabbed his glasses and sat up._

_Sheldon sat on Leonard's bed, ready to have a conversation, "Well, the transformers teach us that things are not always as they appear to be. Like truck might actually be a robot… Or a person in a semi-romantic relationship might be thinking they would like to revert back to their previous form, or a conversation about transformers could be about something else… You know?"_

_Leonard let out an exhaustive sigh and gave Sheldon a comforting touch on his arm. "I know what this is about, the guy who seems like an emotionless robot is you, but your relationship with Amy is causing you to transform into a red-blooded man with sexual desires!"_

_Sheldon shook his head, "That is literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Sheldon got up, headed to the door but paused and without looking round asked, "But let's assume by some miracle you're right. What would one do about it?" Sheldon looked at his feet as he shuffled them around._

_Leonard couldn't hide his smirk at his seemingly asexual friend, "Sheldon just give Amy some time. She'll come around."_

" _You don't think she wants to transform our relationship back to boy/ friend girl/ friend status?" Sheldon bit in his bottom lip as he turned to Leonard, his eyes begging for answers._

" _No buddy. I don't. Amy is absolutely nuts about you and if anything is going to transform, it will be you guys into a great relationship. You have nothing to worry about, especially at 2:00 am." Leonard threw off his glasses, slumped back on his pillow and added, "Another thing: No more picking up women in the cafeteria, okay?"_

" _Yes, you all told me that was inappropriate." Sheldon let out a breath, "Okay, good night Leonard…" Sheldon was just about to leave Leonard's room when he turned back around, "For the record, I was just checking to see if I had physical attractiveness to the opposite sex, that's all!"_

" _Sheldon… You tapped the shoulder of the most beautiful woman I had seen since Penny, you asked her, without any thought, if she was interested a physical relationship would she consider you!"_

" _For the record, I said, hypothetically!" Sheldon eyes opened wide and he tilted his head. He was still unaware what a terrible idea it had been, "I had to know if I was at all appealing to the opposite sex and she was the first female I saw! It's not something one just knows Leonard! I've never cared before! I need data!"_

" _No what you need is another round of testing that you mother put you through!" Though Leonard was till impressed with how the woman was so taken aback with Sheldon. "The most surprising thing is she said yes! She wrote her number on your hand!"_

_Sheldon looked away in disgust, "With a sharpie, it took me 20 minutes to get that off my hand! Worse than Lady Macbeth with that damn spot." Sheldon looked at his hand to make sure he cleaned all the ink off._

" _Well good thing Amy didn't see you."_

_Sheldon had returned to sit on Leonard's bed again, "Not that she'd care. She's lost that loving feeling Leonard." Sheldon grabbed Leonard's pillow, "I think she is going to let me go."_

" _She's not letting go of anything, but you are… my pillow! Go to bed! You and Amy will be fine! You just need to turn up the charm. Spend time with her. She'll come around."_

" _Okay Leonard, good idea. Who am I to deny Ms. Fowler the joy of my company?"_

" _God, I wish I could be denied… Right now! GO TO BED!"_

" _Fine, Leonard. You give good advice at 2:00 am!"_

_Leonard mumbled in his pillow, "Don't get used to it. Go away!"_

So as per Leonard's advice, Sheldon had spent as much time with Amy as possible, and they had enjoyed every minute together. But Sheldon couldn't deny changes were happening to him when he looked at her. He had an overwhelming desire to relive that kiss she gave him and the sight of her posterior was causing his slacks to grow tight. He was coming to realize that he wanted more out of the relationship than just that of the mind and Leonard could see this reflected on his friend's face every time he saw them together. Leonard himself had had the same painful waiting period with Penny before she broke up with her louse of boyfriend, Kurt.

Now at the comic book store, the boys' teasing was hitting Sheldon hard. Leonard looked over his glasses and saw Sheldon was chewing at his lip like it was a stick of gum and he knew that his stoic friend was crumbling inside.

"Buddy, don't listen to those guys. Raj is jealous that you have a woman and Howard, is well… extremely Howard… Amy is nuts about you, you know that right? She's says yes to seeing you all the time and you guys have been inseparable for a month! Things are good between you."

"Things are good now Leonard, but she keeps putting off the last date. She refuses to go with me on the train."

Leonard mumbled, "That's because she's smart, and has a back bone."

"Oh come on Leonard, you know you love the train." Sheldon's quick retort, did not remove his depression "I don't know, maybe she's not interested in me anymore. I cannot fathom why not! I'm a delight!"

"As charming as you are buddy, you did hurt her pretty bad by leaving."

Sheldon screeched out his defensively reply, "But I didn't leave!" He looked around to make sure no one heard him.

"I know, and that is why she is still talking to you. Give her time. She'll come around. Just be patient."

"Sheldon Cooper is always patient. Now where the devil is Stuart with my new issue of Hellboy?" Sheldon slammed the stack of comic books down and stomped over to Stuart.

A week later, the boys were finding their perfect seats on the Coast Starlight Train to San Francisco. Sheldon seemed to be the only one elated to be on the train, that was until Raj saw the actress from the Terminator, Summer Glau seated not more than 8 feet away from him.

Howard had seen the actress as well and was now completely torn. He wanted to speak to her, and turn on the patented Wolowitz charm, but the thought of a short bespectacled blond power house back home prevented this. So he decided to help his exotic friend Raj connect with the stunning creature. He would live vicariously through Raj's actions. As Raj went to get an alcoholic beverage, Howard approached the Goddess to turn on the charm, but _only_ for his friend's sake.

Sheldon's face suddenly grew pale, "Oh man… Oh no… Oh NO!" He looked through his carry-on bag, but nothing. It wasn't there.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"I forgot my Flash drive."

"So?" Leonard kept looking at his magazine uninterested. Sheldon often panicked over nothing.

"We have to go back to Pasadena!"

Leonard folded his magazine and glared at Sheldon over his glasses, "Okay Sheldon, I'm going to say why and your answer cannot be because I forgot my flash drive."

Sheldon was panicking, "You don't understand. My flash drive has my paper on astrophysical probes of M-theory effects in the early universe that I was going to give it to George Smoot at the conference!"

Leonard relaxed back in his seat and reopened the magazine, "Well just get Amy to bring it with her, she's won't have left yet."

"That's brilliant!"

"I have my moments."

Sheldon pulled his phone out as he said, "You know Leonard it's at times like this I forget you're grasping at the death throes of your career. You may still be going places…" Sheldon moved his mouth to the receiver, " _Hello Amy Farrah Fowler… Yes. I am on the train… No it's not boring!"_

Leonard yelled into the phone, "He's lying!'

Sheldon pulled the phone away from Leonard, " _Forgive him, he had one good idea and it's gone to his head. I am calling to ask you to do me a favor… Yes…I will keep track… Yes the costume was a favor too… What a silly statement, of course I'll remember!_!"

Sheldon held his hand over the receiver and whispered to Leonard, "I'm gonna owe this woman my soul before the year is out!"

"Hey, buddy. You invited her to lunch a year and half ago, everything about her is on you!"

"Don't remind me!" Sheldon went back on the phone… " _Yes.. Good… Okay.. I need you get your emergency key, go into the apartment. Yes, without me there. Ha Ha! Payback I'm sure! Don't redo the spices! Okay… I need you to go to my room. Yes..You can go in… I give you this one time dispensation. Yes, that time too. Okay… that time too. Of course when you spent the night. Are you even listening_?"

Sheldon covered the receiver again and rolled his eyes at Leonard, "Women… Delightfully mysterious or bat-crap crazy?"

_Back in Pasadena…_

" _Sheldon? Why would you keep your key in a puzzle box? This Japanese one? Really 10 precise moves? Done. Yes… Oh, please I have monkeys who can open this box in less time. Just put a banana in it …_ " Amy noticed there was another box nearby that held a stack of papers. She pulled one out and read the first line.

" _What about this box of letters? Who's Moon pie? Sorry… Nope, calm down. I didn't read a word, I wouldn't do that… Meamaw? ... Later, you can tell me all about Meamaw and Moon Pie, I'd love to hear about her, Sheldon …. Okay… I've put them back safely…_ "

Amy put back the letters and headed to the living room. " _I'm at your desk… This little flash drive with the picture of a bolt on it… Like your red shirt, oh I do like that shirt… Not as much as your blue S one, though… Why Dr. Cooper, have I made you blush? Okay, I will be nice since Leonard is there… "_

Amy smiled listening to Sheldon stammer. She had no idea flirting with him would get him so flustered. She liked it better than the stammer he had about the letters. She must do it more often.

" _I'll print it for you… Yes on my Mac! Ugh…It won't corrupt your drive! Which one… Probes? Oh the one you told me about. Sure. I can get that. It's not cheap paper! It's the same! Ugh… fine… yes.. I know… I'll see you soon. Need anything else while I'm here? Oh look your napkins! Should I fold them? Just teasing. I'm leaving. See you soon. Goodbye..._ "

Amy hung up the phone, put everything back just as she found it and went to Sheldon's desk to find some paper. He had stated that he wanted a better quality than the "cheap junk" Amy used. As she opened his drawer, a leather bond document caught her eye. "Relationship Agreement."

Amy dropped down on the chair and flipped through the pages.

The first page read: The Relationship Agreement: _A binding covenant that, in its 31 pages, enumerates, iterates and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as the boyfriend, and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as the girlfriend._

He had categorized every anticipated action they would do as a couple. Future plans, financial hardships, sickness, everything had been included in meticulous detail. Amy was swept away with the scope of it. It was the most romantic thing she had ever read, but then mutual indemnification always is, she thought.

Wondering when he had written it, she thought it had probably been during the last month when he had been so attentive, and she smiled that he had put so much thought into their relationship. She decided right then and there to schedule that third date after the conference.

Putting the agreement back in his drawer she grabbed the special paper and returned to her apartment to print the paper for Smoot.

As she opened the flash drive, she saw a number of files, but none intrigued her as much as the "Relationship Agreement." It wasn't the words that caught her attention, it was the date. It was first written over a year ago, about the same time as his sister's visit. Amy put her hand to her mouth, not believing the evidence of her eyes. He had been interested in being in a relationship with her for more than a year. Before the wedding, before Beverly Hofstadter, before driving lessons or Raj's party or Christmas or even New Year's Eve. But more importantly, before she had really accepted her own feelings.

The extra time Amy had spent in getting Sheldon's paper, had not affected her travel time, which though it involved hiring a car and TSA extra screening meant that she arrived at her hotel at least 30 minutes ahead of the group. She checked into her hotel room, cleaned up from her travels and was returning to the lobby when she ran into the group of three guys.

Amy's face lit up when she saw Sheldon looking over the panel list again. He was standing in line waiting to check in to his room. She took a short breath and admired how handsome he looked when he was concentrating on something.

Then just as she was about to walk up to the group, she heard a voice behind her and turning around she saw David Underhill's grinning face. "Hello doll." He tried to lean in and hug her but she backed away from him and held out her hand.

"Hello David."

"How have you been? Are you here with anyone?"

Amy thought for a moment and then blurted out, "Um, yes…. My boyfriend is here. I think you know him. Dr. Cooper."

"Lucky man." Underhill smirked.

Amy's head was down and she felt anxious to get away from him. "Um… yes… What are you doing here?"

"Presenting a paper on Dark matter. "He licked his lips which made Amy's face scrunch up in disgust. She was not in the mood to be hit on by an egotistical married man. "Sure wish we could have gotten together on your figures, I'm sure they are… specular."

Then a deep voice was raised behind her, "They are. Incredibly so." Amy turned to see Sheldon, standing so close to her she could feel the heat off his body. But he wasn't looking at her. Instead his focus was on the tall man who he felt was invading Amy's personal space, a space that Sheldon felt should be occupied by him only. "In fact, I would say that Dr. Fowler's figures are the most impressive I've seen by a non-physicist. I should know. I have looked over them extensively."

Amy cleared her throat, "Um, yes… he did. He likes them, right Sheldon?" She looked up at him with wide open eyes hoping he would say something nice about her idea.

Sheldon looked down at her with beaming blue eyes, "No Amy, I love them."

David Underhill started to retreat as Amy and Sheldon continued to merge together through eye coitus. "Well, great. I am glad someone is using them." He winked at Sheldon who looked at him with a confused scowl, but then Sheldon looked down to see Amy beaming at him.

Amy clasped her hands together, "Do you really think you can use them, Sheldon? Oh that would be marvelous." Amy spun around to greet her other friends leaving Sheldon to wonder if they were still talking about her idea on string theory or some other innuendo he missed, and the lilt of her echoing in his head as he replayed her comment, " _My boyfriend… Dr. Cooper_." Sheldon was beaming as he followed her.

She walked up to the group and smiled, "Hello! You made it! How was the Coast Starlight?"

Sheldon shined with delight, "Magical." Just as Leonard groaned, "Exhausting!"

Amy knew Sheldon would want the paper he asked her to print straight away and she had it ready for him.

She pulled the bonded paper out of her bag just as Sheldon was about to ask. He held back his words and just smiled as she handed it to him with a huge smile, "Here you are! Special delivery!"

Sheldon noticed right away the quality of the paper, "Oh marvelous, you used the good paper!"

"Oh course, I did! I can take direction very well."

"I love that about you." Sheldon was looking over his paper, not seeing the glimmering smile grow over Amy's face at his compliment.

Amy looked around noticing that someone was missing from their group, "Hey where's Raj?"

"He got off the train with Summer Glau in Santa Barbara, she thought Raj was charming and intriguing and invited him to join her for the weekend, lucky bastard, and not even a thank you to me for warming her up!" Howard threw his bag over his shoulder and trudged further up the line. He had been in the middle of talking to Summer Glau when Bernadette had called. She heard his voice and then another woman. He spent the last 6 hours trying to calm her down, but Bernadette was only just getting warmed up. Howard had been so busy making excuses to Bernadette that he had not pointed out to Raj that he had been drinking a non-alcoholic beverage.

Amy looked confused, "With a name like Summer, I doubt she needed much warming, Howard."

"I think the line, " _Hypothetically, if you were interested in a physical relationship, would you be interested in me_?' did the trick."

Amy was shocked, "WOW! That's a great line! Where did Raj learn that!?"

Sheldon blushed and turned toward Leonard with wide eyes pleading with him to shut up. He did, but with a snicker.

Howard was not so amused, "There goes my bunk mate!' He moaned. At this Leonard's eyes lit up.

Having traveled by train Sheldon was now in a fantastic mood. Unfortunately giddy Sheldon was almost as bad as moody Sheldon and during the last few weeks Leonard had hardly had any sleep. He had now spent 11 hours on the train with Sheldon and had heard more about trains than anyone had a right to know. He had had enough and needed a break, "Don't worry! Sheldon will bunk with you!"

Howard's face paled, "Oh, no you don't!"

"Oh yes I do! You totally owe me for getting rid of Zack on New Year's Eve before Bernadette picked us up! Tag you're it!" Leonard rushed to check in, "Can you change my room to a king bed?"

Sheldon looked confused, "There is no need to fight over me! I'm a light sleeper, but I have an impeccable bathroom routine. You need to be out by 8:00 am, that is when I move my bowels."

"Oh lord…"Howard moaned and slumped to the counter, "I want to move mine right now!"

After check in, and Sheldon's post travel shower, the group left to have dinner in the hotel lounge. The other two men left the dinner early. Leonard was exhausted from the tedious train ride and lack of sleep, plus he wanted to Skype with Penny before bed and Howard still had some work to do to gain Bernadette's forgiveness. Sheldon and Amy finished dinner with a lively discussion about the presenters and his paper for Smoot. Though Amy coached Sheldon on what to say to him, Sheldon was sure his charm would win the day.

After dinner, Sheldon escorted Amy to her room. She was bushed too, but for a different reason. She had noticed that the chef had cut her sandwich with a knife that had avocado on it. She had taken a Benadryl without telling Sheldon, fearing he would fret over her.

"Thank you for walking me to my door. I hope we can get to that first panel early! I want good seats."

Sheldon held up his hand, "Never fear. I am a master at finding good seats at panels. I always get the best ones for ComiCon."

"Yes, but this time, it's actually interesting."

He glared at her and snapped, "Amy, it's a good thing we aren't in a physical relationship, or you would have lost sex tonight."

Amy just smiled and shook her head slightly, "Oh brother. If we were in a physical relationship, Sheldon, there is no way you'd ever give up sex with me."

Sheldon's eyes bulged out of the sockets, and he stammered, "Oh… really."

Amy answered matter a factly, "Really." She turned to put her key card in the door and looked over her shoulder. "See you around 8:30?"

"Yes, good night, Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Good night Sheldon Cooper." Amy closed the door and Sheldon looked down at his key card. She was right across the hall. He let out a laugh, " _Just like home_."

Around 45 minutes later Amy heard Sheldon's signature knock on her door, but it was timid and he barely got her name out through the whisper. He was worried someone would to see him knocking on a woman's door at that god forsaken hour. _People would talk_ , he thought.

Sleepy Amy answered the door. Her hair was not the usual straight locks, but tumbled in waves, she was bleary eyed from the allergy medicine and confused by his appearance at her door. He was wearing his Friday pajamas with a sleeping mask pushed up on his forehead. He looked disheveled and exhausted.

Rubbing her eyes and still half asleep she asked, "Sheldon, what are you doing here?"

"Well, according to Bernadette who is yelling loudly through the phone, Howard is an ass. Raj is back because his dalliance with Summer Glau faded once realized that his drinks were non-alcoholic and he is now watching a movie about a woman named Jones and her journal. Additionally, Leonard is having virtual coitus with Penny."

The last thing woke Amy up, "Oh dear. Like on the computer?" Amy wondered how that was even possible.

"Yes, and using incorrect Star Trek references I might add."

"Oh, dear. You must have blown a gasket."

"Nearly… Can I stay with you?" Sheldon rubbed his eyes sleepily.

Amy was stunned, "Really? What happened to not knowing our bathroom routines?"

"Right now, I don't care as long you don't have virtual coitus with anyone and watch some romantic movie about a journal. Please." Sheldon looked down at her with those rounded pleading blue eyes.

Amy was surprised by the request, but was unable to resist, "Deal! Come in."

Sheldon entered Amy's room and stopped dead in his tracks, "Amy, you only have one bed."

"Yes Sheldon you do have a flair for the obvious."

"Sorry, too much time with Leonard." Sheldon was still frozen gawking at the bed.

Amy rolled her eyes and moved around Sheldon who was blocking her path to the bed, "But it's a king bed, that is like two twins."

"Except, they are together… Like.. connected…"

Amy shook her head and sat on the side of the bed where she had been sleeping, "Sheldon. Nothing is going to happen! First off, we have only had two dates. We aren't even boyfriend and girlfriend yet."

Sheldon snapped at her with that thick Texas accent he hated to hear off his own lips, "Any idea whose fault is that, lady?"

"Yours! You never scheduled the third date before you left because you were worried you had to have sex with me! And I am really trying here not to be insulted that the idea of Sex with me would drive you out of state."

Sheldon stared at his slippered feet, hid his hands in the pockets of his plaid robe, and whispered "It wasn't about you, Amy."

Amy softened her tone and put her hand on his arm, "I know…and I also know that you aren't ready for coitus yet but just as important, neither am I. There's no pressure." She tapped the bed and flipped down the blanket to invite him in. Little knowing what a temptress he thought she was, but in typical Sheldon fashion, he pushed the blame for his raging endocrine on her, instead of himself

"Are you sure your moth like personality won't be drawn to the blazing fire that is myself?"

"More and more sure." Amy had had enough. She was tired and not willing to cater to worries that had no hold on reality. "Sheldon, I can sleep next to you and not fall victim to your charms, believe me! Especially tonight!"

Sheldon hemmed and said, "Well, you have my permission to go to sleep then."

Amy crawled into bed and took off her glasses, "I didn't ask for your permission."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes, "Too late. No backsies."

Sheldon pulled off his robe and laid it on the chaise lounge at the end of the bed. He slipped out of his slippers and carefully crawled into bed. Amy was facing him, rolling her eyes at how timidly he was getting in to bed.

"Look Sheldon." She motioned towards the middle of the bed. There was huge amount of space between them, "This part of the bed… It's a no passing zone. Imagine a bundling board."

Sheldon relaxed a bit, "Good idea, the wide board kept adolescents apart and insured no sexual conduct would occur." Sheldon swallowed as he saw Amy rub her neck and place her hand on her curvaceous hip.

"But the Victorians had an actual board, Amy! Maybe we can all down to the front desk and see if they have one." Sheldon looked over to the phone that was on the other side of the bed, near Amy, who at the moment was glaring at him.

"There will be no board, Sheldon. Just imagine it, like a zone you can't cross."

"Like the Neutral Zone!"

"What?"

"You know, the Neutral Zone between the Federation and the Romulan Empire."

"Sheldon, whatever you want to call it, its fine. I am not crossing it! Good night!" Amy slammed her head into her pillow and pulled the paper thin sheet over her shoulder.

It was quiet for a few minutes. Sheldon was lying on his back, painfully aware of Amy no more than 2 feet away from him. He could hear her breathing but that wasn't the most distracting thing. It was the permeating smell of cherries wafting from her hair. She must have washed it before going to bed. That would explain the enticing smell and the tumbled look of it on her shoulders. Sheldon shifted his weight slightly and said, "Of course, sometimes the Federation and the Romulans would enter the Neutral Zone to negotiate a temporary truce."

Believing that Sheldon was worried she would violate the zone, Amy had had enough. "Oh for the love of god" Amy rose off the pillow, "I can sleep next to you NAKED and not want to cross your damn Star Trek Zone!"

Sheldon sat up and smiled, "Hey you knew it was Star Trek." He looked back at the ceiling and said flatly, "However, I doubt if you were naked and hopped up on raging female hormones you could resist crossing it!"

"That's it!" Amy sat up and faced the wall. She roughly pulled off her nightgown and threw it across the room to the corner. Sheldon saw her bare back and hips before she quickly covered herself and threw her head deep in her pillow. "Watch me, Sheldon! Now, me and my raging hormones will be sleeping. Enjoy your time on the Romulan side."

Sheldon gulped as he looked at her hair sprayed across the pillow. She now only had a thin sheet covering her body. The flannel fabric shouldn't have made a difference, but Sheldon was grossly aware that there was only one layer of cloth covering her. He tried not to stare at her hour glass figure covered in cotton, but the light from the street was beaming through the thin shears. Her hair fanned out across her pillow and the ends were in the middle of neutral zone. He wanted to point that out, but he also wanted to reach out and touch them. He leaned back on his pillow and let out a sigh as he stared at the ceiling. Then he wondered, "Why am I the Romulans?"

Amy turned around and faced Sheldon. It was a good question, she thought. She held the sheet up to her chest, but held her head up with a bent arm, "Well, you're a twin, ergo Romulus and Remus."

Sheldon rolled on his side to face her. He mirrored her arm placement and moved a little closer. "It's interesting that you made the distinction. In Star Trek, the Romulans are related to Vulcans, in fact they once were the same race. They separated over a dispute about how to handle their unwanted emotions. Vulcan's used to be a violent and emotional people. They use logic to control their strong emotions. Romulans rejected that philosophy."

Amy gave Sheldon a quizzical stare, then asked, "Is that why older Spock went to speak with them, to get them back?"

Sheldon dropped his jaw, "What.. How do you know that?"

Amy loved shocking Sheldon, it was her favorite pastime. "You said if I was going to be Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend, I had to know the difference. I looked a few things up. Since I met Leonard Nimoy, I started with him. I saw a few clips on YouTube, but I didn't understand the context."

Sheldon's face glimmered with delight, "Amy… that's the … that's… really?" Sheldon moved a few inches closer to her, wanting desperately to brush her hair from her face. Her hair pin was gone, and her normally tame brown locks were wild. It took everything he had not to taste the words on her mouth again, like candy. _She had watched Star Trek for him_?

Amy didn't notice Sheldon's eyes darken,, "Is that why you identify so much with Vulcans? You have strong emotions as well."

"I've been told I have no emotions. Howard calls me an emotionless robot." Sheldon grinned, "He's such a charmer. Too bad he didn't use that line on Summer Glau, he might had made some headway with her."

"Huh…emotionless robot? You? Then they really don't know you, do they? You have more emotions and passions than anyone I have ever met."

"I think I am being insulted." Sheldon narrowed his glaze at her. He wasn't sure he liked the sound of what she was saying.

"Not at all. You channel your emotions. How do you think you have such a drive for science? For your hobbies? That passion comes from somewhere Sh sh sh eldon…" Amy pulled the thin hotel blanket over her shoulders but it offered little warmth.

"Amy, are you cold?"

Amy didn't want to admit her brilliant plan to make Sheldon eat his words was a disaster. She was freezing and missed her flannel nightgown. "I'll be ffff ine…"

"You know, sometimes the Federation and the Romulans would enter the Neutral Zone for humanitarian reasons."

Amy's teeth were beginning to chatter, "Like… delivering blankets?"

Sheldon let out chuckle, "You know the expression, 'The coldest winter I ever saw was the summer I spent in San Francisco'. Some people think Mark Twain said that, but he didn't. In fact, there are rumors that…"

"Sheldon, can you fffind another bbblanket?" Amy had to cut him off, or she would never get warm.

Sheldon looked around the room, but there was nothing. He pulled the blanket up to her shoulder but he knew it was too thin to do any good. "Well, there is only this blanket, but we can share warmth, if you want?"

Amy looked down at herself, "Sheldon, I barely have stitch on! Is that okay?" What was she thinking when she ripped off her nightgown? She hated when he told her she couldn't do something. Nothing upset her more. Still, she had surprised herself by her brazen actions, but Sheldon not seeming to mind however, was the most surprising.

"Amy, if we can sleep together with you naked, then it shows that we can control any urges. We can be like Vulcans instead of Romulans."

"Sounds good…"Amy looked across the room at her flannel nightgown that was hanging off her suitcase. She had good aim, but too good, it seemed a world away. "But I should put back on my nightgown."

"I have a better idea." Sheldon peeled off his pajama top along with the under shirt. "We can share body heat. I heard this is how they do it in cold weather climates."

Amy watched him strip off his shirt with a slack jaw. How could this man go from complaining about sleeping in the same bed to striping off his clothes?

"Well, I feel I am on an arctic expedition…" Amy sat up and held the sheet against her chest. She glowered at him and gave him her face that said he better tell the truth, "Are you sure?"

"Amy… You're right. We have only been on two dates. Nothing can happen." Sheldon held open his arms to welcome Amy.

She thought about the implications. If they slept together, almost naked, and nothing happened, it would prove to Sheldon they could control their urges. He could relax, and not worry so much about their intimacy. Amy was only going to nuzzle in Sheldon's bare chest to prove a point, nothing more, or so she told herself. His wide open eyes and beckoning chest was a siren's call to her.

Amy almost jumped into his arms and wrapped herself around him like a red stripe around a candy cane. "Oh god, Sheldon you're like an electric blanket!"

Sheldon let out shiver. He didn't expect her to be quite so icy, "Sweet lord, Amy! You are freezing!"

"As advertised. Oh god, you're warm. Sooo warm…" She nuzzled in his soft chest, like it was a winter quilt. His arms fully wrapped around her and held her to him.

"Good lord, woman, it's like snuggling with an ice core sample. I am going to get frost bite!"

"How can your body be so warm, and you're so thin?"

"Um… good circulation. I have to say your breasts feel like two snow cones on my chest." Sheldon loved snow cones, but Amy was insulted.

"Thank you for making it clear NOTHING is happening between us tonight…" Amy yawned, and nuzzled into Sheldon's warm chest. It was more than the smell of talc she was savoring. He had a distinctive redolence to his scent. His skin was downy soft, with faint ripples of muscles underneath his taut skin. The smattering of chest hair was as soft as she remembered when she drenched his chest in Vabo Rub.

She bent her leg and leaned it against his trying to capture as much of his warmth as possible. Within minutes she was warm, comfortable and safe. Drinking in his scent, Amy drifted off to sleep, with the Benadryl and exhausting day guiding her to dreamland.

Sheldon soon felt the repetitive motion of her steady breathing. She was asleep, but Sheldon couldn't succumb so readily. Her silken skin was fused to him and he thanked the Vulcan masters for Kolinhr.

 _How had this vixen done this_ , he thought. Within 20 minutes he had gone from panicking over the idea of sharing a king size, to sleeping next to her practically naked. He's fears of their amorous activities were put to rest the moment he felt her body next to his, like a missing puzzle piece driving him crazy, suddenly found. She completed the picture.

After a month of worrying about their relationship and endless sleepless nights, Sheldon was exhausted as well. He pulled her as close he could and drifted off to sleep while his hand ran down her arm feeling her silken skin under his fingers tips.

**Chapter 25: Chapter 25**

**The Big Reversal Theory 25**

**Or the Vixen in 4B**

The next morning, Sheldon woke up to find Amy in the exact same position she fell asleep. They had slept all night in each other's arms. Sheldon smiled. _They did it. They had proved that they weren't slaves to their endocrine system after all. But just_ as that thought had crossed his mind, Amy let out a soft yearning moan and twisted her silken leg around his like an anaconda. _Drat, he had spoken_ _too soon_ , he thought, as he moved his body to feel her warm breath on his neck. He knew he had to get outta there now, but just a minute more…

His right arm was around her shoulders, with his left hand draped around her waist, resting on her hip. He could feel the outline of her panties under the pads of his fingers and he cursed his eidetic memory as it brought back flashes him pulling them up her legs when she had sprained her wrist.

He moved his hand from her hip up to her shoulder, coating her skin in a trail of feather light touches. Her skin felt softer than angora. This tender action caused Amy to moan once again and move her hand from his chest down his stomach to his hip bone. Her touch was like defibrillator to his no longer sleepy endocrine system.

Just as he was about to wake, her she blinked her eyes open to see him looking down at her. Her sleepy look and ruffled russet hair was just as adorable as it had been 8 hours ago.

Slowly, Amy pulled her hands off Sheldon's hip, letting her fingers glide over his stomach and ribs. She pushed back from Sheldon and stretched her arms over her head. Laying on her side, hugging her pillow she offered him a wide genuine smile which he couldn't help but return.

The sheet had slipped down from her shoulders and was now molded to her body accentuating the tops of her breasts. It was a bittersweet moment as Sheldon felt regret that she had taken her warmth away, but was grateful as he was quickly noticing the growing problem caused by this beguiling woman.

Amy was oblivious to his state of arousal. She was simply elated to have slept with him. It was one of her favorite fantasies.

"Sheldon! We did it! See! Aren't you pleased? Nothing happened! You have nothing to worry about." She hoped all his fears would now be put to rest, but his face told a different story. He seemed more terrified than she had ever seen him before, and she didn't know the cause.

The pulsing hard source of Sheldon's discomfort was the last thing he wanted to discuss while lying almost naked next to her. He moved his body away from her, but could not take his eyes from the tempting pale shoulders now clothed in her hair alone.

"Uh, huh.. Yeah.. Umm I should go. You know, get clothes, and um.. take a shower.. You should…" Sheldon looked down at her waving hair laying over her half exposed breast. "Um.. You should… Get dressed too."

Sheldon almost jumped off the bed and turned away from her. His early morning arousal did not abate. Just her voice made him shudder with excitement. Amy sat up pulling the sheet around her. She curled her legs underneath her body and leaned against the head board.

"Sheldon…?"

Sheldon could not look at her but continued to tussle with his top, undershirt and robe, hoping they would cover not so little 'problem'. He fought with his slippers as well, as he kept putting them on the wrong feet while he struggled with the robe. It was like the first time he had ever put on clothes. He could still smell her on him, and the scent was driving him wild. He really didn't want her to see his excitement almost bursting through his pants.

"Sheldon…"

"Um…" he finally succeeded in getting his pajama top on, but it was inside out and his t-shirt was over it. His robe was also inside out and his slippers were on the wrong feet. It was evident that he was upset and not knowing the reason worried Amy more.

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, sit down on this bed right now and tell what in hell is going on?" Amy's voice snapped through the air, just like a certain polecat mother he knew back in Texas. He sat down quickly on the bed and swallowed still not facing her.

After a silent moment he relaxed and let out a sigh.

"What did I do wrong?" Amy's voice shook. "Are you going to run away again?"

Sheldon reached back to her, "No! I'm not going to do that…"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all. It's nothing." Sheldon looked back at her for a moment, "Amy, nothing is wrong. Everything was great." He gave her a reassuring smile which seemed to relax her and Sheldon tried not to look at her tempting hair brushing over her pale clavicles peeking out of the paper thin sheet. He had to get out of there; fast.

"I knew you'd be pleased. You were able to sleep with me, and you weren't tempted in the least…" As soon as Amy said it she thought, _but why was he not tempted._ She looked down at her body, and bit her lip. _She was not attractive, that was why._ She pulled back her hair, pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them doing her best to cover herself with the blanket as well.

Sheldon couldn't help it he let out short laugh "I think I'm finally getting sarcasm, Amy!"

Amy looked up and beamed at him. "Really? You think that was sarcastic?"

"Well, wasn't it? Rats, I thought I had that one. I was sure of it! You people really need to get a sign!"

Amy blew out the breath she was holding. _Sheldon had just said he was tempted by her_? Amy suddenly felt like a goddess thanks to that one simple off the cuff remark. She beamed with joy and almost bouncing on the bed while asking him, "Did you sleep well?"

Her tempting bouncing and jigging all her appealing parts was not helping his situation in the least. However, she brought up an interesting point.

Sheldon thought about it for a moment. He hadn't expected to, but he did in fact sleep very well, even with someone so close to him. He had no fears of germs with Amy. It must be that he had become anesthetized to her because of the year and half of her saliva soaked cheek kisses and hugs.

"Yes, I did… huh… imagine that?"

"I'm surprised too that I slept so well." Amy relaxed and sat back against the headboard with only the nearly transparent white sheet covering her chest.

"You are?" Sheldon expected her to have no compunction about sleeping with him. He was taken aback that she was surprised.

"Yes, I mean I did take a Benadryl, so that helped me fall asleep so easily. However, I have never slept with anyone so intimately before."

Amy was busily watching Sheldon who was now attempting to readjust his shirts and robe. He had stripped off his shirt and pajama top to put them on the right order. Amy was grateful that Sheldon was facing the other way so that he didn't see her drool over the arched muscles in his back as he peeled off the pajama top. She had to get him outta there before she pounced on him like a cat and scratched that tempting back of his in a lust filled stupor.

"You forget that we have Amy. You slept on my chest before… on your couch. Remember?" Sheldon turned back to her, his tops still in his hands but his eyes were immediately drawn back to her chest. Amy didn't notice his eyes as she had her own floor show to watch. "After that scoundrel Victor accosted you. The cad."

Sheldon continued trying to dress, but her chest was a major distraction. He almost shook his head to stop gawking.

"Oh yeah.. But we had clothes on." Amy licked her lips as she watched him throw on the t-shirt. She was almost whimpering.

"Um.. yeah. Lots of clothes…" Sheldon's breath was ragged by the time he had finished dressing, still unable to take his eyes off her twirling her hair as it floated over her bare shoulders.

Amy was ignorant to the affect her state of undress was having on Sheldon, "It's funny but I usually move around during the night and traveling sometimes gives me night terrors. But last night… Nothing. It must have been the allergy meds, but still I am surprised." She smiled and reached out for his hand, "I think.. you um, make me comfortable."

Amy was leaning over to reach for his hand. Her eyes had a stunning glow that caused Sheldon to lose his thoughts for a moment. He scooted closer to her, "Well, maybe because you were warm enough. Um.. do you want to sleep again…I mean…Not now.. later… Like tonight. But with me. Do you want to sleep with me. I don't mean what you think I mean.. because of that table thing. I just….what I mean is.."

Amy put her hand on his arm to stop his rambling. "Sheldon… If you need a place to stay tonight, you are more than welcome to stay with me. Take the extra keycard over there." Amy tucked her hair behind her ears and looked down, "In fact, I would like it very much."

"Thank you Amy.. I might just take you up on that…" Sheldon gulped and looked once again at her chest, "…tempting offer."

Sheldon reluctantly left Amy's bedside and returned to the room where his belongings were stored. He found Raj passed out and snoring away in the same bed as Howard, spooning each other and sleeping comfortably. Sheldon's bed was untouched so he could have slept there after all. Sheldon showered, dressed and gathered his things. Though his movements were as always, cat like, his bunkmates were so deeply asleep he could have started a tap dance school and they would not have woken up. He placed his packed suitcase near the door for later, and quickly left the room to meet Amy for breakfast.

Sheldon found that the best part of breakfast wasn't the pancakes or the perfectly cooked bacon, it was the fact that he felt so comfortable and at ease with Amy. His calm smile remained on his face for most of the meal, and he didn't even make too much of a fuss when the waitress gave him whole milk instead of 2%.

As the guys had slept in, Amy and Sheldon were left alone all morning to attend any panel they chose without complaint and the couple enjoyed every one especially when they could mock the presenters for their dumbing down of science through biting Q and A questions.

When they attended David Underhill's presentation Sheldon was in his element.

"Dr. Underhill, You've dedicated your latest book to educating the general populace about complex scientific ideas like dark matter." Sheldon commented.

David Underhill smiled, "Yes, in part…"

Sheldon hid his snicker, "Have you ever considered trying to do something useful? Perhaps, reading to the elderly?"

Underhill snorted, "Excuse me?"

Sheldon continued, "Yeah, but not your book, that's poppycock... You know, something they might enjoy." Sheldon finally gave a fake smile to Underhill's gawking face, "I kid, of course. Keep going, please… We haven't heard about Dark matter and photino particle. You know, the super-partner of the photon?"

Underhill stumbled, "Oh I .. um.. didn't discuss the photino particle in this book."

Sheldon looked around wide eyed, "Oh Dear… Well.. no wonder. Anyway.. Big fan." Sheldon sat down and smirked at Amy. She almost wanted to kiss him senseless but decided instead on a shoulder nudge and glimmering smile of approval at his Alpha Male Status.

After the dismantling of Underhill, Sheldon and Amy had lunch while waiting for the panel on bioorganic cellular computer devices. It was then Sheldon spotted Smoot. He ran over to him and caught his attention.

"Dr. Smoot, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper." Amy came up beside him, "Oh and this is my… um girlfriend… Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler." Sheldon looked at Amy's shocked face and blushed, but he had to concentrate on Smoot.

Smoot looked bothered, like he was late for something, "Um, yes hello."

"I have a paper here, I would love for you to read." Instead of the line he was going to say, like what has anyone heard from Smoot lately, he said the line that Amy made him memorize.

His delivery was robotic, but still effective, "Um… I would be… _grateful_." Sheldon winced as he gritted his teeth, "If you would give me your opinion. I believe it is paradigm alerting. We could continue my…" Amy nudged him, "I mean… this research… as a team…"

Smoot barely looked at the paper, and then said, "Yes, I doubt it's paradigm altering, but I'll give you some pointers and get back to you."

Amy snarled and almost pushed Sheldon out to the way, "Hey Pal. If my boyfriend says it's paradigm altering than it is! What do you know, working at some hippy college like Berkley! Dr. Cooper works at Cal-Tech! So while you're riding out the coat tails of you dying career, remember that you had a chance to work with one of the brightest minds in the world!" Amy shook her head, "Geez, get one Nobel Prize and turn into a diva."

Sheldon was too shocked to say anything, but Smoot seemed to like Amy's barracuda's ways, "Okay, Dr. Fowler. I'll take a look. I am late for my panel though, but I'll call as soon as the conference is over. I have a meeting with CalT-tech next week, I'll come see you and we can discuss it." Smoot smirked at Amy, "Is that okay with your manager?"

Amy crossed her arms and replied, "Yes, but just remember, When you get the Nobel, Sheldon's name is first, he gets 20% on the backend of all book deals plus residuals. Oh, and none of this lame-o PR work like showing up on TV shows or something. He's strictly a research guy, got it?"

"Got it! Nice talking to you, Dr. Cooper." Smoot ran off to his panel, with Sheldon's paper in hand and a smile on his face at Amy's overprotective ways.

She turned to Sheldon still gob smacked face and smiled, "Girlfriend, huh?"

Sheldon cleared his throat, "Um, yes well. That was easier than long winded explanation about three dates and the like. Besides, you said that to Underhill, so neerer neerer."

Amy looked away and said, "I didn't know you heard that." Sheldon just raised his eye brows at Amy, who smiled, "It does seem simpler doesn't it?"

Sheldon bit his lip and smirked, "Oh and calling me the brightest minds in the world will help your chances of becoming Sheldon Cooper's girlfriend, by the way."

"Oh I didn't know there was a competition." Amy picked an imaginary piece of lint off his shirt, "And I said ONE of the brightest minds. Don't get cocky, Cooper." Amy sauntered off down the hall to toward the panel. Watching Amy defend him like a pole cat was definitely on the qualities he wanted in a girlfriend. He joked about it, but he never had anyone defend him like she did. There was no competition, Amy was the only one in the race.

After the panel, the two separated as Amy was interested in a panel on Freudian theory of Penis envy and how it related to primate behavior. And as interested as Sheldon might be in the fascinating subject of penises and how Amy might weigh in on the subject, he wanted to attend the discussion of robotics and space exploration. It was at this point that his three friends found him as he watched Amy walk away with a smile on his face.

Leonard called out to him, "Sheldon! There you are!"

Sheldon looked like a love sick teenager as he turned to his tardy friends, "Hello gentlemen. While you all were sleeping your lives away, Amy and I have attended all the best panels. And no, we won't tell you spoilers…" Sheldon almost jumped up and down, "Okay one, Underhill is an idiot."

"That's not a spoiler Sheldon you've been saying that for months."

"Well I now have confirmation. Oh and one more, Smoot is a diva, but Amy put him in his place!" Sheldon's giddy smile was disturbing to his tardy friends, plus they were all feeling a little guilty wondering where Sheldon had slept last night.

"Listen, pal. We all feel terrible about last night. Did you get another room? Where did ya sleep?" Howard asked, feeling uncomfortable that he had been so elated at Sheldon's disappearance.

Sheldon hid a smirk, and said quickly "Oh I got by. No need to worry."

Leonard now felt even worse about abandoning Sheldon thinking he had probably slept in the lobby. "Look, I am going to the front desk right now and changing the room to a double bed. Or Raj and Howard can take my room and we can switch to the double, okay?"

Sheldon's face twitched as he said, "Oh.. no need. I fixed the sleeping arrangements. It's all sorted." a little too eager to drop the subject.

"All sorted? Did you get a room? They just said they are fully booked. Where did you… Oh…. I get it…" Raj figured it out and gave Sheldon a beaming smile while he nudged him.

Sheldon feigned lack of knowledge of his friends insinuation, but his blushing face gave him away, "Get what, what are you getting?"

Leonard finally got the reference as well, "You dawg!"

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "Nothing happened! We just slept in the same bed. We didn't move all night."

"No movement? Buddy, I hate to tell ya, but to do it right, you have got to have some hip movements. Here, I call this one the Wolowitz Whopper!" Howard thrust his hips forward a few times in a circular motion. Sheldon wasn't the only one getting sick watching him.

"Howard, stop that gyration right now! Amy and I will do no such thing! We aren't even boyfriend/girlfriend yet."

"Woah, wait a minute. You slept with Amy, in the same bed? And you aren't even official? Damn dude, you're a stud!" Raj slapped him on the back and beamed at him.

Sheldon held his paper to his chest like a teddy bear, "I am not a stud! I will not sire offspring for a fee like a horse!"

Howard winked at him, "If you were like a horse, you could get good fee! I bet Amy would pay..."

Sheldon cut off Howard tawdry rant, "Stop that kinda talk right now. Just because Amy was naked doesn't mean anything…"

"Hold the phone, WHAT?!"

Sheldon's own ears couldn't believe he had let that little factoid slip, "Never mind… the panel is starting…" Sheldon almost ran off down the hall toward the doors leaving Howard, Raj and Leonard with looks of amazement painted on their faces.

"Don't tell me he's not a stud!"

Leonard looked nauseated, "Guys… I just realized…Once he is with Amy officially, there will no living with him! His ego will be size of the State he is from!"

All three men looked positively pale, "Oh god. What do you we do?"

Howard popped up, "Hey, there's a panel about going to Mars, maybe he'll sign up?"

Raj looked sad, "I hope he doesn't take Amy with him. I would really miss her…"

"He probably won't because he probably wouldn't even think of it." Howard and the guys started to troop toward the panel, but Leonard stopped them with a snap.

"Of course he would take Amy with him! Sheldon is not such an ass that he would sign up to go to Mars without Amy! Damn Howard, that's just cold!"

"I know, I should give him more credit! Our little homo novus is growing up so fast!"

"Yeah, well, if he goes, I still have to keep to rules of the apartment."

"How do you figure, he'll be millions of miles away."

Raj popped in, "yeah, like 225 Million km. Dude, there is no way he'd watch the thermostat."

"No it is already written into the agreement. If one of us goes on an interspace journey, the roommate agreement still applies unless one is informed of the other's death, and then only after an appropriate mourning period."

"Dude, you're screwed…"

After the panel, Sheldon almost ran out of the conference room to get away from the guys and to meet up with Amy for dinner. He did not want to have the guys make inappropriate comments to her that could interfere with his wish to stay with her again that night, but he had nothing to worry about, as Amy had been looking forward to the evening the entire day.

Eventually Sheldon found Amy in the crowd of biologists debating whether penis sizes were related to intelligence. When Sheldon approached the group, the three women she was speaking with all stepped back and eyed Sheldon with a lust fill scrutiny. Amy quickly pulled him away before the horny primatologists took out their measuring tape for his hands.

"Oh boy, Sheldon, they were ready to strap you on a table! We better get you outta here before they start to measure the banana locked in your puzzle box!"

"Amy, what do you…" When Amy looked down at Sheldon and then back up to his face with a waggle of her eyebrows and a wink, he knew what she meant.

"Oh dear…" Sheldon looked back in horror as the three cougars licked their lips eyeing a gazelle.

"Proposal: We eat dinner in your room. Away from all this.." Sheldon was getting crowd crazy from the hordes of people he feared would trample him any moment. Amy was also feeling a little claustrophobic, but it was the idea of having Sheldon all to herself that made her tremble. She couldn't get the scent of him off her and she didn't want to.

"I share your Enochlophobia at the moment. Let's go to our room."

"Well technically it's your room. I'm just couch surfing like some vagrant indie rock band member."

"Well, if you were a band member, you'd be the dreamy one and the smart one." Amy smiled and then looked away quickly before Sheldon had a chance to react to her compliment. Weaving their way through the crowd Amy was a nervous as a bride on her wedding night though she was making efforts to hide it from Sheldon.

Sheldon retrieved his bag from Howard's room and quickly brought it to Amy's. Though he was nervous and a little reluctant to just walk in with his keycard, he also did not want anyone to see him knocking at a lady's door with a suitcase in his hand.

Quickly entering the room he looked around for Amy and realized that she was in bathroom. Sheldon waited at the door, now unsure the protocol. Amy's room was spacious, with a desk big enough for two, and a large armoire. It seemed custom made for two people sharing a room, but to Sheldon, it suddenly felt small.

Amy emerged from the bathroom to find Sheldon eyeing the room with a glazed look on his face. Yep, she knew he would be freaking out about it at some point.

"Oh, good, you're here." Amy tried to act as causal as possible, but even she was nervous.

Sheldon just nodded. Amy sat on the chaise lounge at the end of the king size bed and tapped it for him to sit next to her. Sheldon did so, but so timidly that Amy sat away from him to give him some space.

"Look Sheldon. I can tell you're nervous."

"Well. A sleepover is a big step for us."

"It is, but we've already done it!" Amy saw that her reassurances weren't helping Sheldon, "Okay, let's do this. Suspend the dating clause of our relationship for one evening, okay? We are friends, nothing more. Staying with me will be no different than staying with Leonard, Raj nor Howard."

"Well, Leonard snores, Howard talks in sleep about women and Raj as it turns out, is a cuddler. But I see your point."

Amy smiled, "I am cuddler too, but for tonight… We will keep our sleepover G rated. We can order a pizza, and put on pajamas, it will be like a slumber party!" Amy voice raised like a preteen girl.

"Slumber party reminds me too much of my sister and all her friend's trying to put makeup on me. Let's just call it a sleepover."

Amy calmed down the giddy girl screeching and lowered her tone to business mode, '"Deal."

"Sleepover or not, you're not braiding my hair!" Sheldon held his hair defensively. Amy thought his twin sister must have really done a number on him over the years.

"Fine! Now go put away your stuff and get on your PJ's."

Sheldon stood up and went to unpack his clothes to put them in the armoire. Amy had not used it at all. Sheldon noticing a blanket on the top shelf quickly closed the door, "Umm. Ya know… I will just keep my clothes in the suitcase as we are leaving early tomorrow." He knew it was wrong, but he was hoping Amy would be freezing like an Eskimo without a parka tonight.

"No problem." Amy was on the phone ordering the pizza. By the time she was done, Sheldon had emerged from the bath, PJ's on and ready for the evening. "Um… Amy…. Can we make this evening PG, instead of G?"

"Why sure, what do you have in mind?" Amy was grateful she had not been facing him otherwise he would have seen her blush in an instant.

Sheldon announced happily, "That way we can watch Star Trek II, the Wrath of Khan."

Amy sighed silently, "Okay… but next slumber party, I choose the movie!"

Sheldon smiled widely, "Not slumber party... sleepover, but DEAL!" He was so elated that he didn't realize he had just agreed to another sleepover.

Amy hid her smile as she returned to the bathroom to wash her hair, don her snap down nightgown and robe. Coming back into the bedroom she sat on the chaise in front of the TV. It seemed so formal, so she shifted and laid on the bed facing the opposite way to watch TV and Sheldon mirrored her actions. They had watched about 20 minute before the pizza arrived, causing Sheldon to hide from the delivery guy so he wouldn't see him in a girl's room.

Amy had no such worries and grinned at Sheldon who was cowering behind the door, "Sheldon, don't be silly. The pizza guy doesn't care what we are doing in here."

They returned to the bed, sat up against the headboard and continued watching the movie, while eating most of the pizza and polishing off a six pack of Diet soda.

"Hold up. How can he come back and deal with the Romanians if he is buried on that Genesis planet?" Despite herself, Amy had become interested in Star Trek and Sheldon was thrilled.

"You'll have to see!" He smiled as he cleaned up the mess and hopped back onto the bed with Amy. She returned to her original posture and was lying on her side twisting her hair into braids unconsciously.

"Boy that guy from Fantasy Island is hot! How old is he? Look at that chest!" Amy was still playing with her hair, while licking her lips eyeing a very buff Ricardo Montalbán. Sheldon was not amused. Amy kept looking, "Is that even real?"

Sheldon growled, "Yes it's real and he is evil and through his actions, Spock dies, so no ogling."

"Yes, Captain." Amy smirked at him. Sheldon had to adjust himself hearing that title. It was going to be a long night, he thought.

After the film was finished, they played a few rounds of counterfactuals while Sheldon tried to ignore how adorable Amy looked in braids on either side of her face. She looked like a sexy farm girl in her striped nightgown that covered every inch of her and her side braids. She was now on her stomach and her calves sticking out of her nightgown made Sheldon wish he could up the rating for the evening. He even loved watching her brush her teeth. She seemed a master at handling an electric toothbrush. Everything she did was fascinating to him.

A thought struck him as they pulled down the blanket to go to bed. "Um, Amy. You seemed to sleep well last night. One wonders if that was from your drug induced addled state, or the um… position you slept in…"

Amy knew exactly what Sheldon was hinting at, and she wanted the same thing. Sleeping with him so close was one of the best nights she had had in long time. Touching him and feeling his arms surround her was addictive and she had been trying to think of a way to introduce the subject. Now Sheldon had given her the opening she so desperately wanted.

"Well… it would be easy to test those variables. We would have to recreate the conditions and then eliminate the key variable; in this case, the allergy medicine."

Sheldon sat up in bed and looked down at Amy's nightgown, "Um… All the conditions would have to be the same in order for the experiment to be valid, wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh I agree." Amy drew in a breath as she noticed Sheldon's pale tempting neck peeking out of his pajamas. "Completely."

Underneath the blankets, Amy snapped open her nightgown and took it off while Sheldon removed his shirts. Both had avoided each other's eyes as they undressed.

The two met in the middle of the bed, gingerly wrapped their arms around each other and Amy nuzzled into Sheldon's warm, inviting chest. She was still wearing her braids, and also her glasses. Sheldon reached up and pulled the glasses slowly off her face.

"You forgot these. Also, Amy… Your braids feel like snakes."

"Snakes? Okay. I'll take them out. Amy sat up, holding the blanket to her chest she unraveled her hair and placed her glasses on the nightstand. Though Sheldon tried to avoid watching her place her glasses on the nightstand he just couldn't steal his eyes away from her. The braids had now made her hair wavy and it flowed over her back like melted chocolate. He was disappointed to only catch a glimpse before she pulled the blanket over her shoulders again and resumed her position.

Though Amy was not as cold as the night before Sheldon could not forget the blanket in the closet and he felt he was a cad for hiding it from her.

"Amy, in the interest of full disclosure, there is a blanket in the cabinet, if you are cold. I didn't know it was there last night, or I would have gotten it for you." Sheldon looked down at Amy whose face was nestled into his neck.

Amy swallowed and with a husky voice said, "It's okay. I'm warmer with you than I would be with any hotel blanket." Amy leaned up and gave Sheldon a quick kiss on his cheek, "I know this is hard for you, and I appreciate you keeping me warm. Thank you, Sheldon."

Sheldon leaned in to her cheek, feeling the heat off her skin on his lips. He placed a small kiss on her cheek, but only pulled away an inch. "Amy, thank you for letting me stay."

Amy tried to hold her breath in, but she let it out in spurts. She could barely breathe with him so close to her. She bent her head the short distance and kissed his cheek, "And thank you for keeping warm again tonight." Then she leaned in and did it again "And for being honest."

She pulled back slightly but Sheldon held her close. He swallowed and placed another kiss on her cheek, this time moving closer to her mouth, "Um… thank you for bringing the paper."

"Thank you for that lovely Cordon Bleu dinner." Amy kept her mouth near his cheek. Sheldon didn't pull away.

"Thank you for helping me with the Physics bowl." He kissed her cheek and pulled her closer to him.

Amy lingered a little longer and breathed her thank you on his cheek. He could almost taste the mint from her toothpaste. Her hair was now tumbled around her face. "Thank you for going with me to the wedding."

Sheldon reached up with his hand and held her jaw as he leaned in and kissed her cheek again.

"Thank you for getting rid of Ramona."

Amy kissed his cheek near the corner of his mouth, "For folding away all my boxes."

"For still talking to me after I broke into your apartment to get at those boxes." His kiss lingered on his cheek and he moved his mouth toward her ear feeling her skin on his lips.

"For helping me when I got drunk with Penny."

Sheldon pulled back in surprise, "You knew it was me that took care of you that night?"

"I did, later. But I should have realized given how well my sweater was folded. Thank you… Again." Amy leaned close again and kissed his cheek.

"Amy…" He let his kiss linger as he moved his mouth to the side of hers. She could almost taste his breath, "Thank you.. for moving in to 4B."

Amy turned her head, and her lips glazed around his. Sheldon's breath was shallow. He closed his eyes, and let his lips barely touch hers before he pulled away and opened his eyes. Amy's eyes were still closed, waiting for him to kiss her.

He moved his mouth to her ear and whispered, "Amy, I want to kiss you, but I have no parameters to do so. I kissed you on New Year's because it was a social convention. I kissed you at the wedding for a ruse, but.."

Amy blinked her eyes open and pulled back, "Sheldon… It's okay. You can kiss me. I give you permission."

"But why?"

"WHY?! Because you want to? Isn't that a good enough reason?"

"No… It's not!"

"But you kissed me when you drank that tea?"

"Yes, but I was a cad to do so. No better than Victor." Sheldon looked away from her face and perched his lips. He was convinced she went to Saudi because of his aborrant behavior. Sheldon looked back at her and sucked in his bottom lip in shame.

"Oh Sheldon, that's silly." Sheldon looked down when she spoke. She should not dismiss his fears so readily. So instead she realized what he needed, and smiled, "I get it… You need context."

Sheldon relaxed, and gave her a smile, "Yes. I can't just kiss you because I want to. It's not right. We aren't even…" Sheldon drew in a breath and said quietly, "In the spirit of full disclosure, my body does not realize that we are not a couple."

Amy whispered back to him, "My body doesn't realize it either, Sheldon." Sheldon raised his eyes at her admission.

"Well…" She leaned back on the pillow and put her finger to her lips as if she was thinking, though she knew exactly what to say, "If we were dating, it would easier. You could kiss me whenever you wanted… though with certain restrictions. like no public kissing. That's tacky."

Sheldon sat up and leaned toward her with a smile, "Really?" He looked at her with a skeptical glare, "Whenever I want?"

"Not in public." She corrected him.

"Of course, but... that doesn't seem right."

"Well, social convention dictates that you may kiss a person after a date, or if you are pair bonded usually whenever you want."

"But we went on two dates, and we didn't kiss?" Sheldon slumped down and whined.

Amy couldn't help teasing him "Sorry buddy." She shook her head, "You missed your chance!"

"Rats. I need these rules ahead of time before our next date! That's not fair!"

"I understand. However...You know what, Sheldon. It makes me think…" Amy moved closer to Sheldon and licked her upper lip, "Given the definition of a "Date" we have actually been on more than two."

Sheldon bent his elbow and sat up, "Oh, really? How do you figure?"

"Well, remember when you paid my way into the zoo? That could be considered a date." Amy bit her bottom lip and ran her fingers down his neck towards his chest. She then outlined his bicep on his bent arm. She stifled her whimpering. Sheldon started to quiver but still managed to answer her.

"That's only because you forgot to break a hundred when you cashed your check. I just fronted you the money." Amy stopped her hand on his chest and rolled her eyes at him missing her easy out. Sheldon finally got the hint and replied quickly, "Oh, but I see what you mean… But monetary constraints shouldn't determine a date." He sat up a little bit and inched closer to her, "But you could count **whenever** we went to the Zoo."

"Or the museum." Her head was under his jaw, so she couldn't see his reactions to her touching his neck, almost marking the territory she wanted to kiss him with a finger trail. His smell was inducing a fervor in her.

"Or the observatory."

"Anytime we had dinner, just the two of us." Amy inched her way closer to him and continued her trail down his neck to his chest and back to his ear.

"Or went to the train store." Sheldon was on a roll, but Amy stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Forget it pal. There is no way going to the train store counts as a date! Or if it does it's the worst date ever."

Amy edged back to him, and played with his chest hair slightly, "Sheldon let's use that sexy memory of yours, shall we."

"Sexy?"

"Yep, it makes the uterus quiver, Sheldon." Sheldon eyes popped open, but Amy was unabashed, "Back to business… Given these new parameters, how many dates have we been on since we've known each other?"

Sheldon looked away for a moment then turned back to her confident in his number, "273."

Amy let out a quivering sigh, "Well… I may be just a biologist, but that is way more than three, wouldn't you say?"

"Yes… it is most definitely more.." Sheldon pulled her by the bare waist closer to him. His hands trailed up to her spine to her hair and held onto the back of her head while he moved her on her back.

"Given this new information, I can only say that I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship, Sheldon."

Sheldon couldn't hide his grin. He tried to bite his lip, but he was too excited, "I'm listening…"

Amy placed her hand on his chest, and almost pushed him back, "But everything is going to change, Sheldon. Physical and otherwise, are you okay with that?"

"Oh, I'm counting on it." He pulled her hand off his chest and wrapped it around his neck, as he moved closer to her.

"Then… um.. I would like to no longer consider you not.. not my friend. I mean, my friend, but not not your girl/friend. I mean.." Amy's stumbling was due to Sheldon continuing to close the gap between them till only centimeters separated them.

"Amy, let me do it before you butcher the English language with a quadruple negative, okay?"

"Okay.." It was Amy's turn to suppress her grin. Sheldon put his hands on either side of her face, holding it gently while he asked the question he had wanted to ask so long ago. The fear that had crippled him was now gone, and all the reasons that stopped him before forgotten. The only thing he knew was that he wanted her, the only thing he wanted to feel was her touch and all he wanted to see was her smiling face, "Amy… will you be my girlfriend."

Amy blinked her sparking large green eyes a few times, bit her lip for a second and answered as she leaned closer to him, "Yes."

He felt a wave of closure flood him and instant relief.

"Oh, thank god that's over…" Sheldon pulled her by her neck to meet him halfway but she was already at his lips. The first urgent kiss was unbroken until each of them were gasping for air. Sheldon pulled back and looked at Amy, half expecting it to be the dream or fantasy that had been plaguing him for months. He could feel her under him, her warm body fused with his. He leaned down kiss her again, this time without the urgency. He let his mouth move over hers as his hands moved to her back and shoulder blades. Sheldon's light touch tickled Amy a little, and she let out a quivering moan that opened her mouth. Sheldon remembered the kiss she had given him after she had returned from the hospital. He wanted to return it, perfect it, and practice it until he was a master.

His tongue savored the hint of mint on her lower lip and begged for more. Amy's roaming hands pulled Sheldon by the small of his back closer to her each time his tongue glided across hers. Sheldon moved his hands around her shoulder blades to her ribs, then to the sides of breasts. He stopped as soon as he felt his fingers move closer, almost grasping her. Amy stopped as well, and they both looked at each, surprised how quickly things had escalated.

"Amy. I am not sure what to do. I mean what I can do." He hadn't moved his hand from under her breast. Amy shifted up and Sheldon's hand fell to her hip.

"This is new for me as well. I am not sure protocols or parameters either." Suddenly Amy shot Sheldon a beaming smile.

"I've got the answer!" Amy sat up, holding the covers to her chest, she replaced her glasses and grabbed at her robe at the end of the bed.

"What, Amy? Where are you going?"

"I should have done this earlier." Amy threw on the robe and went to her briefcase. She pulled out a bonded stack of papers and then turned to Sheldon who by now had also got out of bed and put on his robe. Confused by her actions, he followed her to the middle of room.

"Amy, what are you doing?"

Amy smiled, "I present to you the relationship agreement. A binding covenant that, in its 35 pages, enumerates, iterates and codifies the rights and responsibilities of Sheldon Lee Cooper, here and after known as the boyfriend, and Amy Farrah Fowler, here and after known as the girlfriend." Amy handed him his own document and sat on the chaise lounge, hoping she had done the right thing.

Sheldon looked at the paper with awe. "Amy, I don't understand. Is this my relationship agreement?"

"No. It's ours." Amy winked at him, "I used the good paper too!"

Sheldon held the document to her, "You want this? I mean, I told Leonard about it, and he thought I was crazy."

"Phooey on Leonard and anyone else who tells us how to be a couple! He always says that to you when he doesn't agree with your opinion. You have given us a guide for our relationship, Sheldon. And you did this long before I even thought you were remotely interested in me. Do I want it? Yes, but with my changes. Your old document kept me at arm's length and I understood that. But things have changed between us, and you don't need to do that anymore. You need to read it and see if YOU want it now. You may not."

"35 pages? But it was 31 pages?"

"I added a few things… Go ahead, read it."

Sheldon flipped through the document like a speed reader. Everything was the same except she had clarified some loopholes he had specifically left out. She had expanded the holiday section, the familial visits, travel requirements, and most glaring: she had completely altered the physical contact section. Amy's relationship agreement was more about compromise and communication than constraint.

Amy held her hands tightly as she explained the document. "The changes are in the physical section, I thought it was too restrictive. I added that we can proceed through the customary advancements of intimacy, at our pace. If at any time, one or the other party doesn't like the pace, all they need to say is stop. If all you want to do is just kissing, that's fine. We can stop there. If you want more, we can proceed. Oh and there is no set schedule or timeline we have to reach. We can just have kissing for years before we move to another stage. No expectations, but parameters."

Sheldon looked at Amy with awe. She knew he needed the agreement to feel comfortable and she didn't ridicule him for it as other's might do. She recognized all his needs and tried to fulfill them. He was astounded how well she understood him.

"Amy… I just don't know what to say."

"Well, if you agree, you can sign it along with my signature on page 35. Then I'm all yours."

"Mine?" Sheldon said the word with almost a hungry growl to his voice. Little did Amy know how she had tapped into his possessive streak. No more dates with strangers or picture book store owners. No more would he have to worry about her looking for someone better than he, she would be his. She was willing to wait for him. She wanted him, quirks and all.

"That is if you'll have me?" she added innocently. She saw his demeanor change instantly as he almost ran to the desk, scribble his name across the bottom of page 35, then slowly turn his head toward her with a coy grin. His head was down as he eyed Amy across the room. He stripped off his robe and threw it on the chair as his cat like movements inched closer to Amy.

Amy knew Sheldon's faces. She had memorized all of them, but this one was new; hungry and determined. Her body shivered she met his gaze.

Sheldon crossed the room like a panther stalking his prey. Amy started to back up to the bed as he approached her. She was unsure what he was going to do to her, but she knew one thing, he was in control. Amy fell back onto the bed and used her elbows to inch her way up but Sheldon was on her, following her every movement, never breaking his gaze on her. He crawled over her, trapping her against the headboard.

Amy almost couldn't catch a breath before he dove in her mouth. His hands moved around her face and neck, holding her, possessing her. He had positioned himself between her legs, trapping her against the headboard, but Amy didn't mind. She did however need to catch her breath. As soon as she turned her head to gasp for oxygen, Sheldon moved his mouth to her neck, kissing her, tasting her. He pulled off her robe from her shoulders and his mouth followed the trail left behind by the thin cloth. He held her up by the small of her back, feeling her the tips of her hair tickling his hands. Amy arched her back, sliding more underneath Sheldon but he was moving at a light speed. He didn't take a second on one spot before he moved to another. Every sensation, taste and smell he felt he had to capture before it disappeared. It was too fast, too much. Amy had to pull him back, but she was lost in the new feeling as well. She didn't want everything over so soon, but she didn't want to stop.

"Sheldon… Wait." He didn't hear her. He had pulled off her robe and exposed her chest to him. His tongue danced and caressed over her nipples while his other hand squeezed and pulled her closer to him. He was devouring her, one inch of her at a time, but before Amy could get used to one tantalizing sensation, he quickly shifted to another.

He moved his hips closer to her, pulling her legs apart by prying her open with his body. Amy held onto his neck and called out to him again, "Sheldon! Wait." Just as quickly as it all started, he stopped his movements and looked at her. He was mortified he had lost control. Never had he felt that complete surrender to his body's wishes. He hoped Amy would forgive him, but the look she gave him said there was nothing to forgive.

She wore her understanding face, of comfort and love. It was one of his favorite Amy faces, and much needed at this point. She didn't look mad or annoyed, but instead she offered him a sweet smile and gently ran her hand down his jaw. "Slow and steady wins the race, right? I mean, we've only been dating for two minutes and here we are in bed together." She let out a small laugh and nuzzled into his chest.

Sheldon shifted on his side and pulled her closer to him, "Yes, Amy. You're right. I just…" Sheldon let out a large sigh to regain his breathing rhythm and steady his heart beat.

"I know… me too." Amy kissed his neck and jaw, "It's overwhelming. But I'm not going anywhere. Oh, and you know where I live, so no escape!"

"I should hope not!" Sheldon shifted to his side as did Amy. He looked saddened as he remembered something he wanted to forget. He traced his hand down her face, brushing her wild hair off her cheek, "Amy… I have to leave early in the morning. The train leaves…"

"I know. Don't worry. I'll see you when we get back home. It will only be 12 hours." Sheldon shifted on his back, and pulled Amy on his chest with a gentle pull.

But Sheldon wasn't thinking of the 12 hours or the train ride. He was only thinking this time tomorrow night he would be sleeping in his bed; alone. He pulled her closer and let his finger tips glide over her shoulder and back. Somehow, the few feet of space between their homes seemed oceans away. He savored every touch as he drifted off to sleep with Amy nestled in his arms.

The next morning, Sheldon blinked his eyes open at 5:00 AM. He had to be dressed, fed and out the door by six to catch the shuttle to the train, but he stole five more minutes of Amy in his arms. She hadn't moved all night. He would have to tell her when he saw her later that evening back in Pasadena.

He woke and quietly got ready for the day, while Amy slept. He left her note and snuck out to meet Leonard for breakfast, but his mind wasn't on food.

Leonard's voice rose a little to get his attention at the restaurant, "Sheldon… Did you hear that? The waitress wants to know what you want for breakfast."

"Okay Leonard, yeah good. You too…"

Leonard just rolled his eyes, "Oh, brother.. Give him oatmeal. 2% milk. No butter, no raisins, extra brown sugar." Sheldon had been in a haze all morning.

The sweet middle aged waitress winked at Leonard, "You got it sweetie, you guys are such a cute couple!"

Leonard called back to the waitress, "We're not a couple!" But she was already gone.

Sheldon had been completely unaware of what was going on around him. He was in a daze with a strange look on his face and Leonard was beginning to worry. How could his friend look so happy and sad at the same time?

"Sheldon, are you okay?"

Sheldon didn't look at him but instead in the distance, "Everything has changed, Leonard."

"For the better?"

Sheldon finally snapped out of his haze and said assuredly, "Yes. I am surprised that I can honestly say some change is a good thing."

"I'm glad you said that, because, Raj, Howard and I have booked plane tickets home… We just can't take that long train ride, Sheldon." Leonard winced waiting for the oncoming storm, but it never came.

Instead, Sheldon's eyes lit up and asked hopefully, "Can I get a ticket too?"

"You want to _NOT_ take the train?"

"No… I just want to get home. As soon as possible Leonard."

"Okay, buddy, I'll try right now..."Leonard tried to book a flight to Burbank, but all the flights were full. Sheldon received this news at the same time as the waitress delivered the oatmeal Leonard had ordered for him.

Sheldon looked at his meal in disgust, "In what universe do I have oatmeal on Sunday?"

"I thought you said change was good?"

"Not this change! Oh man… I should never leave something so important to amateurs." Sheldon muttered as he begrudgingly ate his breakfast. "Oatmeal on Sunday? What, the did hippy fumes from Haight and Asbury fry your brain, Leonard? We better get out of this libertine bastion before we succumb to the patchouli and start weaving serapes."

After breakfast he stomped off alone toward the shuttle to take him to the train station. He took one last look up to the 5th floor, thinking of Amy sleeping away in the bed they shared.

Normally, he would have loved the solitude of the train, but today, the clickety clack of the rails only served to remind him that he was alone. He wanted Amy next to him again, and to be able to breathe in the cherry scent of her hair. It would now be a long 11 hours before he saw her and after waiting for so long to be with her, he didn't want to spend so many hours apart. Getting his ticket out of his bag he smiled when he saw the copy of the relationship agreement. As he pushed his way through the crowd to the platform, he saw a familiar beloved figure waiting by the train, it was Amy. He couldn't contain his smile.

"Amy! What are you doing here?"

"Relationship agreement section 6, paragraph 3: When either party is traveling to the same location as the other party, the travel will be ..." She didn't get to finish before he pulled her into a quick hug and kissed her cheek.

She smiled and hugged him back, "Did you even read the agreement? I could have put anything in there."

"I trust you, Amy!" Sheldon smiled faded as Amy winked at him with a suspicious grin. He vowed to go over that agreement with a fine toothed comb. "Or should I?"

Amy smirked at him, "Hey… feel free to get a lawyer…"

Sheldon helped her with her bags, and they found the perfect spot on the train to see the coast. They sat on the same side of the table so they could see the track disappear. Amy listened while Sheldon explained all the suspension characteristics of a pre-1980 Pullman-built Superliner Deluxe passenger coach while she listened to the clicky clack of the rails and Sheldon's voice as she leaned her head on his chest.

Amy laughed, "Now I know I love you. Your train talk is almost interesting." Amy looked up to Sheldon, but he had a strange look on his face. It was a mix of surprise, glee and relief.

"You said it…"

Amy smirked at his surprise, "Well, it took me awhile to realize it, but yeah. I do"

"As much I hate discussing emotions…" Sheldon gave her a smile and said quietly, "I didn't know I loved you for a long time, but once I did, I figured out the day it happened."

"Really?" Amy sat up and looked at him with a quizzical stare, "When?"

Sheldon gave Amy a nostalgic smile, as he kissed her cheek and whispered in her ear, "September 26th, 2007, 12:47 PM"


End file.
